Ok so I was on a scanning frenzy with my Excalibur comics and I was scanning 120 when Pete and Kitty break up (sob!) And I thought, "Well the have what Pete's thinkin'... what about Kitty?"
Oh yeah, just in case break out the hankies. My eyes kept tearing up so much I could barely see the keyboard. (but that's me I dunno about you, but It's just a fair warning)

Characters within this story are not mine, Kitty, Pete, and Lockheed all belong to Marvel
All spoken dialouge in this part is from the comic (Excalibur 120)

Parting Thoughts
By Hika-chan
Chapter 1: Say Something- Kitty to Pete.

I don't want you to go. You're packing your bags and actually folding your clothes as you put them in the suitcase. (I guess I had some influence on you after all.) You're grabbing every last little bit of you and walking out of my life without giving me so much as a tiny souvineer. No pants, no belt, no shirt, no tie, not even a bloody sock. I'm sure the second you leave I'll be scouring your room for some physcial sign of you for me to keep. It's silly that I'm thinking in terms of "you and yours" instead of "he and his" I guess I grew up around too many telepaths. I honestly believe that if I think loud enough you'll hear me.

I wish I was a telepath instead of having such a stupid power, not that it hasn't come in handy. Actually right now I'd rather be an empath, so I could know what you're feeling... then again I know what your feeling already. I don't need to be like Meggan to know that. Your hurt, your angry... you feel betrayed. And we both know it's all my fault.

You're putting away a tie... I have to say something, "So this is it huh?" Got that sounds so stupid! So Sterotypical. Why did I say that?

"Looks like it." You say as you close your suitcase, the sterotypical response. Maybe people always say those things because they can never think of anything to say, what they should say. What I should say. Or maybe like me they can't work up the guts, or push aside their pride, to say it or beg for fogiveness. Beg for you to say like I want to do so badly.

"Will you be back?" I'm living up to my name aren't I? Decide not to beg and hope that you'll be the one to turn around first. I still haven't decided, or rather figured out, whether or not I'm too proud or too scared. Too scared that if I ask you, beg you to stay that you'll say no. That would rip me apart more than just you leaving... wouldn't it? Should I chance it?

You light your cigarette and give me a bit of hope. "Depends."

A feeble hope but it's worth asking about. "On?"

"Dunno Pryde. It just depends." I wish you would give me a more detailed goal to strive for. I'd swim across the seven seas. I would take on the brood, the phalanx, the entire Shi'ar empire. I would take on Magneto, Sabretooth, Omega Red, the Dragons of the Crimsion Dawn and all those aliens all at once by myself for you right now. God can't you see that?

We should talk about this more! It's not fair for you to leave like this! I have to at least say that. "That's not fair, Peter. We parted on a bad note. I was having doubts about our relationship. Nothing actually happened between Rigby Fallon and me. I just felt..." It wasn't love, it wasn't lust. It was.. it was... "something" I dunno how else to describe it. I guess that's pretty pathetic a smart girl like me at a loss for words. But you'd be dissapointed in me for that wouldn't you? Well maybe you wouldn't have before, but the fact that I took so long to tell you and didn't take the time to come up better than "something". Yeah I'm dissapointed too.

"Something different than what I feel for you -" God that sound so lame "- Mostly because he and I are the same age -" Once again with the lameness. It's all just so stupid! The whole mess never should have happened! "- But nothing like what you and I share. I'm not asking you to like it, but can't you at least see my side?" God I can't even call you Pete in my head right now. That's how serious this is. I can't even use that simple would be nickname much less even think about calling you a "smarmy limey" or a "soddin' git."

"Why should I?" Can't you see? Please try, at least try! You're the first man I ever really loved, don't you understand that? Don't you understand how frightening that is for me Peter? Why else do you think I didn't even ask to stay for a moment longer to make up with you before I left for that dumb SHIELD assignment. I was scared that if I did stay and we kept fighting that it would have been over then. But instead it's over now.. isn't it?

"Peter if you can't answer that for yourself..." Your still not looking at me. Another thing that kills me. Maybe you were looking when I wasn't. Another tiny hope but one I can cling to since it's too trivial a thing to ask about. But then again it always was the little things that were best weren't they? They way my back fit against your chest, or my hand in yours. How I used to torture you with my glacier like feet just to wake you up in the morning. Those days when you got me to sleep in a little bit longer and gave me that satisfied goofy grin upon that victory. How since you came here your hair became slightly more tame. The way I've learned to love your scent, ciggarettes and alcohol. Hell even the way you and Lockheed fi-

"Then maybe this is for the best." No... oh god please don't say that please don't. God why aren't I crying? If I was crying would you turn around and comfort me. If you held me in your arms again, at least one last time I could die happy, as long as I was in your arms. I want to die in your arms Peter. I want to die an old bitter woman with grandchildern at the exact same time you die so that neither of us would have to worry about leaving the other behind. If you did come to me, hold me, I'm sure my pride would fall, would lose to my screaming heart. If only one of us gave up our pride first the other would probably follow suit. God I love you so much Peter. My heart is in my throat now, I can barely breathe past it... barely breathe.

You put out your last cigarette and I wait, in some silly anticipation for you to light another one, as though it would keep you here longer. But you don't, instead you throw your jacket over your shoulder and my heart beats more rapidly in my thoart. Maybe it's not my heart, maybe it's just a growing lump... Yeah that's gotta be it since I know where my heart is. It's in your hand and your crushing it. Of course I guess I'm not doing that great a job with yours now am I?

You pick up your suitcase now, why does it seem like everything is going in slow motion. Like I'm being tortured watching you leave, watching you not watching me. God I loved the way you watched me, looked at me. Your eyes made me feel loved, safe, wanted, desired, and so many other wonderful things that there are too many to name. But you're not looking at me. I have to watch you go and I can't say anything passed whatever is stuck in my throat. GOD one of us has to say something! Don't leave me in this deadly silence! Please! It's Killing me!

You stop at the door. "You said you loved me," you say and look at me. The pain in your eyes has just finished me off with those words. They always say "Be careful what you wish for." Well I got it. Words that make sure I know I'm to blame. Words that give me one last chance to say something to win you back. Oh god please don't let those be your last words to me. Not when you say them that way, in that cold apathetic way that I know you don't mean but it hurts so much that you would try to fool me. That convinceing way that if it weren't for you eyes I would have bought. After all we've been through you would put on the same act you came with. Tell me you want me to hurt for what I did! Because I am! I would readily admit that if you simply ask! But this is what you coming back depends on doesn't it? Those last words... my last words.

I have to say something! But that DAMN pulsing, painful, growing lump in my throat won't let me, and I can't look at you anymore! No matter how much I want to. Because.. because that beautiful face is staring at me with that mask of cold indifference. That mask that I know how to see through to, to the anger and pain and betrayal in you eyes. No the mask is not indifference, it's almost hatred. Oh god you hate me... That's why you wouldn't look at me, that why you made those your last words.

I turn away, because I can't look at you, I just CAN'T! I hear your retreating steps and my heart, the heart that your walking away with, screams "COME BACK! PLEASE JUST COME BACK!" That or maybe it's whatever piece of you your leaving with me. Well that's rather egotistical of me isn't it? But it's true, I know you Peter Wisdom. I know you so well that it breaks my heart. It breaks mine because I know I'm the one that broke yours.

Now I finally manage to respond to your statment. "I thought I did." Even as I say even though you can't hear it I know it's not the whole truth. In past tense it's true. In present tense I KNOW I love you. Otherwise this wouldn't hurt so much would it?

You're leaving me, they always leave me. Everyone leaves. First my parents, shipping me off so I wouldn't have to deal with their divorce. Then Doug, the real Doug Ramsey you never met, the X-men when they "died" in Dallas, that hurt allot my friends.. my "family" not seeing fit, not trusting me with the knowledge that they were alive. Racheal, and Illyana, Piotr, Racheal again. The men especially, like my father they usually leave me by choice. Even Larry Bodine killed himself to leave me.. well I know that wasn't exactly the reason why but... But I know I'm the one who started this. I began to leave first. You told me yourself. I had been like a stranger since I came back. I started the retreat, and your kept it going. In fact your so in the flow with it that you initiated the physical aspect of it. Of course when the emotional is in a state like this, the physical leaving is easy. I made it too easy for you to leave me... Better sooner than later I guess. You would have left me anyway in the end.. I know you would have... they all do.

I hug Lockheed closely to me, but I much as I hate to admit it, he's of little comfort to me right now. He's just not what I want. Just not what I need. He's just not you.

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SUMMARY OF THE NEXT CHAPTERS!! (But No details or spoliers) READ AT OWN RISK













This is looking to be 5 parts, part two only needs some minor editing before I put it up. Part two is a more detailed look at Pete's thoughts. Three I have decided whose view yet but It will be Kurt talking to Kitty (only scene in this case not from the comic), Four is Pete and Meggan on the Pier, Five Pete and Kitty as his ship sails.