I woke up to the sounds of birds chirping outside my house. I groaned as I attempted to roll into a better position on my bed.
Unfortunately, I had forgotten that I had slept on the couch the previous night. So, instead of rolling into a better position, I ended up rolling off the couch and I landed on the ground in a disheveled lump. I cursed under my breath as I rubbed the throbbing area on my head where it made contact with my floor. Yesterday's events slowly began coming back to me. My computer brought a deadly, but unexpectedly handsome, ninja into my life; ergo, I went insane.
I breathed a sigh of relief. So Madara didn't kill me in my sleep. That was a good sign to me. But the bad news was that I had no clue where the ninja went after I fell asleep. Instantly worried about the state of my house, I hopped to my feet and went off towards the different areas of the house. I went through the laundry room, my bedroom, the "batcave", and even my backyard. Nothing. So, that left the kitchen as the last place that needed to be checked.
Surprise, surprise; he was there. I stood awkwardly in the entryway, observing him in the middle of the kitchen as he took a bite of some whole wheat bread. He eyed me with the same look he always had; that look of indifference, yet one of superiority. My eyes then drifted to the ruined state my kitchen was in. Cupboards were thrown open and various containers of spices and herbs were placed in various spots on the kitchen counter. My refrigerator was wide open, and the neatly organized shelves were now bare since the food was all placed on the table in a messy fashion. I grabbed my hair, tugging on it as I bit my lip in frustration. I was extremely OCD about organizing things in my kitchen. I had organized all my food and nonperishables in a nice fashion specifically so I could find something when I needed it. And Madara just freakin' ruined it for god knows what reason!
"What did you do to my kitchen!?" I yelled at him.
"I did nothing to it, servant girl," he curtly replied.
"Bullshit! Explain why all my food is out in the open; or so help me Madara, I will cut all your hair off! Don't think I won't!"
"I was checking them for toxins," he stated simply as if he were talking about the weather outside. He took another bite out of the bread slice he held.
"I do not trust you, servant girl," Madara explained. "You seem incompetent, but you're smarter than you look. I'd be a fool to think I'd be out of danger just because you're a civilian."
"You…ruined my organized kitchen…to make sure my food wasn't poisoned?" I repeated through clenched teeth. See how OCD I was about my kitchen? I didn't even care that Madara insulted my intelligence; he ruined my organized kitchen. He would die today. This, I swore! "Dude…Did you care to think that if the food was poisoned, I'd be dead myself by now?"
"Or you developed immunity to whatever poison you had."
"Screw your reasoning, asshole!" I snapped. "I hate you so much right now…"
"You and everyone else in Konoha…" he muttered back under his breath, though I still caught what he said.
That was an odd thing to say. He wanted to return home, but people hated him there? Although I was curious as to what he meant, I decided against it. I did not want a repeat of what happened yesterday and have another unneeded panic attack. That was the last thing I needed when I woke up in the morning.
I kept quiet as I made my way to go back and reorganize my food back to the way it was before. I silently watched Madara as he made his way through eating my wheat bread. I guess he still didn't trust any of the additions he could have put on there to make it a sandwich. That or he had no taste in food. I was suspecting the former was the reason why. By the time I was done putting all my food back to the way it was, Madara had finished my entire loaf of wheat bread. Men and their monstrous appetites; I swear, I think their stomachs are actually black holes in disguise.
"Why, thank you for eating all my wheat bread," I sarcastically remarked as I took the plastic wrapping and threw it away in my trashcan. "And you didn't even use any lunchmeat or cheese or anything to make sandwiches. Too much work for your lazy butt?"
"Be quiet," he ordered.
"You know," I said, trying to ignore the intense pounding in my chest. Like hell was I gonna let Madara step all over me like a rug, despite how frickin' scared I was of him. "When people tell others to 'be quiet', it usually means what was said was true. What do you say to that?"
Madara said nothing.
"Methinks someone can't come up with an answer."
"Methinks someone is itching to be burned alive," Madara replied in a deathly calm voice.
"Shutting up now, sir!" I squeaked out as I felt that horrible sensation of my life being threatened.
I went back to getting myself breakfast. This time, I was just gonna have some traditional cereal; good ol' Cheerios. As I poured the milk into my cereal-filled bowl, I absentmindedly wondered if Madara was going to have gas later. I mean, he DID eat an entire loaf of whole wheat bread. As soon as the very image hit my mind, I choked on my spit. Just thinking about the concept of a stoic ninja like Madara "playing music" out his rear end was a gut-buster. Hey! Now that I thought about it, maybe THAT'S why he was such an asshole! He's constipated! That idea made me choke on my spit all over again. As I attempted to stop my huge coughing fit, I ended up spilling milk on myself and over my counter in the process.
"You are truly an odd woman," I heard Madara say from his seat at the table. "What are you laughing about?"
"Nothing!" I said as I attempted to hold in my laughter, but I was failing miserably. I placed my hand over my mouth. "Nothing at all. Don't talk to me. You'll only make it worse."
"And why is that?"
"I can't tell you…" I barely managed to say through my giggles. "You'd maim me if you knew…"
"Humor me," he dared, turning to face me in his chair.
"Ok. You asked for it," I said, wondering if he was going to allow me to write my will once I was done saying it. Oh well. You only live once, right? Time to seal my fate. "Madara-sama, do you ever whistle from the lower hole?"
There was a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong awkward silence as Mr. Ninja comprehended what I said. Madara's stoic façade fell and he gave me the most baffled look I had seen on his features yet. I guess I was the first person to ever ask such a question of him, especially one as vulgar as that one. I mentally cackled at his expression. The raised eyebrow just about killed me. I was going to enjoy every minute of this weird moment before I died.
"Come again?" he questioned in disbelief.
"You know…" I repeated, still smiling deviously. "Cut the cheese? Beep your horn? Let it rip? Exhume the dinner course? Human hydrogen bomb? Rectal turbulence?"
Another looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong awkward silence. I almost didn't catch his answer, but I did.
"…Doesn't everyone?" he finally answered, although in an extremely quiet voice. I think my eyes were playing tricks on me, but I thought I saw a faint red color tint his cheeks for the briefest of moments.
HOLY SHIT! He admitted it! Score, bitches!
I turned around and bit into my hand as I attempted to not burst out laughing. I slammed my fist onto the kitchen counter multiple times as a different way to express my extreme amusement. Madara continued watching my strange behavior with an air of indifference.
"You find such grotesque topics funny, do you?"
I snorted as I stopped biting my hand, ignoring the marks imbedded in my skin. I took a few deep breaths. "No! Nothing's funny! I'm just having trouble breathing."
"Because you're laughing," he snapped, his eyes narrowing in distaste at me.
I returned biting my hand, my body shaking from holding in my laughter. This was funnier than Peanut poking fun at José Jalapeño on a Stick in my Jeff Dunham DVDs! This was funnier than listening to the sarcastic quips from genius billionaire playboy philanthropist, Tony Stark from Iron Man! Hell, it was funnier than calling Edward Cullen a pixie when I saw the Twilight movie!
"I'm sorry! That image is soooooo wrong, but that's why it's hilarious!" I cried as tears finally began leaking from my eyes.
"You're a sick woman," Madara growled.
"So is the rest of humanity," I shot back, turning to face him. "Welcome to my world, Madara-sama."
I then blinked as I took notice of Madara's face; or more precisely, his mouth. There were some leftover bread crumbs clinging to his skin, reminding me of a toddler being a messy eater. It made him look almost cute in a way. Despite my beating heart, I walked up to him. He eyed my every move, determining if I was going to try and pull a stunt. I hesitantly brought my hand closer to his face once I was near him. He grabbed my wrist in a split second, holding it in a death-like grip since he didn't trust what I was doing.
"I was just going to point out that you have bread crumbs on your face, Madara-sama," I told him, though I was wincing from the growing pain in my wrist. I motioned my fingers towards certain spots. "There's a few clinging to you chin, three that are sticking from the edge of your mouth, and one that somehow made its way onto your cheek. How did you manage that?"
Madara opened his mouth to say something in response, but I never got to hear it. He was interrupted by the sound of my doorbell ringing. He released my wrist, allowing me to go and see who was at the door. I took a few seconds to compose myself and wipe the tears that had trailed down my cheeks from earlier. It was a great distraction at the right time. Once I was done, I went to the front door in my living room. I opened the creaky thing and was practically glomped by something, or rather someone.
"Surprise!" Bethany exclaimed. "I decided to visit! Aren't you happy?"
"Hi Beth," I greeted the blonde.
She was wearing a nice black t-shirt which complimented her white jacket. She had a pair of blue jean capris and white sneakers. Her blonde hair was tied up in a ponytail and her bangs were parted to highlight her pretty hazel eyes. She patted my shoulder a few times.
"I got a bit worried about you, so I decided to come and pay you a visit," she explained. "If I told you I was coming over, you would've tried to prevent me from doing so. Ya gotta stop being such a stick-in-the-mud, Lil!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," I said.
"Oh, I'm jolly good!" I replied sarcastically. "Things have been just peachy!"
"That means 'no'," she sighed. "What happened?"
"Are those bruises!?" BaD exclaimed in shock.
I inwardly groaned. I had forgotten about the various bruises I had acquired since Madara came into my home. I had one on my back, one on my face, one on my forehead, two on my wrists, and one on my arm. Another one was slowly forming on my hand from pounding it into my kitchen counter earlier.
"I kinda did a number on myself yesterday…" I said. I honestly believed I had caused those bruises since Madara was just a product of my imagination.
"Bullshit!" Beth snapped angrily. "These look like they were given to you by someone else! Stop lying, Lilith. Who did this to you? Is this why you didn't want to come yesterday?"
"Don't you 'Beth' me! I'm your friend! If someone is hurting you, I have the right to know who the dick is!"
"Servant girl," I heard Madara call me.
I turned to look at the ninja standing in the kitchen entryway. I saw that the bread crumbs from his face were now gone, which made me a bit depressed. He looked more human and seemed more approachable with a crumby face. But I never got anything I wished for in life, so I had to set myself up for disappointment. Madara was eyeing BaD with apprehension. So he didn't know about my best friend either? Did he know ANYTHING about me!? Apparently not. Beth paused in mid-action, seemingly looking in the direction Madara was at with her jaw hanging open.
"Not now," I snapped at the ninja. "Let me have—"
"HOLY YANKEE-DOODLE ON A MACARONI!" Beth squealed as she zoomed past me.
I felt my jaw drop as the blonde tackle-glomped Madara. Somehow, the ninja remained standing and he was looking oddly at the girl currently hugging the life out of his torso. I blinked repeatedly. That wasn't possible. Madara was a hallucination produced from my schizophrenic mind. He wasn't real. Yet, Beth was slowly crushing his ribs. That meant one of two things: either Beth was part of my schizophrenic hallucinations now or Madara was actually real and alive. The former seemed more accurate, so I was more inclined to believe it.
"This is amazing!" Beth cried.
"Beth…?" I quietly peeped.
"Just look at this aesthetically pleasing armor!" Beth said in awe, poking Madara's red armor. "It's accurately made and it looks legitimate."
"Who is this?" Madara demanded from me as Beth continued poking him in various places, some of which were rather inappropriate.
"This is Bethany Dale, my best friend," I answered with a groan, slamming my palm to my forehead.
"Oh Em Gee!" Beth shrieked as she grabbed two fistfuls of his hair. She began nuzzling her face into it. "This is your real hair!? It's sooooooo soft! I love it! What shampoo and conditioner do you use? I gotta know!"
"Beth…" I said. "Stop."
BaD backed away from Madara, taking in his full form as she put a finger to her chin. She then closed her eyes, crossed her arms, and began nodding.
"Yep. It's incredible."
"What is?" I asked.
"This is by far the absolute BEST cosplay I have ever seen in my life!" Beth answered.
"Oh, you wouldn't know, would you, Lil?" Beth said. "It's a Naruto thing! Don't worry about it. But still; tell me who he is!"
"What do you mean, 'tell you who he is'? You should know."
"No, I don't. I mean, I know which character he is, but not who he is. Is he your boyfriend?"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?" I screamed. Beth was unfazed and Madara had a confused frown on his face, probably wondering why the hell being a 'boyfriend' was such a big deal.
"That explains everything!" she gleefully cried. "You're so busy thinking about your new boyfriend that you keep running into things! That's why you have so many bruises! I wouldn't blame you. This one is fine like wine, girl! Good job!"
"B-B-B-B-B-Beth!" I squeaked, a blush staining my face red. Madara was taking everything in stride, looking as indifferent as ever except for that confused frown he still had.
"It also explains why you didn't come yesterday! You two were busy making out and you didn't want me to know, right?"
"HELL NO!" I snapped. "Madara and I weren't making out! He—"
BaD gasped, interrupting me. "His name is Madara!? Oh, SNAP! Girl, you are one lucky chick! I can think of ten thousand other fangirls who would kill to have a hot boyfriend that not only looks like a legitimate Madara in cosplay, but his actual name is Madara too! But what should I tell Nathan? If you have a boyfriend already, that's gonna be a love triangle. Those are always messy things to deal with."
"BETHANY! Madara isn't my boyfriend!"
"NO! I'd rather date a log than this insufferable bastard!" I yelled, jabbing a finger in Madara's direction.
"Care to repeat that, servant girl?" Madara sneered at me, causing shivers to travel up and down my spine.
"Servant girl?" Bethany repeated in confusion.
"I give up…I just frickin' give up…" I moaned, holding my hand to my forehead in exasperation. "I need drugs…"
"Lil? Seriously, what's wrong?" BaD asked me, her features contorting with worry.
"I've gone crazy!" I shouted at her, all the frustration I felt pouring out at once. "This is all your fucking fault, ya know that!? You HAD to stop to buy Naruto crap from a freaky guy in a bathrobe! You HAD to blackmail me into watching that fuckin' DVD! I HAD to listen to you! I can't take all this stress!"
BaD had the patience and the supportive love of a saint, I swear. Bethany shushed me in a soothing manner, placing her hands on my shaking shoulders as I took deep breaths. She wrapped me in a warm hug, which helped calm me down. Sometimes, a simple hug could work miracles for someone.
"Did you get it all off your chest?" she asked nicely.
"Emotionally, yes…But my boobs still count, so not entirely…" I muttered. Beth let out a small laugh.
"At least your dry humor is back. Now…start from the beginning. What happened?"
"I don't think you'll believe me," I stated.
"Come on! Tell me!" she goaded.
"No! Why don't you ask Mr. Perfect over there what happened!? I sure as hell don't know!"
To be perfectly honest, Madara said nothing about his side of the story. I knew what happened with me, but what about him? I knew he would never tell me anything, even if I did ask him.
"So, Madara," BaD said in a happy tone to the ninja, suddenly appearing in front of him. "You mind telling me how you came across Lilith?"
Holy crap, she was going through with it!
"…I fell into this room and the girl was there," he explained. "Nothing more."
Beth laughed. "No, seriously. Where did you meet? At the Red Robin she works at? At a bus stop? At college? Where? I need specifics."
"No. He's telling the truth. He literally fell into my room after I put that damned DVD of yours into my computer," I added. "There was a lot of whirring and bright light. Next second, I feel my floor shake and there he was with an Ass Fan."
"It's not an 'Ass Fan', servant girl! It's a gunbai!" he snapped at me in anger.
"Is it a fan?" I questioned him.
"Does it look like two interconnected circles?"
"Hence, it is shaped like a butt. So, it's an 'Ass Fan'!"
"It's a battle fan, you idiot! I have killed—"
"So it DOES blow people's asses! I freakin' knew it!"
Beth died in that moment. She took "rolling on the floor laughing" to a whole new level that day. I wouldn't blame her. After all, we were arguing over what to call Madara's Ass Fan. Who wouldn't laugh at what we were saying? I felt Madara grab the front of my shirt, bringing my face to his. I let out a small "meep" as I saw his eyes bleed red. I felt my heart hammering in my chest again. I instantly wished I hadn't said anything about his crumby face earlier. He would've looked less intimidating that way.
"My patience with you is growing thin, servant girl. Do not test it. Otherwise, I might not be able to resist the urge to slit your throat next time."
A loud smack echoed through the room in the next moment. My eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets as I saw the slowly reddening area on Madara's cheek. Even he was visibly shocked at what happened. If it was capable of doing so, my jaw would've dropped to the floor. BaD was glaring fiercely at Madara, her hand looking just as red as Madara's cheek.
She had just bitch-slapped him.
Holy shit. Way ta go, sistah! I had a whole new respect for you!
"Put. Her. Down," she demanded calmly, her voice scaring me with how deadly serious it was. Madara eyed her with his freaky red eyes. "Drop the cosplay façade. This is going too far."
"Don't you know who I am?" he said. "I'm under no obligation to listen to you, wench."
"You really believe you're Madara Uchiha, don't you? Well, you're doing a fabulous job."
He dropped me, letting me fall butt-first on the floor. I was really panicking now. My heart was hurting my chest because of how fast it was pounding. I didn't want BaD to be hurt by Madara. She was like an older sister to me.
"Then you do know of me," he said, grabbing hold of Beth's neck and glaring at her with his bipolar eyes. "If that's the case, who are you to talk so casually as if you personally know me? How much do you know?"
"You really are him…aren't you? Sweet!" Beth coughed out, smiling despite the horrible position she was in.
"Talk, woman. Or I'll snap your neck here and now."
"Madara Uchiha," Bethany began. "Older brother of Izuna Uchiha, who died because of Tobirama Senju's Flying Thunder God Slash. Your best friend is Hashirama Senju. You personally gave the name "the Village Hidden in the Leaves" to the village you and Hashirama created together. It was based off a childhood dream you two shared."
Beth let out a yelp when Madara suddenly increased his grip on Beth's neck. I was still sitting on the floor like a loser, completely frozen from shock and fear. He somehow managed to look deadly calm and pissed off at the same time. Beth grabbed hold of his arm with both hands, futilely trying to loosen the death grip Madara had on her neck.
"How?" he hissed out. "How is it possible for you to know that!? That dream…we told no one of it! How is it that a civilian like you knows this!?"
"I got it from the internet!" Beth choked out. I still didn't understand how she was still smiling when Madara could end her life at any moment. It was beyond my comprehension. "The internet is the best place to stalk people and they would never find out! It's like a tool for espionage, only more convenient and much harder to trace without the right equipment."
"I see...the 'in-ter-net'…"
Madara loosened his grip on BaD's neck. I couldn't tell if he was shocked or not since his face went from anger back to his neutral expression he always had. He was probably plotting various ways to kill the internet to stop it from spreading information that shouldn't be seen by the public eye. The blonde took a deep breath as she watched Madara's reaction.
"Don't worry, Uchiha-sama," Beth said, continuing to smile brightly despite her close encounter with death. "America may be an arrogant and prideful country, but she doesn't enter a fight unless she deems it necessary. After all, we Americans have had our own share of problems and wars, just like you and your clan had. We wouldn't dare harm Konoha or the people who live there since they live in relative peace. We wouldn't want to disrupt that."
Madara was silent, apparently analyzing her words for any sincerity to see if she was lying.
"I understand that you're the real Madara Uchiha," she continued. "Your eyes went from black to red. No cosplayer could ever mimic activating the Sharingan at will. That's something only an Uchiha would be able to do. Forgive me and my friend's rudeness, sir."
Still nothing from Mr. Ninja.
"And I also want you to know that I have no intention of using the knowledge I have to harm you, your clan, your friends, or your home in any way. It's just that you're such an amazing individual that I wanted to discover how such a powerful man came to be. Every great man has an equally great history behind him, whether blissful or terrible. So, I used the internet to help me become informed of your background; nothing more."
"And you expect me to believe such a tale?"
"Yes, because it's the truth! Does this look like the face of a liar to you?" Bethany then gave Madara her best "puppy" look while pulling out her wallet out of her pocket and showing him a cute picture of her and her pet pug.
"…Either you two are deceptively good actors or you're complete and utter morons to try and pull stunts like this with me," Madara stated bluntly after a few more minutes of silence.
"Thank you?" Beth said awkwardly, unsure how to answer that statement.
"Very well. It seems you two are the latter. I will take your word for it…for now," he said, releasing his grip on Beth's throat. "However, if I find you using this knowledge to try and harm Konoha, I will not hesitate to kill you; civilian women or not."
"Crystal clear, sir!" Beth said, saluting the ninja like a soldier would to their general. "Since it's our fault as to why you ended up in America in the first place, Lilith and I will help you get back home to Konoha! It's the least we can do."
"SAY WHAT!?" I finally blurted out. "Beth! What are you talking about? This is crazy!"
"Let me explain, Lil," BaD said, helping me up and leading me to the couch so I could sit down. "This man is Madara Uchiha. He's the Head of the Uchiha Clan. They're a group of highly skilled ninjas who are rivals with the Senju, another ninja clan. Madara is by far the strongest of his clan, which is why he's the leader."
"Wait…so he's REAL!?" I cried in horror. "He actually exists and ISN'T a figment of imagination!?"
"I COULD HAVE LITERALLY DIED YESTERDAY!? HOLY FUCK!"
"Unfortunately yes," Bethany said uneasily. "We'll have to figure out how to get him home to Konoha. Until then, I think he should stay with you."
"Absolutely not! We barely get along as is! If he stays, he's gonna kill me!"
"He won't. Not without a good reason, at least. Madara only knows the two of us in this world. He probably would feel more secure if he was with you since he's gotten to know a bit about you and he doesn't deem you too big a threat. Besides, who knows how long he'll be stuck with us? He needs to 'fit in' with American society. Who else would be better at teaching that than you, Senpai?"
"I'm not listening! LALALALALALALALALALALALA!" I said, covering my ears with my hands.
"Lilith? Come on. Where's the compassionate, innocent girl who would help anyone if they needed it that I know is there inside you?"
"She died eleven years ago," I snapped.
"Then think of it this way; the sooner we deal with him, the sooner he'll be out of your hair!"
That was very true and I couldn't argue with that. I pouted, which was rather childish of me. But seriously! Who would WANT to house a potentially dangerous ninja in their home for an extended period of time!? I sure as hell didn't! I barely made it through one day!
I let out a big sigh, scratching my head in exasperation. "Alright, fine…but I won't enjoy it based on what I've experienced already."
"Great!" BaD cheered. She then turned to Madara, who was currently glaring a figurative hole through my wall. "Aren't you lucky, Uchiha-sama? You're rooming with a female!"
"Absolutely not. I refuse to share the same room with such an unsightly woman."
"Eff you, ya dick!" I yelled at him, feeling rather offended. "The feeling is mutual! I'd rather room with cockroaches!"
"Sorry, but neither of you have any choice in the matter," Beth said bluntly.
"Well, we could easily call our police and have them lock Madara up for threatening with a deadly weapon, physical assault, attempted murder, and probably a lot of other charges. But I cannot allow the government to get their hands on him for specific reasons."
"For the last time, Beth; there is no legitimate proof that the CIA is trying to take over the world!" I groaned, face-palming at BaD's stupid logic. "It's all conspiracy theory and movie crap! None of it is real! Get that through your thick skull!"
"NEVAH! The CIA is all lies! Do not believe her words, Uchiha-sama! They have a top secret world domination plan and an equally secret super-soldier army somewhere; I just know it!" Beth cried.
"Yeah, right. And I'll become Madara's wife," I said sarcastically.
"I wouldn't be captured by mere civilians," Madara snapped at BaD, sounding insulted by the very thought of such a thing happening to him. "My pride would never allow it to happen."
"Look, Madara," Beth continued. "Joke or not; if you try to escape from the law, the police will shoot you with guns and and the FBI will provide snipers. They're faster and far more deadly than any accurately thrown kunai or any exploding tags used by an enemy ninja. If you get shot multiple times or even just once in the head or the heart, you're pretty much screwed. Our police officers have access to many weapon advantages and the FBI even more so. No matter how great a ninja you are—even with your Sharingan—I highly doubt you could handle gunfire, potential blindness, over a thousand volts of electricity shot from tasers, and explosives ten times stronger than exploding tags without getting mortally wounded at some point."
He then glared in annoyance at the both of us.
"Besides," Beth motioned to his clothing. "You can't wander around dressed like that. You'll be labeled a lunatic and thrown into a psychiatric ward or you'll be mobbed by fangirls. Neither are nice options. You're gonna need to blend into our society, which is going to be difficult for you. America and the Elemental Nations have not only very different cultural customs, but different levels of technology. Take the internet for an example; it's open for anyone to use as long as they have a computer, which is a device that is unavailable in the Elemental Nations."
He paled a bit. "Everyone? What's the population of this 'America'?"
"Oh, I don't know…" I said, putting a finger to my chin. "Over three hundred million, I guess? But the key word is everyone, which means that it includes other countries around the world. So, over six billion people could potentially learn everything about you."
I think I mentally scarred Madara by saying that. His face got paler and his eyes held a nervous glint to them, although his expression remained neutral. I wouldn't blame him for reacting that way. He's a ninja; they're all about being inconspicuous and keeping secrets. To learn that those secrets weren't secrets anymore and were available to other people around the whole world to see would be traumatizing for anyone. That's the danger with the internet. Just about anyone can learn about you if you post up stuff about yourself.
"If it makes you feel any better, we have stalker-ish information on Hashirama and Tobirama too! So you're not the only one being stalked by billions of people!" Beth added in, which seemed to only make things worse.
"…I have no choice in the matter, do I?" he muttered under his breath, palming his face with his hand.
"Great! Since he understands, let's start with his assimilation to Americanism right now!" BaD shouted, hopping off the couch in an excited manner. "Take it away, Lil! We're gonna make Uchiha-sama the best Japanese-American ever!"
I smirked at Madara's expression. He looked like he'd rather take a knife and cut off his luscious hair than listen to Beth say anything more about stalking him, his village, his friends, and his clan. I was a bit surprised at how willing he seemed to be about the whole mess. Maybe he was reserved to do whatever it took in order to return home to Konoha and get as far away from us as possible? Well, I sure as hell was gonna make him work for it.
"Alright, Grasshopper," I told Madara. He gave me a quizzical look at the nickname. "I hope you're ready. Prepared to be schooled in the art of being an American."
So here we see Bethany's reaction to seeing Madara and Lilith discovers that Madara ISN'T a hallucination and she's NOT crazy! And Madara now knows that there are millions of stalkers on the internet who know every single detail about him (*cough* via Narutopedia *cough*). So, how does one train someone to be an "American"? You'll have to wait and see what these two girls have in store!