Step Away from the Microwave and No One Gets Hurt!!

By Elhwesta

This is based on a true story straight from the teachers' lounge. Thanks to Mr. C, my

economics teacher for entrusting myself and my class with this story. And yes, there are

going to be some major technological discrepancies in late chapters, but you lose the great

humor of the incident otherwise.

Disclaimer: In a perfect world, I would own LOTR, but I don't, so there. :P~~


Chapter 1: Reactions

It was great news. Word was already spreading all across Middle Earth. Arwen Evenstar,

wife of King Elessar and Queen of Gondor, was pregnant with their first child. (A/N: And

by the time this story is done, you'll understand why it was their ONLY child. ^_^)

Excitement grew as word reached Mirkwood, Rivendell and the Shire. The Former

members of the Fellowship were delighted to hear the news.

"That's absolutely wonderful!!" exclaimed Sam. "I'm so happy for them!" Sam,

Merry, and Pippin were all hanging around Bag End sipping tea with Frodo when the news

reached them.

"As am I, Sam. It truly is wonderful news," Frodo said with a beaming smile.

"Strider a father. I never thought I'd see the day!!" mused Merry as he blew a

couple of well-defined smoke rings.

"I think, for everyone's sake, Srtider better clean up a little before the child's born.

He'll scare it to death otherwise," Pippin commented as he frowned slightly.


"That's wonderful!!" Legolas said with a bright wide smile. The Prince of

Mirkwood, with his inseparable friend Gimli by his side, received the news from Haldir of

Lorien, who came by to deliver the news.

"Indeed it is! I'm sure they will produce a fine heir to the throne of Gondor!"

"Well, of course!! Being even remotely related to the Lady of the Wood will do

that to you. It's like a five-star guarantee!" Gimli declared, earning a rather peculiar look

from both Haldir and Legolas.


Elrond, Lord of Imladris, slumped into his big, fluffy chair, and sighed as if his soul had

just been expelled from his body. Gandalf the White observed him with a sympathetic


"I take it you're not too pleased with this."

"Huh, what?" Elrond, who had been staring vacantly at the intricate designs on the

carpet, was stirred from his reverie. "Oh no, it's not that, I'm more than happy for them,

it's just I didn't expect to become a grandfather under these kinds of circumstances."

"I see, it serves as a reminder, doesn't it? That Arwen is mortal," Gandalf stated,

reading the expression on his friend's face with ease.

Elrond stood up and walked to the window. The sun shone brilliantly outside,

illuminating the trees and gardens in the courtyard below. The sky had never looked bluer.

As Elrond looked down in the courtyard, he could see several young elflings at play. Some

of the boys were trying out their newly learned sword-fighting skills against each other with

wooden practice swords, while others kicked around a small wooden ball, all the while

yelling and laughing in a perfectly stereotypical image of life in the Last Homely House.

Elrond sighed again. "It still grieves me that Celebrian will never be able to look upon her

daughter as a full grown adult. But it is obvious to me now that nothing could have been

done to change that which the fates decided. There's nothing left for me to do but give

them my blessings."

"That's all a parent should be expected to do," Gandalf cut him off while handing

him a cup of freshly brewed tea.

"And hope to the Valar the child looks more like his mother," Elrond muttered,

finishing his last thought before taking a sip of tea.

(A/N: This chapter is more or less just a quick plot base set-up. The next chapter is where

the insanity ensues. *grins like the Cheshire Cat*