A/N: I'm not done yet with my updates of nonsense fanfiction. Thank you very very much for the feedback you guys left in my other projects - this is a small treat for your patience and support. Oh, forgive me for this grotesque story, I think it's way worse than ... (Well, there is no "crackfic" category in this website, how I am supposed to tag this? lol)
May woke up in pain feeling all her muscles and bones cracking and screaming for help. Her mind was as blank as a Psyduck's head but still... One lesson didn't leave her thoughts: one should never, (ever) again, try mixing fun parties with alcohol. Being legal had its advantages... And lots of disadvantages as well.
An adventurous and reckless person would make a mess of this situation - and May surely was a cheerful spirit when she was singing her favorite song out loud on the dance floor. Faint memories from the past hours were as vague and disconnected as scattered puzzle pieces on the floor. Solidad's house... Harley's countless bottles of wine... Drew showing off how to shuffle a deck of cards with style and some stupid challenge...
...What the heck happened last night?
May scanned the room around her while rubbing her pulsing and sore temples. There were few portraits of many familiar faces (including herself) on the top of the bed - but she recognized Solidad's confident yet soft smile in most of them. Was that place her room?
May confirmed she was still in her veteran's house as soon as she spotted the Kanto Grand Festival's Trophy resting on the desk on the other side of the room.
The debilitated brunette clutched her hand close to her chest... Then she noticed that something important was missing.
May looked down and stared at her own uncovered body with horror in her face.
In an instinctive and defensive move, the half-naked coordinator pulled the bed sheets and faced the terrifying awful truth. She forced herself to not yell in despair and horror - what did happen to her bandanna? What about her dress?... And her bra?
"Ahhh?!" The brunette girl yelped in a scared voice, blushing profusely and covering herself in the thick sheets like a timid Swadloon. Few deck cards flew out of her back, as well her (empty) yellow purse and Drew's pokeball belt. "What's going on?!"
Another voice in the room. Jumping closer to the wall, May stared at the sleeping person by her side with despair glued to her face.
Drew was resting by her side, sleeping like an adventurous young kid after a long day playing in the park... Also shirtless.
He was clearly drooling and snoring in a quiet way, with a very tired but satisfied expression printed on his face. His hair was notably messier than Ash Ketchum's rebellious spikes... May could swear there was few deck cards stuck behind his left ear.
The green-haired coordinator opened his eyes almost instantly, feeling his body really cold.
"What are you doing pushing all the sheets to yourse—"
May was about to scream out loud when Drew slowly realized how out of the world were the words coming out of his lips. He silenced his rival, placing a hand over her lips. "—What are you doing here?..."
"I ask you the same!" She controlled herself, lowering her voice into a mortified whisper. "How did this happen?!"
May could swear Drew the type of guy who would wear tacky rose-themed briefs - so it was a great relief to see a pair of plain black boxers submerge from under the sheets.
Relieved or not, her cheeks exploded from white to red in a matter of seconds: that wasn't exactly what she wanted to see either...
"What the hell are you doing in my bed?..." The green-haired coordinator was still drowsy and not fully awaken; he groaned to his rival in a tired and annoyed voice. "It's freezing, let me get at least one of the blankets and—"
"—NO!" She curled up into a ball, pushing the blankets closer to her body. "No way!"
Drew tried to grab his PokeNav and check the hours - however, that made him realize he had no pockets at that moment.
"...What did happen yesterday."
It was a question but it sounded like a dreadful death sentence. It was a worse reaction than the first time Drew saw Harley cosplaying one of the Sensational Sisters of Cerulean City...
The exasperated brunette closed her eyes, trying to remember anything about the disastrous party with cheap and low quality booze. A dare... Harley singing and dancing without his pants on the table, Drew teasing about her inability to drink more than one glass of wine, Solidad and four Ace cards in her hand...
"I don't know!" She cringed in despair, trying to find her clothes somewhere on the floor. "I just woke up and... You were there!"
"...Are you naked too."
It was a question - but it sounded like an acceptance of a not so bad death sentence.
"...Drew, I refuse to answer that."
Without any other choices, May buried her face behind her hands. She had to ask that question...
"We didn't... Did we?"
Drew's face became very serious for a moment.
He snorted, shaking his head. It would be an irony to not remember a mere glimpse of their first time together, wouldn't it?
"...I'd remember something if we did something."
"Are you sure?..." May asked again, just to be sure. "We didn't do anything, right?"
"Drug me with alcohol again then undress in front of me. Check if I'll forget that in the next morning."
"Hmpf..." The brunette girl pouted with a mix of annoyance and relief. "No , I trust your intuition."
The pair of attentive green eyes trailed away from his rival, noticing something alive under the desk. "I wouldn't court you to bed with a crowd watching us. I enjoy some privacy, you know?"
"Eh?" May's head popped out the cocoon of blankets, tilting slightly to one side. "Is there someone here with us?"
She could swear that was only a clean mop from the kitchen under the table - however, resting on the Slowpoke-shaped fluffy rug, there was indeed one more human being inside that room.
"Is that Solidad?..."
Solidad was resting under her desk hugging an old pillow as if it was cute and lovable as a Clefairy doll. Her long hair was a little messier than usual, yet they were framing her tranquil face and highlighting her natural beauty.
"Why can't I be found sleeping drunk in such beautiful way?" May furrowed her eyebrows, a little envious of her veteran coordinator. "Fully clothed, smiling and looking divine?"
The green-haired young man sighed, slowly shaking his head. "Does that matter?"
"Of course it does, Drew!" She raised a finger in the air then argued back, "I want people to see my drunk pretty side instead of my devastated side!"
"Whatever, I'm going to get my stuff and get out of—"
Drew tried to stand up on the floor but his head was incredibly heavy and dizzy - he felt his stomach squeezing itself in an unhealthy manner.
"Ugh... I can't." He coughed in disgust, making a sick face while holding his throat and raising his head up. "I'll pass out if I try moving myself out of here."
Still staring at the ceiling, the green-haired rival squinted his eyes and scratched his chin. "Ehr..."
He bit his lower lip, thinking the best way to approach his rival with an unusual question. After several seconds in silence, he decided to be as clear as possible.
"What color is your underwear?"
"Excuse me?" She raised an eyebrow, pink blushes sparkling on her cheeks. "I'm not telling you that!..."
"By any chances, does it match with your bra?"
"What kind of question is—"
The brunette coordinator followed her rival's index fingers and a part of her pride dissolved away from her body.
"May, is that yours?"
A cute pink bra with white stripes was hanging on one of the helices of the ceiling fan.
"Who did that?..." Mortified, the brunette curled up herself deeper inside the sheets. "How did...?"
"I don't know," Drew replied almost instantly, half-entertained and half-worried about that interesting room decoration in Solidad's room. "Though now I want to know that too."
May felt something poking her back - she noticed that few items were stuck in between the linen. She removed one blanket from her reinforced protection barrier: a couple of deck cards and wine corks fell from that.
Harley's white shoes also appeared from nowhere and flapped to Drew's lap. He held it in his hands and kicked them away with anger.
"No peeking," the brunette warned timidly, leaving the bed while covering her arms over her chest. "I'll grab your stuff too, one minute."
She started to jump on the tip of her toes, trying to fetch her bra from the ceiling fan with heavy and dizzy hops. Thank Arceus nobody was watching that depressive and ridiculous scene...
"Thank you for your consideration, Drew..." May cried with a tired voice, troubled expression stamped in her face. "Sometimes you know how to be a true gentleman, thank you..."
"Why are you thanking me?... I didn't promise you anything."
May yelped in shock, clumsily trying to cover herself from her rival's teasing answer. "H-HEY!"
To her surprise, the green-haired boy was only bluffing - he was still facing the wall as if it was a beautiful landscape.
Huffing in exasperation, she almost tossed Solidad's shiny and heavy trophy at his head. "Don't scare me that way!"
"Then I'll turn around now, I'm warning you."
"Don'... DON'T!" May yelped again, making Drew laugh in amusement. "Ahhh, you!"
The young man chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. "You know I'm only going to spy on you if you allow me to do so..."
The coordinator girl gulped, feeling her cheeks fluster in crimson shades. "Eh?"
"I don't need a bad hangover morning to see your beautiful curves," he declared with a cheeky grin plastered on his face. "I can make you strip for me voluntarily..."
"Uhhh... N-No way!" May stuttered, shaking her head in disbelief. "You must be crazy, how can you say these things?..."
"Mark my words." Drew shrugged, still smiling to himself. "I can even make you tell me what color is your underwear, trust me."
"Drew, who else was here yesterday? Where is the rest of my clothes?!" Trying to change the focus of the discussion, May panicked, biting her fingernails. "I can't remember a thing!"
"Hmm..." He closed his eyes, forcing his brains to work even though he was still half asleep. "We can figure out if we check the rest of the house."
The brunette tossed Drew's pants on the bed.
"Scout it for us," she replied in a pleading voice, covering herself again inside of layers and more layers of blankets. "Please help me finding my clothes, I want to get out of this place as soon as I can!"
"My head really hurts..." The green-haired coordinator complained in an empty voice, without moving his body to catch his pants. "I don't want to get out of here as soon as I can. We should just sleep and check your stuff later, really."
"But what if I go downstairs and someone is awake?" Pouting like a damsel in distress, May forced a concerned and hopeless tone in her voice. "What if... A mysterious and threatening stranger sees me naked? I feel so scared..."
Drew refused to fall for such cheap acting yet his stupid heart also refused to not find her reasoning valid and strong.
May yawned lazily while Drew put his pants on. He furrowed his eyebrows a little, looking a little concerned about his rival.
"Take a rest. I'll wake you up when I'm back, okay?"
The dizzy girl giggled sweetly, blushing a little. "Thank you, Drew! You're the best, I owe you this!"
"Yes," he answered shortly with a long sigh. "You really do."
At first, it didn't look that bad.
Few used plastic cups piled up on the stairs, scattered deck cards and coin chips on the floor, a whiteboard with a half-scribbled score. After watching the mess reigning inside Solidad's house, Drew could remotely remember that, several times during past night, he played poker mixed with bad quality booze. Harley had lied to everybody that his bottles were "the best quality from Unovian's fields" - it was already too late when they figured out they actually sucked badly.
The green-haired boy couldn't remember winning once. Somehow Solidad was a true pro betting and bluffing with her cryptic smile... Now he had a new self-reminder that playing card games with his veteran rival was too dangerous.
The music was still quietly on, as if nobody had turned the audio player off. Drew could remember watching May dance with Sol in a very enthusiastic way, claiming how she knew how to be a 'bad woman' as opposed to that misconceived idea that she 'was a stupidly naïve and innocent girl'. Totally funny in a non-arousing manner or 100% cute and dorky? He honestly had mixed feelings about what he saw that night.
There was a man on the couch snoring out loud, hugging a bottle of wine with a goofy happy smile... Brock? But that guy wasn't even a coordinator, what was he doing inside Solidad's house?
Drew sat on the floor, being attacked by confusion and a painful headache crisis. Ugh, he should have not left the bed this morning. Recalling the memories from an embarrassing night wasn't exactly the way he wanted to start his morning...
The tired coordinator raised his eyes to the kitchen and noticed how the door was closed with something familiar hooked on it.
At first, it didn't look that bad.
Yeah, at first.
His headache got worse.
"Have some news."
Drew returned to the room wearing his black long-sleeved shirt, holding a glass of water and his folded purple jacket. He sat down by May's right side, offering her the drink - her arm timidly appeared from a small opening in her bed sheet cocoon to accept it.
May grimaced with an ugly frown. She slowly drank the water with caution, paying a lot of attention to her rival's words.
The young man dropped his head on the pillow, trying to organize in his mind the best way to explain what he had seen downstairs.
"Which one would you like to hear first?"
"The best one?" The brunette winced, hiding her cheeks behind her hands. "Good news first, please."
"The best one? I don't know," the green-haired coordinator replied while shrugging his shoulders in a light move. "But I think I can start with the less distressing one, I guess."
"There is a distressing one?" May sulked, making a lost and beaten Poochyena face. "This is so unfair!"
"The first one is... I'm pretty sure everybody else in this house is asleep." He comfortably set himself on the bed, ignoring his rival's complaints. "We could change and pretend that, whatever happened, it didn't happen to us."
May sighed out loud, closing her eyes for a moment. "Good Arceus..."
"See..." The cynic coordinator chuckled under his breath, staring at his rival with eyes wide opened. He knew her next face expression would be some pure gold material and he refused to not pay attention to that. "...I found your orange skirt. It was hanging on the kitchen's doorknob and it is soaked in water. It looks stretched... I dropped it on the stairs, though I don't think you can wear it anymore..."
"What?!" The regretful girl hit the palm of her hand on her forehead, unable to accept the truth. "W-whyyy!"
"Just... Wake up Sol and ask her for a spare pair of pants or skirt, she won't ask you any questions." Drew sighed, closing his eyelids. "Solidad would never torment you about this, trust me. That woman enjoys torturing me, not you."
Placing his jacket over May's lap, he closed the topic. "Meanwhile, keep this for you."
"Oh..." Her cheeks turned pink for a brief moment. "Thank you..."
"And I found your bandanna." Drew rolled his body and hid his face inside the pillow. "It is... There."
The brunette cringed, already expecting the worse. She wore the jacket and removed one of the sheets from her shoulders, placing it over Drew's back. "Where's it?"
"Kitchen table." The green-haired coordinator didn't move a single inch to answer her, muffled voice coming through the pillow. "Ugh..."
"Good." May sighed, making an improvised skirt with the remaining blanket. "I'm going to get it then—"
Drew immediately held her wrist, speaking with a concerned voice.
"Please, stay with me. I think we should just rest and think about your clothes later."
May stared at her rival as if he was proposing her to jump off the top of Silver Mountain.
"Uh..." She frowned her eyebrows in horror. "Drew?..."
The two coordinators got wrapped into a strange silence.
"You're tired, I'm tired, everybody is an awful situation..." The green-haired boy tried to explain himself then looked away, staring at the bra-less ceiling. "Your bandanna is not that important, right?"
"I-I..." May started fidgeting with her hair bangs, still shocked with Drew's unexpected words. "Ehh..."
Blushing furiously, the girl opened her mouth in awe, unable to answer her rival.
"Just have some rest and stay— Wait, no!" He turned his face to the panicked girl in worry and raised his hands up, red tones all over his cheeks. "I'm not implying anything!"
"Implying what?..." The brunette asked herself out loud, then suddenly realized what did he mean by that. "Ehhhh?!"
She didn't have much time to think about what was going on - the whole situation was so absurd that, without any doubts, challenging her sore body to move around would be the best option to make her mind work properly. Completely shocked and confused, May just left the room with a terrified look on her face.
"Wait, I can explain!" Her rival exclaimed, trying to fix his words a second time. "I don't think you should... Don't... Uh..."
No feedback answer; she was gone. Drew sunk his hands into his face in defeat.
The Top Coordinator opened her eyes and faced her green-haired friend siting on the floor, shoeless and with his perfect hair looking wilder than Ash Ketchum's spikes. He was apparently using her PokeNav device to do something urgent.
"...It is kind of rude to touch other people's stuff without their consent, isn't it?"
"Definitely," he agreed, without taking his eyes off the camera screen. "I think it's also rude taking picture of drunk coordinators so I'm deleting a few of them... Feel free to keep the rest, though. Are you okay there?"
"I'm good here," she smiled politely, snuggling her legs on the fluffy Slowpoke carpet. "I really don't want to climb all my way to my bed. I can barely move my body, I'm really fine here on the floor..."
"I wonder what the paparazzi would think of the great Top Coordinator Solidad watching you hug the floor like a drunk wild party woman..."
"I don't know..." The peach-haired coordinator shrugged. "If they think I'm flawless, too bad. I enjoy having fun and committing mistakes once in a while like most people does, haha... What kind of headline would you choose for my shocking news?"
"None." The young man replied, erasing a disgusting picture of Harley trying to kiss him. "You're still not a good material for popular tabloids, I'm sorry."
"Harley is a good material for that, right?" She smiled playfully. "He's so fun... Though I think you were pretty daring singing that emotional love song to May yesterday, maybe you could be our main feature of our imaginary tabloid."
"Geez, Sol." Drew felt his cheeks burning. "Let me feel not so bad for a moment, please pretend that nothing happened yesterday, alright? I've got enough today."
"What happened today?" The pink-haired woman rolled her body to the other side, facing the wall for a moment. "Hangover?"
"Uh-hum. And May's going downstairs to get her bandanna back from Harley's head." The younger coordinator crawled back to the bed then spoke in a fairly neutral voice, staring at the ceiling. "She's going to be traumatized forever... Let's share some pain together, shall we?"
Solidad giggled quietly, massaging her face with her hands. "Hahaha... Poor May, Harley likes pretending to be Mayley all the time, huh?"
"I'm pretty sure this one trick is new," Drew muttered with a reticent voice. "But she didn't want to hear me, so... Not my problem if that flag goes up."
"We've already seem Harley wearing May's red bandanna, it was nothing that... Flag?"
Solidad's skeptical stare shifted to a surprised face.
"Wait— Is Harley naked?"
"Resting peacefully on the table like a diva." Drew crossed his arms over his chest, still haunted by the hellish view. "His Cacturne Hat in his usual head and May's bandanna on the other."
"...Oh." The Top Coordinator sighed, distressed by the mental image she pictured about the situation downstairs. "Do you think she will be fine?..."
"I don't know." Drew rolled his eyes out. "She will come back soon, I guess. Three, two, one..."
Hearing May's incredibly high-pitched and haunting scream, Solidad hid her face into the pillow. "I don't want to think about that. Good night, Drew."
"Sweet dreams, Sol."