Snape is having dreams. Dreams that he hates. Potions dont help until he uses the right one and the right person is there to help.
One major thing with this story, Snape never had the conversation about HP with Dumbledore. Snape only knew of him because he was Lily's son and the "Boy Who Lived".
I may have messed up on some of the timing of events because its 5am and I am wore out but please if you catch one, say so
I hope you enjoy it! Let me know if you don't. I always want to grow as a writer. This being my first fic I know I will need some improvement.
~ Also, I do not own HP or any of the characters. All that credit goes to JK Rowling.
Severus Snape loved potions and excelled at them. It aggravated him to no end when his "dreamless sleep" potion never worked on himself. He tried and tried to make it work for him but it never did. He had been having the same dreams for years. He never saw the boy's face but he knew that the boy in his dreams was him in another life. It was the Severus who wasn't the geek. The one that had confidence. The boy that actually had a chance in life. Severus hated it. He didn't like dreaming of what he would never have and even with more fire whiskey than his stomach could hold, he kept having these dreams.
Every day, he got up not feeling rested. He took a potion to rid him of the hang over from the night before and headed to shower. Those damn kids always made fun of his greasy hair but he washed it every day. Once showered, he dressed and headed to the great hall to put something on his stomach. He still had about a week before the students would arrive and make his life even more of a hell so he intended on brewing as much as he could. Severus loved to be in front of a cauldron. It gave him a kind of peace he found in nothing else.
That night he had another dream. This one was a little different. It felt like the calm before the storm. The dream was set in a thunderstorm. The boy version of him was standing alone next to the black lake. He was soaking wet but not moving at all. The lightening hit the black lake and the boy fell to the ground. Severus woke up in a puddle of his own sweat. He had never had a dream that was so confusing. It was 2am so he decided to just get up. He headed straight for his personal potions lab. Still in his night wear he began to fetch ingredients. He had to get his mind off of this dream.
Once everything was set up Severus added the first ingredient for a potion that he had only made once before. The potion would allow him to understand what these dreams really meant. When he was young he was told how dangerous this potion could be and learned it about 10 years ago. He was asked to make it for a wizard that Dumbledore knew well. He learned later the man had gone mad not long after taking the potion. Severus didn't care if he went mad. It might actually be a blessing.
By 6am the potion was ready. He cleaned up after himself and headed to his office. He sat at his desk staring at the blue shimmer that was in the glass vial. Taking a breath, he downed it in one swallow. Immediately the room began to spin.
"Severus, I see you have been confused. I am here to help you understand"
The voice seemed to come from above him and he tried to take in his surroundings. He was standing by the black lake. Just as the younger version of himself had been just a few hours ago in his dream. The lake was so calm.
"You want to know what your dreams mean? You have been dreaming about another. The boy in your dreams is not you. It never was you. You are connected with this boy in so many ways Severus. He is your salvation, your future, and will become everything to you. Only if you choose that path. Once you choose then you won't dream about him anymore. Choose well and good luck Severus"
The potion wore off and Severus found himself on the floor. The cold hard floor. His head was trying to wrap around what he had just heard. For as far back as he could remember he had been having these dreams and he never once thought the boy could have been anyone other than himself. The boy never aged. Never changed. He got up from the floor and headed to the shower. He understood how the other wizard had gone mad. Severus felt his sense of reality had shifted.
It had been almost a week since his "experience" and Severus hadn't left his quarters. He took his meals in his sitting room and barely slept. He had to leave the comfort of the dungeons tonight. The students had already began to arrive and it was mandatory that he be at the head table for dinner to "greet" the first years. He hated this night every year. Severus made himself presentable and headed for the Great Hall. He sat at the head table in the place he had been sitting for the entire time he had been a professor at Hogwarts. He liked being off to the side and out of the way. The less attention the better.
The first years started to file in behind Professor McGonagall. They were pitiful. A bunch of scared and elated 11 yr. olds. Most who thought the world owed them something. As McGonagall stepped to the side and he got a good look at the new Hogwarts students, Severus passed out.
He woke pissed. He was in the infirmary and Albus was looking down on him from his right side and Madame Pomfrey staring at him on his left. "Damn it, what the hell are you two staring at?" Severus got up out of the bed and made for the door leaving the two wizards speechless in his wake. He made it to the dungeons in record time. Closing the door to his office and putting a silencing charm on the room, Severus screamed at the top of his lungs "THE BOY WHO BLOODY LIVED?" Fuck. Severus knew in that second before he head hit the head table, Harry Potter was the boy he had been dreaming about. Why Harry Potter? Severus hung his head and grabbed his liquor. The more he drank, the more hazy things got. Staring into the fire just before he passed out on the couch he whispered "At least my dreams will change now that I know"
The dream had returned and now the boy in his dream had a face. The boy was older now. Severus had an initial thought of how good the young man looked. He then reminded himself that was actually Harry Potter and he woke up on his couch, sore.
He dream had changed like the potion had said it would. Severus didn't have to make a choice. There was no choice to be made. He would be damned if that Potter boy would be his so called "salvation" or his "future".
Later that day, he had to get up in front of Potter and try to introduce him to potions. If Severus thought that he hated his life before now then he was mistaken.
From the first day Potter walked into the castle, Severus hated him. He hated that he was in his dreams. He hated it because it felt like an intrusion. He hated the boy more and more each day because each night Severus continued to dream about him. Five years of dreams where Potter was doing regular things such as homework or walking around the lake. It didn't matter though. Severus hated having Potter in his mind at all.
Severus also hated that Potter was everything that he always wanted. He had friends, looks, talent; at least in DADA. He didn't get picked on and everyone treated him like he was important. In all honesty Severus was a bit jealous but he would never admit it. He had to find a way to get Potter out of his head. When he used the potion to help him understand, it had said the dreams would leave him once he made a choice. He had made his choice and they stayed. They changed but they still didn't go away. It was time that Severus go and brew it again.
This time the potion gave him nothing more than it did before. It said that he still needed to make a choice and that he needed to do some "soul searching" to find out what he really wanted. It frustrated the hell out of him. He made his choice! Harry thought about it for a moment and sighed. He decided to take the weekend ahead to do what the potion had said to him. He would figure out how to make these dreams go away.
Saturday morning Severus had already planned his day. He had the elves bring breakfast to his study and he sat in front of his fire with his book. The book he started as a teenager was the one thing that he held dear in this life. Anytime that he couldn't figure something out he would go to his book. He wrote potion ideas in the book. He would write what hell he planned to unleash on the kids that were bullying him. It always seemed to help him sort things out. Just as he was about to begin there was a knock on his door. He put his book down and went to see who dared to bother him. He opened the large wooden door to find Potter staring him in the face. Fuck. Severus had the worst of luck.
"Potter, what the hell do you want?" Severus said sternly
"I'm sorry to bother you Professor but I really need to discuss something with you. I promise it won't take long. Can I please come in?" Harry asked.
"First Mr. Potter, I will not help you with your homework. If you paid attention in class maybe you might have some clue what the hell to do. Second, no you may not come in. Now leave." Severus began to close the door when Potter pushed it open.
"Sir, I don't want help with homework and I will not leave. I must talk to you. I don't care if you won't let me in but I don't think you want everyone knowing about what I need to talk to you for."
"Fine Potter, come in. You may not make yourself comfortable though." Severus actually hoped that maybe whatever Potter had to say would help get Potter out of his dreams.
Severus regretted his choice to let him in after Potter spoke seven words.
Harry looked almost afraid and said "Sir, I have been dreaming about you." Harry looked Severus directly in the eye. "I have been having these dreams for a while now and I just feel like maybe you would have a potion that would help? I didn't want to go to Madame Pomfrey because of the nature of the dreams"
Severus just stared at the boy. Things had just become even more confusing. They were dreaming about each other. It wasn't just Severus. Now this had to stop. He certainly didn't want to be in Potter's dreams and he wanted Potter out of his. He gave Potter a look and spat out "Come with me."
They walked into Severus's personal lab and he began to look on the shelves for certain ingredients. "Potter, collect the cauldron over there and the tools on the shelf. Place them over here on the table."
Potter did as he was told but Severus could tell by the look on his face that he was really confused. For good reason. Severus should have yelled at him or something. "Potter, we are going to brew a potion for the unbinding of magical connections. Somehow your idiot self has bound your magic to me and that is why you are having these dreams. I didn't think you could be anymore incompetent but I was wrong. When you leave here you are go to the library and learn how to keep your magic to yourself." Severus had no idea if that is what was making them dream about each other and he would be damned if he would tell Potter that he had been dreaming about him as well. Hopefully this would work. Severus began to brew while Potter watched on.
Finally after two hours of uncomfortable silence the potion was ready. Severus bottled the potion and started to walk back to his study. "Potter, clean up this mess and scrub the cauldron. When you are finished you will join me in the next room" Potter just shook his head. Severus walked out.
He sat on his couch pondering what he had told Potter. Was their magic really connected? At this point he would try anything to let them part and go their separate way. Typical of Potter he took forever to do what Severus asked of him. Finally he entered and Severus stood up with the bottles. The potion was an odd shade of gray. Almost silver if looked at in the right light.
They stood by the fire and Severus handed one to Potter. "We must take these potions together. Once completed we will never speak of this again. Now unstopper your potion bottle" Severus put the bottle to his mouth while Potter did the same. They turned their heads back and swallowed.
The room began to spin around them. The only thing Severus's eyes could focus on was Potter because he was the only thing that wasn't moving. When the spinning stopped they seemed to be in one of Severus's dreams. Potter was in the library sitting in a big puffy red chair. Severus himself walked over holding a few books and smiled at Potter then proceeded to sit beside him. The spinning around them began again. They were in another one of his dreams. Potter was standing by the lake. Severus watched as he walked up behind the boy. Something dawned on him. This must be my dreams and Potter's dreams put together as one. Severus felt a warmth come over him like someone was holding him. The spinning had happened again while Severus was thinking and there he was. They were on the couch in his quarters. Severus remembered this dream clearly. He had dreamt that Potter was sleeping on his couch with his arms wrapped around a big pillow. The problem was, now he saw himself where the pillow had been sleeping beside Potter engulfed in his embrace. Severus couldn't help but to let his mouth drop a bit. Again, the spinning began. Severus didn't recognize this dream. This one felt very real. Too real. He watched as Potter stood before him begging him to call him Harry. "Please, please, call me Harry. You have to call me Harry. I love you Severus!" As soon as that was said, everything went black.
Soon after, the black that surrounded them faded away and they looked at each other. Both looked almost horrified at what they had just seen. Severus knew that the boy wouldn't stay silent for long so he spoke first. "Harry-" Severus cleared his throat. "Potter, you will not utter a word of… " Severus was interrupted. "Severus? Did you not see that? Did you feel it the way I did? I felt HAPPY. For the first time in my life. In the dreams I was having about you I wasn't in them. I see now what they meant. I do love you Severus." Severus couldn't say anything. Stunned, he was like a statue. That was when his hand felt warm and he realized that Harry Potter had taken his hand.
Once Severus had his voice back he pulled his hand away. "Mr. Potter. Do you even know what it is to love someone? You're not even gay!" Severus should have kicked him out but he really had to know. Something in him really wanted to find out all he could.
"To love someone is to put that person ahead of yourself. To protect them with all you have. Love means wanting to know everything about each other, the good and the bad. I do know what love is. And how can you say I am not gay? Who cares anyway! Love is Love. Love doesn't have a gender."
Severus felt his heart almost aching. Severus knew what love was but he had never had anyone actually love him. He felt empty. Any one night stands he had ever had were with men but he had never considered himself gay. He considered his encounters to be purely physical but deep down he could pretend that the bloke actually cared for him. It wouldn't have mattered who it was really.
Severus was lost in thought. He was found when a body pressed against him. The boy was holding him and rubbing his back. All Severus could do was sit. Was he dreaming all of this? No, he wasn't dreaming. He knew his dreams and what they looked and felt like. This was real. He looked down and Harry Potter was resting his head on Severus's thigh. For a moment he pretended that it wasn't the boy laying on his lap. His name was something else and he was just a young man. A beautiful young man. He pretended that the only fame the young man had was the fame found in Severus's eyes when they looked at each other. He couldn't help that his body reacted to this and his cock slowly began to rise in his trousers.
Severus pushed him off of his lap and stood. He went to say something to him but Severus didn't know what to call him. Should he call him Harry? No, that would make things complicated. "Potter, would you get off the floor?" Severus went to the self behind the couch and pulled out the bottle of whiskey. He pulled out two glasses and sat back on the couch. Harry, he meant Potter, sat on the chair across from him. Severus poured two glasses and handed one across the table.
"Let's just say for a moment that I believed you actually cared for me Mr. Potter. Then what? Would you expect us to just have a bunch of sex, get married, have a few kids and settle down in the country somewhere? You're 16 years old!" Severus really meant those questions to be rhetorical but Potter had to answer didn't he.
"Well, yes and no. I've never had sex before, hell I've never kissed anyone. I would like to though."
Severus stopped him before he could continue. He knew how to cure this. He would challenge him. When faced with it, Severus knew he wouldn't want to have sex with him. He knew how to play his part well so he decided to go all out.
"Harry, I can show you. You and I can go to the bedroom right now and I will shag you. Let's go." Severus laughed a bit in his mind until…
Harry stood up from his seat and put his drink on the table. He walked over to where Severus sat and held out his hand. "Ok, let's go"
Severus took his hand and let him to his bed. He took his wand and lit the fire in his room. Standing next to the bed Severus began to undress, knowing that as soon as this perfect young man saw his flawed body that he would be gone. Severus took off his shirt exposing his skinny upper body that was covered in scars. Harry took off his shirt and stood there. As Severus took off each piece of clothing, Harry followed until they were both standing in the nude. Severus began to get an erection looking at Harry's wonderful body and he noticed that Harry already had one. Without warning, Harry reached forward and began tracing the scars on his chest. "What have they done to you Severus?" Harry had said that with so much love and care Severus thought maybe, just maybe, Harry could actually love him and that Severus could actually be loved. The slowly wrapped their arms around each other and held each other. With every breath and small movement their pricks rubbed against each other. Severus picked the boy up and slowly and lovingly laid him on the bed.
Severus shoved any doubt out of his mind and decided to make love to Harry. He climbed on the bed next to him and began kissing him on his neck slowly down to his collar bone. Then did the same on the other side. Harry shivered a little with each kiss that was applied. Severus knew he was nervous. Harry cupped the man's face and brought it up to his. Looking each other in the eyes Severus placed a light kiss on Harry's mouth. He began to pull away when Harry lifted his head and kissed him. Their tongues began to find their way into each other's mouth only stopping when neither one could breathe anymore.
Harry still seemed a bit nervous. "Harry, I want to love you. I want to trust you. Can I do that?"
The body of the young man seemed to instantly relax. That was all the answer that Severus needed and he began to caress Harry's toned body. He rubbed his chest up and down, each time getting a little closer to his throbbing cock. Harry moaned every time. Severus reached down and cupped Harry's balls in his long bony fingers and Harry arched his back in pleasure. He wasn't about to stop there. He leaned down on Harry's stomach and took the head of his cock into his mouth, sucking just a little, enjoying every moan that came from Harry's mouth and every pulse of his cock. Slowly, Severus took the entire length into his mouth. Hitting the back of his throat each time. He paid attention to Harry's cock. Licking it up and down and sucking it while he rolled his balls in his hands. As the moans got stronger and Harry was writhing beneath him more and more, Severus sucked his cock until he brought Harry to completion.
Severus laid back on the bed next to Harry and ran his hand down his own aching erection. He whispered in his lover's ear "Will you let me make love to you?" Harry just pulled Severus closer to him and whispered back "You have to call me Harry."