Just Another Day in Ward 37
a/n – This started off as a thought after someone asked about stories where Harry had wings in them on the CaerAzkaban group. A hospital scene popped into my head and this is the result.
The entirety of the HP universe belongs to JK Rowling and her various and sundry corporate partners. An additional disclaimer appears at the end of the story.
Chapter One – Snape's Unintentional Revenge
2045 bst 30 July, 2004 - Ward 37 (The Sacharissa Tugwood Ward) Saint Mungo's
"Why did you tell her, I'll never hear the end of this," Harry Potter whinged as he sat, propped up in the most uncomfortable hospital bed he'd ever been in, to date.
Healer Chastity Smethwyk simply stared at her soon to be cousin/cousin-in-law in disbelief.
"I mean it, this is something that will just pass, there's no reason to get Hermione involved," Harry added petulantly.
"Harry, in case you hadn't noticed, you've got wings," Chastity snapped in exasperation. While the Sacharissa Tugwood / Contaminated Potions Ward wasn't her usual haunt, she had been called up because not only was Harry soon to be a relative since she was marrying his cousin Dudley in a couple of weeks but he was being extremely difficult since he'd been brought in two hours ago and Chastity had the unenviable reputation of being one of the three mediwitches that Harry grudgingly listened to.
Poppy, one of other two on the list, had already stormed out of the wing, muttering about 'dunderheaded Gryffindors' and 'probably brewed this one in the witch's loo' when the Healer on duty had called down to have Chastity try and talk some sense into the injured and potioned auror.
"Harry, you took a modified and combined potion that has had an extreme side effect …" Chastity began before being cut off by Harry.
"It was a simple miscalculation," Harry shot back. "Somehow a bloody feather ended up in the "Polyjuice along with bloody Draco's hair and this happened."
Leaning forward, Harry simply flexed his back and shoulder muscles and the pair of brilliant white feathered wings he had been resting against flexed themselves and expanded to their full fourteen foot wingspan glory.
"Harry, it's not likely that simply contaminating the Polyjuice …"
"That's what happened last time," Harry said evasively. "It takes a while to wear off, just send me home and I'll use some personal days until …"
"Harry James Potter, what in the name of Merlin's original cauldron did you do," came from the doorway, causing Chastity to smirk and Harry to pale as he frantically looked around the room for a way of escape."
"Hello, Hermione," Chastity said with an evil grin. "Harry was just saying how he was looking forward to your arrival."
"Pffft," was the only reply from the brunette witch as she stood in the doorway staring at Harry in disbelief. "Are the rest of his injuries dealt with?"
Nodding absentmindedly, Chastity grabbed the chart on the end of Harry's bed and flipped through it.
"Pretty much. He wouldn't let us vanish the cracked ribs and regrow them, so the Skelegro only took about half an hour to repair the structural damage on them. A couple of potions to reverse the blunt force trauma to his liver and kidneys, closing and healing the thirty centimeter gash to his thigh was a piece of cake, though it missed the femoral artery by a hair, and the rest of them are all healed."
"Good," Hermione said as she glared at Harry as she crossed the room to his bed and plopped herself down beside him. "This way he'll know that everything you repair next will be because he's an arse who shouldn't be experimenting with dodgy potions."
"Technically, everything we've fixed was because he's an arse who shouldn't be experimenting with dodgy potions," Chastity quipped as she watched the pair. Harry had retracted the wings and folded them behind him again as he leaned back watching Hermione warily.
Shushing him by reaching out and laying a finger on his lips, Hermione shook her head.
"Didn't our second year adventures teach you that going undercover dressed as Slytherins wasn't a good idea?"
"Thought I had that covered," Harry said sheepishly. Reaching up and gently squeezing Hermione's hand, he shrugged.
"Tell me what happened, this can't be contaminated Polyjuice, you don't look like Draco so that part's done," Hermione said with a chuckle. "Two stage potion ala the Prince?"
Rolling his eyes as he remembered the tense days of their sixth year where Hermione was obsessing over using the modified potions instructions from the used potions text that Harry had found, Harry just nodded. "Yes, I decided to merge the Polyjuice with Snape's Pepperup on a time delay to warn me when the polyjuice was winding down."
Giving Harry a look, Hermione simply waited. Seeing her 'what did you do' look, he shrugged.
"We've tested all this before. Polyjuice and Snape's modified Pepperup merge just fine. Polyjuice and the time delay process work fine, the same with Pepperup and the time delay, so the only thing I could think of when I felt the Pepperup kick in and suddenly wings appeared was that I must have contaminated the sample or the base."
"And you followed the Prince's modified Pepperup formula, substituting a soda with caffeine and sugar for the coffee in the original formulation," she asked as she tried to think of where the process might have broken down.
Not hearing a response from Harry, Hermione looked up to see him looking a bit sheepish.
"Harry, we agreed that we would make future modifications together on potions in that book."
"It wasn't a modification so much as it was a simple substitution," Harry said defensively. Hearing both witches snort in disbelief almost in unison, he blushed. "It shouldn't have made any difference. We were out of cola, you know I don't like that yellow stuff, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to use an energy drink since they also have the caffeine and sugar, just a bit more so."
"Energy drink," Hermione asked in disbelief before she started giggling. Covering her mouth, Hermione stared at Harry for a couple of seconds before turning and looking at Chastity, who was staring at them both.
"Chastity, if you'll release him to me, I can guarantee that he'll be back to normal in a couple of hours as soon as the energy drink base from the Pepperup is out of his system."
"But it shouldn't have made that much difference, "Harry groused as he crossed his arms and glowered at the pair.
Turning back around, Hermione shook her head sadly and said, "Harry, this is why you always test substitute ingredients thoroughly. If you would have done that you would have known."
"Known what," Harry asked. "What did I miss?"
"It's simple. Red Bull gives you wings."
a/n 2 – Never make experimental or unauthorized modifications to potions or their formulations without consulting a certified Potions Master or Mistress. Please don't try that at home (or in a witch's lavatory). Red Bull is owned by Red Bull GmbH and was originally formulated by Dietrich Mateschitz.
Thanks to Boris Boran for spelling corrections! Originally posted 17 February, 2014