Super Mario Bros belongs to Nintendo. Sonic the Hedgehog belongs to Sega. The Olympic Winter Games belong to Sochi, and they can keep it. All exaggeration is for comedic effect. Thanks to Duxwing of the Kerbal Space Program forums for editing.
The plane landed with a loud thump. Mario and Sonic had let Olympic fervor slip their suspicion of their pilots: Bowser and Eggman.
Bowser seized the two hapless heroes and hurled them and their friends off the plane, which took off again; Bowser screamed "Later, suckers!" out the window.
Mario turned around and sighted a tall, muscular Russian man, who said, "Welcome to Sochi."
The duo drove not to the Olympic Village. They walked, seeing all Sochi's glory. It was not an amazing tourist location but like a warzone. All around them were unfinished hotels, stray dogs, and broken sidewalks. A man with a tiny paintbrush was painting the ground green.
"I dunno, guys," Sonic said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm not sure if I like this place."
Amy punched him in the arm. "Come on, it probably gets bet—AHHH!"
Sonic turned around with a jolt, and then looked down. Amy had fallen into an uncovered manhole.
Mario rubbed his chin. "You might be right."
The village itself was no better.
When they entered the main building, they saw that there was no floor—just a rope. There was also a desk hanging by ropes—supposedly the reception desk. It had a calendar and a picture of Vladimir Putin, shirtless, riding a horse. A sign was right beside the picture: please go to the owner's bedroom upstairs to receive your room designations.
Shadow facepalmed. "I never wanted to see that picture. Ever."
Mario jumped over to the alleged stairs, also hanging by rope, and entered the bathroom.
After a couple minutes, he poked his head out. "Don't use the shower; it has horrible water that will burn your face off. Also, I hope you like going to the toilet in pairs…"
The Opening Ceremony was a little better. A little.
Tails fell on his face, Daisy entered a trance from the sheer weirdness, and when Mario and Sonic lit the torch, only four Olympic rings lit up. The fifth was a star.
Sonic ran off at Mach 1. "I'm outta here. See you in Rio!"