Title: Tenchi Muyo - Tokimi Strikes!
Author: Rowan Seven
Teaser: Lady Tokimi sets her diabolical plans in motion! Will Washu regain her memories? Will Tenchi grow a spine? Can Tsunami bring herself to stop watching soap operas long enough to help? Can Kagato be a good guy? Will the universe be saved? All this and the identity of Tokimi's avatar, the mysterious 'Z', revealed!
Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo belongs to Pioneer and AIC. Other characters belong to their respective creators. I am not making any money off of this story so please don't sue.
Once upon a time, there were three sisters. Like most siblings, they had their fair share of arguments and squabbles. Unlike most siblings, they were all cosmic beings. Therefore, a fight between them tended to go something like this:
Tokimi: Hey, you stole my avatar! Give it back!
Tsunami: No, it's mine now! All mine! Mwhahaha! Go find another one.
Tokimi: You're so mean! Just for that, I'm going to destroy your creations! (Blows up Jurai.) BOOM!!!
Tsunami: ….Waah! Washu, make her stop!
Washu: Aaargh! I was mere moments away from finding the answer to life, the universe, and everything! You've just ruined a millennium's worth of work!
Tsunami: (Sobs.) I'm sorry sister. It's just that…that…_she_ blew up Jurai!
Tokimi: And _you_ stole my avatar!
Tsunami: Did not!
Tokimi: Did too!
Washu: (Wails.) Why am I the only mature one in this family?!!
And so on. Fortunately for the universe, this state did not last forever. Washu, sick and tired of picking up after and repairing all the planets her sisters destroyed and desiring peace and quiet, finally got fed up and reincarnated herself as a mortal, abandoning her cosmic power. Unfortunately, without their other sister Tokimi and Tsunami's bickering only continued until:
Tsunami: Hey Tokimi! Last one outside the universe is a youma! (Runs.)
Tokimi: Hey, no fair! You've got a headstart! (Runs faster before remembering that she can teleport.) Bwhahaha!
Tokimi: (Teleports outside the universe.) I win! I win! (Blows Tsunami a raspberry.) What do you have to say now, youma?
Tsunami: (Smiles sweetly and takes out a key.) You won the race fair and square, sister. (Locks Tokimi outside the universe.) But I won the war! Mwhahaha! This universe is mine! Who's the goddess, yeah? (Leaves.)
Tokimi: Why you! When I get out of her you'll pay! You'll pay indeed! I'll steal your allowance, kidnap your dolls, bury your trophies, and…and…other nasty things! Just you wait! I'll have my revenge!…………………..Hey, it's kind of dark out here…
So Washu was a mortal with no memories of her past, Tokimi was trapped outside the universe, and Tsunami was living it large as the only sister with power left in this dimension. However, she soon found that without her sisters eternal life was exceptionally boring. To combat this ennui she took the form of a tree, declared herself the goddess of Jurai, and started playing soap opera with the noble Juraian families.
Tsunami: Dance puppets dance!
One can only wonder how Jurai became the galactic superpower it is today. Anyway, time passed, and as so often happens things changed. For one thing, galactic cable was invented, offering over 150,892,120 channels. Tsunami was, of course, overjoyed by this and would've become a couch potato if she hadn't already been a space tree.
Tokimi, after millennia of moping, bemoaning her fate, and cackling evilly, eventually found a backdoor into the universe, and while it wasn't large enough for her enter through (much to her embarrassment) it was big enough for her to exert some influence and power into this dimension. Through this entrance she managed to collect several followers, 12 shadows, and a giant floating head who for reasons unknown went by the name of D3. One of the first things she had them do was construct an awe-inspiring temple that broke the laws of conventional physics and contained wonders from all across the space/time continuum. It also doubled as a giant playhouse.
Washu, on the other hand, became the self-proclaimed 'greatest scientific genius in the universe,' got a husband, had a child, had both tragically taken away from her, and joined the Galactic Science Academy. Oh, and she also met and became partners with the green-haired scientist Kagato, mostly because he was the only one other than Dr. Clay who could actually keep up with her.
Kagato: Washu, let's become partners. You're a beautiful and intelligent female scientific genius, and I'm a clever and handsome male scientific genius. Together we can accomplish great things.
Washu: All right, but on one condition!
Washu: (Anime eyes.) Call me…little Washu!
Kagato: (Left eyebrow twitches.)…As you wish...
Eventually Kagato was driven insane by 'unknown forces' (Hint: it starts with a W and has spiky red hair), but before he was completely crazy he embarked on one last great project with Washu: Project Ryoko. They took one of Washu's egg cells, some of Kagato's DNA, the Masu, and just for the heck of it they threw in three mystical gems that had been following Washu around since she was a child. Unbeknownst to her, these gems contained her forgotten cosmic powers.
Anyway, they combined these genetic and magical materials, enhanced and altered the various strands of DNA, added various spices (euphemism for useful and versatile genetic codes that Kagato and Washu had found over the course of their studies and wanted to integrate into their creation), and let it sit and develop until baby Ryoko was born. This accomplished, Kagato then went about the incredibly difficult business of devising a trap that not even the brilliant Washu could escape from and then ensnaring her in it. He even called up an old 'friend' of his for inspiration.
Kagato: (Holding up a telephone.) I know you're in the middle of conquering a kingdom right now, but could you spare a moment and help me? If you were trying to imprison the 'greatest scientific genius in the universe' what type of prison would you use?
Queen Beryl: Kaggie, dear, just stick her in a giant crystal. Take it from one with experience in these matters. Giant transparent crystals work, make great displays, and are very useful for gloating purposes.
Washu: Hey Kagato! It's time for little Ryoko's bath. Do you think you could do it tonight? I really want to finish my plans for Ryo-ohki.
Kagato: (Smirking.) But of course, little Washu. I'd be _thrilled_ to give Ryoko a bath. Just let me-…Dear Tsunami no! Washu, look behind you!
Washu: (Turns around.) What? What is it? Have one of my experiments escaped? I knew I should've put better locks on the Pokémon cages…
Kagato: (Pulls out a weird-looking gun and fires it.)
Washu: Wha-Aaaah! (Is surrounded by a crystal and put in suspended animation.)
Kagato: I'm…free. At long last, glorious freedom! Mwhahaha-
Baby Ryoko: Waah!
Kagato: Er, okay, maybe I'm not completely free, but how hard can taking care of a baby be?
It's statements like that one that just go to show how much some people still have to learn, especially when the baby in question has access to cosmic powers.
Kagato: (Holds up spoon carrying baby food.) See the spaceship? It's yummy! Here comes the spaceship! (Moves it towards baby Ryoko's mouth.)
Baby Ryoko: (Gets a look of distaste on her face as the baby food nears.) Gogogaga! (Seeing Kagato's lack of comprehension she shoots him with an energy blast.) BOOM!
Kagato: (Singed.)…That wasn't mentioned in Parenting for Scientific Geniuses.
I won't even mention Ryoko's terrible twos. Anyway, over the course of three thousand interminable and taxing years (for Kagato), Ryoko grew and matured into a creature feared and dreaded across the universe: a teenager.
Kagato: Ryoko! Where are you going? You're supposed to help me steal the royal scepter of the Misnod ruling family!
Ryoko: No way old man! Rage against the Flesh has a concert tonight on Cybertron, and I intend to be there! By the way, may I borrow the Souja? I need a ride…
Suffice it say, Kagato's hair finally turned white due to all the stress he was under. He also caved in to Ryoko's demand and, using schematics written by Washu, created for Ryoko her very own spaceship Ryo-ohki, hoping that it would teach her some responsibility.
Kagato: Now young lady, owning your own spaceship, especially this one, is a very big responsibility. You'll need to comfort her, teach her, and-
Ryoko: (Grabs Ryo-ohki.) Thanks Daddy! (Bonds with Ryo-ohki.) Come, I hear that Emperor Azusa is having a party. Let's crash it! (Leaves.)
Kagato: (Sighs.) Where did I go wrong?
Kagato, already somewhat insane from his tenure as Washu's partner, finally snapped and, like many mad scientists, decided he'd conquer the universe by learning the secret of the universe and harnessing its power. He informed Ryoko of his plans, but her reaction wasn't what he'd been hoping for.
Ryoko: (Laughs uproariously.) You, conquer the universe? Hahaha! Nice one Dad. I think it's time you saw a psychologist.
Kagato: That's it, the last straw! I've clothed, fed, educated, cared for, and raised you for the past three thousand years, putting up with all your destructive temper tantrums, vanity, and utter lack of resolve to do any work at all! Do you realize that you have not once, in all this time, ever cleaned your room? Well, I'm not going to take this anymore! (Waves his left glove in front of her face.)
Ryoko: Er, Dad, what are you do-…(Memories are blocked and Kagato assumes mental control of her body.)
Kagato: At long last, blessed quiet! Now, go clean your room!
With a now brainwashed and amnesiac Ryoko under his control, Kagato began sending her out on missions on her own, stealing the mystical artifacts of civilizations, raiding planets, and other such illicit deeds. Having had firsthand, oftentimes painful, experiences with Ryoko's power, Kagato also inhibited it to some degree, bringing her down from a destroyer of worlds to a destroyer of nations.
This all worked out fine and dandy for the two until Kagato found an answer to his question. If he captured and stole the powers of Tsunami, he'd ascend to a new, glorious level of existence and be able to make his dreams a reality. He then devised a method to accomplish this and sent Ryoko and Ryo-ohki on a mission to kidnap the tree. Of course, to do this, the demon-caller and cabbit would need to get past all of Jurai's defenses, but this posed little trouble to them.
Juraian Border Patrol Agent: Man, I'm bored. Thanks to Tsunami and the power of Jurai, no one _ever_ sneaks past our border. Will nothing exciting ever happen here?
Ryo-ohki: (Flies past.) MIYA!
Juraian Border Patrol Agent: …Will I never get a billion Jurai?
Then the terrible duo arrived on Jurai proper…
Generic Juraians: Aaaah! Help us! The invincible and impenetrable planet of Jurai is under attack! Someone please help!
Yosho: Fear not humble and loyal citizens of Jurai for I, the noble, dashing, handsome, and incredibly skilled Crown Prince Yosho shall duel with this demon and save you!
Juraian Nobles: Hey, it's that arrogant crossbreed! Boo! Go back to Earth, you pretender to the throne!
Yosho: Perhaps you'd like to deal with Ryoko yourselves then?
Juraian Nobles: Er…three cheers for Crown Prince Yosho! Hurray!
Yosho: That's better. Now then, Ryoko, prepare to die! (Runs off into the sunset with the sword Tenchi ignited.)
Ryoko: (Behind him.) Hey, I'm over here!
Yosho: (Sweatdrops.) Heheheh, I knew that! Now, prepare to die! (Turns around and charges her.)
And lo, a great and awesome battle that would put Dragonball Z to shame commenced and mass property destruction ensued. Juraian light-blade met conjured laser-sword, prince fought pirate, but most devastating of all was the interruption of Centuries of Our Lives, Tsunami's favorite soap opera.
Maitus: Oh Jineras, I'm so sorry about marrying your clone, brainwashing your sister, and giving your phone number to all of my criminal connections. I love you. Can you ever forgive me?
Jineras: Oh Maitus, of course I can. I love you! Can you forgive me locking you in a cage, having a liaison with your long lost twin brother, and impregnating myself with your DNA while you were drunk?
Maitus: Of course! True love knows no bounds of forgiveness! Come here, my dear!
Jineras and Maitus: (Move closer together until they're pressed tightly against one another, look deeply into each other's eyes, and ever so slowly move their mouths in for a kiss when-)
TV: We interrupt this program to bring you the following breaking news. Ryoko the Space Pirate has entered Juraian space and is raiding the homeworld itself. The planetary defenses have all been annihilated, and the casualties are in the thousands. Currently the brave Prince Yosho is valiantly holding her off and destroying most of the capitol city in the process, but we'll discuss that later. We recommend that all people on Jurai find shelter or evacuate.
Tsunami: Oh the humanity!!! Anything but this! Why oh why did they have to interrupt the soap opera at that precise moment? Couldn't they have waited one more minute? Don't they have any compassion at all? Wait a minute, Jurai's _my_ planet! It's under attack! I've got to do something! Space Pirate Ryoko, prepare to feel my divine wrath!
TV: And here is a picture of the wanted criminal, Ryoko. (Shows a picture of Ryoko with glowing eyes and a sadistic smile on her face with an entire city on fire behind her.)
Tsunami: Waah! She's scary! What shall I do?
Sasami: (Falls down dead right in front of Tsunami.)
Tsunami: Well, I suppose I could resurrect this fallen princess by assimilating with her. Of course, doing so will prevent me from facing Ryoko for a couple centuries, but I'm confident that the Masaki family can handle this. I did give them their power, after all. (Laughs nervously.) Yes, that sounds like a good plan. (Absorbs and fuses with Sasami.)
Meanwhile, back on the surface…
Ryoko: Mwhahaha! Impressive, Prince Yosho. Your skill with the blade has not been exaggerated. However, there is one thing you should know. I'm actually left-handed. (Summons a laser-sword in her left hand and proceeds to overpower Yosho.)
Yosho: (Backed into a corner.) I see. So that's the way the ball rolls, is it? Very well then, I have something to tell you as well, Ryoko. I am also left-handed! (Tosses the sword Tenchi into his left-hand and forces Ryoko back.)
Ryoko: Alas, I'm being forced back. Rather than release my full power and destroy you and this entire city I think I'll retreat. Ryo-ohki, come to me! (Teleports onto Ryo-ohki's bridge and leaves.)
Yosho: (Cheers.) I am victorious! Who's da crown prince? Yeah! Alas, if I stay here and assume the throne in a few thousand years when my father dies, Jurai will be torn apart by civil strife. Whatever shall I do? I know! I'll pursue Ryoko across the universe and take my time doing so. I can make up the rest as I go! First though, I must record a romantic and memorable message for Aeka for reasons that I shan't go into right now.
So Yosho pursued Ryoko across the universe, stole her three gems, and locked her in a cave on the planet Earth which was, coincidentally enough, his mother's planet of birth. His space tree having taken root in the planet's surface, he decided to settle down there and run a Shinto Shrine. Aeka, being the obsessive type, took her own space tree and little sister and scoured the galaxy for her brother. Tsunami, with Sasami being in suspended animation, started watching soap operas again as she prepared for their eventual assimilation. Kagato was, of course, devastated by all this.
Kagato: Hmm, Ryoko has been trapped in a cave on some backwater planet. I guess I'll rescue her…after I finish this crossword puzzle! The Souja needs to be washed as well, not to mention checking up on several of my experiments. Hmm, at this rate it ought to be several centuries before I can liberate my demon. Oh well, she'll live, and Ryoko could use a time-out…
Life continued. Yosho got married, had a daughter, the daughter had a son, and this son he named Tenchi. Ryoko, looking at the world through her astral self, saw this boy and fell in love with him. Later as a teenager, Tenchi accidentally freed Ryoko from her seven hundred year imprisonment, and to thank him for this kind service she chased him around and blew up his school. Obviously, her ideas of a romantic night were extremely skewed.
Regardless, Ryoko was free and in love with Tenchi, Aeka showed up and fell in love with Tenchi, Sasami woke up and fell in love with the kitchen, and the blonde, ditzy, but incredibly skilled and lucky Galaxy Policewoman Mihoshi crash-landed on Earth and fell in love with Tenchi. Anyone else see a pattern here?
Moving on, Kagato finally finished his crossword puzzle and traveled to Earth to reclaim Ryoko. Finding the two princeses of Jurai, Yosho, and the master key there as well he figured that it was a good a time as any to put an evil plan in motion and accordingly kidnapped Ryoko. Tenchi bravely attempted to rescue her and was…killed. Tsunami, having concentrated her attentions on Earth now that there was a real-life soap opera to keep her entertained, resurrected him so that she wouldn't lose her newest source of amusement under the pretense that she did so to save the universe from Kagato.
Kagato and Tenchi once again fought with Tenchi delivering a fatal blow to Kagato. Kagato, being the cool villain that he is, died with a smile on his face, seemingly accepting his fate. Washu was freed, and the Souja blew up since the episode needed a big explosion. The hero Tenchi returned to Earth with the girls in tow and Washu desiring to perform various experiments on him. They lived together in peace and harmony…okay, they actually lived together in strife, chaos, and discord but they did live together, having many wacky adventures. Ryoko merged with the nanite construction Zero and became Zero Ryoko, Tokimi began searching for Washu, and the Emperor and Empresses of Jurai stopped by for a visit. Now that this eight-page introduction is over with, the story can proceed.