The Day Kisshu Snapped
Kisshu sighed. He was feeling really irritated, and Pai and Taruto were not helping. Pai had spent the morning trying to convince Kisshu that Deep Blue was their best hope, and when Kisshu FINALLY got him to shut up, he didn't even get ten minutes' peace before Taruto came up to him and started telling him all about how annoying Pudding was. The explanation took nearly an hour, by which point Kisshu was ready to scream. He finally stormed off, and shut himself in his room.
Now he was sitting on his bed, trying to calm down. He had almost succeeded when someone started banging on his door. "What NOW!?" Kisshu shouted, completely exasperated. He went over and yanked the door open, then told Pai, who had been banging on the door, "This had better be REALLY important, or you're going to regret it."
"Uh… I just wanted to know what we're having for dinner…" Pai said.
Kisshu snapped. "I'VE HAD IT!" he screamed. "YOU AND TARUTO SPENT ALL DAY DRIVING ME INSANE, AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO COOK FOR YOU TOO!? WELL, FORGET IT! GO BLOW UP THE KITCHEN FOR ALL I CARE! I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE IRRITATION!" With that, he slammed the door in Pai's face, and stormed over to his closet. He took out his boots, pulled them on, and teleported to Ichigo's tree.
He looked in her window, and saw that she wasn't there. Her bed looks really comfy…. he thought. Kisshu teleported into the room, and listened. Not hearing anything, he went over and flopped down on Ichigo's bed. It was nice and soft, and smelled like her.
Kisshu took off his boots, and laid back on Ichigo's bed. He was starting to calm down, and soon he was so calm that he fell asleep.
About three hours later, Ichigo came home, along with her parents. They had taken her on a short trip, and they had just gotten back. Ichigo took her bag to her room, and squeaked, seeing Kisshu asleep on her bed.
"Ichigo, is something wrong?" Sakura called.
"No," Ichigo said.
She obviously hadn't sounded very convincing, because Sakura came into the room. She saw Kisshu, then looked at Ichigo and said, "Explanation."
"I don't know why Kisshu's here!" Ichigo said defensively.
"I was under the impression you two were enemies," Sakura said.
"Yeah, but he's head over heels in love with me," Ichigo said. "Unfortunately, I have no clue why he's sleeping in my room. Maybe Pai kicked him out."
"Are you going to wake him up?" Sakura asked.
Ichigo went over and looked at Kisshu. "He looks really peaceful, I don't want to," Ichigo said softly. "Can you keep Dad out?"
"Sure, have fun," Sakura said, and left, closing the door softly.
Ichigo carefully climbed onto the bed, and started stroking Kisshu's hair gently. Her eyes widened, and she thought, That's SOFT….
She continued stroking Kisshu's hair for about half an hour, but then he started to stir. Ichigo smiled as he sleepily opened his eyes, and said, "Morning, Kisshu."
Kisshu became alert almost immediately, and asked warily, "Koneko-chan?"
"I'm here," Ichigo said softly. "You look adorable sleeping."
Kisshu perked up a bit, and sat up. "So why were you sleeping on my bed?" Ichigo asked.
"It was comfy," Kisshu said. "And after today, comfy was nice."
"Did you have a bad day?" Ichigo asked.
Kisshu sighed. "Pai spent the entire morning trying to convince me that the only way to help our people is by listening to Deep Blue, and when I FINALLY got him to shut up, Taruto decided to tell me all about how annoying Pudding is- even though I know he's head over heels in love with her," he said. "And then I went back to my room, but I didn't even get an hour's peace before Pai started banging on my door wanting to know what was for dinner. I told him he could go blow up the kitchen for all I care, and teleported to your tree, but you weren't here, and your bed looked really soft and comfy, so I decided to come in and get some rest. It was nice…."
"Wow…." Ichigo said. "My parents and I just got back from a little weekend trip to my grandma's."
"Do they know?" Kisshu asked.
"Yeah, I told them I was Mew Ichigo a few weeks ago," Ichigo said. "Mom had already guessed, but Dad was pretty shocked. Anyways, I told them everything, so they know about you."
"Is your dad going to kill me?" Kisshu asked warily.
"Not unless he wants me to get the men-whacking broom," Ichigo said. "It's a broom with a steel handle that has only one purpose."
"Whacking men?" Kisshu guessed.
"Just my dad," Ichigo said. "It's funny to watch Mom whack him."
"So I won't get whacked?" Kisshu asked.
"Nope," Ichigo said cheerfully.
There was a knock on the door, and Ichigo called, "Come in!"
Sakura came in, and said, "I just wanted to see if you two want dinner."
"Kisshu, do you want to stay for dinner?" Ichigo asked.
"As long as there aren't any bananas around; I'm allergic to them," Kisshu said.
"I'll go get rid of the ones we have," Sakura said. "Wait here."
She left, and Ichigo said, "I have the world's best mom."
"She seems a lot like mine was," Kisshu said a bit sadly. "Both my parents died in a rockslide when I was six."
He was surprised when Ichigo hugged him tightly, but he hugged back. "I'm sorry, Kisshu," she said softly. "I shouldn't have hurt you so much."
"What brought this on?" Kisshu asked.
"Realizing that you've got it a lot harder than me," Ichigo said. "Would you like to live here?"
"What's Blondie going to say?" Kisshu asked.
"Nothing, he kicked me out," Ichigo said. "And you should get used to being around my parents anyways, since they'll be your in-laws someday."
Kisshu's ears perked up, and Ichigo giggled as Sakura came back in. "The bananas are gone, and so is the banana bread," she said. "Come eat, I made mac and cheese."
"Mom, can Kisshu live with us?" Ichigo asked. "He doesn't have parents, and you and Dad will be his in-laws someday anyways."
"You sound like your father," Sakura said. "He was planning our wedding when he and I were fifteen."
Ichigo giggled. "That sounds like Dad," she said. "Kisshu's probably been planning since we met, right Kisshu?"
"Yup," Kisshu said, smirking as they walked into the dining room.
Shintaro looked up as they came in, and Sakura said, "Dear, this is Kisshu, Ichigo's boyfriend, and we're adopting him."
"Wha… huh… WHAT!?" Shintaro shouted. "Can you slow down? What happened to what's-his-name? Why didn't I know about this?"
"Aoyama cheated on me two weeks ago, and I finally realized I love Kisshu, but I had to find some way of getting Ryou to kick me out before telling him," Ichigo said. "And Kisshu doesn't have parents, so Mom says he can live with us. And since you wanted ten kids, you can't really complain- unless you want ME to get the men-whacking broom. Can we have dinner now?"
"Oh, fine, but I want a full explanation," Shintaro said, and sat down at the table.
Kisshu sat down next to Ichigo, and Sakura dished out mac and cheese for all of them. "I'm so glad the bananas will be gone for good," Ichigo said as she took a bite of mac and cheese.
"Wait, what?" Shintaro asked.
"I'm severely allergic to bananas and everything related to them," Kisshu said. "I can't even smell them without throwing up."
Shintaro looked grouchy, and Sakura said, "Shintaro, if you complain, you know what will happen, right?"
"I'll get whacked…." Shintaro said gloomily. "Where did you get that thing, anyways?"
"My friend had an extra; she uses hers to keep her husband in line too," Sakura said. "Ichigo, when you get married, I'll get you one for a wedding present."
Ichigo looked at Kisshu speculatively, and he said, "I promise I'll be good!"
Ichigo smiled and said, "Thanks Mom."
"Sure sweetie," Sakura said.
"So remind me again why we're adopting Kisshu?" Shintaro asked.
"Because he doesn't have parents, he and I are together, and his brothers were driving him insane," Ichigo said.
"I didn't get out of it when MY brother drove me insane," Shintaro said grouchily.
"That's because your parents were still alive, dear," Sakura said. "You're doing dishes tonight, by the way."
"Mmph," Shintaro said.
Sakura looked at Kisshu, and said, "Don't worry, he'll get used to you quickly once he gets over the initial shock."
"I'm not going to get mauled?" Kisshu asked.
"No, of course not," Sakura said. "Did Ichigo tell you about his sword or something?"
"No, but I was watching the match he had with Treehugger," Kisshu said. "I was really hoping Treehugger would lose…."
"He's still in my black books," Shintaro said. "And now that I know he's a cheater, if I see him again, I'm going to put him in a wood-chipper machine."
"What's that?" Kisshu asked.
"It's a machine that you can put wood into, and it turns the wood into little bits and pieces," Shintaro said. "I don't know if it would work on the Treehugger, though…."
"Do you have a chainsaw?" Kisshu asked.
Shintaro's eyes lit up, and Sakura and Ichigo groaned as he said, "That's a great idea! Would you like to help?"
"Yep!" Kisshu said happily. "Should we do it tonight?"
"NO, you may not do it at all," Sakura said before Shintaro could respond.
"Whyyyyyyyyy!?" Kisshu moaned. "I can teleport, so we wouldn't get caught."
"That doesn't change the fact that murdering people is illegal," Sakura said sternly.
"Aw, come on," Shintaro said. "I wanted to hack him to pieces with my chainsaw!"
"Simply for cheating on Ichigo?" Sakura asked wearily. "Despite the fact cheating is wrong, I don't think it warrants killing him."
Kisshu and Shintaro both started sulking. This faded when they heard teleportation, and Pai appeared, looking less than thrilled. Kisshu glared at him and asked, "What NOW? This better not be another rant about how Deep Blue's going to save us, because I'm not listening if it is."
"I just came to see why you were here, of all places," Pai said.
"Koneko-chan's parents adopted me, and since you spend every waking moment driving me insane, I'm never going to come back," Kisshu said. "I admit that Taruto's more annoying, but you've become a mindless drone, and I'm sick of hearing about how Deep Blue is going to save us all. As soon as I figure out who his human host is, that person will be a goner."
Pai sighed and said, "It's that kid you call 'Treehugger'."
"YAHOO!" Kisshu and Shintaro shouted together, as Ichigo and Sakura buried their faces in their hands.
"What did I miss?" Pai asked.
"We're going to hack him to pieces with a chainsaw!" Kisshu said excitedly. "Treehugger cheated on Ichigo, so her dad and I are going to hack him to pieces with a chainsaw!"
"I would recommend doing it in the training room rather than on Earth," Pai said. "I suppose you want me to kidnap him?"
"Sure!" Kisshu said. "Mr. Momomiya and I will get the chainsaw and meet you in the training room."
"Oh, fine," Pai said, and teleported out. Kisshu and Shintaro immediately got up and got shoes on, then went to get the chainsaw, leaving Ichigo and Sakura to their own devices.
After they heard teleportation from the garage, Ichigo said, "Well, at least Moe and Miwa won't go to jail now…. I know they want Aoyama dead."
"I suppose," Sakura said. "I still think killing him is a bit much, though."
"If he turned into Deep Blue, he'd be destroying the world, so this is a better solution," Ichigo commented.
"I guess…." Sakura said. "At least they won't get found out."
Meanwhile, with Kisshu and Shintaro: Kisshu teleported Shintaro and the chainsaw to the training room, where they found Pai and Aoyama. "I froze him, so he can't run away," Pai said. "I suppose I should go somewhere else?"
"Probably a good idea," Shintaro said. Pai teleported out as Aoyama asked nervously, "What are you going to do to me?"
"We're going to hack you to pieces with a chainsaw," Kisshu said with an evil smirk. "And then we'll incinerate your remains and throw them in the trash."
"Just because I cheated on Ichigo?" Aoyama asked.
"Yup," Shintaro said. "Be grateful we didn't go with my plan of putting you through a wood-chipper machine." He started up the chainsaw, grinning evilly, and asked Kisshu, "Would you like to go first?"
"I'll give you the honor; Ichigo's your daughter," Kisshu said. "But I want to hack off his head."
"Oh, fine," Shintaro said, and advanced on Aoyama with his chainsaw.
*This part has been censored so the story won't be rated M*
Fifteen gruesome minutes later: "Well, that's done," Kisshu said, looking at the pile of ashes that was all that was left of Aoyama.
"I think we need to clean up before going home; the women are going to have a fit if we come in like this," Shintaro said.
"Okay, I'll go ask Pai to get some of your clothes; I don't have anything that will fit you," Kisshu said. He concentrated, and finally said, "Pai's on his way; he apparently already thought of that."
"Good," Shintaro said.
Pai teleported in and said, "You two might want to wash your hands before touching anything."
"Okay," Kisshu said. He led the way to the bathroom, and waited as Shintaro washed the blood off his hands, then washed his own hands. "Let's go back to my room to change; I have my own bathroom," Kisshu said.
"Alright," Shintaro said. Pai was waiting for them, and he handed Shintaro a bag of clothes. "Thanks," Shintaro said, and followed Kisshu back to his room. Kisshu started digging around in his closet as he said, "The bathroom is through that door at the back of this room."
"Thanks," Shintaro said, and headed off. Kisshu found a pair of pants and a shirt like the one he had on, and changed into them, then put his boots back on. Shintaro came out of the bathroom a minute later, and asked, "What should I do about the bloody clothes?"
"I can incinerate them," Kisshu offered.
"That works," Shintaro said. He handed over the bloody shirt and pants, and Kisshu set them down, then took out his sais, formed an energy ball, and made it incinerate the clothes. Then he asked, "Should we go back?"
"Yeah," Shintaro said. Kisshu took his shoulder and teleported to the kitchen, which was empty. "We're back!" Shintaro called.
"We're in the living room," Ichigo called gloomily. Shintaro and Kisshu went to the living room, and found Sakura and Ichigo looking gloomy.
"What's with the long faces?" Shintaro asked.
"You two just killed someone," Sakura said. "We're not big on killing."
"Sorry, but it had to be done," Kisshu said. "Koneko-chan, can we go have fun now?"
"What does 'fun' involve?" Ichigo asked.
"Plotting ideas for pranking Pai," Kisshu said. "That should cheer you up, right?"
"Okay," Ichigo said. "Let's go back to my room." Kisshu perked up and teleported her to her room.
They spent the rest of the night plotting numerous ideas for pranking Pai, Taruto, and Ryou, and finally fell asleep together- only to be awakened an hour later by Shintaro yelling, "GO SLEEP IN YOUR OWN ROOM, KISSHU!"
Kisshu sighed and headed off as Ichigo curled back up and fell back to sleep.
I thought that was fun, but if you don't like that Aoyama got hacked to pieces, please don't flame me. Review plz!