Bear In The Big Blue House:


Wisdom returns to co-write this dark installment of the 'Forbidden Love' Series

            Bear stepped outside his front door to collect the mail from his mailbox.  The only item within was a white envelope with big red letters that told him this was his second notice.  Just as Bear began to crumple up the letter he noticed the approach of the audience.

            'Uh… hello, there.  I was just, uh… What are you snooping around for?  Can't I get any peace from you people? For Christ's sake, I never get any privacy!  This ain't no Peep Show at Bear's Big Blue House.'  Bear stopped himself from getting angrier and just stared at the audience, sighing angrily.  'I smell something,' he announced and sniffed the air in front of him.  'Could it be… ah, yes, the sweet smell of morning dew upon the pearly petals of the daisies in the meadow.' Bear gave another defeated sigh, but then suddenly grew anxious as he looked again at the letter in his hand.

            'The FBI…! God damn, when are they going to leave me alone?' then he looked up from the letter at the audience with a murderous look in his eye. 'But they're not nearly as meddlesome as you.' Then he breathed very heavily for several seconds, obviously trying to curtail his rage. When he had calmed himself again, he led the audience inside and then said quickly. 'I need to make a little trip to the hardware store. I think it's time for me to paint my house a new shade…start a new life maybe, you know? That should throw off the --- Eh.…nevermind. You stay here and DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING.' Then, serenaded by bassoons and tubas, Bear lumbered heavily out the door, leaving the confused and slightly disoriented audience behind.

            It was very dull just standing there and waiting so the audience began to walk about aimlessly.  From the kitchen began emerging strange muffled sounds.  A peek around the corner revealed the meaty back of a pink object.  The squat figure wore only trousers and a stained tank top that barely contained his rolling flesh.  Before him was a plate with a puddle of pickle juice and splotches of mayonnaise and mustard.  In his hands, half eaten, was a sandwich.  He chomped and chewed away endlessly, never the wiser to his observers.  The audience was disgusted and horrified by the site of this thickset atrocity that they slowly and quietly backed away from the kitchen door.  Even the hallway outside the kitchen was too close to the creature that they ran up the stairs.  There they listened to hear if the thing in the kitchen had heard them and might investigate.  There only continued the stifled sounds of eating.

            The audience was frantic. What was that thing? Surely they had never seen anything quite like it in Bear's house before. But then it struck them: the pink hue, the immeasurable girth; could this have been the once well-dressed doctor, Doc Hog? The audience shuddered to think of what he could have been doing in Bear's house, soiled and dirty, chowing down on a sandwich. Then something surprised them: there was a sudden sound of movement from downstairs and Doc Hog gave a grunt. The audience, motivated beyond reason, fearing that Doc Hog was aware of their presence, threw the nearest door open. The sight that greeted them was beyond horrible.

            Opening the door, illuminated suddenly by the hall light was the thinnest body of a person – a small bear – they had ever seen. Red fur covered its skeletal body, and the dark sunken eyes in its head were both shocked and terrified, shuddering and half-covered by the creature's hands, which tried to block the light from their giant, dilated pupils. The audience repelled, horrified by this new sight and immediately slammed the door shut, rushing down the hall in utmost terror in sudden realization that the screaming, howling, yapping, barking Doc Hog was careening up the stairway in insane excitement

            'What's going on up there?' he bellowed angrily.  'Dammit, filthy!  Filthy! Damn- Filthy!'  Doc Hog began up the stairwell and soon the audience could see that he carried a can of beer in his hand.  Upon seeing the trembling audience, Doc Hog's eyes widened, his mouth cracked into an enormous, fanatical smile.  His head rolled about as he stumbled toward the end of the hall and the audience who cowered there.

            'Nurse!  Examining room!  In there!  In there!  Get in there! Dammit!'

            The audience didn't know what to do until Doc Hog pointed toward the bedroom on the left side of the hall.  They hurriedly ran into it and attempted to close the door behind them and shut out the hideous pig, but he was abnormally fast and held the door open just wide enough for himself to get in.

            'Examining table!  On!  The dressing gown!  On!  Cup for pee!'

            Too scared to move, the audience just stared at the mad doctor.  He grew impatient with their inaction and he pulled out an ocarina and set it to his lips.  Thus he began to play a mysterious interlude to calm their nerves. By the time he was finished, he had stripped himself naked. He set the ocarina aside and looked very solemn.

            'Now it's time for our examination. If you would all please – please – lie down – lay down?  -- on the table, yes, yes, yeees. You all look very filthy – very sick. You're all in need of my help, yes, because I'm a doctor,' he said, eyes glowing in delight.

The audience, horrified and not knowing what to do, sat themselves down on the table, very nervously. Doc Hog sidled up close to them, giggling fervently. When he had gotten so close that they could smell his fetid, rummy breath, they suddenly reacted quickly out of fear, picking up the lamp and smashing it over the doctor's head.

            'OH MY GOD. HOLY MOTHER,' cried Doc Hog, holding his head and falling to his knees. 'I can see God! I can see – everything! Ah-hahah! I can see EVERYTHING! BENEATH THE FILTH!'

            The audience, horrified, smashed another lamp over Doc Hog's head and then wrapped his near-unconscious body in the bed sheets and threw his body out the open window. The bundle fell with a loud thud and a crack. The audience, thoroughly scandalized, ran out of the bedroom toward the open hall, but what they saw there was not a welcome sight. The small bear's closet door was open – they had forgotten to lock it, and there in the middle of the hallway was the strange creature, pulling itself across the floor towards the stair in a hopeless attempt to escape.  The audience shuddered at the pitiful sight.

            From the little bear's mouth came strange screeching sounds, as if her vocal chords were dry and twisted.  The sound was unbearable so the audience kicked the red bear out of their way and ran down the stairs to escape.  Just then they saw Bear strolling up the drive toward the house with two cans of paint in each hand.  The audience fled toward the laundry room and the little bear crawled out into the hallway.  It couldn't go any further and reached for the closet door.  Once opened a parade of rotten and torn zombies was ejected out into the open.  The undead bodies of Tutter, Pip, Pop, and Treelow quickly escaped their closet prison.

            'Brains…' They all said looking down at the little red bear at their feet.

            'Ahhhh!' screamed Ojo in a screechy voice. 'No! I'm your friend! Please! We were all united against Bear once! Look what he's done to you – to me! Oh no! Here he comes!'

            Bear was just strolling through the doorway, humming a happy tune with a couple of paint cans and brushes hanging from his hands. When he saw that his zombies were loose, he suddenly dropped everything and shuffled them all back into the closet, taking only a few cuts and scratches from the gangrenous claws of the zombies. After that, he picked up Ojo off the floor and began shaking her.

            'Why you little --!' he said angrily. Ojo bit his hand and he released her, then she crawled away into a crevice in the wall where Bear couldn't reach her.  Bear gave a primal scream and shook the wall, then gnawed at it, but nothing he did could break it down.  Temporarily giving up, Bear sat on the couch in the living room and just stared at the place in the wall where he thought Ojo would be sitting behind it.

            'Hee hee hee!  Why you silly, old bear!  Why you got to scare dem kids like that?'

            The familiar shape of Shadow appeared on the wall and did a little jig.

            'I didn't ask you to come here,' Bear said.

            'Ho ho ho!  Let me tell you a story, muffin man.  There once was a Bear who was wanted by the FBI. Everyone could see the look of a liar in his eye.  He has a friend who is in need of that sweet honey.  She won't tell the piggies where he's hiding if he gives her some of that muffin money!'

            'You dare to try that with me?  This bear doesn't let anyone stand on his toe!  Hiyaaaa!'  With that shout, Bear threw the whole couch through the air and hit the shadow girl.

            'Well, dizzamn!' said the offended shadow who promptly left the house.

            Seeing the clock, Bear knew he hadn't much time and picked up the paint cans he had dropped.  He popped them open and in record time had his house painted red.  No one would be able to find him now.  Bear snickered and patted himself on the back.

            'Oh, Bear?'  That familiar sensuous voice filled the air and that beautiful glowing orb was sitting beside his attic.  Bear scrambled inside and up the stairs to greet his lady.

            'Luna!' he cried, pained by his love.  'We may finally be able to be together.'

            'Oh, Bear…'  She hovered closer and Bear's eyes widened at the realization that she was much larger than he had at first thought.

            'I can't take this separation much longer,' he said.

            'Oh, Bear…'

            'Luna? Will you sing the good-bye song with me?'

            They sang away and Bear tore himself away from his hot mama for one more night.  Inside the attic a roar of angst escaped his lips and he clutched his heart.  He reached for the lamp's switch but turned back to consider the returned audience.  Instead of addressing them he just squinted angrily and shook his head in contempt.  The attic went dark and Bear took the stairs arduously.