"WTF" This is my second fanfiction on this site. I am trying to reach my goal reviews, follows or at least favorites of 1,000 maybe that's a bit much I'll take 200… It would be the most humbling and flattering thing ever. I have never seen this storyline done before and although SwanQueen, SwanHook and EvilCharming are the top story pairings, I was hoping that you guys might give this a try. There will however be some funny mentions of each SHIP including SwanQueen and who knows with body jumping you just might see you ship in this story ^_^
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my evil twisted little mind and the twisted storylines.
"Welcome Home!" The diner rang loudly. After their trip to Neverland and upon their returning; the residents thought it would be great to throw a welcome home party for their friends.
Snow, Charming, Emma, Henry, Gold, Belle, Hook, Tinkerbell, Regina and Neal walked into Granny's and was embraced with hugs and offered drinks.
"Hey Henry!" Some kids yelled from the back of the diner.
"Hey guys" Henry yelled back and ran toward his friends.
Food and drinks were on the bar, an assortment of cakes, cookies, pies and entrees dishes like Granny famous overpriced burgers, stakes, casseroles and Regina's favorite assortment of salad dishes.
Belle and Gold moved to a booth in the back, Belle insisted sitting near the children and Emma, and Neal moved next to the bar to greet Granny and Ruby, since Snow and Charming was already embracing them.
"Hey Rubes" Emma said as the young red hair streaked brunette embraced her tightly.
"Emma! I missed you sooo much"
Emma chuckled "I missed you too, Ruby"
"Hey?" Snow said with a fake frown "I didn't get all that"
Ruby and Emma smiled and turned to Snow although Ruby never removed her arm from around Emma's shoulder. "Well I missed you guys too, but Emma is my partner in crime" she said with a laugh. Snow and Charming laughed and playfully rolled their eyes and turned to get plates.
Hook and Tinker Belle stood next to the door with Regina. "So Regina this is your town?" Tink said in her thick accent. "Why aren't you greeting your friends?"
"Who invited the bitch of enchanted forest past" Leroy said walking pass Regina and throwing his thumb back.
"Well there's your answer" Hook whispered to Tink. Regina glared and him and then turned to Leroy.
"Leroy" Archie and Snow said at the same time.
"No its okay" Regina said with her signature smile. "I missed you too troll" Leroy just grunted and walked away "Bitch" he shot back loud enough for only her to hear.
"Leroy" Granny warned overhearing him, with her keen k9 hearing "Behave. Regina is just as welcomed as anyone else." She said walking over toward the short haired brunette. "The Queen saved us" she said with gratitude, Regina taken back by being defended, just nodded stiffly and tried to give her best politician smile.
"Yeah well she also was the one that created the damn thing, so she basically just covered up her fuck up!" Leroy yelled.
"Leroy, the children" Snow growled giving him a scolding look. Leroy just rolled his eyes and grabbed a drink from the bar.
"Well who do we have here?" Granny said looking at her guests and ignoring Leroy.
"Well my dear I'm…" Hook began with a smile and sticking his hand out toward the older woman.
"The pirate who stole the magic bean, that was supposed to get us home and left us to die. Yes I know who you are." Granny said with distain.
"So you do" he said quietly dropping his smile and hand and walked away from her toward the bar.
"This is…" Regina began
The bell that hung from the door of the now packed establishment chimed to let everyone know of a new guest, the cool night air whizzed out as the door closed. Everyone turned to see who it was, while Granny finished introducing herself.
"Green?" a quiet voice came from behind them. Tink turned around to see a woman dressed in a dark blue cloak and black gloves.
"Blue" Tink said softly staring at her former mentor. The two women just stood staring at each other neither knew what to say.
"It's good to see you" Blue said smiling. Tink nodded and smiled back.
"TINK!" someone yelled from behind Blue. A woman dressed in a bright pink dress that came down to her calves and pink boots with her hair pulled into a curly pony tail, stepped from behind Blue; her face full excitement.
"Nova!" Tink shouted excitedly.
The fairy ran to her knocking Regina back a little. "I have missed you so much! Where have you been? Everyone was asking for you, we thought you were still in the Enchanted Forest" Nova asked innocently.
"I've missed you too" Tink said hugging her old friend back.
Nova sneaked a look at Blue and then grabbed Tink hand. "Come! Let's go sit, we have tons to talk about" she said pulling the former fairy to the booth nearest to them.
Now alone, Blue acknowledged the woman standing before her. "Regina" Blue said to the former Queen.
"Blue" Regina said with a hint of snide.
Blue sighed and smiled "Why must we always fight, it's a party, a welcome home party for everyone, including you" she said taking off her cloak and placing it on her arm and placing the gloves in the pockets.
Regina just rolled her eyes and walked toward the bar. She grabbed a cup of what looked like cider and took a healthy gulp and instantly wished she didn't. She heaved a cough as the strong bitter liquid crawled its way down her throat.
"Too strong for ya sister?" a small gruff voice said.
Regina tried hard to not show her discomfort as the cider made its way to the bottom of her empty stomach, her eyes watered and her back arched as she knelt over with her arms on the bar and coughed a long raspy cough.
Leroy chuckled and patted the former Queen's back "Well it's not for the weak" he said as Regina reared up abruptly, shaking him off her and gave him a warning glare.
"Leroy! I told you to stop spiking the drinks with the flying Dutch man crap! You're gonna kill someone with that stuff!" Red yelled. "Regina, are you okay?" she asked concerned when Regina awkwardly cleared her throat and quickly wiped her eyes.
Regina glared at the young brunette for putting her on spot and making a scene "I'm fine!" she barked agitated. Leroy just smiled at her and she glared back at him. Then slowly sliding her Evil Queen mask on, she looked at him like a cat staring at a canary.
"It's not that it was too strong" she said smiling down at the man. "No, it's just that the cider gives it a bit of a weird taste that I'm not used too"
Leroy looked at her skeptically "You drink flying Dutch man… straight" he asked grinning once he received the attention of a few patrons Regina just arched an eyebrow and said "That's right munchkin, no chaser"
"Yea right, and I'm Happy" Leroy said with a chuckle.
"Well then let's see… if you man enough… Or dwarf enough" she said as an afterthought.
Leroy's face became red with anger "Are you challenging me to a drinking contest witch?" he said glaring and getting closer to her as if it to intimidate her.
She knelt down and met him the rest of the way "Just one, if you can handle it" she said with a smile.
"Oh you don't even wanna know the trouble you just got yourself in. you minus well prepare to lose Bi…"
"Leroy!" Snow growled again. He gave him is best smile and just turned a glared at Regina
"Regina that stuff is really strong and…" Granny started
"Just get it!" Regina scowled at her.
"Fine" Granny growled at her "You wanna burn your damn throat out then go right on ahead. I'm just gonna say this right here and now, you keel over and die, me and mine are not responsible" she said throwing down her drying towel and went in the back to retrieve the deadly cocktail.
This got everyone's attention and some even started to surround them. "Um… Look love, I've lost some of my best men to a bet like this you sure you wanna challenge… him?" Hook said gesturing to Grumpy. Regina just simply smiled and turned when Granny placed a medium size silver canteen on the counter.
"What the hell is that?" Emma asked
"Language Ms. Swan" Regina said frowning her face at the young blonde "That is what we're drinking" she said watching as Granny poured a light brownish liquid into two shot glasses. "What no tall glasses?" she scoffed.
"I'm only giving you the drinking requirement that board of alcohol says I'm licensed to serve and besides poison control says it has to be at least three ounces to cause internal bleeding, this glass holds two" Granny grinned wickedly as the others around her cringed "Believe me, this is more than enough" she added picking it back up and putting the top on the medium size silver can.
Emma picked up the can when Granny sat it back down "Wait a minute this has a picture of a man scrubbing the docks with this stuff…" Regina rolled her eyes and then Emma gasped
"The can says 'used to clean docks' and even then you must add water and use thick latex gloves" She exclaimed placing the can back on the bar with a disgusted thud. "This is stupid, you guys are going to kill yourselves!"
"Will you calm down, before you scare the children and most importantly my son" Regina said turning to Emma. Red rolled her eyes at how Regina singled out Henry "you worry too much Ms. Swan, someone would began to think you actually care about what happens to the 'Evil' Queen" Regina said with her signature smirk.
Emma gave her a knowing look that said 'You know I care.
"Yea Emma, don't worry" Charming said smiling hard
"You're encouraging this?" Snow asked surprised at her husband.
Charming's smile faulted just a bit then he added "Well… come on it is a party, and besides no one has a problem drinking Pepsi and they use that stuff to clean tires with."
"This is going to end so bad" Snow wined shaking her head and placing her hand on her forehead.
Charming smiled and walked over to where his worried wife and Ruby were standing and kissed her forehead, causing a groan and snarl look from Regina.
"Come on, Leroy is the town drunk…" Charming began
"Hey…" Leroy chimed in
"I mean that as a compliment" Leroy looked at him skeptically "Meaning you can hold your own and Regina's a big girl, we can all vouch that she can handle herself. So let's just let them have this" he said smiling even harder.
Ruby stepped closer to the couple when he let go of Snow "Very poetic David" she said smiling
"I try" he said grinning from ear to ear
Ruby sucked her teeth and looked at him arching an eyebrow "$50 says Leroy's on his ass" Charming looked at Ruby and scoffed "You're on; Leroy pours this stuff on his cereal"
"Yea we'll see about that" Ruby said shaking his hand
Snow rolled her eyes and looked at Granny "Alright, you guys ready?"
Regina just turned facing Leroy and began lifting the little shot glass to her mouth and Leroy did the same. Everyone collectively took a deep breath as the glass reached both Leroy's and Regina's mouth but before the liquid touched their lips Regina stopped. "Wait" she said grabbing Leroy's glass and sitting it on the bar. Everyone exhaled slowly.
"Chickening out?" Leroy said trying to sound brave but Regina could see the hint of relief.
"Please" she said with a scowl. "I just preferred ice in mine" and with a quick wave of her hand two small ice cubes were presented on the bar on a white napkin. She picked up one and threw it in her mouth.
"Hey, we agreed no chasers!" Leroy yelled after Regina chewed her ice "I hardly call frozen WATER a chaser" she said "but if you feel cheated please feel free to eat the other one" Leroy narrowed his eyes but snatched the ice cube off the napkin and threw it in his mouth. "Satisfied?" Regina said as Leroy swallowed the last bits of the ice cube. She picked up her glass and held it to her mouth. Leroy did the same and they both threw back their glasses at the same time and everyone watched intensively as they both slammed their glass down with a bang.
Regina swallowed and Leroy followed behind everyone looked between the two. Several seconds passed and nothing happened. "Well that was… dissatisfying" Tink said with a huff.
"Hold on love, it's not over yet" Hook said "Watch, the challenge is not all in the drinking it's how long you last after"
Regina was the first to show signs; her eyes went wide and began go gloss over and she sucked in a sharp breath.
"Getting to you huh? Sister" Leroy teased when suddenly his eyes crossed and he fell off his bar stool and he grabbed his stomach.
Everyone gasped and inched forward just a little, but no one touched him, unsure of what to do.
Regina began to chuckle when suddenly she broke out into a fit of coughs her chest became tight and her coughs became more extreme and her eyes began to water. She slid of her stool as graceful as she could while trying to expel whatever her body was trying to push up out of her throat. Snow quickly came to her side while Charming and Ruby tried to help Grumpy stand.
Snow patted Regina's back until the older brunette arched her back, lifted her chin and let out the loudest, manliest belch possible and the entire diner fell silent. Regina's eyes were the size of golf balls. Had she really belched that loudly? Her hand quickly flew to her mouth and her cheeks redden mortified.
"Excuse me" she said quietly behind her hand looking around the room wondering who all heard her unladylike burp. The only person not affected was henry who was trying desperately to calm his erratic giggling. She was about to apologize again when her chest tightened and a tiny 'hiccup' escaped and then the room hurled with laughter.
Regina blushes a dark shade of red and fought the smile trying hard to grace her face.
"Alright Regina" Red yells pleased "Who knew you could hold your liquor" she added throwing her arm around a surprised Regina. "Pay up Charming!" she yelled Charming smiled and shook his head but went into his pocket and pulled out a $50 and slammed into her hand.
"Who knew?" he said smiling
"I did! That's who! Come on, she's not called the evil queen because of the tight black leather and all that cleavage! She had to earn that tile people!" Ruby yelled
"Let's not scratch the still healing scabs on those wounds just yet, okay there Ruby" Snow said patting her friends back.
"Okay, Okay… fine you can handle your Dutchman, I'll give you that, but I still don't like you" Leroy said glaring at Regina
"And I'd kill you did" Regina said smiling
"HaHaHa always the kidder" Snow growled at her step mother
"Whooooo IS IT ME OR DO YOU GUYS FEEL SUPER PUMPED!" Ruby yelled
"I think it's only you miss Lucas" Regina said staring at the overly excited woman
Ruby gasped loudly causing everyone to look at her "GIRLS NIGHT OUT!" she screamed
"No" Emma, Snow, Ashley, and Granny said at the same time.
"Um.. Granny no offense but you're not invited" Ruby said looking at the older woman
"I wasn't the last time and that didn't keep you, Snow, Ashley and Belle from keeping me up all night" she growled back
Ruby just waved her away "Awe, Come on guys" Ruby pleaded
"I really can't this time, Alexandra is at her grandparents and Thomas and I are having and interruption free night" she said with a smile and Ruby cheers for her rather loudly "On that note" she said glancing at her watch "Thomas, should be off work soon and I want to meet him there so goodnight ladies" she said kissing the cheeks of Belle, Snow, and Ruby and a quick nod to both Emma and Regina. "Stay out of trouble" she said mostly to Ruby than anyone else and with that she turned grabbed her coat that was in one of the booths and left.
"I'm in" Tink said walking up to the bar where the woman now stood "If you'll have me"
"Heck yea! I'm Ruby by the way" she said extending her hand
"Tinkerbelle" she said shaking Ruby's hand
"I thought you would want to spend your first night back with the other fairies" Snow said
"Nova just told me what a NUN is in this land and… no, Hell no in fact" all the ladies laughed
"Well feel free to drink with us anytime" Ruby said smiling hard at her new friend
"Come on Emma if anyone deserves a drink it's you and Snow… please"
"What about Henry?" Emma said
"Henry can stay with David" Snow said
"Or me, I am his mother" Regina said glaring between the two women
"Whoa there skipper" Ruby said "You're not getting outta this that easy, after swallowing that Dutchman with only a few tears, a burp and a hiccup. You have to go drinking with us"
"Yea Regina, it would be so fun" Tink said grabbing her shoulder. Regina looked between Ruby and Tink shaking her head "I'm going to regret this… fine I'm in"
"Now you two have to go" Ruby said
Snow looked at Emma and shook her head "Fine" she finally said rolling her eyes
"Come on Emma you're my wingman, you have to come" Ruby begged
"Alright I'm in" Emma said smiling.
"Can I come?" a shy voice asked from behind
The girls turned to see Belle standing timidly behind them. Ruby smirked and walked over to her and then looked her up and down and playfully said "I don't know… can you channel your inner Lacey?"
Belle and the others burst out laughing except Tink who was in the dark about the inside joke.
"Oh, don't tease, I'm so ashamed" she said covering her face bashfully.
"Who's Lacey?" Tink said which caused Ruby to laugh even harder
"Well the cliff notes, are that when Belle lost her memories, Regina gave her the memories of a steamy bartender version of Ruby"
"Yea Lacey had nothing on me though; she was out on a date with Rumplestilskin and getting pinned in the alley by some bouncer"
"Stop" Belle urgently whispered to Ruby when Rumple walked over to stand next to the giggling bunch. He placed a hand on Belle's lower back and kissed her cheek causing the girls to giggle even harder.
"What are you guys talking about?" Rumplestilskin asked
"Nothing" Belle said trying to hide her smile but glaring at the others.
"Nothing really, just talking about the past and how everyone has changed" Ruby said walking slowly to the back of the bar "You know Emma accepting she's the savior, Regina hanging up her Evil cape, Snow living on the edge, Tink… not accepting her nun sisters" Ruby said smiling when the girls giggled again "and Belle … sweet Belle going from timid librarian by day to a drink slinging alley humping…"
"Ruby" Belle yelled and chased after the young waitress
"Bartender by NIGHT! Ahhhhhh" she screamed as Belle caught her with the help of Snow who blocked Ruby's path.
"How… nice" Rumple said not wanting to relive that particular part of his life again. "Belle honey, are you ready to go?" he asked as Belle let go of Ruby after a quick jab to the ribs.
"Oh, um… I was going out with the girls" Belle said timidly.
"Alright, well have fun" he said disappointed, that his first night back would be alone and not with her, and began walking toward the door.
"Rumple wait!" she called to him. She looked at the girls and smiled "I'll meet you girls outside" she grabbed her coat from the booth and walked out with Rumple.
"Come on guys, the night is young and thanks to Regina so are we!" Ruby yelled grabbing hold of Snow and Emma pulling them toward the door. Tink grabbed Regina "Come on girls first rounds on me!" Ruby said waving Charming's $50 bill in the air.
As they reached the door everyone put on their coats and the guys met up with them "Where is everyone going?" Charming asked as Neal, Hook and Blue joined him
"Girls night out" Ruby announced
"With her" Blue said gesturing toward Regina
"Well they very well couldn't invite a nun, now could they?" Regina snarled back buttoning up her coat.
"I'm sure it would be a lot safer than drinking with a murderer" Blue said with a glare.
"Blue, don't worry" Snow said stepping between the two women. "We're all going to be fine" Than she turned to Charming "It's you and Henry tonight, have fun okay" she said leaning into Charming for a kiss. Once he pulled back he spoke again.
"Always, you be safe… watch Regina" he said whispering the last part.
Regina rolled her eyes but Snow smiled and nodded subtlety
With their coats on they strolled outside just in time to see Belle passionately kissing Rumple, her hands around his neck and his around her waist.
"Whooooo" Ruby teased causing Belle to break free of Rumple and Laugh and the other chimed in when she gave him one final peck and walked over to the group. "Whooooo, Hot Mama!" Ruby yelled again.
"Stop it" Belle said playfully shoving Ruby. The group walked toward 'The Rabbit Hole' smiling and laughing talking about nothing in particular. Regina just seemed to fade into the back of the group in deep thought, everyone seemed to have found their, someone, Regina thought as her smile disappeared from her face. Why hadn't she? She craved love so much it hurt, she cursed an entire land in the name of it and yet still nothing. She scuffed to herself even the dark one, the one who made the damn thing got his happy ending but alas as usual she was left alone.
"You know you can have that, what they have… happiness" Tink said bringing her back to reality
"I do have that I'm very happy, I have my son back and what seems like a mending relationship with Snow and… others" Regina said looking at the fairy.
"You know that's not what I'm talking about but if you don't wish to discuss it then we won't"
"Come on slow pokes!" Ruby called and Tink and Regina caught up as the group as they turned into the bar. It was packed of course with young and old patrons. The girls removed their coats and went straight to the bar. Rock music blared through the speakers that hung on every corner of the place and the floor. The bar was long and wide, fully stocked with all kinds of delicious sinful drinks. On the opposite side, far in the back was a section for fun and games Pool tables, strip poker tables, and darts. A juke box sat lit up and bright and slightly out of place in this establishment; but it sat against the walls separating the dance floor from the games section. The air smelled sweet and tangy, it was musky but comfortable; the center of the place was filled with dancing teens.
"Hey, let me get a round of tequila and a round of vodka, for me and my friends!" Ruby yelled at the bartender. He nodded until he saw Regina
"No funny business this is a neutral place! No fights! No Magic! Understood?" he yelled over the music.
"Crystal!" Regina yelled back with a quick glare for added enfaces he nodded and agreed. He pulled out six shot glasses from the bottom of the bar and slammed them on the counter he then took out the tequila and poured them all in a row. "Since you brought me got 4 new customers, first rounds on the house" he stated looking at the women and nodding at Ruby.
"Hell yea, thanks Bernard!" Ruby yelled and grabbed a shot glass. Everyone did the same except Snow "Um… can I get a club soda" she asked the bartender when he reappeared, and Ruby shook her head "No! Girls night means, you have to do as your girls" she yelled waving Bernard away.
"But I'm not much of a drinker" she said looking at the group
"Neither am I, but I'm going to try this… whatever it is" Tink said
"I don't know about this, if we're all drunk, no one is going to be the responsible one"
"Ugh… Jesus Snow, unclench for five minutes and live a little! Are you Bad Ass Snow White, beloved defender and rightful ruler of the enchanted forest, or timid grade school teacher Mary-Margret?" Ruby yelled
Snow dropped her Jaw ready to defend her actions but instead she just grabbed her shot glass and knocked it back. Slamming the small shot glass on the counter "Bad Ass Snow White!" she yelled wiping her mouth. All the girls cheered and Emma and Belle was a bit stunned at Snow's boldness to repeat Ruby's phrase. They all grabbed their shots as the bartender refilled Snow's and held their glasses up.
"Here's to, new changes, new friends and…" Belle started
"…Getting into a whole lot trouble tonight!" Ruby yelled and with that the first group shot was downed together they all slammed their glasses down, throats burning and eyes watering "Whooooo" they collectively cheered
"Bartender hit us!" Ruby yelled and that's how the rest of the night went, after five more shots a couple of young guys dressed in jeans and rock shirts with black eye liner on barged over bumping Regina and Emma out of the way to get to the bar. One had a red and Black hair fashioned into a Mohawk, the sides were lightly shaved to show short hair he'd gelled down. while the other had long blonde hair with blue and green streaks through it, both guys were fairly built, the one with the Mohawk more than the other.
"Hey watch it" Emma yelled
"Bite me bitc…" the one with the red Mohawk stared to say when he glanced at who he was speaking to. His jaw dropped and he frantically hit his friend on the shoulder "Dude, Dude, Dude, Dude" he said never taking his eye off the blonde.
"What man" the blonde boy said and turned to glare at his friend when he too stopped dead in his tracks. "No fucking way" he said
"Excuse me" Emma said
"Dude, you're Emma Swan!" the blonde said
"Yea so" Emma said annoyed
"So? Dude you're like my fucking hero, man" he said ecstatic
Emma sighed irritated rolling her eyes she hated everyone pining over her being the savior "Yea, I kind a get that a lot" she said uninterested.
"We're kind of in the middle of something" Regina said stepping beside the blonde, feeling Emma's mood dying down from the unwanted attention; but that didn't seem to help, because now the young guys gawked even more at her.
"You're … you're…" the one with the Mohawk stuttered
"The Evil Queen, yes I know" Regina said deadpan irritated even more with these two idiots
"Oh My Fucking God, this is not happening, I fucking LOVE YOU! You are like way passed being my hero you're my fucking idol!" he finally got out and Regina actually frowned
"What?" they all collectively said
"I'm Travis and this is Randy, god the guys are gonna be so sick when they find out we had drinks with Emma Swan and the Evil Queen" the boy with the Mohawk said "Please you got to let me kiss you… I… I mean buy you drink" he said mortified that he slipped up. The other girls stood shock
"Wait, you and others… like me… like I have a fan base?" Regina asked shocked but then smiled
"Hell yea! The biggest!" Randy said ecstatic
"People actually like me?" she asked again
"Like you? You're adored by thousands!" Travis exclaimed
"I thought I would hated, you know with the curse and all" she said folding her arms across her chest.
"Oh no way, most of us were either dirt poor or betrothed to marry some snotty bitc…" he started but stopped when he saw Snow.
"What about me? Do I have a fan base?" Snow asked innocently
"Oh yeah, sure, … I don't follow but yea you and um… you husband got fans out there too. You can probably find a few in here somewhere" he said looking around.
"What about me" Ruby said
The two guys looked at each other and smiled "Ew, I don't want to know" Ruby said disgusted
"No no no were just messing with you, yea you have one to called the little reds or something but you have one and so do you" the Travis pointed his beer to Belle.
"Me? I got a fan base?"
"Yea, but it filled with like nerds and emo kids" Randy said
Ruby burst out laughing "What's an Emo?" Belle asked confused
"Really dark nerds, that hate the world but desperately want to fall in love… yea your fans are call RumBelles for you and Rumplestil…" Randy started when Travis elbowed him hard in the side.
"Oh man, what the fuck?" he said angry
"You know if you say his name he'll come" Travis warned
"Oh yea, right good looking out" he said clinking his glass to Travis'
"What?" Belle asked amused at the two boys
"You know if you say… the dark ones name, he appears" Travis said
"Yeah he's like beetle juice" Randy said and Emma actually laughed at how serious both guys were being. They laughed with her and the others joined in also.
"So anyway, what are you having?, wait no let me order for you, there a drink here named after your followers" Randy excitedly said to Regina. "Bartender let me a round of the Evil Regals" he called down the bar.
"EvilRegals?" Regina questioned
"Yeah, I don't get it, but the name's bitchin right? Evil cause you are and Regal because… I don't know, I thought it was like a playoff your name or something but did you know that Regal is an actual word? Something about magnificent or dignified, whatever… that's all you anyway, so yeah" he said not really paying attention to the group; sliding each person a red and black drink with a cut cherry on the side of the glass. The black liquid was at the bottom and the red liquid was on top. It smelled like cherries and something strong Regina couldn't put her finger on.
"Now these drinks are strong as hell, you know… just like the person there inspired by" Randy said making Regina smile hard and him matching it… glad that she wasn't thinking, he was being to forward.
"Regina I can't believe you have a fan base" Snow said and Tink nodded both astonished
"You so am I" Regina said not taking her eyes off Randy who was quite literally trying to imagine what she was wearing underneath her white button up and tight black skirt.
"Why? It makes since, you're a rebel, teens love rebels" Belle said making Regina finally take her eyes off Randy.
"Yeah I guess your right" she said agreeing
Everyone grabbed a drink "Wait, before we drink this, you gotta do something rad… you gotta do something really awesome, please, I'm begging you" Randy pleaded.
"Like what?" Regina inquired tilting head slightly back afraid of the answer
"Have you ever done a body shot? Like a real one" Randy said lifting his eyebrows
"She's not doing that!" Emma said sternly
"Why what is it?" Snow asked confused
"It where you lay on the bar and have some drink the shot from your belly button or whatever other part of your body that can hold liquid" she said "Were drunk, but not that drunk"
"What about the human waterfall?" Travis said
"Yea, yea" Randy agreed "We pour liquor down our chest and you guys drink it, so instead of our tongues on you, you're tongues are on us" he said smiling wickedly "You have total control" he hurried and added as good measure looking at Regina, who literally only heard total control and was all in.
Over hearing the conversation what seemed like half the establishment had eyes on the group.
Emma and Regina said at the same time "What you actually want to do this?" Emma asked a little disgusted but more so surprised
"Yes, I don't get to hang out much and I'm not sure when I'll ever experience this again but.. I don't know, maybe it's the drinks talking but life is too short and I want to grab it by the balls before it gets away" she said with a evil smile "That and I can't let down my fans" she said smiling even more wickedly "They'll grow bored and leave me, right guys?" she asked and both guys shook their heads briskly.
"So, I'm in"
"YEAH!" the crowd roared "BODY SHOTS! BODY SHOTS!"
"Who am I drinking off of?" she asked smiling big, at least 10 guys and a few girls jumped at the chance to get the Evil Queen to drink off them.
"Me!" they yelled but Randy had his shirt off in seconds flexing his strong pecks and hard abs
"Oh my god he looks like Hercules" Ruby muttered
Regina arched and eye brow staring at the boy biting her lip "I'm going to get into so much trouble doing this" she said to herself biting her bottom lip. "Randy it is!" she shouted standing close to the boy.
Travis stood disappointed, Ruby nudged Emma encouraging the blonde to go ahead and live a little.
She sucked her teeth "Ugh fine" Emma said "One drink got it, but you're doing me" 'I know I'm clean' she thought to herself getting up on the bar.
Snow shook her head "Come on guys I think this has gone too far" she said walking over to Regina to try and talk some sense into her step mother whom she knew would be mortified in the morning when she realized what she did tonight but Ruby blocked her way
"Come on Snow, they want to do this, one more shot and that's it, we'll go home, but you have to drink one too" Ruby pleaded
Snow looked unsure but she didn't want to be the party pooper "Just one more?"
Ruby put her hand behind her back and crossed her fingers so Belle could see "Promise" she said with a nod and Belle giggled
"Okay one more drink" snow agreed
"Alright guys on the count of three were downing our EvilRegals!" Ruby shouted "1" Emma laid down and Randy raised his glass "2" Travis climbed up on the bar and kneeled over Emma, his knees pinning hers on both side and he poured his shot in her belly button. Emma gasped at the cold liquid but stayed still, Regina, whose skin tight skirt was already touching her knees, hiked it up just a bit more to her thigh causing more eyes on them.
"3!" Ruby shouted and threw back her drink everyone followed suit. The crowd cheered as Travis sucked and then licked Emma's belly button clean of all traces of alcohol and then took a victory lap for good measure. Emma held her breath and couldn't believe how aroused she was feeling having some stranger's tongue on her stomach. She giggled and sat up when Travis tongue turned into his teeth as he quickly and playfully nipped Emma's toned stomach.
Regina on the other hand had everyone jaw touching the floor not only had she successfully not spilled any of the drink on the floor but she also licked clean Randy's entire chest area clear of alcohol. As she made her way up to where his chin was Randy quickly dropped his head and pulled her into a deep and passionate kiss and the crowd roared with satisfaction.
Randy put his hands on Regina's waist and Regina put one arm around his neck and the other laid flat on his chest. The couple stayed like that for a few seconds longer not even stopping to breathe.
"Okay" Tink said pulling Regina away from the boy "Jail for you she said pushing s grinning Regina into Ruby and Ice for you" she said to the boy shoving him away "take your friend with you"
Regina was grinning like a fool "Bartender another round of EvilRegals!" she yelled slamming another $50 bill down. The crowd cheered and Tink shrugged her shoulders "As long as no one gets jail time and pregnant tonight, what the hell!"
About 7 mixtures of StoryBrooke's strongest drinks ever, had the group split up and on their own all over the bar. Ruby and Regina was dancing on top the bar to Keisha's and Pitbull's 'Timber'. Belle and Tink were dancing in the crowd and Snow was grinding on some guy that favored Charming and Emma was lying on the pool table doing more body shots. Once the song ended and the DJ played Peaty Pablo's Freak-a-Leak, the night just seemed to blur together. Emma, Tink, and Regina found other college kids to dance with, and Ruby and Belle were on top of the bar pouring bottles on top of thirsty patrons.
"LAST CALL" the Bartender called out and the gang made their way back to the bar half stumbling and half blind. "Okaaaay Bruuuuuce" Ruby slurred "give us… draaaagooooon's breath for… da rooooooaaaaaad"
"No, I'm cutting you guys off I should have 4 drinks ago" he growled
"Come ooooon, its laaaaaassssst caaalll any… anyway" Ruby managed to get out smiling at Bernard.
"Yea Bruce" Belle said laughing
"I thought hiiiiis name waaaasssss Bradley" Tink said
"No its Todd" Snow joined in completely tickled
"No No NO I got it, it… I got It… its… Barn Yard?" Regina said scrunching her face making herself look even more drunk, if it were possible.
"Close its Bernard" the bartender corrected flatly not amused by the ladies
Regina snapped her fingers "Yup, that's it, that's it, now you said last call… by law… you have tooooo suuuurrrrrrvvve us" she said slamming her hand down in the bar top.
It was amazing how drunk these women were and yet still looked so composed other than the leaning and slurring. They looked ready for work the next day, well everyone except Emma who's shirt was still unbutton from the 3 other body shots she let two guys and a girl, she was certain, do off her.
"No by law I have the right to throw your drink asses out of her or call the law"
"Well I'm sheriff of these here parts and I say one more drink for the road there slick" Emma managed to get out in a country accent amazingly pronouncing every word perfectly.
"Come oooon, Bernaaaarrrrrrd one more drink and… then… then we go" Ruby said leaning over and drawing a lazy circle on his black sleeveless muscle shirt. He looked around the bar at the college kids anxiously awaiting his answer.
Bernard sighed heavily and placed 6 shot glasses on the bar top
"Yea!" everyone shouted
"The only reason I'm doing this is because the young kids would never come back if I denied their heroes their final drink" he said and grabbed a green bottle with a black label that was way at the top of the shelf.
He poured the liquid in each glass, down the row like usual then reached up and grabbed peach flavoring and finally vodka and a lighter. Pouring something his mouth first he put the lighter to his lips bent down and blew the liquid out making fire and lit the drinks, with one final glare and a wipe of his mouth with the bar towel he turned and walked away to take care of another customer.
Before they could grab them Tink stopped them "Let's do something really stupid and… and… and aaaaaadddddd thhhhiiiiisss ssssssssssssssttttttufffff" she said pulling out the last but of pixie dust Wendy had given her.
Looking at each other they all shrugged their shoulders throwing caution to the wind, they were too drunk to think better of it and Snow who was supposed to keep a protective eye on things was so far gone she was practically melted into Emma's side in order to stand upright, smiling like the Cheshire cat.
Tink poured a little in each shot glass snuffing out the flame and turning the drink bright neon pink, then purple, and then blue and it just kept changing color. Their eyes glued to their glass, their drunken gaze taken over as they all stared at the mesmerizing color sequence.
"Okay!" Regina yelled "What did that guy teach me BOLO… no…no… wait" she said thinking hard everyone else grinning like mad and giggling as Regina tried hard to remember it.
"Shhhh… Shhhh…. Shhhh…. Be quiet be quiet I got it I got it" she said her eyes dropping into elongated blinks.
"No one's talking Regina" Belle said giggling
"No… I Know… I know… its… its… IT'S YOLO!" she finally said excited
"What did it mean again?" Emma said
"I think something about dying twice, or loving thrice" Snow said frowning trying to get her drunken thoughts in order
"Loving thrice?" Emma said laughing at her mother "That's not a real word"
"What? It isn't?" Snow said confused
"It doesn't matter… it doesn't matter… WE DRINK TO YOLO!" Regina yelled and the others patrons shouted YOLO as well, encouraging the drunken group.
"See you bitches on the other side" Tink yelled mimicking some young college girl from earlier, they all cheered again and just like before they all grabbed their glasses and threw the drinks back. And as all their senses faded and they slipped into a new found darkness the last sounds they heard were the crowds cheer and shout.
The next morning
Ruby stirred a little something heavy was on her chest and there was something long and thin tickling her nose and a smell she couldn't recognize. The heavy object that was constricting her tightened its grip alongside her waist and moved even closer to her making her sink further and further into a warm heat filled place. She heard what sounded like humming and a short swallow and knew the place she was being purposely shoved into was a neck. Some protective person's neck, she started to fade back to sleep when she realized what she had been doing the previous night.
'The Bar' she thought 'Damn I must have been super wasted if I climbed in bed with some stranger…. I wonder who it is' she said smiling to herself 'probably some shocked college kid… who just got his world rocked' she said giggling to herself.
"What's amusing so early in the morning" a weirdly familiar voice asked her. It sounded older and more mature much to mature for a college freshman. She pulled back just a bit to see if she could see the persons face but it was too far over her but the hair, from what she can see was long light and sandy brunette… hair.
"You were amazing last night" the strangely familiar voice said again Ruby smiled but still couldn't shake why this person's voice sounded so familiar… than she recognized it. The smell the familiar accent… 'The smell, oh my fucking god that smell' she thought instantly and jerk hard away from the person she feared it was.
"Rumplestilskin!" she choked eyes wide and jaw slack
Rumple looked at her back but it wasn't surprise in his eyes it was worry and what looked like fear "What is it sweetheart?" he questioned feared etched on his features.
Ruby pushed him roughly away and jumped out of bed and released an earth shattering scream.
Snow stretched in her sleep not opening her eyes, just elongating her body and only stopped when she felt a body against her back. She turned over and snuggled up closer to Charming wrapping her hands around his waist.
"Good Morn…" she started but stopped the greeting and curiously rubbed the chest of person's body in front of her like it was brail 'Charming's body was much thicker and stronger than this' she thought '…and he didn't have…'
"Hair?" she whispered mortified
The body she knew wasn't Charming turned over and faced her, her breath caught in her throat when she was met with short black hair and a sneaky grin
"Don't start something you can't finish love" he said
Snow scooted so far off the bed that she fell on the hard floor with a loud thud. Her face the look of a teen in a horror movie getting ready to meet her ultimate end. It was then she noticed she was dressed in only her bra and underwear she was completely mortified.
"Oh my God are you alright" he asked worried crawling to the other side of the bed.
"Hook!" she screeched
Tink woke up trying to stretch her body when she rolled over and fell onto a hard wooden floor
"Ow" she said quietly and sat up brushing her hair out of her face, the room she was in was dark but the light from the outside peered through what looked like a bedroom. She saw to sleeping figures and slowly stood from the floor, walking over to see who it was. She stopped short when she saw Emma and Henry sleeping soundly in the bed and she turned to walk up the stairs to find a bathroom.
Belle moved closer to the warm body in her arms, but when she tried to pull the person closer to her she was met with a grunt and small voice.
"Not so tight, mom" it said and she gasped and let go scooting back, throwing the cover off and sitting up.
"Who are you?" she questioned
Henry sat up to now rubbing his eyes and turning to face her
"Henry?" she whispered "What are you doing here?"
Henry not fully awake grumbled and pried open his eyes "What are you talking about I always sleep here"
"No you don't, where's Rumple?"
"Mr. Gold?" Henry asked frowning face now fully awake "Emma, are you okay?" he asked worry evident in his voice.
"I'm not Emma" She said standing
Emma woke with someone pulling her closer to them.
"Mmmm… it's too hot for that" she mumbled. She felt a strong hand snake across her stomach and pull her close anyway. She usually sleot with Henry but she knew his hands were not this big then she felt a hard broad chest press hard against her back and something else that was hard on her backside.
"That's because you make me hot" she heard an unmistakable voice whisper into her ear.
"David!" she yelled and tried to pry his arms from around her waist but he held her with a death grip.
"David? You know I like it when you say Charming" he seductively said kissing her neck.
"DAVID STOP! LET GO!" Emma shrieked kicking her feet wildly.
"Snow, honey, what's wrong?" he said letting go of his wife as she scrambled frantically off the bed and fell on the floor.
"What the fuck David" she yelled again
"What?" he said looking genuinely confused and standing wearing only his white boxer's.
"Jesus David put some damn clothes on!" she yelled and then looked down to see she was standing in one of Charming's shirts and black lace underwear.
"Snow, what's wrong?" he calmly asked and tried to approach her
"I'M NOT SNOW!" She yelled
Tink walked into the bathroom at the top of the stairs and opened the door flicking on the light she caught out the side of her eye something weird and glance to the mirror and was met with big brown eyes and short dark hair.
"Regina!" she said startled but noticed that the woman had said the same thing she rubbed her eyes and stepped forward and realized it wasn't Regina she was talking to, she was Regina.
"WHAT THE HELL!" She screamed
"I'M NOT SNOW!" she heard someone yell; followed by the pounding of feet running up the stairs. She ran out the bathroom and into Emma and Henry
"Mom?" Henry asked
"No its Tink" Tinkerbelle yelled touching her chest of enfaces
"Grandpa!" He yelled running into Charming and Snow's room, they all followed "I think there's something wrong with my…" he stopped when he saw Charming staring dumb founded in a pair of jeans staring at a frightened looking Snow.
"What the fuck is going on!" Charming demanded but when Emma caught a glance of herself standing in the door way looking just as frightened as she felt, darkness took over and she felt her body hit the floor.
Regina woke with a start, when the sound of screaming was coming from the other room, she didn't resister that she was pulling what seemed like a million blankets off her but she just felt the need to get up an check out where the screaming was coming from. Once uncovered she began to stumble trying hard to get out of bed. It wasn't until she threw open the door that she realized she wasn't at home. Her body felt strange it was heavy and tired.
'Jesus, how much did I have to drink last night' she thought as she looked around this unfamiliar building. 'Apparently enough, not to make it home' she turned back to the room she just woke up in, and saw some familiar looking red floral wallpaper.
'I'm at the B&B' she thought
Another scream sounded and she ran down the hallway she was in, in what seemed like record time, and climbed the steps two at a time.
"Get out of here now!"
"Ok…wait… hold on did do something wrong"
Regina heard a voice shouting and another one respond
"Get the hell out here before I rip to shreds you little pervert"
Regina heard the voice growl; she turned the corner only to have a young boy with light brown slam right into her dropping his stuff.
"Oh shit… I'm so so so so sorry um…" he stuttered afraid and then dressed only in his grey fruit of the looms boxers he ran down the stairs and out of the B&B.
"Ruby, what the hell is going on? What happened?" she heard herself ask the young wolf who was standing in her red bra and underwear toned abs and chest heaving.
Ruby just looked straight at her confusion and fear, her face turning as white as a ghost, she began pointing and stuttering at her but before Regina could register it Ruby's eyes rolled up in the top of her head and she dropped to the floor.
In fear of her friend and more in fear of the implications that the Evil Queen was the last one with the young wolf had her running to her side in an instant.
"Ruby! Ruby! Ruby! Are you…" she yelled but stopped when she looked down at her hands, and didn't recognize them. She frowned and turned them over, she looked down at what she was wearing, a long pink thick robe. She looked over to the wall by the door and saw a mirror and dresser, she stood and ran to it slamming so hard into the dresser that it caused most of its contents to shake and fall to the floor some things shattering the others just falling with a clunk and clank.
She looked at her face but didn't see her face her chest got heavy and she felt like she couldn't catch her breath. "What the fuck?" was all she managed to whisper out before darkness took over and she felt herself fall to the floor. The last thought that ran through her mind was trying to process what she saw because the face looking back at her wasn't one that belong to her but that belonged to Mrs. Lucas.
Okay guys tell me what you guys think if you saw any mistakes I apologize and this will be the last time you do because thanks to AddieGreysPPPEvilregal9119 an awesome writer and reviewer she has agreed to be my beta. I'm soooo ecstatic! I have the second half of the next chapter already written but I want you guys to tell me who you would you like to see doing what in whose body…. And before you ask YES THE GUYS WILL BE JOINING OUR BODY JUMPING GANG AND IN THE NEXT CHAPTER TOO! *Gasp* "I know I know, so soon right?" please help me spread the word of this story tell your friends about it!
The title is easy, it's just "WTF" I sure you know why I named it that. *Evil grin*
By the way the only guys playing along in this is Hook, Rumple, Charming, Neal and as bad as I want Robin Hood I would literally have to pull him out of my ass… to be in this story because as you guys know he's in the Enchanted Forest but if I get enough requests I'll find a way to throw him in promise but as always R&R they help me update faster.