A/N: I'm not sorry.
I do believe that I, Bella Swan, had a stalker. Today when I had awoken from a mostly restful sleep - regretfully leaving my dreams of that hot stud from Bio - I had a mysterious package sitting on top of my toilet. In my bathroom, with no windows. In my house, with my Chief of Police father, who keeps everything locked, at all times! I was seriously creeped out, what an invasion of privacy! Did they also hang around my room to leer at me creepily while they maybe, possibly sniffed my panties? Oh my god! My father Charlie had already left for work, he usually left around 6am and I didn't bother rolling out of bed until at least 7:30. It's not like I had to spend hours getting ready, hell I barely even bothered to brush my hair on most days. So it wasn't a matter of having him come look at it and I honestly didn't want to worry him about the fact there was most definitely a prowler loose in Forks.
I quickly did a run through of all the windows and doors. Surprisingly, they were all still locked up tight.
"The fuck?" I grumbled out loud, running my hand through my nappy hair and getting it tangled for a minute. I should probably brush my hair before I left for school. Oh well, God did invent hats, didn't he?
So how did they get inside? Were they still inside?! Holy shit I was going to give myself a fucking aneurism. Maybe I should call my father Charlie, before he comes home and finds my body lying in a pool of my own blood. I mean he is a cop, that's what they do. It wouldn't be like I was some scared kid just calling up Daddy or anything... Sigh. I took the package into my room and sat on the bed, staring at it. Oh! There was a card. That would probably be helpful to read. I should have done that to begin with. My heart was already racing a mile a minute, and the idea of there being a creepy card attached to what could just be an innocent gift was sending my mind into over drive. I mean for all I knew, Charlie left me a present. Although what reason he could have for lavishing his only daughter with gifts beats me! Not literally though because Charlie is great and he doesn't hit me.
The stationary was really nice. It was sort of an ivory color with little flecks of maroon in the paper. Thick too, and the edges were all torn, and it was really soft. Cool. It had Isabella in cursive on it. I wished I could write that nice, my handwriting basically looks like a smashed asshole. The ink was actually maroon, which looked really nice against the off-white color of the stationary. The really fancy kind you see in movies and stuff. Like when Hannibal would write romantic letters for Clarice. He's so romantic... I sniffed the envelope for a second, but no. No bouquet of random scents for me to admire. I opened the card and read it quickly, and then once more but slower because I hadn't really gotten it all the first time. I don't know why I read things so fast, it just takes me more time in the long run.
Please use these during your next menstrual cycle.
My next... menstrual cycle? Without further ado I ripped off the wrapping paper on the box, barely noticing that it was kind of classy and thick like the stationary. Who the fuck cares what the paper looked like, what the fuck is in that box!
'Whoever got me my... "menstrual" gift must be rich.' I thought absentmindedly, as I unveiled my present. Finally.
Inside was a giant box, like the kind I had seen at Costco Wholesale, filled entirely with different types of tampons. To say that my face was heating up would be an enormous understatement. My entire body was alight with a strange mix of embarrassment and rage. I wish I knew who the hell E.M. was because I had a lot of shit to say to them at that very moment in time.
Like, like... How fucking dare you?! I stood up and started pacing back and forth in my room. Who the hell would have the audacity to leave me tampons?! Who the hell would even think that I would want to use tampons?! I am a pads girl okay, I don't care if they're like a giant diaper in my pants for the week. I don't want to stick cotton up my twat! That's so unsanitary! It could get stuck! UP THERE. I would have to retrieve it! By myself. I am a virgin okay, what if I popped my cherry with one. Oh my god, humiliating. How would I explain that to my future husband? My phone started beeping crazily. Shit. I had to be at school in ten minutes. I hurriedly brushed my teeth and got dressed for the day. Slapping a hat over my nappy hair, I grabbed my box and headed out the door.