You know,

If you would've told me five years ago that my first relationship would be with Zim, I'd laugh at you in the face, and then I would've probably told you he's an alien.

This might be the last thing I'd expect to happen in my life, yet it happened. I've moved in with Zim like, three years ago. Well, I actually didn't officially move in here..

I just spent so much time with him. Afternoons became days, days became nights, nights became weeks and weeks months. Right now, I haven't slept in my father's house for about a year and a half.

My dad doesn't care and obviously, my sister doesn't either. I'm eighteen now, old enough to live on my own. I think my dad quite realizes that, too.

I told them I'm living in an appartement. Of course I'm not telling them that I moved in with my lover. They don't even know I'm in a relationship, and I'm not planning on telling them soon either. My dad probably wouldn't be able to take the shock, as he'll find out his crazy, dissapointing son is also a homosexual. I thought I couldn't get any bigger of a failure to him.

Well, I could, apparently.


I was so obsessed over him. He was the only thing on my mind, all day, every day. Back in those days, I would've killed for some information I know about him right now. Secrets and weaknesses. Passwords to get into his computer or to turn off GIR. His guilty pleasure for human cupcakes or cuddling.

Thoughts of using these things to my advantage don't even occur anymore. We made a silent truce, to not-kill each other.

Our affection has gone further than 'not-killing each other', though.

I've never been a softy or a fan of cuddles and kisses, which isn't surprising. My childhood was alright, but growing up without a mother has it's bad sides. My dad loves us for sure, but he's not good with feelings. My sister punches the first person that gets too close.

Zim is the first person I'm with who wants to be close. Really close, actually. Especially if it's cold outside, he's all over me. You know that problem some cat-owners have? When they're working on their computer, but their cat jumps up on their keyboard? Well, Zim has the annoying habit to climb on my lap while I'm working or watching tv, blocking my view. I stopped getting angry or attempting to push him off. He gets furious for me being 'ungrateful' and then hits whatever place he can reach.

Trying to continue with what I was doing or quitting all together are the best options.

Sometimes, he falls asleep on my lap. His head then rests on my shoulder and his chest peacefully rises and falls with his breathing, his claw usually grabbing my t-shirt.

So sweet. I then lift him up and carefully bring him to the bedroom.

Sweet, cuddly, clingy? A side of Zim I didn't know it was possible he could have. Zim doesn't allow me to not-embrace him while he's trying to sleep, and I don't blame him. The first time I wrapped my arms around him I had gasped at how cold he felt, how much he had trembled. My body heat makes his whole body relax. After a contented sigh, he drifts off.

I had felt sorry for him. I thought of how it must've been before I came around. That poor alien, all cold and trembling. It's sad.

However, feeling sorry for someone like Zim never lasts long. Zim is still a pain in the ass, and he'll always be.

For instance, Zim is my alarm clock. Zim refuses to get a loud, annoying one, because his PAK can wake him up whenever he wants to. He then wakes me up to go to school.

Getting woken up by him is.. terrible. Most lovers wake each other up by kisses or soft words. Maybe even a little breakfast. Zim prefers slapping me, screaming in my ears, yanking the blankets off of me, pushing me of the bed, pouring soda over my face or, when he's in a bad mood, a combination of these. And if Zim doesn't make waking up terrible, his retrieval unit will furfill this for him. GIR LOVES me, which is a curse. He can scream just as loud as his owner, if not louder. This one time, he woke me up by pouring boiling hot syrup in my ear, telling me waffles tasted better with syrup.

Zim seems one hundred precent convinced he's my master and I'm his slave. Therefore, when I ignore his commands, he starts screaming and throwing stuff at me. Plates with food, drinks, vases, hair brushes, pillows, chairs.. you name it. He's not satisfied until the objects hit me, so most of the time I just jump in front of them to stop him from destroying our stuff. Also, if the objects miss, he get's even more frustrated and even dangerous. His teeth and claws are sharp as razor blades, don't even get me started on what kind of weapons he hides in his PAK. Yes, dating an alien, Zim in particular, ends up in lots of bruises and cuts.

After a while, we did started kissing. Simple pecks, randomly on our bodies. I began giving kisses, and after a few months Zim even started returning them.

The first time I tried to kiss him was on a hot summer night. We were sitting on the roof, doing one of the things I liked doing most: watching stars. Zim often joined me, even though he often called it 'useless time-wasting.'

I kissed his cheek. He broke my glasses. While I was holding a napkin against my bleeding nose, he explained that he thought I had tried to bite him or suck his eyeball out of its socket or something.

'Warn me next time.'

I was surprised and relieved. There WOULD be a 'next time'.

Three years of a relationship and we haven't gone any further than simple kisses.

Yeah, well, you go and try to get into the pants of an irken. Unlike most humans, they value their body.

I'm not even sure if I'm looking forward to doing.. sexual stuff with him. Sex is not my element, man. I'll probably fuck up big time, and 'fucking up' isn't something Zim is happy with.

Oh well, the day will come, once. I think.

In the meantime, I have no problem at all with waiting. Waiting for Zim to long the taste of my tongue, waiting for him to long the feeling of my fingers on his naked flesh. Waiting until he wants to continue, not me.

If he'll ever want that. Will he? I'm not sure. I think so, I hope so.

This twisted relationship is going in an incredliby slow pace, but I don't care. I'm grateful I'm in this relationship with Zim in the first place. It's something odd and I never thought it would happen, but it did. And I'm happy it did.

I'm happy to be with him,

My alien.

My Zim.