6 levels of badass:

Eren's eyes shot open when the door to his room blew open and slammed against the inner wall.

"Wake up shitty brat!" Levi snarled before stalking into the room in all his 5 foot three glory.

Oh crap Eren thought with equal parts grumpiness, trepidation, and arousal, What the hell did I do now?

He was too drowsy to come up with a coherent response to this 7 am belligerent wake up call, so he went for his gut instinct, "What are you doing here heich-"

He didn't manage to get the whole sentence out however because Levi had thrown himself at him.

The small man slammed his hand down over Eren's mouth and growled, "Did I say you could address me you little shit pimple? If I wanted to hear the words of some pubescent moron I'd go to any of the other squad members-at least talking to them doesn't ensure that I'll have a headache that lasts for days."

Eren had mixed reactions to this sudden assault, on the one hand Levi had him pressed down against the mattress using one of his hands, which, hell, was incredibly sexy and had him wondering if he was trapped in some sort of R rated dream, but on the other hand Levi had, once again, insulted him, and his rather short-okay, nonexistent-patience was tested. So even though Levi could kill him 47 ways with only his pinkie, Eren growled, "Well if you don't want to talk to me what the hell do you want me for?"

Levi arched an eyebrow and barked out a laugh totally devoid of humor, "Why, for your body of course."

Somewhere in some kind of reality, maybe one where Titans enjoyed playing soccer instead of eating people, there was a place where the words Levi had just said made sense, but it was not this one, and because of that Eren was stunned into silence.

His...body? He thought, trying to figure out if Levi had suddenly started speaking a language other than English. He couldn't possibly mean it the way Eren's mind was already headed.

Eren, teenager that he was, was already mentally undressing Levi in his head. He'd had the most insane crush on the man for as long as he could remember-hell, even the beating he'd given him in the court room had been sort of hot now that he looked back at it. Sure it had hurt like hell, but there had been a certain grace in Levi's movements that had been no less than stunning to behold. Eren couldn't even count the number of times he'd masturbated to the thought of the short captain, not that he'd ever admit it to anyone else. So that's why he couldn't really blame himself when the first image of Levi's words brought up images of a not so appropriate nature.

But he didn't actually believe that's what Levi meant, so that's why he was even more shocked when Levi's hand went to push up the front of his night shirt.

"What the hell!" Eren spluttered, hand moving down to block Levi's through sheer instinct.

"Don't be a little bitch Eren."

Now that got his blood boiling.

"I am not a little-"

"Oh yes you are, bitchiest little bitch recruit I've ever seen-now take off your clothes already. That's an order from a superior officer."

"What! No! You can't-!"

Levi let out a put upon sigh and slapped Eren's hands away, "God, you really are going to make me do everything myself. Lazy ass little shit."

Eren couldn't believe what was happening, but he knew he had to get with the program soon because Levi was already lifting his shirt over his head.

"Heichou, this is-why are you-" his words were muffled by the fabric.

"I already told you why I'm here, but I forgot you were an idiot so I guess I need to spell it out for you. I'm going to fuck you Eren, and if you fancy your limbs where they currently are, you'll let me."

"I don't under-"

"For fucks sake! What about this is difficult? Don't think, just do!" And with those shouted words, Levi grabbed hold of Eren through his pants.

Eren let out a gasp while Levi let out a dark chuckle, "It seems your body understands perfectly what your mind does not. You really are a little bitch, pretending you don't want what you're obviously dying for."

Eren's face became redder than the colossal titan's. "I'm not-"

"Your rock hard dick says otherwise," he shot back, straddling the teenager, "Not that I'm complaining."

Too much. This was far too much for Eren's mind to comprehend. His body was telling him to just forget it. To go along with whatever the hell this was. Pure lust was telling him that it didn't matter. That he would never get an opportunity like this again, because it was surely a fluke, so he'd best take advantage of the moment while it lasted. But the bigger part of him was telling him to hold the hell on. Because Levi wasn't just a hot body-though he definitely did have a smokin' bod. Maybe the only one in the entire compound who could rival it in sheer ab-ly perfection was Mikasa-but she was his sister, so that was weird and he didn't think about it. No. Levi was the man he loved. The man he respected. ...and also the man that for whatever reason was trying to jump his bones. The question this action prompted of course was-

"WHY?" Eren yelped as Levi ground his hips down into Eren's

His mind was already spinning and his body was shooting with electricity and pleasure even as his hands were coming up to stop this. Though how long he could hold out against this assault he didn't know. It couldn't be long. Levi was his greatest weakness and he-

"Because I've never wanted someone this much in my entire glory ridden life!" he snapped, grinding down on Eren-harder, deeper and longer.

Eren let out a moan. He could feel him-could feel Levi against him, and the hot pulsing heat that confirmed the words of the small overwhelming man. But still his thoughts raced.

This made no sense. Levi had never demonstrated this kind of feeling before-hell, Eren hadn't even known he was gay. There was no way Levi would have just barged in on him like this. Not the ever composed captain of the 104th squad. Something was wrong. Dreadfully wrong. In fact-

"HA! See what did I tell you Erwin? I knew I would find him here!"

Just one moment ago the doorway had been empty, but now it was framed by squad leader Hanji. She was a kook, and sometimes she really weirded Eren out, but he liked her, and usually didn't mind seeing her-however that didn't apply to situations in which Levi was rubbing himself all over the teenager.

But the dread and horror he felt at seeing the brunette was compounded immeasurably when who else but the commander of the scouting legion himself ran up to stand beside her, his usual unflappable composure in serious disarray. Eren knew something was seriously wrong because the commander's usual flawless hair style was mussed in disarray.

"Levi!" Erwin boomed, stalking into the room. He was a large solid man and just entering the small space made it seem significantly smaller, "We're going back to the lab."

"C-commander Erwin!" Eren squeaked, wanting the earth to swallow him up whole. He was always nervous in front of the man, but his current state of mental collapse was far worse than that, "I didn't mean-he just-"

"Shove off Erwin, I'm fucking Eren now. Your presence is just rude," and in so saying, Levi reached down and gave Eren's crotch another meaningful squeeze.

Erwin grabbed Levi's arm, he wasn't even looking at Eren, "Levi we need to fix this before it gets even more out of hand! Your usual self would be thanking me for this!"

"My usual self is a rigid bastard," Levi dismissed, "Now unless you plan on undressing yourself and joining us, I really have no use for you."

Eren prayed that he was dreaming. There was no way he'd ever be able to look any of these people in the eyes again otherwise.

"I'm sorry Levi, you leave me no other choice," Erwin said, regret lacing his tone as his only arm descended over the smaller man, "I didn't want to do this…"

Quicker than Eren could follow, Levi disentangled himself from the man and pressed Erwin's arm behind his back, pushing all of his weight into his superior's back and pressing his face into the mattress.

"You actually look quite good like this Erwin," Levi purred, "I don't mind the view at all."

"Dammit Levi! This isn't the time for this!"

Eren blinked. This was only getting more and more surreal. He never thought he'd see the day where Erwin cursed, or did anything that wasn't completely composed and controlled. He'd certainly never seen a pissed-off-at-Levi Erwin. Apparently today was one full of firsts.

"I disagree," Levi answered, leaning in even further, pressing his chest to the man's broad back, "I think it's the perfect time for this."

"Levi if we don't get back to the lab-"

"Erwin you might have been able to be some kind of opponent when you had both your arms but as it stands you're no match for me, so stop trying to threaten me. It's not going to work. There is nothing and no one who can stop me from doing whatever I want to do and if you try-"

"If you come to the lab I promise you can sleep with Eren."

Erwin's words rang through the room and in them was his characteristic sureness.

This is madness Eren thought Something has happened. I've been drugged and this is all some kind of hallucination.

But when Levi released Erwin's arm and latched onto Eren's instead, the touch felt painfully real. Jolts of electricity shot through him from Levi's surprisingly delicate and beautiful fingers.

"Deal," Levi barked, hauling a shirtless and bewildered Eren to his feet, "As long as you promise to stop bothering us."

Erwin reached out a hand to seal the deal, but Eren tugged Levi back before his hand could make contact.

"No way!" he shouted, his panic overlaying the thought that he'd just disrespected and defied the two superior officers he normally worshipped more than anything, "This is crazy. I can't-"

"Eren you have no idea how grave the situation is. When you come to the lab Hanji can explain-"

"You can't just force me to sleep with the captain!"

"Eren don't insult my intelligence. We both know it's not going to be a very large sacrifice for you."

If Eren had been red before, he was even redder now. He was probably the reddest thing in existence. This day was officially the most embarrassing he'd ever had-and that included the day he hadn't been able to balance with the 3dmg, and the time Jean had caught him masturbating in the bathroom.

The commander knew all about his feelings for Levi. And if he knew that meant other people probably knew, and that was a very big problem.

But he didn't really have time to ponder the consequences of that because he was being forcibly hauled from the room. Levi may have been small, but he was a strong motherfucker and Eren hadn't a hope of resisting him. What made it worse, or better, was that Levi's hands had snaked themselves around Eren's waist, and one of them was finding the bulge in the front of his pants fascinating.

"Oi! Levi, hands off until we get to the lab!" Hanji called out with her typical bouncy cheer as she linked arms with both Levi and Erwin, "We're trying to keep this whole thing under wraps, remember?"

But Levi had never been very good at listening to rules. It was something he and Eren had in common. As they stumbled into the hall Levi bit down on Eren's shoulder so he drew blood. Eren hissed in a mixture of pleasure and pain. "Heichou I-"

"Levi" the man growled, "I'm about to fuck you so you could at least call me by my name."

"L-levi," Eren said, trying out the name on his tongue. It seemed too intimate to be addressing the man as such. Until this morning Eren had never thought the man had ever given him a second thought.

It was Erwin who took matters into his own hands, grabbing hold of the back of Levi's shirt and hoisting him, Eren and all, up and into his arms—well, arm.

"So much for keeping this under wraps…" Hanji muttered with a roll of her eyes.

"Speed is of the essence here," the commander stated, taking long powerful strides down the hall and then down the stone steps, past the first floor with the cafeteria and store rooms, down into the basement where the lab was housed.

There were no windows here, and the hallway was lit by lamps, their kerosene flames dancing lightly and reflecting off of the glass they were housed in. It was still dim and Eren found himself squinting. By the time they reached the lab door and pushed their way inside his eyes had fully adjusted, and because of that he was able to get a very good view of the impossible sight that greeted him.

Levis. Levis everywhere.

A very put upon Moblit was trying to coax one of them down from where he was perched atop a large supply cabinet. That Levi was smiling widely and shouting obscenities down at him.

Other Levis were spread across the room, some with even more disturbing expressions.

One of them was hugging another Levi tightly and whispering words of encouragement to him, and another was pacing furiously, an expression of explosive rage on his face. One Levi was sitting quietly at the table, studying a set of notes. But the last was the one that had Eren's brain exploding, because the last one was just sitting in the middle of the room, rocking lightly back and forth and singing a song about little fluffy ducks.

Eren stared and stared, waiting for the moment when this would all collapse and be revealed as some kind of joke.

"What. The absolute. hell." he stated, eyes sweeping the room and not knowing where to rest.

Erwin sighed and set them both on the ground, locking the door to the lab door behind him with a thick padlock, "As you can see the situation we have before us is desperate. This Levi managed to escape because of his need for you, but thankfully we have them all contained here now. God knows that if any of them managed to escape they'd wreak havoc and devastation everywhere."

Eren took in the commander's words and then took in the singing Levi dubiously. "Even him," Erwin reassured him, "Despite his seeming childish innocence, he can still wield weapons more effectively than any other member of the legions."

"Don't look at that asshole," Levi growled grabbing Eren's arm and slamming him up against the barred door, "I've got far more interesting business to attend to with you."

Eren felt his mouth go dry. Levi was pressing into his front rather insistently and it was obvious they were both sporting the same...condition...they'd been suffering under in his bedroom.

But when Erwin grabbed Levi once more Eren didn't know whether to be relieved or annoyed. He settled on feeling both.

"What the hell Erwin? You said I could have him now!" Levi said in that indignant voice he usually reserved for yelling at Eren's mess ups.

"In a minute. Eren needs to know some things first." The tall blonde turned to the brunette, "Hanji?"

The woman cracked a smile and her glasses flashed, "Right. So we were working on a little experiment." Hanji indicated both her and Moblit-the latter of which who was now grabbing away vials as the Levi who had been atop the cabinet attempted to drink them.

"An unauthorized experiment," Erwin said in that disapproving tone only he could command, causing Moblit to cower.

Eren would bet his titan shifting ass that Moblit had been conned into this experiment just like he had every one previously. He really was too much of a sucker where Hanji was concerned. The woman was fully aware of this, and yet it didn't stop her from exploiting it one iota.

"Semantics," Hanji said with a wave of her hand, "Anyway Eren the experiment really was a stroke of genius. We were trying to isolate the factor that makes Levi such an incredible soldier. We figured that if we could isolate it, we could study it and then train the new units in that manner to create 'Levi soldiers.' Unfortunately something went wrong with the formula and instead of identifying one element, Levi suddenly split into 6 different emotional aspects of his personality."

"Wait-so all these weirdoes are really Levi?" Eren gasped.

2 Levis growled angrily, 2 looked up with hurt expressions, and two ignored him altogether-the Levi who continued to read, and the Levi sitting in the middle of the room that had moved on to singing a song about cleaning up.

"Yep," Hanji said, snagging Levi's arm as he ducked out of Erwin's grip and made to throw himself at Eren again. This here one I've labeled lust-Levi. He's basically one big ball of horniness."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Lust-Levi huffed, peeling Hanji's fingers off of his shirt.

Eren felt arms come up around his waist and suddenly he had a mouth full of Levi's hair. Except this wasn't lust-Levi, this was-

"Love-Levi sweetie I'm trying to explain this to Eren so if you could please-"

"LOVE Levi?" Eren cried, interrupting Hanji. The small being in his hand jumped a bit but only wrapped his arms around the boy tighter, burying his face in the boy's neck.

"Yes, love-Levi-he's the incarnation of Levi's warm and caring emotions and he's kind of sensitive and your yelling is scaring him," Hanji said in a reproving voice the boy didn't often hear.

Eren blinked and looked down at the small man. He did seem shaken, but despite that he was still clinging to Eren tightly.

"Oi asshole! Get the hell off of Eren, I called him first!" Lust-Levi exclaimed, grabbing hold of the back of love-Levi's shirt, "You can have him after I've finished making a mess of him."

"No!" love-Levi shouted, though the sound was muffled in Eren's neck, "I won't let you use him like that!"

Eren's heart skipped a beat and one of his hands came up to tentatively rest its palm atop Levi's head. Feeling it, Levi let out a small sigh and pushed upward into the touch.

Seeing this, Lust-Levi growled, "Back off from my man bitch!"

Love-Levi turned slowly, reluctance written across his face, "I don't want to fight you…"

"Good! So step aside!"

"You know I can't do that…"

"Then don't say I didn't warn you!"

"Wait! No! Guys!" But Hanji's cry was too late, and so was Erwin's intervening arm. Lust-Levi crashed into his counterpart, but love-Levi quickly rose to retaliate. The two swiftly became a blur of moving limbs, and Eren found himself able to do nothing but stare as he observed the beautifully moving bodies, their hand to hand combat skills so incredible he could have wept from it-if he did unmanly things like weep of course. Titan slayers had no time for such endeavors. But this fight-well this he had time for. It was the most incredible thing he'd ever seen. He'd always wondered what it would look like to see Levi meet his match, and now he had. But it was clear from this that the only one who could draw out the full potential of Levi was Levi himself.

"Give up now fuckface!" Lust-Levi sneered, finally catching love-Levi's cheek in a punch that sent him staggering back, but love-Levi corrected himself quickly, sliding to a halt and then springing back into the fray, "Over my dead body!"

So focused were the two of them on each other that they didn't notice as a third body came careening at them with Levi's characteristic spinning technique used to increase his velocity to maximum levels. Even Eren barely saw the body speeding forward like a bullet-certainly not fast enough to shout a warning-as the man sliced between the two letting loose simultaneous kicks that hit both their faces.

Both Levis crashed to the ground as the intruder landed lithely on his feet. "I can take on both you bitches at the same time!" The third Levi crowed. Eren recognized the man's behavior as belonging to the Levi who had been atop the cabinet and torturing Moblit.

"No Courage-Levi!" Hanji shouted, "Stand down! We can't afford to have you all fighting!"

Courage-Levi huh...Eren thought as he stared wondrously at the new comer So this is what Levi would look like if he was pure power with no reason holding him back.

"Don't bother Hanji, he's a complete barbarian."

Eren looked up in time to see the quietly reading Levi stand up and cast the group of fighting Levi's a disgusted look.

"In fact, all of them are. You have no idea how happy I am to be rid of them all."

"Yes, well, we still need to get you all back together," a harried looking Hanji called out as she raced forward to rescue the singing Levi before he could join the fray. As she caught him he looked at her questioningly, "Want to play the game," he explained, "Want to play with Levi friends!"

He even sounded juvenile. Like a child trapped in Levi's body. Eren couldn't help wondering how he fit into the whole picture.

"Maybe later," Hanji promised the child/man, "Why don't you go play with Eren?"

Levi's eyes lit up, "Eren's here?" It was a true testament to his obliviousness that he hadn't noticed the titan shifter until now. He looked around wildly, and when his eyes settled on Eren he raced forward and threw himself at the teen, "Eren! Eren pick me up! Pick me up!"

Levi didn't wait for a response choosing to leap up into the boy's arms. Eren caught him instinctively, but had no clue what to do afterward. He'd never, not even in his weirdest fantasies pictured this ever happening. Levi however had no such confusion, and wrapped his arms around Eren's neck and pressed a kiss to his cheek, "Love my Eren," he said with all his heart.

Eren almost dropped him.

Erwin was in the middle of the mess of fighting Levi's with Moblit, but Hanji was still there and as she caught a look of Eren's face she burst out laughing. "Yeah, I don't think any of us are used to Happy-Levi yet."

Eren looked down at Happy-Levi, and Happy-Levi beamed back at him. Eren reached forward, shaky with unsureness, and touched the man's cheek. Happy-Levi made a delighted sound in the back of his throat and nuzzled the hand close.

"Why is he…" Eren realized his voice sounded strangled and he tried again, "Why is he acting like—"

"A child?" Hanji asked, finishing his sentence, "Because for all intents and purposes he is one. My estimate is that he's on about a four year Old's level. And my guess is that tragedy struck him soon after that and then just never stopped coming. I think that his expression of happiness is stuck at that age because he never really experienced true happiness after that."

Eren felt something in his heart thud and his arms curled instinctively tighter around the small man, "You're trying to tell me that Levi hasn't been happy in almost thirty years?"

He realized he was shouting and tried to calm himself because the Levi in his arms didn't understand and would think he was yelling at him. He dropped his hand to the man's head and brushed his hair back. Eren wanted this Levi to know that he wasn't angry, or at least, wasn't angry at him. He was angry at someone, or something rather. Angry at whatever it was that had given Levi such an awful life.

But that was obvious wasn't it? It was the damn titans. If they weren't here Levi would probably have had a normal family, normal friends. And the person in his arms right now would have been a full grown man, not a child. Eren let his head fall atop Levi's not wanting the man to see the expression on it, because he knew from experience that it was a scary one. He would kill all the Titans. Every last damn one of them. He had a whole lot of reasons to kill them, but now he had another one. An important one. He would kill them for Levi.

He felt a soft touch on his face, he opened his eyes, not having realized that he'd closed them in the first place, "Eren sad?" a concerned looking Levi asked, not looking particularly happy in that moment. His expression was wide and innocent. This was a Levi who hadn't seen the battlefield, who had never been forced to dirty his hands with blood. Eren leaned down and pressed a kiss to the man's head. The first one he had ever bestowed on him—on anyone really—anyone who wasn't family, "I'll make you happy," he promised him, "Someday, I'm not sure how, but I'll make you happy again I promise."

Levi laughed, and Eren realized it was the sweetest sound he had ever heard. Hanji and Erwin both paused at the sound of it. It looked like neither of them had ever heard it either even though they had both known him for far longer than Eren had, "Silly Eren," Levi said, tapping his cheek, "You already make me happy."

Eren hugged him. He couldn't have not hugged him in that moment. It was the one thing he'd always wanted to hear from the man, and even though it had been said in the words of a child, that didn't make it any less valuable in Eren's book. Happy-Levi went with the flow and hugged him back and they stood there, a small circle of happiness—right up until courage-Levi sent lust-Levi flying straight across the room, into the moping Levi on the floor.

"I hate you assholes!" the moping Levi screamed, pushing lust-Levi off of him and racing to the table where he began to pick up vials and books and fling them at the surrounding Levis while screaming about how much he hated them and all they stood for.

Hanji sighed, "I'm not sure about whether to call him sad, angry, or crazy Levi—but I know he's got a hell of a lot of issues. But as you can see none of them, with maybe the exception of logic-Levi, has any chance of functioning on his own. We need to get them back together. If one of them hurts the other permanently I can't say what kind of effect that'll have on Levi's personality when we manage to get him whole again. I'm just not sure what to do. I'm hoping the solution administered will just wear off in time, but I'm starting to think it's not as simple as that."

Hanji swiveled around as she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was logic-Levi.

"It's Eren," he said, fixing a steely eyed gaze on the titan shifter, "The answer has always been Eren."

Eren looked at him, face a blank slate. He was following as well as he usually was—which wasn't very well.

Logic-Levi sighed, but the sound was fond, "You've never been a very smart boy. I don't know why the rest of me likes you so much."

"Um, you're mistaken uh, sir," Eren answered, glad to be talking to the first controlled Levi he'd met since waking, "Levi hates-I mean, you, hate me."

Hanji snorted and logic-Levi chuckled, "I'm sure he'd prefer that. But please attempt to reign in your ignorance Eren, what love, happy, and lust Levi have shown you are all correct, and if you speak to the rest you will see they all feel the same way."

Nope. Eren couldn't believe it. He'd seen a lot of crazy crap today but he couldn't put any of it together with the Levi he knew. These people might say things like "I love you" or "I'm going to fuck you until you die" or whatever, but that had to be because of whatever drug Hanji had given him.

But Hanji had more important matters than Eren's love life, or lack thereof to attend to. "What do you mean the answer is Eren? Does that mean you've worked out a solution?"

Logic-Levi smirked in a particularly smug kind of way, "Of course, isn't it obvious?"

Eren could see Hanji physically restrain herself from hitting him. He had a feeling it was a self-control built up from years of dealing with him. "Some of us aren't gifted with your apparently never ending flood of genius, so go ahead and spill."

Eren was pretty sure that if logic-Levi had had a mane of long hair he would have tossed it, "Well all the parts of us are split up now—we were split using one thing, so it makes sense that we would need something in common to put us all together. I think that now that we're all separate we don't really have anything in common together so why would ourselves want to merge. There's only one thing we all share…"

Hanji's eyes widened, "Of course! Why didn't I see it?"

Eren was getting tired of being the idiot in the room, "See what?"

They both turned to him with twin expressions of "look at this adorable little stupid boy."

"Honestly Eren, it must feel so relaxing to be you," Logic-Levi said with a snort, "To drift through life with only the thought of killing Titans on your mind. Everything must be so simple."

"Just tell me!"

"Levi's already told you Eren," said a gentler Hanji, "The answer is you. You are the one thing all the Levi's have in common. They all care about you. So that's why we're going to give you to them."

Eren blinked, "Wait, what does that mea—"

But Hanji was already turning away from him to address the room, "All right guys, we're going to put you all back together!"

The room came to a sudden halt. Courage-Levi froze from where he was urinating off the top of the table onto Moblit's head. Love-Levi set down Angsty-levi who he'd been giving another hug. And Lust-Levi stopped from his position in the middle of the room where he was trying to remove Erwin's belt. Logic and happy Levi of course stayed where they were, logic looking smug while happy kept his arms twined around Eren's neck. Eren, who had forgotten about his position there in the heat of the moment suddenly realized that both his arms had fallen asleep.

"I don't want to go back together with those fuck dorks!" Courage Levi roared, expressing his outrage by kicking a now sodden Moblit in the head.

Love-Levi shot him a weary look, "Believe me we're not all clambering to get back into you either."

"I hate all of you!" Angsty-Levi moaned.

"I'm not going anywhere until I get to fuck Eren!" Lust-Levi shouted, his ultimatum clear and simple.

"Well great," Hanji said, apparently thinking that she couldn't have planned the conversation better if she'd paid them, "Because that's exactly what we're going to do."

Eren felt a pit of fear yawn open in his stomach.

"Because everyone gets to have sex with Eren!"

There was a whole lot of blinking around the room, and Eren, still holding Happy-Levi, sank to his knees.

Finally the silence was broken by a confused looking Moblit. He looked like he wanted to climb over the wall and take his luck with the titans rather than stand there a minute longer. "Uh…squad leader? Does that include—"

"Oh God no Moblit, no one's screwing you."

He looked both relieved and offended by this statement. Eren couldn't blame him. Hanji was a tough person to love.

"I meant the Levis. Logic-Levi had this great idea for an orgy—"

"When you say 'great'…" Erwin began.

"I mean genius!" she cried, missing the wry note in his voice entirely, "It'll work out, I'm sure of it. If they all have sex with him at the same time then their heats will be united in their love for Eren and then they'll merge back into one."

"Why the hell would that work?" Erwin asked, though from the tired sound of his voice he wasn't expecting a decent answer. It was a good thing. He would have been severely disappointed otherwise.

"Because of the power of love!" Love-Levi chimed passionately, racing over to Eren and bowling over the teen who was already on his knees.

"More like the power of epic gay sex!" Lust-Levi cried, racing after him in order to throw him off the boy he wanted to bang.

"I'm gonna fuck all of you up!" Courage-Levi cried, swooping down the table and heading for the pile of Levis + Eren.

"Get off of the one person I don't hate!" Angsty-Levi added, moping his way over to the pile as well.

"I suppose that's my cue," Logic-Levi sighed, reaching up to the top button of his shirt.

"Everybody gets hugs!" came the muffled, but still very cute cry of Happy-Levi who was all the way at the bottom of the pile.

"Wait! I can't take all of you at the same time!" Eren shouted in blind panic when pound after pound of sexy muscled flesh rained down over him.

"I know you'll figure something out," Hanji called out grabbing hold of both Erwin and Moblit as she headed toward the door, "You are humanity's hope after all."

"Don't you dare leave me with them!" Eren shouted, "They'll eat me alive!"

"That's not all we're going to do," Lust-Levi assured him.

"Don't worry Eren, it's okay if it's done out of love." Love-Levi informed him.

"Are we playing another game?" Happy-Levi asked, popping his head up out of the pile like a prairie dog and looking around excitedly, "I can play too, right?"

Eren's eyes rounded with horror at the thought of the sweet and wonderfully innocent happy-Levi getting even a hint of what courage, or worse, lust Levi were capable of.

"No!" he shouted, grabbing Happy-Levi tightly and pressing his face to his chest, "Definitely not!"

"Uh-uh," Hanji tutted, as she was pushing open the door, "He's got to be in on it too. They all have to be if this is going to work."

"No!" Eren cried out, feeling desperate. He couldn't. That was too much. He'd scar Happy-Levi for life, "Please Hanji there has to be another way! I can't do this."

"You have to," she said becoming serious, "It's the only solution we can think of and we don't have the time or resources to think of another plan, the longer they're separated the less chances they have of being spliced back together, and the higher chance they have of destroying each other or all the people in the city. We can't risk that. You'll just have to figure it out."

With that she closed the door behind her along with (according to Eren-at least in that moment) her two entirely useless companions.

There was the sound of a padlock locking, and Eren knew that the door wouldn't be opening again until Levi was all back together in one piece. Sure, he could go Titan and smash his way through so he wasn't really stuck, but it was the principle of the thing. Though Eren couldn't muster up too much anger toward the brown haired scientist. She was right. He had to figure this out, and fast. (Besides, he would never go titan in front of Happy-Levi. The little guy would be terrified.)

He didn't really have time to think of some kind of safe sex option though, or even get himself prepared for the idea of sex with Levi for that matter—because all of his clothes were nearly off. Levi had always been a fast son of a gun, so it was only to be expected that a team of 6 of them would be like the pit stop repair team at a Nascar break point.

Eren grabbed hold of the waistband of his underwear before they could be snapped away by an enthusiastic Lust-Levi. "Wait!" he gasped, "A blindfold. I need to—" Another hand reached out to snap his waistband, and he only ducked in the nick of time. Realizing he only had seconds remaining, he nabbed his shirt from the floor and tore off one of the sleeves, "Come here Happy," he called with a smile that was more than a bit strained, "You're going to play a game with me, okay?"

Happy-Levi's whole body came to life with excitement, "Just Eren and Levi?"

Eren nodded, trying to stay calm even as he felt hands descending on him. He tried to shove most of them aside, "That's right little one, come."

And then Happy-Levi was in his arms, snuggling close. Eren let himself feel the warmth of him for one bracing second and then he quickly wrapped the blindfold over his eyes tightly.

"Oh no, it's all dark!" the small man exclaimed, "Levi doesn't like the dark!"

"It's okay, I'm right here, okay?" Eren soothed. At that moment his underwear came off, three guesses as to who the culprit was, but he didn't allow his voice to waver. He smoothed Happy-Levi's hair back and placed a kiss on his nose, "It's all part of the game. It's a funny noises game. Eren and all the Levis are going to be saying a lot of strange things, but you mustn't be frightened okay? They're just silly noises meant to be funny. They don't mean anything.

A small smile curved on the man's face, "Do I get to make silly noises too?"

Eren smiled, "Yes, whatever you want. But you have to stay close to me, okay? You can't wander off or get in the way of the other Levis" Eren pressed Happy-Levi close to his chest, "Promise for me."

"I promise Eren," He breathed, sounding content as he curled himself up on the teen's chest.

And that was the last of Eren's peace. Two hands gripped his shoulders roughly and pressed him down to the floor, "I get to have you Eren, right?" It was Lust-Levi. Eren was sure the words were meant to come out as a command, but the sheer force of the man's need was making them more of a beg. Eren realized with a jolt just how much this waiting must have hurt the man. Eren reached up and cupped the space between the man's legs causing Lust-Levi to let out an anguished moan. He was rock hard and Eren was sure that he had been that way the entire time. "I'm sorry," Eren whispered raising his other hand to touch the man's face even as he continued to rub him with his other hand. He couldn't imagine what the man had been through. One time Eren had walked in on the captain while he was getting dressed. He'd only been shirtless, but the sight had tortured Eren until he thought he would go crazy from it. What Levi was feeling now had to be a hell of a lot worse. He was the embodiment of lust with nothing else to distract him from it. Lust-Levi clenched his teeth together, his eyes squeezing closed as his hands gripped Eren's shoulders using him as a rock to steady himself, "Eren…" he choked out, "I can—I can have—"

"Yes," Eren breathed, pulling the man's head down and feeling a blossoming surety in his abdomen, "Yes a thousand times." And then he was kissing him, his lips pushing up against his superiors as all his nerve endings exploded. Lust-Levi immediately took control of the kiss, wasting no time in pushing his agile tongue into Eren's mouth to explore. And Eren let him. At the first touch he had been lost, helpless to stop—to even want to stop anything that would be happening. He was hard again. Rock solid and it was all from the thought of Levi.

Lust-Levi's hands moved to Eren's head, curling tightly in his hair and pulling him closer, his tongue deep in Eren's mouth as if he was trying to fuse the two of them together instead of merging with his Levi counterparts. But the enjoyment of this first searing kiss didn't mean that the rest of his body was unaware, so even though his mind forgot for a moment the other converging Levis—his body made sure to remind him, and not in a very subtle way.

The first feeling of courage-Levi's hand around the base of his arousal had Eren gasping for air. The surprise had him throwing back his head and cracking it against the stone floor, but he didn't even register the pain—if there was any—he was too busy dealing with the fact that his brain was melting. But there was no time given to accustom himself, not even to this, because even as the shock was still registering there was warm breath spilling over the head of his erection. Eren lifted his head just in time to see Angsty-Levi's eyes. Except they weren't just squinted slashes in his face now. They were warmer. Less confused and hurt, as if he finally had a clue about what he was looking at. And then Eren was in his mouth, being pushed into that warm wet cavern full of tongue and lips and skin and—

"Ermgnf!" Eren groaned around the simultaneous feeling of hands, mouth, and lips caressing him. He knew there was no saving him now. He was falling deep into this—deep into every part of Levi, and they were going to make sure he remembered it.

But then Eren was being lifted, his back being pushed up and over, causing Lust-Levi's lips to break from his, and Happy-Levi to start sliding down his chest. Eren snagged the man before he could fall, cradling the juvenile Levi to his chest closely as he held himself off the ground with the other.

"Hey! What's the big idea!" Lust Levi complained, but Eren couldn't say a word. He was much to startled by the warm wetness near his entrance—a place he had never dared to place anything. But now there was something there all right. In fact, a couple of somethings and they were already nudging at his hole without asking permission.

"Hold up you logical asshole!" Lust Levi shouted, "That's my job."

But Logic-Levi didn't listen. Slowly yet purposefully he pushed two slick fingers into Eren, pushing in until they were entirely slotted inside of him before reversing the track to pull back out. A slick squishing sound could be heard and Eren blushed brilliantly at the sound, far too embarrassed by what was happening to say a word. The feeling was an uncomfortable intrusion, but he couldn't focus on that—not with both courage and angsty Levis working on him. He had to focus considerably to remember not to drop Happy-Levi. But Lust-Levi wasn't happy with these proceedings. Not in the slightest. He elbowed Logic-Levi out of the way. "I'm taking him, therefore I'm going to prepare him fucknut," he spat. However, though his voice was rough, his hands, when they touched Eren, weren't. He hadn't been this gentle this morning when he'd thrown himself at Eren. No. There were bits of Love-Eren in him. They were already starting to blend.

Eren felt his heart swell. This was going to work. Hanji's plan was going to work and he was going to be able to save the man he loved. The thought freed him from his worry, and the idea that this right here was anything but right. Warmth and affection pulsed through him for every manifestation of this man. He loved them—every single one of them. And he would have told them so had he not, at that very moment, caught onto the fact that Lust-Levi's tongue was thrusting in and out of his entrance.

Eren jolted as if a live wire had been stuffed up his anus—which was basically what had happened.

"Levi!" he yelped, twisting his head over his shoulder sharply, "that's so dirty! How could you—when you're so clean—you can't even stand a little dust on top of your—how on earth could you—"

Lust-Levi grinned, and it was the most mischievous, sexiest thing Eren had ever seen and it made him groan with longing.

"Oh I know that, I'm just too horny to care—logic dude on the other hand…"

Eren turned a little to the left and saw Logic-Levi raking desperately at his face. He looked very much like he was trying to claw his eyes out in an attempt to erase the image of what he had just seen. Seeing the expression on Eren's face, Lust-Levi laughed and wrapped his arm around his waist, "You ready for me shitty brat?" The tone of his voice was warmer than any he had yet heard from him.

"Yes. Hell yes. definitely. I—"

Lust-Levi sealed his babbling mouth with a kiss, multi-tasking as he did so, his other hand grabbing hold of himself as he lined Eren's hips up for entry. A gentle press of lips to his chest had Eren breaking the kiss and turning to face the newcomer.

"I've prepared myself for you," Love-Levi whispered, letting his fingers trace Eren's cheekbones before settling in a gentle grip behind his ears, "Please take me Eren, I want to give every part of myself to you."

Eren knew that supposedly indestructible or not, he was not going to survive this. How could he when Levi was being so open with him? It was such a rare look at the man, so often closed off. Eren didn't want to take advantage of it, he told himself that Levi couldn't be held responsible for it, that he wouldn't let any of the words count after today—but he knew that what he was telling himself was a lie, and that he'd remember those words for the rest of his Titan riddled existence. "I'll take anything you want to give me Levi," he gasped, knowing that too many words would bring out the waterworks in him. He pulled Love-Levi's mouth to his and kissed him deeply, mapping out the man's mouth and trying to push his feelings into him, to show him in action what he couldn't say in words. Finally Love-Levi had to pull away, in desperate need of air, and as he did so, Eren reached out his hands and touched both courage and angsty's heads and motioned for them to wait. He settled Love-Levi carefully around Happy-Levi, leaving the older man facing him. And then, with slightly shaky hands, Eren slid Love-Levi down on his erection, the already prepared passage slick and ready for him. They both groaned deeply as the immense tightness settled over Eren, but he wouldn't let that distract him—at least, distract him past the point of madness. He needed to take care of Levi, he needed to join himself with all of him. He pressed love Levi forward until the man's chest was pressed up against Happy-Levi's back, then Eren turned his head backward. But already Lust-Levi was pushing into him from behind. Eren couldn't have prepared for the feeling, so unknown to him, but as the sensation of overwhelming fullness seized him (Levi was not a very small man down under) he realized that it was perfect, that there was no other person he'd rather be doing this with. Lust-Levi sunk down into him, but then he waited, not moving, allowing Eren a moment to think. Eren reached back and stroked the man's thigh appreciatively before turning his attention to the other three men.

He looked directly up at courage who was vibrating with suppressed energy and the need to release it. "Hold on just a second, okay?" he said to the man, knowing that this was the one responsible for kill after endless kill, taking on the fear of Titan's every time and consuming it, bringing it into himself and owning it so that he could keep pushing forward to be humanity's strongest, "I love you."

The man stiffened at the words, but it was not a bad kind of stiffening. Eren was sure the man hadn't heard the words enough, and he couldn't help but think of what a shame that was. He could just imagine how much stronger the man would have been if he had known just how much others cared about him.

And then he motioned toward Angsty-Levi. "Come here you beautiful man," he whispered, holding out a hand to the man who was biting his lip and trying to look away even as his body moved to be closer to the teen's. Eren felt his palm tingle all over as he slid it up the man's arm, over his shoulder and neck and up to his face, "You have put up with so much shit," he murmured, finding the man's eyes and being stunned into stillness from the beauty and depth in them, "You're where all the pain goes. All the deaths, all the friends you have to bury. You take on everyone's pain and make it your responsibility because you're supposed to be the strong one. You're the one everyone relies on—all the trainees, the citizens, the officers, hell, even the commander leans on you for strength. Every person in our entire world looks to you to save them, and that's something no one should have to deal with. But you do it anyway. And you're so good at it that we forget you're human. We forget the toll this takes on you. But Levi…Levi you amazing wonderful man, I hope you realize that even if I can't do what you do, I can still bear a little of it, so please put your pain into me, let me share it, let me share you, because I swear nothing will make me feel more necessary than knowing that I have helped humanity's strongest, the man I have worshipped, loved, and respected above others, the man that could only have ever been you."

Levi's tear hit Eren's face, breaking up his thoughts, and the speech that was far more eloquent than he would have been able to make under less emotionally laden circumstances. It was only a single tear, but Eren knew it was the first he had made in years. Maybe even more years than Eren had ever been alive. And then Levi's lips were brushing over his. Soft, chaste, but trembling with feeling. Eren gently gripped the man's thigh and pulled him closer. His hand brushed over his crotch and found him hard. They were all hard. It would be stupid to pretend that they weren't all ridiculously aroused. The emotional tide didn't change that underlying tone of all this. They'd been lusting after each other forever, so naturally when the occasion finally arose where they were both allowing themselves to do something about it, it was bound to be explosive. Eren slid the man forward and settled one hand around the base of the man's arousal. Angsty-Levi shivered and the tremor of it raced all the way up Eren's arm. He gave the man one more piercing look of longing before turning to Logic-Levi who had long ago stopped his display of horror. His smirk was nowhere in sight. It seemed that even this man of stalwart logic had a chink in his armor. Eren reached out his other hand for him and the man slid forward wordlessly.

"I love you too you know," Eren said, a smile playing out on his lips, "The fact that you're that much smarter than me makes you so much sexier."

The man rolled his eyes but pressed himself against Eren's shoulder, "Oh please, you just think I've got a sickly toned ass."

Eren's smile split even wider, "Yes, that too."

He wrapped his second hand around Logic-Levi's base. He was covered on all sides by Levi's and that was overwhelming. Especially when both Lust-Levi and Love-Levi began to move. Love rising up over Eren's length, while Lust slid partway out of him only to slam back into him again. His gentleness was gone, his need for Eren taking over his senses.

Eren let out a strangled cry. He definitely wasn't going to survive. He was going to stroke out any minute. But he forced his mind to keep working, the effort and focus entailed in the mission reminded him of his will to keep a piece of his mind intact even while in Titan form. Only this was so much better and instead of pain and rage there was only pleasure and warmth.

His eyes raked over the last Levi, still standing and vibrating, looking so down right sexy Eren feared for premature ejaculation. "Le-vi" he gasped, jerking his head over to him and letting his mouth fall open in an anticipatory moan.

Courage-Levi caught his drift. He wasn't an idiot after all, even if he was constantly consumed by the urge to do dangerous dastardly things (he was quite similar to Eren in that regard.) He pushed his way over to the teen, planted his feet firmly, grabbed a thick handful of his hair, wrenching the boy's head back in the process, and then rammed his erection down Eren's awaiting throat.

Simultaneous groans went up from all of them then. They were finally joined, and each of them could feel it in their bones.

If Eren had been able to talk he probably would have spewed even more incoherent sappy garbage, but thankfully this ability had been stripped from him due to the swift arrival of Courage-Levi's well-endowed cock, so that was one less issue for them all to worry about. In fact, there really wasn't much stopping them all from letting loose in that moment and letting arching waves of pleasure sweep through them. They'd long ago given up on trying to keep the barriers up. No one was hiding anything from each other anymore.

Eren moaned with every part of himself as every available inch of him was covered and filled by pulsing Levi flesh. It was the kind of first experience no one should have been able to stand up to, and Eren was not an exception. Sure, he tried, in fact his efforts were duly noted. Despite the pleasure that was drowning him and making his brain scream he attempted to work with them all, rising and falling for Lust and Love Levi while attempting to keep a steady rhythm on the hands he had on Logic and Angst. But it was all for naught, far too soon he was lost, his body spasming as he came hard, harder than a regular body might've managed, but everyone knew Eren was made of tougher stuff. He came and he came and he came, calling out Levi's name despite the fullness in his mouth and in his…everywhere. He kept coming and spasming throughout every one of the Levi's orgasms, each of which came in a tight fast interval. And then there was no more trembling, no more shouts and screams of ecstasy. There were only depleted and heavily sated bodies collapsing against him, one by one until there was nothing and Eren fell back, his eyes closed, every patch of his skin firing and throbbing with the feeling of the man he loved.

He was experiencing the kind of overwhelming state that didn't resolve itself easily. His body needed time as it always did for recovery. Granted, this recovery was different than the other, usually Titan related, situations-maybe it was even more intense. And it was because of this needed recovery period that he didn't realize the state he was in until the body that had been pressed up against his chest the entire time began to stir.

A thick blanket of warmth swept through him as he remembered Happy-Levi, the poor trooper. He lifted his arms and wrapped them around the man tightly, drawing him close and pressing his face to the man's cheek. "You okay now?" he asked, pulling himself up in order to wrap the man even closer.

"Yeah…" the voice was hoarse, gruff, and instantly recognizable.

Too late he realized that his hands shouldn't have been so easily freed. Too late he noticed that his ability to sit up should have been impeded by several bodies. The realization that there was now only one man in his arms came only after his lightning recognition of the person he was now holding.

"Levi…" Eren's voice cracked as he buried his face into his captain's shoulder, "Levi I—I'm so sorry. I hope that I…that I didn't hurt, I—"

Levi's kiss, when it met Eren's mouth was different than the others his counterparts had laid on him, and yet inherently the same. It was smooth and absolutely certain. It was the kiss of a man who knew exactly who he wanted.

"I hope you know," yup. That was definitely Levi's voice, "That that was the last time you ever had a hope of topping me. So kiss that dream goodbye brat because it's now so far in the past your ancestors can't even remember it."

Eren blinked and then he stiffened, and then he let out a rolling wave of laughter that felt so damn good after the huge buildup of tension in his system. The laughter, and the accompanying waves of acceptance and hope, allowed him to voice his next thought, "Does that mean we'll be able to do all this again?"

"If you're asking whether I'm going to form another horde of nightmarish Levis to come and consume you then I am going to kick your ass until my foot punches through your spleen."

Eren's hands tightened around the man and breathed in deeply. Yes. This was his man. He could recognize him even better now that he saw how all the pieces fit together. "No, I mean, you and me, is this going to be—"

"Well I'm certainly not going to let you sleep around with anyone else horny brat," Levi spat, but then he pressed a slightly rough kiss on the spot right behind Eren's ear that made the teen wonder if any of Levi's gruffness would ever be effective again. His tentative answer was a pretty sound no.

"I love you Levi," Eren blurted just as the doors collapsed inward revealing a sprawled out Hanji and Moblit. A more composed Erwin was standing behind them looking cool and stoic (and just the slightest bit concerned.)

Hanji sprang up and bounded over, "Another raging success I'll say. Moblit, draw up your conclusions so that we can get started on adjustments."

Eren glanced around disbelievingly, but aside for the three superiors walking around as if he wasn't naked beneath one of their closest friends, the thing that got to him the most was the fact that Moblit hadn't taken his break from all of this to run away to join a less insane legion.

Already Levi was standing, exposing to all the world the full on glory that was humanity's most gorgeous ass. Lazily he reached over to pull at his white shirt that was lying forgotten on the cold floor. He sniffed disapprovingly, noting the unacceptable wrinkles dotting the garment before slipping it on.

"Hanji you shitty glasses fuck, if you ever so much as mention the idea of one of your pisspot formulas again I will stick you with every sword I can lay my hands on until you resemble the world's ugliest pincushion."

Hanji of course adopted her usual route to accepting Levi's verbal abuse by pretending he'd just rained her with compliments, "Hey now, don't let me take all the credit, I do admit that I couldn't have done it without dear Moblit…okay, maybe I could have, but it would have taken a bit longer."

Moblit's body straightened up and I could see him staring at the ceiling, blinking back tears from the high praise. Eren couldn't help thinking that as soon as his mind had come back down to earth from whatever heaven it was currently inhabiting he'd get the man into a healthy support group.

"I hate you vehemently," Levi responded, unmoved, "And Erwin you're also a sack of shit and you should go drown yourself in Titan stomach acid."

"I'm not the one who was trying to get into your pants," Erwin said, his hair was already pristinely back in place. Looking at him you'd never suspect that anything out of the ordinary had happened.

"Yeah, yeah, you've got a nice ass but you can't give me shitty love confessions like the brat so you can kiss my ass Commander limbless."

Eren's heart swelled as if he'd just been handed all the softest kittens in the empire. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that the words that had just left Levi's mouth had been the most romantic ones he'd ever heard.

"Levi, I think we should get married," he said, earnestness lighting up his face.

"Over my stone cold titan eaten corpse!" Levi yelped, leaping back as Eren attempted to snag him.

But he didn't leap very far, in fact, it was pretty obvious to all that knew him that he wasn't even trying. And if one looked closely enough, they might just have noticed the small smile that tugged at the corner of the captain's mouth just as Eren's body crashed into his and tackled him to the ground. Eren didn't see it, but he didn't have to, he had everything he needed right there in his arms.