I just want you to notice me, for once… ------------ Just a Glance

By L. Hiiragizawa

*Clamp/Kodansha owns CCS and its characters.

I do not and shall never own them.

**Dedicated to Carline-chan and special thanks to 'Te Ekai for inspiring me lots.

-------------

Two months, five days, 11 hours, 28 minutes and 37.5697 seconds.

No.

There is a 0.3456 milliseconds inaccuracy.

Two months, five days, 11 hours and 37.9135 seconds, to be exact.

You think I never counted the days after that fateful night of suddenly realizing my failure?

I did, to my despair, after convincing my unfeeling self and other self, hidden inside me mysteriously, that I was in denial amidst of the lurking truth that slapped me.

Truth.

Intently, my eyes gazed upon the branches of cherry blossoms gathered 'round, each giving away the pink petals they grasped so dearly to the summoning autumn wind that cradled them towards the earth.

And on the ground, they scattered in clusters.

I smiled.

You were just like those sakuras.

Free.

Frail.

Enchanting.

Calm.

Graceful.

Fact is, those words weren't ample to describe the Aphrodite in you. I could go on till the very ends of eternity, if there is such, declaring coherent words of admiration and beauty that would rival Shakespeare's and Herrick's.

Sakuras, even, are not the only ones I shall compare to thee, my dearest, Daidouji-san. I would metaphorically draw a line between you and the rarest of the rarest flowers, if only you would allow my hand to touch you.

If only you would allow me to see what your eyes deem as unseen.

If only you allow me to break through your hidden miseries, and help you soothe the aches and pains of life, happiness, loving and not being loved by the one you deeply care for.

If only you gave me notice when I stare at your long, silky hair as I slump in my chair behind you during the sleepy hours of school.

Oh, how I love to hold those tresses, pretty nymph.

How I loved to wish that you would drown me with that longing stare you offer to another.

How I wished I was that another…

I sighed, peering behind the tree I sat to contemplate towards the busy streets of Tomoeda, Japan.

The sky had turned a mix of orange, bright yellow, few streaks of indigo and a tint of blue and white. The moon was behind the heaven's illusion, I thought since dusk was fading and a few stars were searing its way through the afternoon skies.

By this time, you shall be walking home, alone, as usual, since your route is different from what your best friend takes.

Perfect. I will be able to see your face again, again and yet again.

I wonder…

Will you lock your eyes with mine this time?

Will you have the courage to look up and smile at me? A true and genuine smile that no one has seen?

Will you even feel my presence?

My soul near yours?

Maybe…

I am still hoping and dreaming of that day to come.

I still believe that you shall have a room in your lifeless heart for someone just above you while you pass by going home, for the one behind your seat, for the one who unknowingly tests your dear tomodachi as you videotape her endeavors.

Daidouji-san, it's me. Can't you see?

I, who have searched for you since the birth of my existence?

I, who have traveled, found you, finally, cared and admired every budding beauty you had?

I, who you barely know because you are too enamored by the silly infatuation you undeservingly call love for your special person? For Sakura-chan?

I, behind these spectacles that expertly concealed the secret feelings I have for you within two months, five days, 11 hours, 41 minutes and 23.56 seconds of crucial interrogation whether I would consider that I have fallen for you?

I.have.fallen.for.you.

Although it was un-Clow Reed-like, I still did.

I.have.fallen.for.you, Daidouji-san, yes I have.

Sleep never was at peace because your face was all over my mind and my dreams. Insomnia was hell because I was imagining taking you into my arms, humming sweet lullabies to my ears.

But then, although you constantly bug me and I'm beginning to lunge into the verge of lunacy, I still love you.

I.still.love.you, Daidouji-san.

That is not a fallacy.

Once again, I gave out an exasperated sigh, partly blaming myself for making cowardice reign over my unspoken passion. She still wasn't passing by and part of me massed with worry. I held my lenses, took them off and wiped the mist that fogged its clarity. Well, speaking of worry, it's natural to worry over someone you dearly l---

"Hiiragizawa-kun?"

There she was before me, holding an umbrella, looking adorably beautiful in confusion.

"What are you doing here? You'll catch a cold."

Turning my head stupidly towards the dark heavens, I realized that it was drizzling and droplets from the trees were slowly damping my hair. I turned back to look at her and I swear, I almost dropped my glasses and fell from the branch when her deep violets met my eyes. But of course, as gentlemanly as possible, I managed a sweet smile and jumped off to the ground to welcome her presence.

"Nothing. Daidouji-san. Nothing."

"Oh."

She said, disappointed. Wait, was that disappointment in her voice?

"I thought you were waiting for me."

My heart leapt. And leapt again. And leapt again until I was sure that at anytime, it would be frantically beating too fast for me to faint. In addition to that, we were under one umbrella. Too close. And I was getting crazier. So, was she expecting me all along?

"I was, indeed, Daidouji-san, waiting for you since I thought of giving you something to cheer you up."

I searched for something in my pocket that would be decent enough to hand her. Alas! There was nothing except the candy wrappers Nakuru stuffed in my pocket after tea. In a span of two seconds, I reached my hand to her, holding a white rose that came from nowhere. A little of magic won't hurt, right?

"You have been sober these past few days, I noticed, and maybe that humble thing would bring smile to your face. I shall understand if you don't like it though."

I stopped and her lips slowly twitched into a curve. No traces of sadness and hurt were seen. She was happy. Just happy. And I was beyond bliss.

"Thank you Hiiragizawa-kun. You just don't know how you completed my day."

She smiled some more and in any minute, I will be surely in nirvana.

"By the way, you look handsome without your glasses on. It made you look younger and serene."

I realized that I still held my spectacles and silently panicking, I wore them quickly, red tinges visibly showing through my pale cheeks.

"My, are you sick, Hiiragizawa-kun?"

Oh no. She noticed and was now touching my forehead. I was now picturing myself in a torture chamber, followed by a coffin being lowered six feet below. Damn it. My cheeks were getting hotter and I thanked the gods for not having that Li's presence or I would be an object of teases and smirks.

Silence. Only the faint tune of rain droplets was heard. I could slowly feel the tension. I wanted to speak but I can't. And I wondered what spell she chanted to silence me and make my heart palpitate in a speed beyond the normal rate.

"I think you must come over for dinner at my place and change since I'm scared that you would contract Pneumonia with your stubbornness."

She declared, not allowing me to speak, and my mouth seemed involuntary to my silent protests. I replayed her words in my mind and I smiled. She. was. scared?

"I—I…"

I stuttered as she frowned and grabbed my hand.

"No protests, Hiiragizawa-kun, besides, you are my tomodachi and I would love to know you more."

Tomodachi.

Friend.

After loving her for two months, five days, 11 hours, 52 minutes and 1.37 seconds?

Part of me went sad.

And I thought at last you noticed me Daidouji-san…

"Is something wrong?"

I looked up at her with that same mysterious smile on my face.

"Nothing."

She smiled…

I thought…

I analyzed…

And from that smile, I learned not to expect more or expect at all. I resolved to take things as what it was at the moment. Part of me was very glad that somehow, I was someone special. That somehow, I was someone she cared for.

Maybe someday,

She would finally see and accept.

Maybe someday,

Things would turn out the way I wanted it to be.

Maybe someday,

She would love me.

Yes, Daidouji-san, someday…

I smiled back, squeezing her hand as she led me inside her mansion.

I was glad.

For she glanced at me, finally…

After two months, five days, 11 hours, 59 minutes and 59.97 seconds.

---------------

Notes:

Yawn. 10:36 pm. I'm sweepy and instead of writing Scarlet or Paperboats, I stumbled into writing this ficcie for a special tomodachi whose sad love life inspired me to write this. I do hope you got my idea, Carline-chan. I hope.

Anyway, this is open for anything. Yes, go ahead, flame. x_x

Bloggie:

http://aoihitomi.blogspot.com

Mailing list:

http://groups.yahoo.com/groups/l_hiiragizawa