Title: Wanting and Needing
Author: Sorceress Fantasia
Warnings: Heero POV
Note: Companion piece to 'Sometimes'
Disclaimers: I don't own any of the g-boys. It's pointless to sue.
I suppose that walking back to the dorms with one's lover getting all introspective is a good way to be reflective as well. Right now, Duo is deep in thoughts as he walks back to our room with me, hand in hand. In fact, I'm leading him. I suppose that's a good thing. I wouldn't be surprised if he walked into something on his own, with his mind so far off.
And just looking at him like this, with his hand in mine, I know this is what I need. A little time off with my lover.
Wait, I'm using the wrong word again. I do not need time off with him. I *want* time off with him.
There's a difference between wanting and needing something. To want something, is to have a strong desire for it. You may want food, but it's not a matter of life and death if you can't get it.
Needing something…. is different.
To need something, is to want something so badly you'd die without it. Using food as an example again, if you need food and you can't get it, chances are, you'll starve to death.
Nowadays, people are using the two interchangeably. They've forgotten that there's a difference. Like that day, Duo told me that he needed a bar of chocolate. That wasn't a need. It's a want.
I fall prey to the misuse too.
I always tell Duo that I need my laptop back to do my work when he's hogging it, playing computer games. But I don't. I just want it back.
In my life, I've seen many things come and go. Things that I want, things that I need. I've seen so much. And sometimes, I let them go without fighting.
Does that mean that I don't want them? That I don't need them?
But there is one thing I am sure that I want and need. Or rather, one person that I want and need.
Is it that obvious who is it?
I suppose so. I was never one for subtlety.
When I first met him, I wanted him. Likewise, he wanted me. For what, I'm not sure. But I know his wants include me being in his bed. Me? I wanted him to be the only person I ever kiss, ever touch. That was certainly a first.
A few more meetings later, my want for him changed. It became something deeper, something more emotional.
It became a need.
Whether or not Duo's want for me changed as well, I have no idea. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not omniscient. And that includes not knowing my lover's thoughts. Although, I do have a feeling that his want is somewhat warped. My little lover may be self-conscious to the point that, perhaps, he believes that he does not deserve me.
How does one prove oneself to be worthy of something, anyway?
I could certainly care less, however.
All I know is that I want him, and that want has already been transformed into a need.
I want and need him.
And I will do all I can to keep him with me.
Isn't that all that matters?
Sorceress Fantasia @ 12th October 2002