AN: This idea came to my head last night and I decided to write it down. It's a little darker version of the "Please, don't run" scene. I enjoyed writing it because I never tried writing angst before, I mean, I did once but I had some help, this time I did it alone and this is what came out.
AN2: I'd like to dedicate this story to my friend Bryani because she was amazing. I sent it to her at 2am my time and today when I woke up it was already done. So, thanks, girl!
Anyways, anough blah blah blah... enjoy your reading.
There was too much noise... too many people in one tiny trauma room. Words were said to me but I couldn't hear anything. The only thing I could feel right now was the pain in my chest, a pain that I had never felt before, a pain that I had been wishing for the last forty minutes to never feel.
Forty minutes... forty minutes is the time space that changed my life. Forty minutes ago I was happy, smiling, enjoying the warmth of my girlfriend's laugh. In five minutes, instead of laughing, there was a fight, if you could call it a fight. A "fight" that made me blurt out one of the most important questions of my life.
"Marry me?" My own voice echoed in my mind, her surprised expression the picture now in front of my closed eyes. And it was that picture that I wanted to keep but fate once again interfered in our lives and took away my happy moment. The truck came out of nowhere...
Forty minutes and fifty-six seconds later time seems to freeze. All the noise has stopped. Everyone is frozen. Why has everyone stopped? The only noise in the room right now is the machine signaling a flat line.
"Time of death, 19:46" Somebody said through the silence.
People in the room started crying, it wasn't just any lost...
They came to me. They hugged me and they told me kind and comforting words but I could hear nothing but the damn machine.
I felt someone grab my arm and as soon as it touched me I shoved it away. I knew who it was, I didn't want to be comforted by him. I didn't want to be comforted by him because he was the only one capable of making me believe it was actually happening. And I don't want to believe it happened. It can't be true. She can't be...
"I'm so sorry, Arizona... I wish – I wish there was-" His words were cut off by his sobs.
"No." It was all I could say. She was there, right in front of my eyes and I didn't want to believe it. She was alive, we were going to get married. No, we are going to get married because she isn't dead. She can't be dead. I try to make myself believe it's all just a bad dream. I blink over and over again thinking that everything will fade away and I will wake up next to her, that we will be happy together.
"She is going to look stunning in her wedding dress." I say to the now empty room. Tears begin to fall down my cheeks and my heart beats faster...
Fear, fear is hitting me because if the tears start falling, it means I am letting myself believe it's true. And it can't be true.
"No tears, Arizona. She doesn't want you to cry." I repeat to myself, trying to make myself believe it's not true. But this time... this time reality hits me with its force and I break down.
Before I even realize it, I am by her side, holding her hand, not wanting to let it go. I am laying over her, crying into her dead body. Flashes of our life together play through my mind, making me feel that much worse. I refuse to believe I am crying over my dead fiancée's body. Yes, fiancée because I am sure she would have said yes. She loved me. I loved her. I may have hurt her in the past and for that I will never forgive myself... but she did. She forgave me. She had the biggest heart.
Looking up at her pale face, her closed eyes, an overwhelming sense of loss washes over me.
I would never be able to kiss her again...
I would never be able to make love to her again...
I would never be able to tell her how much I love her and see her genuine smile again... and it hurts, it hurts more than I thought it was possible for someone to hurt. It would hurt less if there was someone around to stab a knife through my heart...
She seems so peaceful... looks like she is sleeping, having a good dream. There are some scratches on her face but she wouldn't mind... because "scars are hot".
I stare at her, my thumb caressing her cheek, praying to whatever God is out there to let her wake up, to let her come back to me. But they don't seem to hear my prayers. I slip my hands to her lips, her gorgeous lips and they feel cold, like ice. Cold like never before. All the life within her is gone...
A tear falls from my face to her lips. I see the tear run down the side of her mouth and fall on the table her body is laying on. Looking back at her lips, I feel like it's my last chance to show her my love, to show her I will never be the same without her... that I will miss her more than anything in my life. To show her that she is my true love.
I lean forward and press my lips to hers, tears now falling harder from my eyes and the pain in my chest hurting even more.
I lean back up and look at her face one more time to make sure I won't forget any of its details. It's time to say good bye.
I take a step back and before I know it the ground under my feet disappears and I fall in a deep dark hole.
Callie!" Is all I manage to scream while I fall. I fight to try and stop falling but I just can't. I close my eyes and open them again hoping for relief but nothing seems to work and I keep falling...
So I let my body fall, there is nothing else I can do. Callie is waiting for me... and once again I close my eyes waiting for death to take me. But it never happens and when I open my eyes again there is light. Plenty of it. I have to blink a few times before I can see where I am.
There are trees. And also a noise. But this time it isn't people screaming. It's like a big fan behind my head. I also hear birds, though I can't focus on them very well. I try to sit down and once again pain hits me. The pain taking dominance over my body this time is different. It's not emotional. It's physical pain. With much effort I pull myself into a seated position and scan the area... there's a huge disaster before me.
There is a plane... or part of it. The noise I hear is its turbine, which didn't make sense since the plane has crashed. I look around to see if there's anyone I could help but I can't find anyone.
"Are they all dead?" Is the first question that comes to my mind... "Was I on the plane?", "How did I get here?", and "How am I alive?" were the following ones.
I take a deep breath and think... Think Arizona, how did you get here? I try to remember the last few minutes... or hours before I got here but everything is blank. Nothing. I can remember nothing.
I try to adjust my position and pain shoots through my body again making my loud scream echo through the trees. That's when I hear it... a cry, coming from the distance. And this cry gets my attention. It isn't just any crying, I know this crying. It's a baby, a child... my child.
"Sofia!" I scream as despair takes over my body.
"Sofia!" I scream again at the top of my lungs. The crying keeps getting louder and louder... She must be in pain. I need to help her, she's just a baby. Why God, why would you do this to a baby? Why would you do this to my baby? I need to get up, I need to get to her, I need to help my baby.
I try. I try and the damn pain takes me down making me let out another scream. That's when I look down at my legs and see the left leg of my blue scrubs is now stained dark with blood. My blood.
I hold in a breath and rip the pant leg... Only to have the fear and despair in me rise even more.
I see my bone. I can see my bone and this is not good. Tears of pain drop down my face but I don't care about trying to hold them in. I just let them fall.
After my second scream I hear a different but also familiar crying. But this one isn't a baby, it's an adult... it's a woman.
"Callie!" I yell to try and get some answer but nothing.
"Callie!" I try again but once more nothing happens. And then silence. No fan. No birds. No baby. No wife. I am alone, all by myself with a bone out of place ripping the skin of my leg, sitting in the dirt alone, left to suffer and cry. The scene around me gets darker as I let myself die...
"Arizona!" I hear someone call my name but it's too far away. The voice of the woman has as much despair as my screams.
"Arizona!" I hear it once again. This time, the baby crying has come back too. I try to open my eyes and say something to let her know that I am here, that I am alive but I can't. She keeps calling me. I feel a weird sensation throughout my body, as if I were having some sort of convulsion, tears falling freely down my cheeks, sweat rolling down my face from my forehead. The shaking in my body gets harder and harder until I'm able to open my eyes.
"Arizona, please, look at me, look at me, honey, look at me." She says with angst. I feel her wrap her arms around me and pull my body closer to hers. "It's okay, it was just a bad dream, you're fine now, I'm here don't worry." She rocks us back and forth to try and soothe my shaking body. I stay in her embrace, like I'm still asleep until that sound enters my ears again... the crying.
"Sofia!" I snap, jerking from her arms as I try to run to the nursery but I fall. This time the fall is way shorter than the last one.
"Are you okay?" Callie approaches me on the ground helping me to get myself up.
"Sofia?!" I ask crying, trying to take calming breaths but the air doesn't seem to want to reach my lungs.
"She's fine, she was just scared because of your screams." She says sitting by my side, still comforting me.
"I- I wasn't screaming, she was crying and then you were but before that I was in the hospital and you had..." I can't finish my words when I remember the flashes from what I now know was a nightmare.
"What, honey? I had what?" She asks with concern.
"It was after the car accident... they tried and they tried, I watched your body jump from the shocks but you refused to come back. You didn't want to come back, you had given up." I say as I bury my head in her shoulder and let the sobs echo in the room. Composing myself a little I go on: "I saw your dead body on the table and... and there was this pain in my chest... a pain that I had never felt before, it was cutting me to my knees. You were dead... I saw your lifeless pale body on that table and I wanted to die too, I didn't want to leave you, I... I..." The affliction overtakes my body once again, preventing me from finishing.
"I'm here okay, I'm alive... I won't leave you. Never." She says placing soft kisses on my head. "And you can't leave me either, and you can't leave Sofia either, we are here, waiting for you." She says as she rocks me.
"You weren't pregnant in this dream, you-you weren't pregnant. Sofia wasn't there. I had nothing to come back for." Silence echoes until it's broken by my wife's sniffles. "But she was in the other one. After I said my goodbye to you I fell. The fall seemed to have no end, and it finally arrived I was in the woods again. But this time I was alone, it was only me and the crashed plane. But then I heard a noise coming from the distance." I try to brush the bad feeling away but I have to tell Callie this, I should share this with her... I don't know why but I have to. "Then I heard her crying. Sofia. And I couldn't get to her... and my leg hurt, it hurt like hell... her crying kept coming and coming and there was nothing I could do. I wanted to go to her. To help her, protect her but I couldn't. So I screamed... I was scared, Callie. When her crying stopped it was the worst feeling ever, I thought she had died. I had lost you and her in one night and I couldn't handle it, Callie. It was too hard." I say, breaking down again.
Without warning, Callie leaves her spot by my side on the bed and walks out of the room. I knew it, I knew I would scare her... but before I can put more bad thoughts in my head she comes back. And she doesn't come alone. She has our now half-asleep Sofia in her arms.
She takes the spot she had left not two minutes ago and places Sofia in my arms. Looking at the peaceful face of my now sleeping daughter is the greatest relief. Her soft little snores invade my ears as angels singing, helping me steady my breath and finally let a little smile cross my lips.
"See?" Callie says after watching me get lost in Sofia's peaceful face for a few minutes. "She is here and she's fine. She's a beautiful and healthy little girl. And I am here," She takes my hand and directs it to her chest. Feeling her beating heart, my own heartbeat also calms. "We are not going anywhere. You are not alone, Arizona. I know these nightmares must be awful but you don't have to worry, when you open your eyes, I'll be here, Sofia will be here." She says lifting my hand to her mouth and placing a soft kiss on the top of it.
"Callie," I say before taking a deep breath. "please don't run. I know I've been awful, it's all been awful but I need you here. I said things to you that you don't even know how much I regret, if I could only go back in time and-"
"Shhh" She interrupts me putting a soft finger to my lips. "After the car accident, you never left my side... not once. There is no way I am leaving yours."
"Thank you..." I whisper.
"Don't thank me." She says with a smile. "I'm your wife. For better or for worse, remember? I love you and I will take care of you, I will take care of our family." She says running her finger through our daughter's raven hair. "You... you are my happiness, there is no way I am letting you go."
"I love you too." I say softly, leaning as far as the little sleeping beauty in my arms will allow me to and place a soft kiss to my wife's warm lips. So much better.
"Can she stay here with us?" I ask, not wanting to stay away from either of my girls.
"Of course she can." She says giving me a smile.
We put Sofia in the middle of our bed and finally get under the covers again. Callie drifts off to sleep before me. Not because I am scared of sleeping, but because I can't take my eyes off of my family, my happiness. But it doesn't take too long and soon my eyelids feel too heavy to stay open and I drift to sleep. No nightmare this time...
AN3: So, how did I do? Did you like it? let me know! And thanks for reading!