So these are humor snippits I did from time to time on an idea thread. I thought I might compile them for your enjoyment.
Chapter 1: Zero Attention Span
A Duel?! A DUEL!? Louise was flabbergasted for at least the thirteenth time since she had summoned her odd familiar.
Oh sure, the familiar had seemed impressive upon summoning. Blonde hair, blue eyes, incredibly fit and wearing a regal looking set of silver trimmed, ebony black armor. He emanated heroism. Not one of her usual tormentors had dared mock her in the presence of such an impressive warrior. The binding ritual had been pulled off without a hitch and the class was leaving when the first warning sign appeared. Rather than speak up, her familiar pulled out a small notebook, squatted down, and began writing in it. To see such an imposing figure just hunch over and scribble out a few notes, it was odd, but Louise had blown it off at the time.
Since then this familiar had become weirder and weirder. First he had asked nearly every imaginable question about Tristain and Helgenkia; it was like he knew nothing of Helgenkia at all. Then when she had given him her dirty clothing and asked for clean ones, she found improperly sized clothing waiting for her the next morning. Its like he just snuck into one of the other girls' rooms and grabbed their clothing rather than wash them. After that he passed breakfast by, saying he had no injuries. Later still, she found him talking to a maid. Louise had been about to call the strange familiar over when he hunched down, wrote something in that notebook, and began to serve the dessert trays to the students. That was about when the last of his heroic aura finally disappeared. Here was this knightly looking warrior, in full armor, handing out tiny little cakes like a dainty maid.
It must have been that lost respect that made it so easy for Guiche to challenge the man after some mix-up with lovers. Guiche had challenged him to a duel in front of everyone, which her familiar almost happily accepted before hunching down and writing in his notebook, allowing Guiche time to look confused and then huff and walk off to the Vestri Court.
People began to murmur about the exciting scene, finally breaking the tension and snapping Louise out of her frozen state. Hurrying over to her familiar, she reached him just as he finished writing in his notebook. "Familiar! How could you accept a duel! You have to go apologize right now!"
Her familiar looked down with a curious glance. "Are you worried about me or him?" The man asked, picking up the desert tray he had set aside.
Louise blushed, not liking either implication. "I-I'm not worried about either of you... But Guiche is a mage! No matter how good a warrior you are, you'll lose for sure!"
The guffaw from the man shocked Louise. She wasn't sure whether to be mad about being dismissed, or surprised the man had no fear of magic. "Trust me, if a kid like that could take me down, I really would deserve to die. I'll go fight him, then win easily. You can just sit there and root me on." There it was again, that heroic aura. That calm, confident smile. The deep authoritative voice. That hidden steel one could always feel around her mother. This man was powerful, there was no doubt about it.
'Clink' "Here is your dessert." That deep authoritative voice said as her heroic familiar set out another dessert.
"Huh?" Louise mumbled. Why was her familiar not going off to the duel? Why had he set about with the desserts again. It took a beat before Louise could compose her thoughts. "Um... Familiar? Why aren't you going to the duel?" Could those words have been false, was he going to hide here? No way, that steel couldn't be faked.
As if she were the one acting oddly, her familiar piqued and eyebrow and said, "Of course, I'll probably go there tomorrow around noon. I want to finish up a few minor quests today first."
There was a deep silence as everyone fell silent. Apparently the other students had been listening in. At least Louise knew it wasn't she who was crazy. "And what quests are these?" Louise barely got out.
Putting down the last dessert tray, her familiar pulled out his notebook at wrote something in before flipping a few pages. "Lets see, the cook needs me to clear out the larder of a possible rat infestation, the garden needs tending to and firewood need chopping."
If anything, everyone fell even more silent. "I'm going to ignore the fact that your so called quests seem to be the servants asking for help with chores and get right to the fact that if you do all that, Guiche will think you forfeited and leave."
The surprise on her familiar's face made it seem like she just told him he was in another world or something. "Wait, why would he do that? Its common courtesy that when you set a meeting with someone you go there every day at the decided on time until you both meet up."
That was it... Louise had reached her crazy limit. Tomorrow, maybe she could sit and talk with her familiar. But right now, she was in no mood for any more insanity. "Nevermind, come on." Grabbing his gauntlet, she led her confused familiar over to the Vistri Court. "There Guiche, beat him up, then... then... just beat him okay?" Louise sighed... Maybe if she kept her cool she could keep rumors of her familiars insanity from spreading.
"Oh ho? Needed your master? Were you planning on running?" Guiche taunted from across the courtyard.
Completely disregarding the taunt, Louise's familiar asked with honest curiosity, "Tell me, if I hadn't shown up today, would you have thought I was forfeiting?" Oh please, don't spill out more crazy.
It was Guiche's turn to be the latest to sport a confused look. "Of course I would, what kind of question is that?"
"Fascinating." Louise's familiar mumbled. "Well then, I guess we better hurry and fight before you think I forfeited." The man then checked the position of the sun as if actually worried that too much time had passed while they talked.
The crowd that had formed backed up, sensing a fight, or just maybe backing away from someone not quite right. Guiche regained his composure to spout one of his speeches. "I am Guiche the Bronze." Flicking the rose he held, a petal landed on the ground. A brief flash of light later and a bronze valkyrie stood, ready to fight. "I bloom for all women and would hate to cause Miss Valliere to cry. Why don't you just surrender?"
Her familiar crossed his arms and shook his head, smiling as he did. "I'll pass on that." Again, that heroic aura returned. Yes, maybe with this Louise could hide his insanity before the other students fully caught on.
Guiche smirked, ready to win in front of his peers. "Go! My bronze Valkyrie!"
The bronze golem raced across the courtyard with lightning speed toward her familiar. "Fuuuus..." Her familiar breathed in, making an odd sound as he did. The valkyrie was almost upon him, yet he made no move to dodge. What could he be planning? Wait, maybe he was just insane...
Louise had no time to regret letting her familiar fight as the Valkyrie made to strike her familiar down. However, it was a blow that would never land.
"RO DAH!" Louise's familiar shouted with thunderous force, literally launching the golem backward and Guiche along with it. Both flew nearly twenty feet before coming to a halt; one unconscious and another a lump of unpowered bronze. The silence that followed was only broken when her familiar turned and walked away. "Now lets go see about that garden."