Disclaimer: I don't own HP or any of these characters. That belongs to JKR, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers, etc.
I can't sleep.
I don't want to wake you. I know that you need your rest. You've been so tired lately. I know that's not unusual—you've told me that yourself so many times. Still you haven't been sleeping well and I don't want to wake you just because I can't sleep.
Which is why I'm here writing this.
It almost makes me laugh. It's not like me to sit down and write out my thoughts on a piece of parchment. You might say that's because I'm not known for having thoughts. That's not true and you know it. I usually do think. And as for those times when I've acted without much thought—well you've enjoyed some of those times yourself.
You're much more likely than I to write down your thoughts. I think you've rubbed off on me, love. That ought to make you proud. After all those years that you had nagged Ron and me to sit down and do our work, I've finally sat down at a desk voluntarily.
By the way, should that be Ron and me or Ron and I? I never could remember. If you can think up of a mnemonic device, be sure to let me know.
You're too good to be true, did you know that? If I ever said that to you, you'd blush and deny it. You'd point out all your little faults, especially the ones I've whinged about before. You're too stubborn. You worry too much. You don't like admitting that you are wrong. The list goes on and on.
That doesn't matter. I don't care about that. Sometimes it does get to me but in the end, it's not important. You're one of the best persons I know. It amazes me how easy it seems for you to do what you think is right. It's not that you're not concerned with what others might think but rather you can see all too clearly what will happen if you don't act. That is amazing.
And it appears that I've used a double negative in that last paragraph. I shudder to think how many mistakes this short piece already has and I'm sure you're shuddering too. Feel free to mark it up with red ink and return it. I might learn something.
You would believe that, wouldn't you? That I can still learn, that I can still become a better person, despite of everything I've done and all the chances I've passed up.
I can't tell you how grateful I am for that. In stories, lovers always say that they live for each other. I'm not going to say that because it's more true to say that I wouldn't be alive without you. For there was that time when everyone thought I was as good as dead and I was coming close to thinking it was true.
Thank God you didn't ever agree with that sentiment. You never gave up on me.
He was going to die. That was the simple truth.
He could see his death reflected back at him in the eyes of everyone around him. There was nothing that anyone could do for him. No one could tell him how to defeat Voldemort and live. No one expected him to pull off that miracle.
At best, a few thought that he would be able to bring down Voldemort at the price of his own life. That was not something that Harry wanted to happen.
It was selfish but he wanted to live.
"Harry, what's wrong?"
It was Hermione. He didn't want to speak to her. He didn't want to speak to anyone. He didn't want to have to deal with anyone's hopes for his glorious demise. He just wanted to be let alone.
Somehow, though he had intended to tell her to go away, he found himself saying, "I don't want to die."
As swift as thought, she embraced him fiercely. "I don't want you to die either."
He hugged her back as tears started to leak from his eyes. "It's going to happen though, much sooner than I used to think. I don't want to die but I don't think I've got a chance."
Hermione pulled back from him to glare at him. "Don't you ever believe that. I don't want to hear you saying that. Of course, you have a chance. You have to believe that. If you go thinking that you have no chance and you're going to die, then you will. But if you think that there is some small chance that things will work out, you can find your way. So you have to believe, Harry. You're the bravest person that I've ever known and I don't think that this world's ready to lose you just yet. I don't want to lose you just yet."
Thank you for believing in me when no one else did. I was able to hold on to my hopes and dreams for a long happy life because you kept them safe for me when I couldn't do that. I don't think I would have lived without you.
I should have realized it then. I should have been able to figure out what you meant to me. Even then, it was so obvious that no one could mean as much as you do to me. I don't know if it would have made our lives easier but I still should have known it.
And if I loved you then without knowing it, love is too pale a word to describe what I feel for you now.
When you think about it, it's almost funny how we got together. Could we have chosen a more roundabout path? I dated any number of girls who were more interested in the scar than anything else while all that time I had you right under my nose. I am such a fool at times. You didn't fare much better—we both were so blind.
But once we got together, we knew that it was right. It was so right I thought it wasn't real.
He was almost afraid to open his eyes.
It had to be a dream. It felt too perfect to be anything but. Everything had been so crystalline and clear. He and Hermione had flawlessly fit together, just like two pieces in a puzzle. They had always been meant to be together. Last night they had finally turned the pieces just right and saw how it was supposed to be.
That's why it had to be a dream. Nothing so perfect could be real.
Then Harry heard a soft feminine sigh and felt her snuggle against his chest.
It was real.
He opened his eyes and looked down. She was there. Hermione was nestled in his arms, right where she belonged.
She wasn't close enough though. He tightened his arms around her, pressing her up against him as if he could never get enough of her.
That evidently got her attention. She looked up at him, with brown eyes glittering with love. He knew he didn't deserve such love but he wasn't about to question his luck in having her. Especially when she was right there and looked good enough to eat.
And especially not when she was kissing him like she wanted to devour him. Her lips met his fiercely and her tongue delved eagerly into his mouth. Harry returned her kiss readily, completely enjoying the way their mouths were fusing together.
But it would be so much better if they could join together in more than just one way.
Right when his thoughts turned decidedly in that direction, she broke the kiss. "Have any thoughts that you care to discuss?" she asked.
Harry grinned at her. "Not really," he said. Then he suddenly shifted his weight and rolled over, so she was trapped under him.
She was so lovely. He had known it before but not like he did now. However, Harry did not want to dwell on such thoughts. There were more important things to attend to. Bending his head down, he began to scatter kisses across her neck, stopping occasionally to savor the taste of her skin. Feeling her hands running through his hair, he gamely told her, "At least, nothing that I care to discuss until after seconds."
Hermione gasped at those words and gasped again as he worked his way down. He could feel her excitement growing just as his was. He smiled to himself—they were going to have quite a night.
That was most definitely a night to remember. And it was only the first of many eventful nights. We may have taken our time in getting together, but once we did, we did our best to make up for lost time.
Speaking of time, where did it go? It seemed like it was only yesterday when we finally got married. That must have been the most nervous day of my life. Thank goodness Sirius and Ron were both there. If it were not for them, I would have made some idiotic mistake, such as putting on my robes backwards or worse.
And thank goodness you were there. If you weren't, I don't know what I would have done. At best, I would have fainted and looked very silly.
At worst, I would have been broken. I don't want to dwell upon that.
After what seemed to be an eternity of waiting, you finally arrived. Tell me, love, why is it that the groom has to wait at the alter? Is it so that if he bolts, he would have to run across a veritable gauntlet before getting free? That idea gives me the odd vision of your father coming out with a good right hook to prevent my escape.
Of course, the problem with this vision is that I would never run away from a life with you. If you had any worries about my not being there on that day, they were groundless. I would have waited an eternity at that alter if it meant I would be with you.
The wait was worth it. You were stunning. Best of all, you were looking at one thing only and that one thing was me.
I love you. If I said it a thousand times, it wouldn't be enough. You're the only one who knows how much I love you. I don't think that the rest of the world can begin to understand even a third of what lies between us. I can't say I love you more with each day because my love for you is a constant in my life. What I can say is that each day I'm surprised anew with how much I can care about you.
The time between then and now has truly flown. It's hard to believe that I will soon be a father. It didn't take that long, did it? Considering how much we enjoy being together, in every sense of the word, I suppose it was inevitable. Still I thought it would take longer.
You thought it would take longer too.
It was not often that you saw Hermione so stunned.
That made Harry worry. Whatever robbed her of her ability to speak could not be good. She had been sitting in the living room when he had come home. Harry had thought it was strange that she was not there to greet him—at first, he had thought that she was working late and was not home. It didn't happen often and when it did, she always told him in advance. He had wandered his way into the living room, not sure of what to do while waiting for her to come back. That was when he saw her sitting perfectly still. He had asked her what was wrong but she did not answer. He tried again, hoping against hope for an answer. How could he help her when he didn't even know what was wrong?
There was nothing that could have prepared him for the answer she finally gave.
His mind stopped. He didn't just hear that. "What did you say?"
"I said I'm pregnant."
He sank down beside her, trying to take in her news. "Are you sure?"
"Of course, I'm sure. I wouldn't tell you otherwise."
It was mind-boggling. He couldn't believe it. They had both agreed that they wanted children but he had thought it would have taken longer. Not years longer but definitely months longer.
"Harry?" Hermione was now shaking his arm. "Is it all right?"
Of course it was all right. Why wouldn't he think so? It was the best thing that he had ever heard. Well aside from the fact that she loved him. He heard that every day but he still didn't get tired of it. Hearing that she was pregnant was wonderful too. It was scary, in that he didn't know if he was ready for it, but it was still the best news he had heard all day.
"Harry? Harry? Did you hear me? Could you say something, please?"
Then Harry's mind started working again. He hadn't said a word of sense since she told him. No wonder she was worried that he was upset or something.
"Oh, it's more than all right." Harry impulsively hugged her. "It's the second best thing I've heard all my life."
Laughing with relief, she asked, "Only the second?"
"Yes. The best thing will always be hearing that you love me."
The best thing will always be hearing those words from you, although actually being a father might tie that. I won't know until it happens but I can't wait.
I'm so glad that I'm writing this rather than just telling you all about this. If I said those words to you, you would roll your eyes and remark that you are the person who really can't wait considering you get to experience all the fun side effects that come with having a child.
I was warned by so many people about mood swings and the like. I was told that pregnancy was a very dangerous time to be a husband—you were liable to bite off my head if I said the wrong thing. Nothing anyone said could prepare me for the real thing. It wasn't because you were worse than they implied. It was because I felt so inadequate when it came to comforting you.
It was obvious that Hermione was not having a good day. She had already snapped at Harry three times for the most minor of mistakes.
Harry could have stood that. He didn't enjoy his wife being in a bad mood but he could deal with it.
What he couldn't deal with was the way she was sobbing as if her heart was breaking. She wasn't coherent in her grief. She just repeated over and over again about how fat she was, how ugly she looked, and how he probably couldn't stand to look at her.
None of that was true. She wasn't fat—she was with child. She wasn't ugly—she was absolutely luminous. Rather than not being able to look at her, he couldn't stand when he had to look away from her.
Something told him however that saying all that wouldn't be of any help. That her mind wasn't functioning right now and her emotions had taken over. So he simply stood there with his arms around her, channeling all of his love into his embrace.
He hoped it would be enough to break through her storm of tears.
Eventually you always stopped crying but with each bout of tears, I always worried that this time it wouldn't be enough.
That never came to pass. Somehow, it always was enough. I wish I could be as eloquent as the man of your dreams but my tongue always gets tied up in knots. So sometimes I don't speak—I just love you and hope that will get you through.
It's almost over now—the first part at least. Soon enough we'll be able to hold our child in our arms. That thought leaves me speechless.
I love you. I love how you make me a better person. I love how perfect it feels when we're close together. I love being a family with you and I love making a family with you. That's only the tip of the iceberg. I'll never get enough of loving you and I know you feel the same. I always want you here with me and if I can't have that I always want to come home to you.
Who am I trying to fool? You are my home and I'm so lucky to have found you.
But just one last time before I go to sleep—I love you.
Author's note: As always, I would love to know what you think so please leave a review. Thanks!