This is my first attempt at a Jori story, I hope you guys like it.
Disclaimer-I do not own Victorious or any of its character, I am merely using them for my own amusement. I am not doing this for any profit.
I've changed, I don't sing anymore ever. I am no longer energetic and happy all the time. Ever since I left Hollywood arts behind, I've been quiet and depressed but I just couldn't let my secret get out. You see I love Jade West, my sister found out and I knew she would go and tell everyone. So, I did the only thing I could think of, I moved away. I live in some small town that I don't even know the name of, I go to a normal high school and live with my aunt. It's already been a month since I came here, at first I was okay and still fairly close to how I normally am but now…now I can't live a minute without thinking about Jade, I can't sit and eat without thinking about her, I can't sleep, I just can't continue anymore.
The knife slides across my skin easily, and I find myself loving the feel of it. The pain takes my thoughts away. It makes me focus on something other than Jade. There I go again, thinking about her. The way she walks with an air of confidence about her, the way her voice sounds when she sings, even the way she imitates the way I speak. I have to stop thinking about her, I shouldn't love her but I do.
It's been another month, life hasn't gotten easier. I have to hide the cuts from my aunt, and teachers. I know they know about what I'm doing, they've even tried sending me to therapy but it was easy to get out of. All I had to do was act like I was all better and they believed me, but I'm far from it. I nearly cut a vein the other day, I was carelessly thinking about Jade and how happy she must be with Beck and I lost control for a moment. I wish I had the courage to kill myself.
I have to end it, I can't keep acting like I'm fine, cause damn it I'm not. I will never be fine without my Jade.
I read somewhere that if you cut the right way, you can bleed out quickly but it suggests that you should also take a bunch of painkillers to numb you body and make your exit out of this world easier. I plan to do it this way, but I do hope it's quick. At least I won't be in pain much longer.
I wrote them letters, I wanted everyone to understand it wasn't their fault I couldn't bare the pain of not being able to be with Jade. I put them on my bed, along with some little things for my parents, Trina and Jade. I can't believe these are my last moments, these are things you hear about on the news all the time. They are supposed to be memorable, and here I am waiting for the painkillers to take me under, before I begin to cut myself.
I feel the numbness of the painkillers, they really are working. Sliding the knife easily across my skin, the blood pours out into the water filled tub beneath me. The way my blood mixes with the water really is pretty. I don't feel any physical pain, but the painkillers do nothing to ease the mental pain that drove me to this point. Even though it hurts, I still find myself thinking about Jade. I hope she knows after I'm gone how much I love her.
I can feel my life slipping away, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to die, I need to talk to my mom and dad again, tell them how much I loved them. I need to get up and get pressure on these wounds, but the painkillers make it impossible. Aunt Sonya won't be home for another couple hours, I'm going to be dead by then. Finally I let my eyes close, knowing I wouldn't open them again. "Goodbye Jade" Were the last words I remember saying.
Beep…Beep…Beeeep. Stupid alarm clock, I don't need to be up its Saturday. Wait…why am I awake, I should be dead right now or am I dead. Isn't heaven supposed to be beautiful and bright? Maybe I'm in hell…but even hell would have some sort of colour to it, but all I see is blackness.
"I miss you Tori, please wake up for me or else. You know, I need you more than my words can even begin to describe. I love you Tori Vega, now please wake up" That voice, I would know it anywhere. Why is Jade in hell with me? Is she crying because of me?
"Ja…Jad…Jade" The words left my mouth before I could stop them.
My Tori, how dare she try to kill herself! After she left H.A I tried to get over her but I just couldn't, and I'm glad I found out where she went. The doctors told me that had she been not been found for another 5 minutes, she wouldn't be here now. Even though I did get her here in time, over the last week I have watched her die twice.
Each day I return in hopes that she will wake up and talk to me again. I just want to tell her that I love her. The doctors told me that she may be able to hear me if I talk to her, so that's just what I do. I talk to her for hours a day. "I miss you Tori, please wake up for me or else. You know I need you more than my words can even begin to describe. I love you Tori Vega, now please wake up"
I tried to be tough I'm Jade West for crying out loud, but I can't help but cry looking at Tori so broken. What caused such a perfect girl like Tori to attempt suicide? Whoever did it to her I'm going to kill them.
"Ja…Jad…Jade" Her voice was barely above a whisper, but it was hers nonetheless.
"Vega you're awake" I wanted to cry more hearing her voice. I just want to hug her and make the pain inside her go away forever. "Tori…why?" I ask finally, I need to know what caused this sweet, and perfect girl to try and kill herself.
I can't tell her why! She'll hate me forever. There is no way I am going to tell her I tried to kill myself because I couldn't be with her, because I was weak and stupid. Instead of answering her question I looked away, at the wall in front of me. I know she deserves the truth, but I can't do it again. I can't lose the only person I love.
"Good you're awake" Thank god for the doctors here, now Jade can't make me talk. "We have a therapy session scheduled for you Miss. Vega" The doctor looks nice enough, reminds me a little of my uncle or father. I still don't want to talk, so all I do is nod towards the doctor.
I can't help but think my therapist looks nice. She looks maybe 22 or 23, Hispanic skin. Her dark brown nearly black hair falling neatly over her shoulders. The way she was looking at me, made me want to face Jade instead of talking to her.
"Hello Miss Vega" Her voice had a tough edge to it, but not a mean edge. "I am Samantha, I'm going to be your therapist for the next few months" She looked at the doctor that stood by me still. "You leave now!" She instructed, looking like she wouldn't take no for an answer, it reminded me of Jade for a moment.
She looked back at me, her eyes softening as the doctor left. The way the other female looked at me made me want to tell her everything but I couldn't, no one should know about me. "Let's start simple, how old are you?" She asked.
I looked at her, wanting to answer but I didn't trust my voice or her.
"I'm not leaving her alone!" Jade's voice cut through the silence that settled, it seemed luck was with me today. Jade stormed into the room, her beautiful eyes darkened. "I'm not going to let some shrink talk to my Tori alone!"
Samantha stood quickly and stopped Jade at the door "Get out of my office now!"
I don't want to be left alone with the therapist again, I have to stop them "Sh…She can st…stay" I stammered out, my voice not working the greatest.
I knew Vega wouldn't make me leave, besides I want answers and I'm going to get them. Looking at the therapist, motioning for her to continue as I pulled out the scissor's Cat got me last Christmas. I begin to fiddle with them, while actively listening to their conversation.
"So Miss Vega…"
"Tori, my name is Tori"
"Alright Tori, how old are you?" This isn't going to work, I know Vega and the stupid little questions will get on her nerves quickly.
"17" Wow she actually answered…but this won't last.
"Where were you born?" That's in her medical record…What don't judge me, I wanted to know more about Vega so a couple years ago I got into her medical records. Vega was born in Hollywood Hills.
"Hollywood Hills" Okay this is getting on my nerves, this woman isn't helping Vega she's just asking stupid questions she would already know the answers to.
I swear if she asks another stupid question then I'm going to snap. "Where did you go to school?"
"How is this going to help her?" I gave the therapist a cold gaze. I was quite surprised to see that she didn't react to my cold gaze, like most people. The only ones I saw that never bent under that gaze were Beck or Cat, even Vega would do what I wanted under that look.
"I need to get to know her before I can help" The therapist answered me smoothly, she was good I'll give her that.
"This is in her medical records" I retorted, needing to win this little battle.
Tori looked at me with a knowing look "I knew it!" She exclaimed, smiling for the first time since she woke up.
I smirked at Tori "I told you I do my research" I know it bugs her, but I had to use that southern belle accent.
"I don't talk like that!"
I know these questions were stupid, and meant nothing, but they kept my mind off of what had happened. After Jade admitted to going through my medical records, I couldn't help but feel a little pride. I knew she had gone through the records, how else would she have known I was O- or that I am allergic to bush daises.
"I told you I do my research" She had to use that annoying southern belle accent.
I knew Jade was baiting me, but I had to take it "I don't talk like that!" Her smirk made me want to kiss her so bad, but then where would I be. Jade would hate me again, and I don't want to lose her again.
"I think we're done for today" Samantha's voice pulls me from my thoughts. I give her a simple nod, as the doctor returned and went to push me out of the room.
"I'll do it" Jade snapped at the doctor. Why is she being so nice? Is she going to tell the school that I'm a suicidal freak? I can't let that happen, she probably thinks I'm a freak. She'd never love someone like me, I'd hurt her reputation. "Tori? Tori you have to start breathing" Her voice pulls me out of my thoughts…I wasn't breathing, what's wrong with me!?
"She's have a panic attack" A doctor calls to someone I can't see, due to the blackness now swimming in front of my eyes. The voice's all start to get more distant, until the finally fade out completely.
Beep…Beep…Beeeep. That sound is really starting to get on my nerves. Upon opening my eyes I look at the ceiling, not hearing any sounds apart from the stupid heart monitor. How did I end up in here again anyways…The last thing I remember was Jade telling me to breath, then blackness.
"Ah Miss. Vega it's good to see you awake, you gave us quite a scare" A voice from the doorway draws my eyes. There stands that doctor from before, the one whose name I still haven't learned. "How do you feel?" He asked, and in the tone of his voice I thought about my father.
"You had a panic attack, and you gave us quite a scare. We almost lost you again" He answered me, it seemed like it actually hurt him to tell me.
I gave a small nod, before beginning to play with the ends of my hair. I never understood why I got this color hair, or my eyes or anything about me. I know I look like my mom and sister, but still what decides what we look like?
"NO!" Subconsciously I smiled hearing the familiar tone and word. I started to sit up to find out who had the 'joy' of being on the receiving end of Jade's anger.
How dare they try to stop me from seeing Vega! I have every right to see the Latina, I had to make sure she was okay. She scared me in the hallway when she stopped breathing, I need to know what caused it.
"I'm sorry Miss, but visitors hours are over you'll have to go home" The nurse said, trying to sound brave, but I could see the intimidation I caused in her eyes. So I did what I do best, and walked past her towards Tori's room.
The nurse came around and grabbed my arm. "NO!" I hated it when people touch me, and this nurse would learn that the hard way. Ripping my arm from her hold, none too kindly I went to punch her.
"Jade no hurting the nurses" I should have known Tori would come to the aid of whoever I was angry at. She was good at saving other people, but now she need someone to save her from whatever caused her to end up here. "Why are you trying to throttle her?" I looked at the Latina, a look of…amusement on her face. I wanted to pull her into my arms right there and kiss her until the pain goes away.
"She grabbed my arm" The laugh that escapes her lips, almost makes me weak at the knees. She had such a beautiful laugh, and I had waited so long to hear it again. "Don't laugh at me!" I snapped, putting up my own walls again. I wasn't going to let Tori in, and let her get hurt.
I don't know why I found her answer so funny, maybe it brought me back to a happier time. After she snapped at me, I stopped laughing, and grabbed the wall. I got lightheaded all of a sudden. Her arms were around me in a second, making me feel better for a moment. No stop thinking like that Tori, she hates you always has and always will. It doesn't matter what she said when you were unconscious, she said things everyone does when they think you're going to die. They never mean any of it, and Jade West is no different. She always will hate me, and I have to stop convincing myself of otherwise.
I was sick of her pretending to care about me "Why are you helping me Jade?" I know it sounded bitter, but I can't help it. I love her with my whole being, but she hates me and her pretending to care about me only makes everything worse. I could accept it easier if she stopped pretending. "Just drop the act, and go tell everyone that I'm a suicidal freak" I hold my bandaged arms up to her to see, I don't care anymore, I want to die again.
"I'm not pretending Vega, I may be a stone cold bitch but I'm not about to tell everyone why you're in the hospital. I do care about you, why the hell do you think I keep coming back"
"Stop lying to me!"
There's something in her eyes, something that scares even me. Did I really hurt her so much that she now hates me? I need to do something to convince her that I care about her, that I'm not doing this as some cruel joke, that I love her. I don't care if she sees me vulnerable. "Vega…Tori I'm not lying to you, I do care about you"
"You hate me! You always have, just leave already!"
I step forwards, crashing our lips together. Even though she's been in the hospital for a week, there is still a faint cherry taste to her lips. In a second I pull away "I love you Tori"
Jade freaking West just kissed me! This is what I wanted, she said she loves me Stupid girl, she doesn't love you. You're a freak, you tried to kill yourself for what? Because some girl didn't want to date you. God you're so stupid.
I ran…I couldn't bare the voice that mocked me, I couldn't face Jade. I couldn't do it anymore. I find my way to the roof. Walking to the edge I looked over and stared at the ground. I could end it all here, once and for all. Stepping up, I stared down. A single step, to the end of my pain, to the end of the hurts…to the end of my life..."Goodbye Jade"
I followed Tori after she ran, I could see the flash of happiness then the pain that had quickly taken its place. I had a bad feeling that Tori would do something stupid, so I followed her to the roof. I was frozen in time when she stood at the edge, and took the step up.
As I watched Tori take the step up, I surged forwards and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back and into my waiting arms. "Don't you dare Vega" I whispered holding her close. I felt wetness on my shirt, and her shaking in my arms. "Shh Tori, I'm here everything will be okay" I wanted to take all her pain away and make her happy again.
I felt someone pull me back from the edge, then arms around me. I felt numb, like I was already gone. "Don't you dare Vega" It was Jade, she's saved me twice now…I couldn't help it but the tears started falling and soaking her shirt, my body shaking from the force of the sobs that hit me as I realized Jade hadn't been lying to me, why would she save me twice if she did, why would she have saved me the first time? "Shh Tori, I'm here everything will be okay"
I gave a silent nod and wrapped my arms around her as well. "I'm sorry I ran"
"Don't be sorry, it's in the past"
Looking up at her I kissed her hard, showing her I loved her like my words couldn't. I felt her lips move against mine. Pulling back I looked into her captivating blue-green eyes "I love you Jadelyn West"
"I love you more Victoria Vega" At the simple words, my heart healed a little bit.
So yeah, she was right.
Everything will be okay now.
I have her.
I have my Jade.