Stupid Things

By Sweetprincipale

Completely AU. There are people who get inside you. That you love, that you get angry with, but they're still your person. The person who, no matter what they ask, and how much you say no, you will end up doing anything for them. Buffy and William have that kind of relationship as they grow up. Is there anything that can change it?

Author's Note: This story is told in a series of moments, sometimes minutes apart, sometimes months apart. Page breaks denote the shift in time.

Author's Second Note: Smuttiness. Vampiric smuttiness.

Author's Third Note: All due credit to the Foo Fighters and the references to the song Everlong used in this piece and Blue Oyster Cult's Burning for You.

Dedicated to Omslagspapper (cover design), AGriffinWriter, The Darkness Befalls, micmoc, Sirius120, Rosalea12, Ginar369, Illusera, TieDyeJackson, Jhiz, . , Mars, Breezybiatch, Kitakana, .792, and Rihannon. Thank you all SO MUCH. The reviews offer me so much encouragement and are much appreciated.

Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine.

Part IX


I've waited here for you


She waited at home. First in the dark, then with lights ablaze so he'd know she was there. She showered and washed the blood from her hair, hands, and face, and shivered as she hurried into fresh clothes. She checked the stock of blood they'd bought in preparation.

She checked her stakes as well.

Her hand went to the phone a hundred times, and each time slowly found its way away from it. She wanted to call Giles, but dreaded it even more. "What would I tell him?" She whispered to the empty house. "That we're 'waiting'? I don't even know if it's him. I don't know if... I don't know if Drusilla will let him live if he's 'himself'."

After about forty minutes of pacing and praying, she had just about determined that waiting would kill her, and she had to go back out, no matter how irrational and dangerous it was.

She looked at the clock for the millionth time. How had an hour or two stretched into two centuries? "I can't do this anymore!" She muttered angrily to herself and started for her coat, ready to pull it on and march into the humid August night where a light rain had begun to fall.

Buffy flicked off the lights in the living room and pushed on sleeve on over her trembling arm when she heard the sound.

Faint. A creak. Someone hesitating. A knob turning.

"Oh God." Acid in her stomach boiled and nerves nearly deserted her. Nearly as pale as her beloved must be, she dropped the coat and raced through the dark room to the front door.

His boots fell with heavy, slow steps. The walk here had been torture of the senses. Every evil instinct he'd ever had as a human was magnified like the scents and sights he was now privy to.

The ripest torment- her scent. It was everywhere. Leading up the block, and then a few hundred yards away he could smell something else.

Blood. Slayer blood.

Buffy blood.

Her blood on the ground, a droplet trail the rain hadn't managed to erase yet.

The dangerous urges were going to kill him.

If they didn't kill her first.

So he walked slowly. So his hand rested on the knob and only turned it part way. So when she was suddenly before him, yanking the door open with a half-sob, half-gasp, he yelled, "Buffy, wait!"

She heard the words. They made no sense. She'd been waiting all night, all day, and another night, the longest, most painful hours of her life, and she thought she knew all of pain's tricks by now.

She ignored the words, stupidly, foolishly, as she always had been for him. "No," Buffy cried, shaking her head and bursting from the doorway, throwing herself into his arms.


I throw myself into

And out of the red

Out of her head she sang

He was barreled over- but didn't fall. Strength, flexibility, and balance unlike he'd ever known came as easily as thinking, thinking that he'd like to grab her and swing her around and knock her to the floor and- he growled and kissed her like he would swallow all her air, and re-inflate his cold lungs.

She kissed back, equally unmindful, with equal reckless longing, suppressing a squeal when he grabbed her up in a greedy grope, pressing them together as they swayed backwards off the porch, into the house.

Spike stopped kissing her abruptly, a sudden twinge like a stomach cramp taking his mind off of her for one moment. He released her and stood, hand to his midriff, pained expression marring his face.

"Will? Spike?" Buffy rested her hand on his arm, unsure what to call him, unsure what was happening.

"Both. Either." He winced.

"Are you okay? Do you need to- hey. How are you..." Buffy looked around the hall they were standing in. She blinked in confusion, so much was confusing, overwhelming, and she went with the most immediately concerning issue. William standing in her house, as a vampire- without an invitation. So something was wrong. Or was this a sign of something right? "Aren't you... I mean, did she? Or didn't she -"

"I'm a vampire." He confirmed, nodding, eyes closing in pain. "Feels like my gut twisted all the-"

"You came in the house. You can't do that. Vampires can't come in unless they're invited."

"Then invite me me already, it bloody hurts!" Spike snapped.

"But you came in. You're already in! Vampires literally can't come in- they can't. They would run into the air like a painted tunnel on the side of a mountain like in Road Runner cartoons."

"Buffy!" He groaned.

"I invite you!" Buffy blurted, and caught him as he staggered forward. He leaned on her heavily, and she clasped him tight. Oh, Will. What are you? What did you become?

"I won. Sorta." Spike whispered into her shoulder, straightening up slowly. "There's- there's just me now. But it's not just me. There's demon in here. There's vamp in here. I am a vampire. But I'm not… I'm still me. Maybe I still have a soul?"

"That doesn't matter. Even Angel couldn't come in without a- aah!" Her explanation died off with a sharp gasp as she watched a new face emerge, vicious and feral, with glaring, glowing eyes.



"No. No, this is all Spike. Spike is the one who wants to shove a rail through him and watch him writhe." The voice dripped bloodlust, pure cruel enjoyment of the prospect. "Things he's done. Things he's done to you, to her... She's out of her pain now, out of his reach, the monster who plays at being an 'Angel'."

Taken completely aback, and for a moment genuinely afraid, Buffy took a minute to find her voice, small and stiff, "No. I think that was William, too. I just don't think he ever told me because he knew it would hurt me."

"Maybe I'm not so cautious. Maybe I'm more dangerous." His face and tone were cold, eyes slitting. He found he could retract his fangs with an effort, forcing himself to be calm, to uncurl the anger in him.

"You're still you. You're still you, the real you. You didn't need an invite- you already had one. William was always welcome in my home, and always will be."

"But the demon-y side gets a bit of bellyache when he's not properly asked." His voice and face were relaxing now, rolling his shoulders, seeming to "sink" into his own skin and feel calmer.

"It's still something." Buffy risked coming closer again. "Maybe you're just- um. Did you eat?"

"Not yet." The words sounded far more ominous than he would have liked.

She swallowed. "Maybe you're just hungry?"

"Oh, I'm ravenous. Ever since I woke up. Just had plenty of distractions. Business to attend to." He reached into his pocket and she tensed slightly. He handed her Mr. Pointy with a half-smile. "Thanks for that."

"I- thought you might need some luck. A reminder."

"I had both." He gave her a grateful, if world-weary, smile.


"Was a beautifully tragic, completely barkin', evil mess. An' she's gone now. An' she didn't give me more than a kiss goodnight and a kiss goodbye, Luv."

"No?" Buffy barely managed to keep the relief from her voice. "Actually, when she found me in the tunnel, I kinda wanted to kiss her too. Not in a - well, not like that. Like in a 'So happy I could kiss you' way. But also I wanted to kill her so... Yeah. Didn't work. She would be a seriously scary golfer." Buffy rubbed her temple, Slayer-healing starting to mend it already, lifting the hair to show him the split welt the iron rail had made.

He felt anger and sorrow and hunger all jumbled up together, and there was no filter anymore. Humans have filters. Vampires have to remember how to use them. In Will's case, all he did was snarl, and shimmer into fangs and back.

"I'm sorry?" Buffy asked in confusion as his growl split the night.

"Hungry. Angry. Angry at her. Angry at you. Angry at everyone. The killin' part of bein' a vamp seems like a bloody good idea." He growled low in his chest, but the rumbling stopped when he looked at her stricken face. "Don't look at me like that." He hissed.

"What did I do?" Buffy whispered. This was Will, but it was like Will's poems and music had been translated into a living- sort of living- being. This was a dark, intense grenade of emotions and all the uncomfortably honest thoughts he wrote and sang. All that stuff she found perplexing. But intriguing.

"You knew."


"You knew I loved you. You knew it." William moved towards her slowly, head half down, eyes up, like a black cat stalking a songbird in tall grass. "You picked someone else."


"I never did. I had two hours with someone while I was thinkin' of you. My heart was yours."

"William. My heart- was always yours, too." Buffy stopped the sinister advance by simply walking into it. "But when you're seventeen and a superfreak, you think you can't be in love with your best friend because- because maybe you'll lose him if things go wrong, and you can't lose him. I can't. Lose you."

Her scent beguiled him and her words soothed him. "I should have told you sooner."

"We've had this conversation a hundred times." Buffy nuzzled the crown of her head into the underside of his jaw.

"Yeah... but I never told you I was pissed at you."

"You could have."

"That would've hurt you." He swallowed. Fresh blood right under his nostrils, he shuddered and gripped her back, keeping her there.

"You don't care about hurting me when you're- this way?" She felt the fingers tighten. Not just Will's strong ones, Spike's pure iron grasp.

"No... No, I still care. Sometimes I just don't ... stop myself." I'm not afraid of myself, even though I think I should be...

Come down

And waste away with me

Down with me

"I can stop you. I can help you." She broke his grip easily, but didn't move away from him. "I won't let you be anything you don't want to be. As long as you're still the guy I love, that's all that matters to me." She swallowed, barely able to ask the next terrifying question, "Is that enough for you?"

He nodded against her, holding her more gently. "Can I still have you like this?"

"Have me?" Hot liquid in her center, chills over the rest of her. Possessive words, taking, having, words that were baser and more primal.

"Love you. I can still love you. Never stopped. When I'm livin', when I was dyin', when I was in between dyin' and wakin' up, I held on because I couldn't stop loving you. Now I'm-"

"Still in love with me?"

"More." They don't make words for this feeling. It's more than love. It's engulfing. It's consuming. Maybe this is what demons speak, why Drusilla said pain and pleasure are so tangled.

"Good. I love you, too. Spike. Will." She took his hand, saw it was scraped and scuffed, and kissed it as she pulled him through the dark living room up the stairs.

Slow how

You wanted it to be

I'm over my head

Out of her head she sang

"You're sure?" Please be sure. I don't think I can stop if I start. I don't want to tell her that I can't stop. I could stop for her. Only for her.


And I wonder

When I sing along with you

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

"How'd you find me?" She gasped between kisses, hands marveling in his body, raking, holding him, touching him, unable to believe he was still here, still hers.

"Should ask you the same." His kisses were turning to nips, he'd bruise the skin, then break it, so he tried to contain himself, and found it hurt to slow down, physically hurt. He felt as if he were lashing around inside himself, trying to break free, a starving animal inches from a feast.

"I never did. Drusilla found me. She said I was underneath you. I finally found the entrance to the tunnel."

"Came up a tunnel earlier." He confirmed.

"I left you a trail to the house. She said you'd get my scent. Did it work?"

Spike pulled back from her for a moment to smirk into her eyes. "Trail of blood through the tunnel?"

"Yeah." Buffy tilted her head quizzically as he smirked briefly. "Why the grinning?"

"I walked, you idiot. I know your dad's address, I've been livin' here for a week."

"Oh." Buffy blushed. "Right. So I just risked nasty-seweritis for nothing." She held up her cut finger.

He wrapped his hand around hers, then drew her injured digit to his lips. "I wouldn't say for nothing."

Buffy watched his face change, turn demonic, then somehow blissfully so, as a fang pierced her skin and he suckled.

He's drinking your blood. Your boyfriend is eating you. Well, part of you.

You should stop him. There's blood in the fridge downstairs. "Spike?" Buffy choked out hesitantly.

He looked up, a blend of sweet guilt and satisfaction on his face. "Thank you, Baby." His lips kissed her palm, then her wrist, stopping there to lay his head to her side and listen to the pulse of blood under satin skin. "Beautiful girl. Sound as beautiful as you look. Now I can hear it." His fingers glided over her wonderingly.

Her warnings died in her throat. "Are you good?"

"More like middle." He confessed.

"I meant, are you- you can't be full."

"No." Eyes burned for a moment, even through the blue. The flicker faded, "Did it hurt?"

"No." She watched him lick his lips and move his hips hungrily towards her as they stood together, swaying in her bedroom, at the side of her bed. "Not at all."

He watched her nod in slow motion, milliseconds seeming like minutes as she processed what he'd said. She didn't speak, just that steady nod. He watched her swallow, could hear her swallowing as her head made one last, long steady bob before she wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled, leading him to herself.

The only thing I'll ever ask of you

You gotta promise not to stop when I say when

Breathe out

So I can breathe you in

Clothes came off in the unlit room. They didn't need light. Two beings built for night, they could see everything.

"Will..." Buffy mewled faintly as they mounted the bed, a tangle of limbs and rushing gestures.

"It won't hurt. I won't hurt you. I swear it." He vowed it and he meant it.

"I know, I know that, just- whoa-" Buffy lost her balance and her words, crashing under him like a tidal wave washing over her.

"Always wanted you. Should have said it, said how I wanted it... but think I like it better like this, can taste you a million times sweeter, see every detail of you a hundred times brighter, even in the dark." His hands skimmed down her bare skin, over her rear, under her thighs, parting them.

"Slow down." Buffy whispered. "This is still our first time."

"Oh precious." Spike shook his head at her, forehead to forehead. "Wish is was."

"Our first time together." Buffy blushed. Did that sweet, innocent part of my Will die? Is this just sex because it feels good sex? I can't believe that. "Unless that doesn't matter anymore."

Spike rolled to his side, resting his hand on her midriff. "It matters. Buffy, I want to get my first time back, wanted it to be with you, and wanted yours to end better." He closed his eyes. "But I can't. An' when I'm with you, I don't even care about all that bad rubbish. I just want you. Want it to be sweet, Baby, but I don't want it to be slow."

She nodded, but tensed. "Have I mentioned my terminal lack of experience?"

"Have I mentioned mine?"

"We'll be fine."

"Vamps and slayers make the best lovers." He decided.

She wrenched up under a sudden onslaught of kisses, reveling in his cool, demanding touch, and how much he clung to her, showed her his absolute need without trying to hide anything. "Willow was right." Buffy gasped when his finger parted her.


"I do like them cold." She gasped out her confession and bucked her almost-virgin hips up and down, riding his wrist.

He gloried in the wet heat, imagined himself buried in it until hip bones collided and couldn't take or give another inch more. "Think I was meant to be cold." He slowly withdrew and then pushed a second finger in to join the first, watching her widen and arch. "It always felt wrong. Human. Vamp. Had both. Didn't really care for either. Think it has to feel hotter. Want the intensity. I was meant to cool you off." His lips left soft kisses from navel to thigh, and then worked in between. "Put out that fire." He suddenly stiffened his limbs above hers and pressed down hard, lips against her pulse. "You were meant to burn me."

She wailed in pleasure as he tried to find her inner flames.

Hold you in

And now

I know you've always been

Out of your head

Out of my head I sang


"So ready."

A push, a slick rush, and he lodged in her paradise.

"Yes!" Cries in perfect unison, hers relieved, his triumphant, and rapidly smothered in kisses.

We did it!

We made it. "God, you feel so good."

"You, too." Buffy wrapped her arms around his smooth shoulders and dug her hands in. "I'm afraid I'm going to wake up and find out I dreamed this. That you're not here."

"I'm here. Can't you feel it?" He rutted in her unevenly but solidly "Make you feel it..."

"Yes, yes, Will, love to feel you!" Buffy's eyes rolled back, and her spine arched up, hips moving restlessly. Her gasps of pleasure turned sharp.

He could hear the changes. Breathing seemed to come out higher, blood pumping sped and changed course, rushing to the lower regions. I can hear it. I can feel everything in her, everything I do to her. "This is how I wanted it." He whispered.

Buffy opened her eyes and focused hazily on him. "Us?"

"Yes. No. You. Wanted you. Always wanted you. Should have said it, said how I wanted it... I want it to be about what you are too, Luv, what you want. I just don't want to hold it in anymore, want to tell it like it is. Angel tried to rule you. I just wanna own you, and I wanna be owned. William and Buffy, Spike and Slayer, the way it ought to be. Every inch of you is mine, every inch of me, yours." He concluded with a biting kiss, hands tangling possessively in her hair, clinging to her with so much passion she felt like she was literally swept away.

Overwhelmed, lost in feelings and his words. "People don't go around talking like that, saying things like that, owning each other and-"

"I'm not people anymore. Neither are you." He could sense her mouth opening, even as his head was buried in her shoulder. "No. You aren't just human, Slayer. I loved you when you changed. You love me too." It wasn't a question or a demand, a simple statement.

One she knew was true. "Of course I do."

"Maybe it's hard to love me like this." His head lifted, fingers touched her cheek, her eyes that had shed thousands of tears for him.

"It's not hard at all. It's... so easy it scares me."

"I scare you?"

"No." She shook her head. "I just think maybe I should be afraid. I... I never felt this. I never... it wasn't like this before."

"With him?"

"With him, or with you. I thought I knew the inside of your head so well." She kissed the brow above her as it bent.

William struggled. Vampires don't seem to think just in words, there was part of him that now seemed to communicate in actions and emotions. Everything primal and instinctual. "It's new to me, too." He whispered finally.


"No. Better, if I'm honest."

"You're always honest with me."

His hips began to move again, lifting her body with his easily. He cradled her lower back effortlessly with one strong arm, and supported himself easily with the other. "I think I like it better like this. Strong for you."

"You were always strong for me."

"Strong as you. Almost." He kissed her gently, then his roving tongue took over, greedily parting her, leaving trails of desire down her chin and to her breasts. "I can taste you a million times sweeter, see every detail of you a hundred times brighter, even in the dark." He repeated himself as he tried to explain it to her, as the outsider, when he barely understood it himself. "Being a vampire just means everything you wanted to say on the inside, comes up on the outside. Everything. Every feeling. Bloody hell, it's something rich. I know it's a bad thing to be- but it feels like it's what I was meant to be." If only you can love the monster in the man.

"Then I like this better, too." She whispered, and pulled him back to the mattress, side to side now. "I like anything with you. Just... we both have to get used to it. The main thing is that we don't have to get used to being apart."

"God, Buffy, no. No, we don't." He exclaimed prayerfully, eyes closing as he shuddered at the thought of the narrow escape he'd had.

Hoped he'd had.

And I wonder

When I sing along with you

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

For a few minutes, it was perfect. Blissful. Side by side, bathed in gray shadows in the unlit room, they studied with eyes and hands and mouths. Lovers finally reunited, lovers finally together for the first time, all at once.

"So perfect." He marveled at her, hands caressing her shoulders, breasts, hips, calves.

"Exactly." Her hands lost their shyness, over shoulders, down each line of muscle on his chest,until she hit the ridges of his pelvis, and he made a noise, a cross between a snarl and whimper. A needy sound. Her hand wrapped around him, and his over top of hers, pressing her fingers in tight. "This hard?" She whispered.

"Harder than you'd think." He confessed, and felt like he was reaching his peak right at that moment, when her hand started to slide up and down, locking firmly over every inch.

She likes it, too. Likes knowing I'm enjoyin' it. Spike realized it when he could smell a change in scent. Sweet, womanly scent that was drifting to him in rushes now instead of trickles. The most beguiling, desirable scent. "Slayer's ready for me." He whispered, half sitting up.

"What?" Buffy blushed slightly as his hand came to rest on her upper thigh, fingers pressing between legs.

"I can tell. When you're close." His hand stopped hers, and he slunk down the sheets.

"Will." She suppressed the gulping sound she wanted to make.

"Spike. Will. We both - I mean I, I can tell you're ripe for it, Luv. Let me give you something. I want to taste it. I want you to have it."

"You don't have to."

"I want to." His head rested on her thigh. "Just a taste..."

Buffy's eyes rolled back on first contact. His tongue was some sort of serpentine instrument, across her, inside her, lapping and sucking, until she came almost at once, and then again in another minute. Her screams of pleasure covered throaty chuckles of his own.

"The ultimate satisfaction. Making you scream my name." He lapped between her legs and then paused to give her a debauched grin. She'd called both, too. Spike, William, mixed together, interchangeably. "I think we're gonna be brilliant together." He said with much less cockiness and more tender conviction. "I can still make you feel good, Luv. You're not hurtin' are you?" He asked to reassure himself more than to check on her.

Buffy let a hand trail down to her soaked pussy, feeling much hotter, wetter, and open than it ever had before. "I'm so far from pain. It's like pain would live on another planet and I would just read about it in school or something."

He caught her dangling hand and slipped two of her fingers in herself, working them in and out, overcoming the second's resistance in her wrist. "Think I could come back in again?" He teasingly offered.

"Duh." Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Want you to be ready first."

"Of course I'm ready, after what you just did."

"I like watching you, Beautiful." He encouraged. Her cheeks glowed, and he smiled with a shrug. "Maybe it woulda taken me six months to tell you before I changed." He cupped her knuckles and slid up the bed, other arm around her as he spooned her, her fingers under his now working in a steady rhythm. "Bother you that I'm so 'open'?"

She shook her head. "I'm still not there yet, that's all. Shyness factor- even with you." Her head tipped back to rest on his shoulder as she gently pushed her hand from her hot tunnel. He kept possession of it, quickly bringing it up to his mouth and sucking the juice from her fingers. "Wow." Buffy's heart fluttered at the erotic dance of his tongue on her fingertips, and also at how much he seemed to crave her.

"I could save us a lot of time right now by just sayin'," he paused between hungry licks, "that nothin' is gonna be off limits to me, not with you, not in bed. Except sharin'. I'll break anyone's face who tries to move in on you."

"Are you gonna be a jealous jerk?" Buffy asked worriedly.

He considered. "No. Only if the bugger tries to make an actual move. Then I'm gonna bust his nose."

She laughed softly. "I'm okay with that. Can I roundhouse any girl who gives you her number?"

He laughed as well. "Only if I can watch."

Laughing, kissing, rolling again, this time with her on top. He pulled her hips easily onto his, impaling her, engulfing him. He groaned and pounded into her. The urge to release was getting to the point where he couldn't control it anymore, and there was only one urge stronger.

Listening to her blood pounding in the arteries around her juicy center was tormenting him. He suddenly had no idea how he'd staved off feeding for this long.

Buffy gasped as his face shifted, twin night lights suddenly bursting to life where blue eyes had been. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He shook his head. "Can my new face be on in bed, or is that off?"

"It's fine." Buffy answered quickly, trying to believe it. She hesitated, then reached for the bedside lamp. "Can I-"

"Do it with the lights on? Yes, please. Even if darkness is as good as daytime now, I like the light as well. Different details come out. An' I wanna see every single detail you have, Buffy."

The lights clicked on. William looked at the flushed, sweaty, golden girl on him. Watched her eyes studying him. His new features. He felt a sudden apprehension. She may love me like this, but doesn't mean she'll love the new look.

She loved Angel in his game face. She told me how she didn't even notice the difference. He looked at her worriedly, saw her hands hesitate above his shoulders, then move slowly to his cheek. "Well?" He asked hoarsely.

"Still have the killer cheekbones." She whispered. "Close your eyes?"

He obeyed, wondering if the yellow stare would ever please her as much as the blue one. The demonic instincts tried to say that it didn't matter what the hell she liked, while he argued within himself that he'd hate for her to have to"get used to it", even though rationally he knew that would be normal.


He smiled easily. So much to smile about. The worst is over.He gave her a close lipped beam.

"Still handsome. I like it. I never... with Angel I didn't mind the game face. You must wear yours better." Buffy gently traced ridges across the forehead and down the nose. His lips parted in relief, and she stroked his smile. "Handsome. You can open your eyes again, Spike."

He did, to find her gazing at him with a look of pure, unconcealed love. His heart managed to throb, even though it was still. "Glad you like it, Beautiful."

"I do." Buffy licked her lips. "Actually- just because it's you I can tell you, but- um-"

"What is it, Pet?" His hand fondled her cheek as she stroked his.

"It's..." She seemed to search for words, but they wouldn't come.

Her body told secrets now. He could feel it. The chasm he was in getting tighter, slicker, making involuntary squeezes, her cheeks turning darker, even through her already aroused skin. "You really like it." His eyes widened. "Not just tolerate it." He laughed once, but then quieted himself when she looked guilty. "Oh, Buffy, no, don't look like that!"

"I don't like vampire faces, okay? I mean, they're ugly and creepy, no offense, and they usually equal death and fighting for me. But you... maybe it's because you're still so handsome, maybe because I can still see your human face through it, I don't know. I like it. A lot." It's powerful. Dangerous. Bad. I have a thing for bad boys. For this bad boy. No, I have a thing for good guys with bad boy faces and really big coats. And now- oh God- he surged into her, pulling her down to kiss her blushes away- really big other things.

"It's all those things, and maybe it's the slayer side, baby. Maybe you like knowing your sworn enemy is yours to command. That he loves you. That you have one of us, if only one of us, you're safe around."

"All those things. Plus- that growling sound is realllly hot when you do it in bed."

He growled playfully, just for her.

"We're going to have a really good sex life." Buffy gasped.

"When I'm in my new face, y'mean?"

"No, I meant- oh Spike... Will..."

"Harder, baby, I can take it. I can take it..." He matched her thrusts, spearing inside her, speeding up. Pleasuring suddenly became competitive, two of the fastest beings in the world trying to rub each other the right way to cause an explosion.

"Wiiiilll!" She wailed and fell back, shaking, waiting to feel him join her in the strongest orgasm she'd ever had.

He didn't. He roared and tore a jagged fistful of her sheets. "That's my girl. My girl." He helped her back up, cradling her, kissing her all over.

"Good sex life." She panted, hugging him back, "Because we cut through the first six months of being afraid to tell each other stuff. Mostly. You know I like you in either face, I know you like-"

"Everything else. Unless it hurts you. I don't wanna hurt you." Move. Move away from her, so you don't hurt her.

"You won't." Buffy reached for his member, still rigid and definitely thicker than it had been before. "Is there some trick I'm missing to make you- finish?"

Well. If we're bein' honest- "I'm afraid to, yet."

"Huh? Why? Baby, I swear, you've more than given us a memorable first time." Like nothing I ever pictured. Everything I could want. Warmth, love, crazy good, passion, laughing, kissing, the crazy good part is high up on the list. And he didn't change. He was already a monster in a man, but he was always mine. "I love you. I loved it. It doesn't have to end, or anything."

"I'm worried that the only thing keepin' my mind off eatin' is not cummin'." Will confessed. "I want you so bad, Buffy."

"Well, you have me, silly!"

"No. I mean 'want you'." He moved restlessly, then dove on top of her, back in her, hips pistoning once again, a distraction.

Buffy guessed she'd known that all along. Hints, tastes, honesty, all there to show her the truth.

I scared her. I froze her. "Buffy? Slayer, say somethin'. Say no. I'm not- I'm not gonna hurt you." He forced himself to give the permission for denial, demon clawing him inside, hunger making something wet and sticky seem to fill his fangs. She remained unblinking, almost dazed, under him. It scared him, and fear made him react with new power, new anger. "Tell me to stop, dammit!"

Her eyes focused. "No."

The only thing I'll ever ask of you

You gotta promise not to stop when I say when


"I remember what you said. About how to keep the demon from taking over. You have to keep it fed. But don't let it take a life. You won't take mine."

"That's right." He knew it, like a person knows how to blink, how to breathe in. "Never let it kill." He knew something else. It's a hard urge to control. It doesn't seem bad. It seems natural. Needful. With her, it seemed like the ultimate ownership, ultimate gift- to never have to worry about her withering, dying and not returning. A simple fix, all in his fangs. "It's something hard to control. Maybe 'cause I'm new to it." He whispered, eyes burning hers, pace more rampant, fangs twitching under the surface of straight even teeth.

It would be risky to let him, crazy to give it to him... There's blood in the fridge. Listen to him. Tell him it's time to take a break, get something to eat, then come back.

Only words in another woman's voice kept creeping around her head, blotting out her own common sense, merging with it. Nursed on Slayer blood, his first feed the rarest and finest. Just like him.

"Did she tell you anything about my blood?"

"What?" In the midst of trying to beat the hunger pains out with pleasure, he was caught totally off guard.

"Drusilla. Did she say my blood was special?"


"I know Slayer blood is."

"I don't want you for that. I want you, 'cause I- 'cause I can taste you already. So sweet, and hot, everything in the world pales compared to how you taste." The memory of a drop from her finger made his groin tighten, cold juice dripping inside her, making her squirm.

"She said it would nurse you." Like back to health? Or like babies? Baby vampires, oh geez no, bad thoughts. Buffy focus!

"It makes you stronger. Bigger. Invincible. Unstoppable. An aphrodisiac." He recalled her hints, from multiple conversations.

"I want you like that." She held him suddenly tighter. "I never want to go through this again."

"Buffy, vamps can't get cancer." He calmed her. "They can't get anything."

"I don't care!" She insisted stubbornly. "I want you to be stronger. The strongest."

Strongest demon. Strongest vamp. Hard to die this way. Too hard to kill... I don't want her to kill me anyway. What if she has to? I won't let it be that way. "Stupid thing to do, Luv. Make me stronger? You don't know what you're gonna get, do you?"

She frowned up at him. "Do you still love me?"

He nodded emphatically, instantly.

"Are you still my William?" Her voice trembled ever so slightly.

"I'll never stop bein' that."

"Then I know what I'm getting. Getting you."

"Getting you." He traced the back of his knuckles to the soft swell of her breast, over and up to her jugular.

"You said you wanted me. Take me. Just not too much."

"All of you." He breathed against her ear. "But not enough to hurt you. Never, ever hurt you..."

Breathe out

So I can breathe you in

Their love making changed tone, silent, passionate, dangerous. The last waiting game in three years of waiting games.

Hold you in

And now

I know you've always been

Out of your head

Out of my head I sang

No more talking, no more thrusting, simply these long, clawing, shaking shudders as they melted, and he changed faces.

And I wonder

When I sing along with you

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

Her eyes closed, waiting, waiting. Once you let him bite, there's no going back. Stupid thing, dangerous thing. Her eyes opened, seeking his. Blue eyes that were still so open, but somehow now they smoked, flashed amber and back again some sort of power play tearing him apart.

Just be whole. Be healthy, be strong, be whole, be alive, and never, ever leave me again. "Don't worry." She whispered finally.

"How can I not? So close to fallin' over some edge, and I can see hell waitin' on the other side." He hissed, a sudden tear escaping his eye, panting as if he had both lungs in full working order.

"I won't let you fall." She swore. "And remember...I love the edges. I like the snags." She smoothed her thumbs over his temples, watching flesh ripple as if she were bringing ridges to the surface with her touch.

She found his edges, sharp and hidden in his mouth.

The snags were mutual, smooth yet unpracticed, hasty, needy, catching, falling, pulling until his mouth clamped against her pulse, murmuring.

"When she did me... it didn't hurt for the first second, then it did, just a bit. Then it stopped. Stopped and it was like I was lighting up inside while the rest of the world was getting dark." You were the last bit of light I saw. Last bit of light in me…

"But she was draining you. You're not doing that." Buffy breathed.

"Not unless you want it. Until you want it." He licked one spot insistently, softening it.

She tensed, erotic tingles traveling outward from that spot as adrenaline soared through her. "You make it sound like I will one day." Buffy challenged.

"Maybe you will. You'll still be you, if we do it like this. I don't think it matters, unless you really love that tan and your cross accessories. I don't think it matters." He repeated, with growing conviction. "I think all that matters is we stay together. Alive or dead."

Scary. Creepy. Wrong.

And totally the truth. "I'm not ready yet."

"I know." He hugged her close. "Just breathe for me. Breathe out." She did, and like stones sinking as waters rise, his fangs slid in as he caught that silent breath.

The only thing I'll ever ask of you

You gotta promise not to stop when I say when

Home in the valley

Home in the city

Home isn't pretty

Ain't no home for me

He was only there for seconds. But he was lost. Carried in a red tidal wave that made the demon wake and whisper.

Why are you going to stop? Why should you?

This isn't who I am. I'm no killer. I'm only hungry.

Hungry for her. For all of her. I know you, and I know that's how you want her. The last drop's the best.

And when I swallow it, I hand over ownership, to you. That's not what I want at all. I'm not stupid.

But she tasted so amazing, so sweet, and like literally drinking life. Pure. A life force. Power. Pure power to the boy who'd been powerless for so bloody long. Temptation gnawed on him, as he gnawed on her.

Lost in his own mind, caught between two voices, both his own.

Home in the darkness

Home on the highway

Home isn't my way

Home will never be

You don't want to live like this, do you? You can feel it. You're not human. You're not demon. You might technically be a vamp, but you're also technically not a man anymore. You need to pick one, "Spike".

Burn out the day

Burn out the night

That's wrong. I never was meant to pick. I'm meant to be the Spike. Maybe you don't know what that means. It's the shaft of black in the light, light in the dark. She told me so. She told me all about you. How to control you, or rather, not let you control me. Like a pretty riddle in a rotten package, but I figured it out.

I can't see no reason to put up a fight

I'm living for giving the devil his due

I won't take a life. Even if it kills me. I will never give it to you. I will never feed you someone else's life, even if it means I lose mine. You don't get your due. I don't play by your rules. I'm not a demon, I'm not a human. I'm not William, or Spike, I am William, The Spike. I am whole.

And I am not lost. I am home.

She felt him rear back with a gasp, a greedy gulping sound, and she gasped as well, loudly, before her mouth was captured, locked in a wet scarlet kiss, desperate, dangerous. "Will!"

"I love you! I love you, Baby, I'm safe. I'm home. I'm home." His chest heaved, and he sobbed suddenly. "You're my home. Don't let go. Don't go."

"No, no, no, I'm right here." She nodded frantically, kissing him back, ignoring the slightly bitter bloodstained taste he left in her mouth. "What's wrong? Do you need more?"

"No. No, I don't."

And I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you

I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you

"You're home. My home. My love, my everything. I've swallowed enough of you to feel you in me. You feel me in you?" He pressed in deep, hit the soft nub of flesh at the base of her womb, felt her cramp and grind, and moan for him.

"Never wanna stop feeling like this." Maybe Slayer blood was an aphrodisiac on both sides, Buffy thought hazily. Sharing. Giving it. Knowing he took it. Knowing I'm running in his veins. Part of him. Keeping him living.

Part of him that won't go away. Won't leave me now. Won't lose him now. Forever. She looked at him as hungrily as he regarded her. She had known empty promises before. This one was built on something that couldn't be erased, not now. Finally found forever, and I can keep it this time.

Time is the essence

Time is the season

Time ain't no reason

Got no time to slow

"It's gonna come back, the hunger."

"I'll still be here."

"I won't keep using you."

"You don't use me. I give myself to you, and you-" she locked her thighs across the backs of his, holding him in deep, "you give me yourself, too."

"Forever, Baby."

"That's what I was thinking."

Time everlasting

Time to play B-sides

Time ain't on my side

Time I'll never know

He bit again, frenzied this time, an act of consummation, completion. High on the breast, where the hill met the collarbone, holding on, suckling gently, feeling her orgasm, and finally matching her.

Burn out the day

Burn out the night

I'm not the one to tell you what's wrong or what's right

I've seen suns that were freezing and lives that were through

Screams and roars echoed. Sheets tore and a lamp broke, hiding the splatters of blood on the linen and on them both.

"Oh wow." Buffy rubbed his back, and he massaged her belly. She was full of soothing coolness, and he was blissfully enjoying her warmth.

"Wow." He echoed, and gently parted from her.

Well I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you

I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you

To be continued…