Greetings, gentleviewers! So, this was written, cowritten really, by three of us. The other two are the wonderfully talented The Star that lied and Instagram's william_the bloody. And we managed to collaborate and write these for Drusilla_theseer, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! And thanks for whats been an awesome... is it actually 18 weeks? That's what the picture says, but I can't believe it. Anyways, happy birthday, and we hope you enjoy this. Also, this is written by three late french immersion students, anyone who speaks French and sees a mistake, please do point it out.

There is no goodbye that doesn't imply a return. Au revoir means until next time, à bientôt/demain means "see you soon/tomorrow". And some people are like that too… goodbye is never forever, no matter how permanent it looks…

Willow makes the spell for Spike in Lover's Walk. He uses it and Drusilla comes back, but she's not acting quite right. He knows it's the spell holding her here, and he can't do this anymore. He hates that this is against his will, and he can't do this anymore.

Notes: Dru is very OOC at the start, because she's under a spell.

"Love?" he heard from downstairs, "the stars are all blurry, have I done something to upset them?" she asked him, looking up at the ceiling and squinting. "I can't hear the pixies, but I-" when Spike left his room, Drusilla ran at him, "I don't need them, I have you, my big bad."Spike felt a twinge as he looked at her, her words causing him to feel a surge of guilt for using the spell, cutting her off from her powers. He kissed her softly, feeling her hands roaming enthusiastically over his body. Why was it that he didn't feel it like he did before? Why did it not feel real yet? Drusilla had never acted so desperate, and he should love the passionate way she caressed her hands over his body, feeling every inch of him with her cool hands.

Spike didn't like it. His dark goddess would never… what was the spell, and what was Drusilla's free will? He felt sickened by his own actions. It had been enough that he'd fallen for the slayer, if only for an instant, a fleeting what-if, but to remedy it, he forced Drusilla to come back. Spike kissed her sweetly, gently, her responding to his kiss enthusiastically, kissing him deeply. What had this spell done to her? "Look, Drusilla, I'm sorry I did this, this—this isn't right," he confessed, "you don't—you don't really want to be here." And that was all he got out, before she silenced him with a kiss, her hands finding the buttons on his shirt, working on undoing them until he held them behind her back.

She smirked up at him, "oh, my big bad," she moaned, misinterpreting the reason he had for holding her hands behind her back. Sometimes, they would do things like that, take control, and Spike couldn't believe… a part of him wanted it, and he was disgusted that he could, after all, she wasn't in control of herself. This was maddening, she was so close, and he could smell her, with no trace of any other demon (a fact that he didn't know quite what to make of) and feel her hot, willing body, so close to his. He loved her, and if he could do this, take her will away and shag her, he would be no better than her sire. He wanted her to want him for real, to love him for real. He sighed, trying to get to his coat, which was hanging in the front of the house they'd 'borrowed' He wasn't far from it, just in the stairwell, but Drusilla blocked it from view. "I can't do this," he muttered to himself, releasing her wrists.

Drusilla smiled, thinking he was complaining about her clothed state. She started to unzip the long red dress, her eyes darkening. Spike stilled her hands as she tried, and he shook his head. "there's something amiss, pet. This isn't you. I—bloody hell, I can't do this." There was a counter spell in the pocket of his coat that Willow had told him he might want. He'd almost given it back, but she'd made him take it. She told him that it was in case there was a mistake with the spell, and he'd taken it then, because he was worried that if the spell wasn't right, it would hurt Drusilla. The spell was sodding perfect, hats off for Red, but he couldn't take her free will away.

She looked at him, hurt when he stopped her and told her he couldn't do it. "you—you don't love me anymore," she said, stepping away from him, shaking her head. Spike was torn between trying to ease her pain and bounding to go get the cure for it. Drusilla looked over at him, "you love the sunshine now," she said softly, tears glistening in her eyes. Spike sighed, overcome. What did he do, let the spell make a puppet out of her or hurt her with the best intentions? He held her close for a moment, letting her rest her head on his shoulder, arms holding her, but not forcing her close to him. He could do this, comfort her without taking advantage of her.

He stroked her hair, "Love, I'm going to get something from my coat, and everything is going to make sense again—or, sort of. The stars are going to come back, and you're going to hat me. Rightfully so. I just wanted to tell you before you leave again that I love you, and that's why I did this. I made Willow create the bloody spell so I could have you back. That's why I can't do this. You're under a spell, and not thinking clearly, and I can't use you, while your free will is… well, not free. That's the only reason I'm pushing you away, not because I don't still… don't still feel the same, or because you're not still the most beautiful woman I've ever met. And It's not because you left either. Cliché as it sounds, this one is all me." He spent a moment, just holding her as she thought, tried to work out what was going on, "then, he said the last few words, the most important ones, "I love you, Drusilla," he told her, voice barely above a whisper.

Drusilla held him close as the explanation started to get to her very conflicted, spell-addled mind. This couldn't be a lie, could it? Was this all the witch's spell playing games with her thoughts, making her want Spike again? It couldn't be, she loved him. Didn't she? She was dreadfully confused, and nothing made sense, so she tried not thinking. If she didn't think, maybe she could just enjoy this moment without the confusion ruining it for her. Spike released her though, walking to his coat, and getting a small wooden box. He ripped it open, closing his eyes and bracing for the worst. Through his closed eyelids, he could see the flash, hear the resulting "oh" from Drusilla as her will was released. He wondered if she would remember anything. She'd remembered it the time Harris had is massive love spell fiasco. Actually, she'd spent that day with him, despite that it irked his sire, just wanting to feel home, right. Spike hadn't complained… he'd loved it, being back with her.

She slapped him hard, her hand cracking across his face, unexpected because of his closed eyes. He opened them to see hurt in her eyes, undisguised. He deserved the slap, so he stood and awaited more, cheek glowing with a red handprint. "You've been naughty, Spike, playing with my head, making the stars go away, the world go away until all I could do was…" she turned around, heading for the stairs and sitting down, holding her head. She clutched it like it was throbbing, muttering something to herself about the stars coming back too loud. "and then you stopped me. You couldn't do it," she acknowledged, "the stars thought you wouldn't, but you stopped." She looked up at him confusedly, "and you stopped because I couldn't," she said softly, confusedly. She wasn't quite certain how that worked. She would have given whatever he wanted in that state, loved him however he wanted her to. Why would he pass up on that? He had never gone against her will before, but he wouldn't have even had to know that that's what it was. Her will wasn't important to anyone but Spike, but it baffled her that somehow, it mattered that much to Spike.

He nodded, looking hesitantly at her, not seeing anger so much as confusion. He felt a pang. Her sire had essentially taught her that what she wanted, her free will wasn't important. That's why it surprised her. After a century, she still remembered that, still occasionally forgot that people could value her free will. Maybe he could… no, you burned that bridge when you had the spell cast. "Yeah, I made it stop. It's—if you left, you left for a reason. It's not right for me to just…" he trailed off, not certain how to finish the sentence. He sat down beside her, putting his head in his own hands, cursing his own was certain she was going to leave, probably never come back, but he didn't deserve any better. "Is there anywhere you want to be right now, love?" he asked her softly, not expecting her to stay.

Drusilla smiled, pulling Spike close, "I want to be here," she insisted, "there are no ashes, and without the ashes I don't want to go," she said quietly, leaning her head onto his shoulder. She looked up at how confused Spike seemed, and she wondered why. He'd even told her he loved her, before he let her free. That was her Spike, always setting her free. How could she leave after this? She turned his head to face hers and kissed him, just gently. There wasn't a trace of ashes. She smiled, wondering if this had saved her Spike. Maybe they only had four years and a bit, if no one else would burn for the slayer, but better four years of love than an eternity of regret.

Spike just looked at her for a long while after, memorizing the way she looked right now, blue eyes open, happy for once. He smiled at that look. He'd thought when she left, this time was forever, but no goodbye between them could be forever, it seemed. Eventually, she fell asleep there, on those stairs, by then completely in his arms. He just lifted her carefully and laid her down in his bed, smiling when he slid in beside her. It had been nice having a house, but this was even better, having a home.