Eh. . .I got nothin

It was another rude awakening for me. A white hoof was shaking me, and a feminine voice was getting louder and louder.

"Mister Breeze? Mister Breeze!" The mare snapped, as I opened my eyes and yawned.

"Whut." I rubbed at my eyes with a hoof. It was dark out, I must have been asleep a while.

"Take this." A small cup with several pills were pushed into my hoof. I eyed them with a frown. One of them looked bigger than my hoof, and they all had the chalky texture that told me they would taste foul. I sniffed at them, coughing at the chemical smell.

"Just what are these?" I glanced up at the mare, who was clad in a nurses outfit.

"Magic pain pills, and also ones that speed healing. Also magic, of course." She waved a hoof. "Just take them."

I sniffed at them and sighed. "Ugh." I downed the pills, and sure enough, every last one dissolved the second it hit my tongue. Not. Pleasant. I am not a fan of medicine. At all.

"Thank you." And with a happy smile, the mare left me alone again.


I let out a groan, tapping my hoof against the side of the bed. Tap tap tap tap. Tap tap tap tap. Groan. Sigh. Glance at clock. Tick. Swear. Repeat.

Usually I'm a pretty patient guy, but this sucked. Hours later and I still cant sleep. The sun came up a hour ago, and slowly started its treck across the sky. Nothing to read, noone to talk to, nothing to do but plot the demise of that goddamn clock and worry about what I was going to do with Rainbow Dash.

"Hello?" I heard gentle knocking on the door, and looked to see a lavender unicorn smiling at me. she was very pretty, and very purple. A mane, slightly darker than her coat, had a pink and light purple stripe running through it, which I will say looked adorable. She had a big, beautiful pair of vibrant purple eyes, and a soft, calming smile.

. . .

What the fuck brain.

Did I seriously just think this unicorn, this talking magical purple unicorn pony, was. . .beautiful? Truly beautiful?

Brain: Look into yourself, you know it to be true. . .

Me: *facehoof*

"Hello?" I was snapped back into reality by the sound of her voice, and I shook myself and smiled.

"Oh, sorry. Kind of. . .dozed off." I chuckled weakly, but to my relief she smiled back and walked inside.

"I'm Twilight Sparkle. My friends, Applejack and Rarity, told me about you. You're the pegasus that saved the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Cloud Breeze, right?"

"Uhh. . .if you mean three multicolored balls of cute, then yeah." I chuckle and she giggled.

"That sounds a lot like them. One day they'll realize that their cutie marks dont involve doing random things that usually almost end up destroying Ponyville." She laughs and sits down as I pretend to know what a cutie mark is. I watch her for a moment, before realizing something. She had a picture of stars on her ass. A nice ass too. . .I mentally slam my head into a desk before I sigh.

"Uhh, how much did AJ and Rarity tell you?" I ask, shuffling my hooves awkwardly.

"Only your name, and that you were rather nice." She frowned when I sighed again. "Whats wrong?"

"Well, you see. . .I'm not a pony. Well, I wasnt always. . ." I begin to explain to her, with all the detail I could, how I found myself here. I tapped my hooves against each other nervously the entire time, worried she would freak out or something.

"Well. . .I suppose it's possible." She rubbed a hoof along her chin. "Although not probable. I assume that you told Applejack and Rarity, and neither of them are given to believing most anything. I think you're telling the truth."

I rolled my eyes and pointed with a hoof.

"First question. Why do you have a picture of some stars on your ass?"

She blushes and looks. "Oh, you mean my cutie mark? It means that I'm really good with magic. A pony's cute mark tells them what their special talent is, what they should do with their life." She says, in full teacher mode, which was kind of sexy.

. . .

. . .

Brain, I hate you.

Brain: Aww, hate is such a strong term. Can't you say you strongly dislike me?

You're turning me into Tucker.

Brain: You know you love it.

I shake myself again and turn my attention back to Twilight, who was saying something else about how every cutie mark was unique and such.

"So. . .the Cutie Mark Crusaders is basically a club for little fillies to go around and do random shit until they get a magical tattoo on their ass?" I tap my chin. "Best. Club. Ever."

Twilight gave me a long look and a frown.

"Breeze, I don't very much approve of such language. I would appreciate you not using it in front of me."

I sigh and lower my head, my ears flattening.

"Sorry Twi."

I'm not sure what I expected to see when I looked back up at her, but her sitting there, blushing slightly, head tilted to the side and down, was not it. I'll hate myself to admit it, but she was quite. . .cute, the way she was looking at me through her mane.

"I've never had a stallion call me Twi before. . ." She rubs a hoof against her other leg, speaking so softly I almost didnt hear her. I merely smiled at her, as she returned the gesture. We merely gazed at each other for a few long moments before a rap at the door made us jump.

"Excuse me, Mr. Breeze, Miss Twilight? I'm Doctor Quick Recovery and I need to check a few things before our hero gets to go." A yellow unicorn with a brownish mane bustled in. And no, not a dark brownish mane or a darkish yellow, but the kind of yellow and brown you get on a really old filthy highlighter? Yeah, thats it.

"This soon, Doc? I know I was pretty fu-er-messed up." I glanced at Twilight, who smiled sweetly at me at my save.

"Magic." He pointed out, like it should be obvious. I suppose it was. I shrugged and waved a hoof.

"But really, I'm bored out of my mind here."

He groaned and rolled his eyes as he jotted something down on the clipboard that was at the foot of my bed.

"Yes, you made quite the, well, quick recovery." He laughed, as Twilight and I stared at him.

"No. Just no." I shook my head sadly, as he blushed and changed the topic.

"Anyway, in answer to your question, you may leave as soon as I have seen that you can walk. Why dont you try standing up?" He asked, stepping off to the side. I sighed, and rolled off the bed and onto my hooves. My back legs hurt a bit, but held, if a little shakily. I stood all the way up, grinning.

"Great! Now walk to the door and back."

I rolled my eyes and did as he asked, without so much as a trip. I turned to him as he smiled, and Twilight softly cheering in the background.

"Perfect! Just be sure to change the bandages every night, and come back in a few days for a checkup." And with that, the doctor turned and left. I watched him go, before something warm wrapped itself around my neck. I looked back to find Twilight grabbing me in a hug, her chin on my far shoulder.

"Thats great Breeze! Come on, all the rest of my friends want to meet you." And with that she let go and grabbed my hoof and pulled me along, although the warmth didn't go away. . .

"So Twilight. . .what exactly is this place? I mean, I know the names, but I dont know any details or anything. . ." I ask as we step out into the blinding sunlight. Ponies were bustling around, going about their daily shopping. One or two saw me and waved, smiling, before trotting on their way.

"Well this is Ponyville, located in the central area of Equestria. That way is a day's train ride to Appleoosa, our frontier town. We have the Everfree forest there and there, and then on that mountain there is our capitol, Canterlot." She pointed as she spoke.

"You mean Camelot."

She shook her head. "No, Canterlot. That's where Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, the Royal Pony Sisters, live."

"Oh. . .so you have a dual monarchy. None of those ever worked on Earth, someone always tried to grab power. . .and then when they did they eventually turned to tyrants. Which is the problem with a 'lone ruler' mentality, sure, the guy you might put in power may be great, but the dude that succeeds him turns into a dictator. End rant." I wave a hoof, my chuckle mirthless, before I noticed Twilight's sad and fearful frown.

"You have ponies like that there?" She asked, her voice quiet, and afraid. I sighed and nudged her gently, pawing at her shoulder with a hoof.

"Hey, don't worry about it. Yeah, my world was-is, messed up. But it's not something you can control. And besides. . .as beautiful and peaceful as this world seems, I promise you that its not all sunshine and happiness." I pause. "I'm not really helping am I?"

She shakes her head slightly. "I just. . .Celestia and Luna are such benevolent, and peaceful rulers. . .I find it hard to imagine life any way else." Her ears were back and her eyes down, as she slowly walked along beside me. I had no idea where we were going, and to be honest I was surprised that I hadnt faceplanted yet. I suppose all my time crawling around on my hands and knees in the garden paid off.

"Twi. Cheer up. I cant stand seeing a girl sad." I smile, nudging her again, bumping my shoulder against hers. She blushed slightly and smiled at me.

"Thanks, Bree."

I snorted.

"Sorry Twi but I dont think you'd make a good Shasta." I chuckle, then smile at her. "But you're welcome."

She gave me a long, long stare.

"Oh. Its a human thing." I shrug.

"Oh, what can you tell me about your culture? How long do you live? Can you fly? What do you eat? How many of you are there? Do you-"

"Twilight!" I half yell, cutting off her raising voice and kind of adorable geek out. She blushed and lowered her head.

"In answer to your questions, in order, we live around a hundred years with modern medicine. Yes, we can fly, with the aid of science and technology. We're omnivorous, so we eat pretty much anything, a throwback from our harsh hunter gatherer evolution. And there was a little over 7 billion on the planet at last check." I count off, tapping my hoof against my chin as I thought. We had come to a stop in front of a huge tree in the middle of town, and we sat down in the grass around it. I looked over to see Twilight's jaw hanging loose.

"Wow. . ." She breathed, a grin slowly growing on her muzzle. "So much to learn, so much to know! Oh, this is going to be amazing! And to think, thats only scratching the surface!" She bounced around me in glee, as I chuckled.

"Wow Twi. I didnt know you were this excitable." I watch her, smiling. Suddenly she stops in front of me, gives me a huge, warm smile, and a kiss to my cheek, before running off. . .in the tree? It takes my kiss-addled brain a minute to catch up, and I noticed a door. Hmm. Either this is more magic, or I just found the Keebler Tree.

. . .

. . .

Wait a moment. Twilight just kissed me. A pony, a bloody talking purple unicorn just kissed me.

So why am I blushing?

"Bree!" Twilight's voice jars me from my thoughts. I shake myself and turn to the mare who's head was sticking out of the Keebler tree. "Arent you coming in?"

"Uhh. . ." I slowly make my way inside, looking around. It was a library. Books on books lined every wall, and a staircase curled up higher into the tree. Great. Just great. Not only is the Keebler tree really a library, I also happen to have a thing for sexy librarians. And I'm beginning to think this librarian has a thing for me.

I'm going to need therapy.

Before you lot go off in an uproar about going to fast, wait for the next chapter. There is a plan.