AFRAID

Hey guys jedimasterroyal here again from the abyss that is college rand darth real life. :p anyways recently I was reading in forums and Ani/Padme pages all about the Clovis arc that debuted in Germany this past week and since I don't like waiting I got all the spoilers and everything. I am not very happy with the ending of the arc, like the rest of Ani/Padme community so… I am writing a three chapter story that contains moments/elements that I think should have been added. I will also add a Author's Note as a separate chapter at end explaining why I wrote what I wrote because honestly i just need to vent. I'm hoping that next week when the season becomes available in English through Netflix, some things that disturbed me will be brought to light. so yeah….

DON'T READ IF U DO NOT WANT TO BE SPOILED. Leave a comment or review below.

Disclaimer: I don't own SW. Disney and GL do…all power to them.

Without further ado….

FINAL WARNING: CONTAINS MAJOR EPIC SPOILERS OF CLOVIS ARC. DO NOT READ IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE IT!


'After Anakin kicks Rush Clovis' ass in the episode The Rise of Clovis'

"You don't trust me."

She meant it as a statement of fact but her eyes glimmered with a last amount of hope, compelling him to say something.

Yet he knew if he spoke, they would end up in a screaming match. If he was being truly honest, no he did not trust her but not for the reasons she believed.

With a pained look in her eyes, she sighed and spoke, "I…I don't understand what is becoming of you…of us. It's better…that….that we not see each other, be…apart from each other. At least until all this is over."

With that she turned away not allowing him the chance to stop her.

Slumping sown to the floor, he put his face into his hands. He couldn't believe he snapped like that. A Jedi is supposed to have control. All he remembered was red. All he felt was rage. He forgot his surroundings all the while a dark essence whispered to him. The whisper coaxed him to close Clovis' airway and he felt satisfied to comply to its orders.

But her face. Oh, that look would be etched into his mind forever. Her whole face looked terrified, like she had just seen a monster herself. He had never seen such a frightened being before but what was so twisted was that this look was aimed at him.

For the first time since his mother died, he wept. He wept because he felt lost. He did not know the point where he started to enjoy hitting Clovis. He did not understand when it all became cynical. He did not know when the adrenaline to kill kicked in. In his blind rage of jealousy he lost track when he began not only hurting Clovis but Padme as well, obviously not physically but emotionally.

He clenched his hands into his hair.

She didn't understand!

What would she have done if the tables were turned? What would she have done if she had seen him with another woman, especially in the position he had found her in? Surely her blood would boil just as much if she saw what he had seen. What was Rush Clovis doing with her?

"No…"

He could not afford to think that way. It was what that kind of thinking that got him here in the first place. But it was not because he thought poorly of her. On the contrary his fear stemmed from the fact that he knew he was not good enough for her. She had been a Queen. She was a Senator. She was beautiful. She was rich. She was gracious and kind. She had class. She was smart. She was perfect. Too perfect for some slave boy turned Jedi, and even being the Jedi's famed Chosen One was a curse in their relationship. He would trade all his titles and force powers just to satisfy her but he could not. She deserved so much more than he could ever offer or give her. She desired wooing. She deserved hugs and kisses every night. She deserved flowers and gifts. She deserved someone who could hold her after a bad day at the Senate. She deserved a husband.

The pinnacle of his fear relied on the fact that a man like Rush Clovis, he could give her all that and more. A shiver ran down his spine.

*That's why you need to get him out of the picture.*

He breathed heavily, trying to relax but he could not. One thing he knew for certain was that no man in this universe, even Rush Clovis, would love Padme Amidala more than him. Ever since he first saw her enter Watto's shop, he knew she was his. She was his drug. She made him feel free and whole again. She was his air. He worshipped her day and night. Even far away, he would always love her.

And perhaps she did not fully understand how much he loved her. Then again who could blame her? They barely had time to be intimate much less talk about feelings or show her.

Even scarier, now that he thought about it, was the knowledge that she could leave him. Just as she had now. He couldn't even fathom the thought of her leaving him. If she left him, then he would be afraid of everything. He would be afraid of everything that made him anxious and even that which would give him patience and calmed him down. His whole world would end.

Brushing his tears away, he gets up to leave. He would return to his quarters in the Temple to try to get some sleep or at least fight off the demons who kept whispering to go back into the room and finish killing his adversary.

Taking all his fears with him, Anakin Skywalker 'the Hero With No Fear', left hoping and praying to the Force that when he woke up the next day he wouldn't find somebody else taking his place.


AND THATS THE END OF PART 1. I'll see if I post the second part tomorrow. Leave a comment or review below please. Thanks!