Angela grimaced as Tony talked with Kathleen on the phone. She couldn't help but gagging when he called her Snookums. *Snookums?!* she thought in disgust. Sighing heavily she left so she wouldn't have to hear anymore and went upstairs to her room. Closing the door behind her she leaned against it as she fought the tears welling up in her eyes. She was so confused. A little while earlier she had been filled with glee when she had realized that Tony had followed her. She couldn't help thinking what it could all mean. Did it mean that he was having second thoughts about their new arrangement? Did he want things to change? Was he tired of playing this game like she was? In a way it seemed like he was. But, then why was he now on the phone apologizing to her?!
But in all honesty she knew she didn't have any reason to be mad at Tony for apologizing to Kathleen. If she were in her shoes she'd be pretty ticked too. After all what woman would appreciate the guy she was dating dragging her to a restaurant to spy on another woman? But, even though she did have feelings of compassion for Kathleen, at the same time she couldn't help but feeling a little smug. She hated herself for being so petty- it was so unlike her. But, in a way it felt like Tony was hers and here was another woman trying to steal him away. It made her angry and sad all at the same time. She wanted her out of their lives. She wanted things to be how they were before.
She pulled herself away from the door and changed out of her dress into her blue night gown. The same nightgown she had been wearing their first night together. It felt like just yesterday and yet it felt like it happened a life time ago. So many things had happened since then. Good and bad. The bad being the main theme of their lives now. She sat down at her vanity to remove her makeup tears falling from her eyes.
"Damn it!" she whispered. "I have to stop this crying." taking a few tissues from the box she wiped her eyes and blew her nose. "I've cried enough over this!" With renewed determination she threw the tissues away and proceeded to take off her makeup. But, even though her tears stopped her thoughts did not. When did everything get so complicated? she wondered. She wanted to blame Kathleen. It would be so easy to. But, as easy as that would be to do she knew it really wasn't logical. Yes, she had come into their lives and messed things up. But... She got up and paced around the room. More confusion came to her. If she hadn't come into their lives she and Tony would be just fine. If Tony hadn't decided to go to college he never would have met her. No!Angela now you're being selfish! College is good for him! He is an amazing man who deserves more than just being a housekeeper. She shook her head and sat down at the edge of her bed. If Kathleen hadn't been taking the same art class, if she hadn't kicked Tony and his classmates out, IF, IF, IF! All the if's in the world didn't matter now.
She got off the bed and went to turn off the lights. She crawled under the covers and snuggled in smelling the clean freshness of the sheets and blankets. Tony must have washed her bedding today. She could always tell. The sheets and blankets always smelled so sweet and felt so soft. As she lied there she couldn't help but remember what she had said to him just a little while ago. "You're dating someone. I'm dating someone. Anything can happen." That was certainly true. Who knows what could happen a few days, weeks, or months from now?
But, even still she still felt sad and alone. She felt lost. She wanted Tony back. Oh sure he hadn't gone anywhere. But, ever since she had come into their lives things felt different. They felt different. She could feel the awkwardness and tension between them. Although it did seem like it was lessening day by day. But, it was still there. And she had a strong feeling that it would remain there as long as she was a part of their lives.
Closing her eyes she saw Tony at the restaurant and couldn't stop the grin that came over her face. Then just as fast her smile faded as she remembered Tony on the phone with Kathleen calling her "Snookums."
"This is one hell of a confusing mess." she mumbled before drifting off to sleep.
Tony sighed as he ended the call with Kathleen. It had taken awhile but he had finally been able to make what he did up to her. He couldn't blame her for being upset. If she had done the same to him he would have been upset as well. But, even though he did feel horrible there was another part of him that was glad that he had gone to the same restaurant as Angela and Christopher. "Christopher, Christopher. Christopher!" he said in disgust as he locked the front door and turned off the lights before heading upstairs.
The truth was he was uneasy over the fact that Angela seemed so smitten with this Christopher guy. He didn't really mind it when Angela went out with Peter mainly because she didn't seem all that interested in him. She didn't *glow* as he told Mona. But, with this Christopher she did- and it just ate away at him. He did feel a sigh of relief when she told him that she wasn't going to Athens with him. A sigh of relief? he thought as he pushed open his bedroom door. Hell, I don't think I've ever been more relieved in my life. He took off his clothes and put on a pair of sweats. Climbing into bed he lied back and put one arm behind his head and exhaled deeply. Why should I care or not whether or not Angela goes away with this guy? Is it like I told Kathleen that I was worried that she was moving a little to fast? Or is something more? Could I be... He sat up. No, no. I can't be jealous. I mean Angela is my friend. My best friend. We're both dating other people. I have a gi- gir- so I can't be jealous.
He sighed as he lied back down. But he was jealous. He hated the thought of Angela being with other men. Boy, what a hypocrite I am. I'm dating someone. I mean do I really expect Angela to just sit at home twiddling her thumbs? Man when did life get so complicated? He knew the answer but was ashamed to admit it. The truth was things between Angela and him were going just fine. Slowly yes but just fine. Until the night. That night. The night that changed everything. He never meant for it to happen. As he told Angela he didn't "go looking for this." But, recently he began asking himself if maybe he had? Not consciously but perhaps unconsciously? Was he so scared of being with a woman like Angela that he saw an opportunity to mess things up and took it? Was he only staying with Kathleen a woman at "his level" because he was to scared to even begin to admit he had more than friendly feelings for her? He just wish he could figure things out. He did like Kathleen and enjoyed their time together. But, did he see them together long term? Or was she just a temporary distraction from his feelings for Angela?
But, the fact of the matter was that even though he did enjoy his time with Kathleen he always felt like there was something wrong. Something missing. He just didn't feel an emotional connection to her like he did with Angela. There was no shared history. No good and bad memories. Some days he wished he could go back to that night and stop himself. Then maybe he wouldn't be feeling so confused now. But, he also knew that the confusion didn't start that night. It had started long before then. It just felt intensified now.
He sighed deeply and closed his eyes. There she was. Blond hair. Brown eyes. His best friend. Did he want them to be more than friends or should they just remain as they are? He just didn't know.
"Man what a confusing mess." he mumbled before drifting off.