I got this idea and I knew I just had to write it! Very dark, but we all need a little tragedy sometimes.


Nii-chan, it hurts… It hurts so badly.

It hurt the day you died.

It hurt the day of your funeral.

It hurts today, almost 4 months later.

Nii-chan, do you remember that nightmare I had every night after mom and dad died? I watched them be impaled by pieces of car over and over again in my dreams. And at the end of the dream, I saw myself stabbing them with glass. Every night, several times in the night, I'd wake up screaming. You'd comfort me and remind me that it wasn't my fault. You'd tell me that my nightmares weren't real and couldn't hurt me. You promised you'd be there for me every time I woke up from my nightmares.

Nii-chan, where are you now when the nightmares won't go away?

They're different now… Now, every night since your death, I watch you walk into that souvenir shop. I follow you up and down the aisles as you look for the perfect gift for me. You finally find a wood carving of a bear holding three salmon. You buy all three they had. Just when you're about to leave, the man in the mask walks in. He pulls out a gun and you run up to stop him. He doesn't hesitate to shoot you. I see the blood pool around your chest. The man in the mask begins to reveal himself. Then I realize, the man in the mask is me.

Nii-chan, I'm sorry. I gave away all the wood carvings you bought for me. I couldn't stand to see them. They brought too much grief and guilt.

I killed you all.

I killed mom.

I killed dad.

I killed you, Nii-chan.

Will the pain ever end?

I almost didn't go to your funeral. It was too hard for me to even open my eyes that day. Your good friend, Usagi-san, finally dragged me there. I cried the whole time. I couldn't watch them bury you. I passed out cold in Usagi-san's arms and woke up in my bed.

I couldn't find the strength to get out of bed after that. I didn't go to school. I didn't go to work. I ended up getting fired from Marukawa. I dropped out of M university. I didn't cook Usagi-san meals anymore. I didn't do the laundry anymore. I became almost bedridden.

Nii-chan… I never even got to tell you about me and Usagi-san.

Usagi-san… I can't even stand to let him touch anymore. All of the grief and the pain is too much for me to feel anything else.

Nii-chan… I love you.

I loved you…