Reference to and dialogue from: 'The Staircase Implementation'



The apartment door closed and immediately Leonard Hofstadter's mind went into overdrive. In the few minutes he'd been at 2311 N. Los Robles Ave. he'd encountered a seemingly deranged man in the lobby and a very imposing transvestite. Neither individual was the punch line of this adventure, however, as both had indicated there was someone far stranger he had yet to meet.

Leonard softly cleared his throat and straightened the collar of his blue nylon jacket before crossing the hall and knocking at apartment 4A. The door opened just enough to let a tall, gangly man wearing a black Flash t-shirt over a green longer-sleeved shirt, brown pants and white sneakers wedge into the space.

"Yes?" the man said quietly.

"Dr. Cooper? I'm Leonard Hofstadter. I called you about the apartment. You said—"

"I know what I said," replied Sheldon in a hurried monotone as if the whole exchange was painful. "I know what you said. I know what my mother said on March fifth, nineteen ninety two. You're one knock redundant."


"You knocked four times. Three is optimal as it's long enough to grab one's attention without being annoying."

"Ah. Sorry." Leonard cocked his head in an attempt to capture Sheldon's eyes but aside from the initial glance at his face the blue orbs seemed fixated on the shorter man's shoulder. I wonder if he's shy or autistic? "So, anyways I—"

"What is the sixth noble gas?"


Sheldon's mouth twitched in disapproval. "You called yourself a scientist. 'Huh' is not an acceptable response." He made to close the door.

"Uh, radon!" blurted Leonard. The door opened.

"You really should do something about your guttural emphases." Sheldon's eyes briefly met Leonard's. "Kirk or Picard?"

At least he's a Star Trek fan. "Oh, uh, well, that's tricky. Um"—he caught Sheldon's raised eyebrow. "I swear I'm smart!" Leonard cleared his throat. "Original Series over Next Generation but Picard over Kirk."

The taller man nodded. "Correct. You've passed the first barrier to roommate-hood. You may enter."

Leonard walked in and immediately noted the sparse conditions. In the middle of the room were two lawn chairs, a television and round industrial spools which functioned as a coffee table and lamp stand. A quick glance revealed whiteboards stacked under the large window and more against the west wall. The only sign of personalized whimsy came in the form of a large DNA model that sat on the floor next to the book shelf.

"Oh, this is pretty nice," he said diplomatically. "Uh"—he mentally slapped himself—"the bedrooms are back there?"

"That depends," Sheldon said evenly.

Leonard grinned, absolutely amused at the situation. "I don't understand; their existence is conditional?"

"No," Sheldon said slowly and to Leonard's mind rather patronizingly. "But your ability to perceive their existence is conditional on you passing the second and third barriers."

"There's three?"

"Each more daunting than the last," the lanky man said. "Have a seat." Leonard made to sit down. "No! That's where I sit!"

The experimental physicist gave a little sigh. This was going to be a hell of an interview.


Leonard stepped out of the apartment and into the hall—more like into reality—and pressed the elevator button. Granted the apartment was the nicest he'd seen and the rent was reasonable but Dr. Sheldon Cooper was almost certainly nuts.

"Who the hell schedules their poop time?" he tsked. The door opened and he stepped in the elevator and pressed for the lobby. There was that bachelor apartment near Raj's place. Maybe Leonard should give it another look-see?

After all, it might be small but at least it wasn't full of crazy.

The door closed and the elevator descended.


Penny's feet barely touched the ground as she all but floated into the building's elevator and pressed the eleventh floor.

"Hi!" she said to the elderly man next to her and flashed a devastating smile. "Nice sunny day, huh? Although most days are sunny here so I guess I should have said 'another nice, sunny day'."

"That it is," chuckled the man.

"We just moved here from Nebraska and oh my God it's amazing here," gushed Penny. The elevator door opened and she stepped out. "Take care!"

The man watched her hips sashay in the red Capri pants as she walked.

"Definitely amazing," he smirked.

Penny went down the hall and turned the corner to the apartment. To their apartment. She sighed happily and put her key into the lock and opened the door.

"Honey, I'm home!" she bellowed.

"Someone's in a good mood," said a male voice from the bedroom. Penny dumped her purse on a stack of boxes and ventured to the room to see her boyfriend setting the box spring on top of the replacement board of their bed frame. He looked up. "So?"

"Mission accomplished!" She cleared her throat. "Starting Thursday I am an official waitress at The Cheesecake Factory!"

"That's one down. One to go."

"You'll get that job, Kurt," Penny said soothingly. "You bounced back in Nebraska and you're big enough for the job." Kurt laughed.

"'Big enough for the job', huh? I'll show you big enough."

In two strides he was across the room; with a squeal Penny turned to dart down the hall only to be lifted high into the air. He turned her around and pressed her to the wall, massively muscled arms on either side of her blocking any attempt at escape. Their lips crashed together as Penny's arms slid around his neck.

So far everything was working according to her plan: drive out from Omaha to Los Angeles, find an apartment, get a job. The only thing left to do was get that movie career she'd always wanted. Kurt had been reluctant to move since it was half way across the country. What if they didn't get jobs? What if he didn't become a personal trainer and her, a movie star? She told him not to worry, she had a backup plan: become a television star. That seemed good enough for him—not so much for Penny's parents.

There'd been weeks of arguments when Penny dropped out of community college in order to prepare for her move and budding 'movie career'. After much deliberation and shooting up of several cans behind the barn her parents realized they couldn't stop her and so let her go with the hope that she'd come to her senses after a few months and return home. While Kurt wasn't exactly a family favorite Wyatt was at least comforted by the young man's ability to protect Penny with his muscle bound physique.

Penny broke the kiss and gave a Cheshire grin.

"Let's test that board of yours," she purred.

"The one under the mattress or in my pants?"

In a matter of moments there was a pile of clothing in the hall and two bodies entwined on the bed.