Your name is Jane Crocker and you are excited for your first day at Sburb Academy! Your father and you had a small going away party the night before you left, because it is a boarding school with people from all over the country attending! You just got off your plane, and now you're standing in front of the Academy, gripping your suitcase tightly.

You don't see anyone else, and you're not sure if that's a good thing or not. Maybe you're early, or maybe you're late and have missed everything. You seriously hope that it's the former, but you should be able to give your classmates cakes or something as an apology; you are, after all, the Super High School Level Baker.

Smiling a little to yourself, you enter the academy, pausing for a bit at the door to gape at the utter size of the place. It's certainly a far cry from your average-sized home in Washington!

You push open the doors and step inside, glancing around. There's nobody in the entrance… oh dear, you probably are late. You're sure that your letter said one, though, and it's only a quarter after noon…

You glance back, but the door has swung shut behind you with a finalizing thud and you're left with your worries.

The next thing that happens is strange. You're in the gym, but you can't quite place when you got there. You turn back, but behind you is an entirely unfamiliar hallway, and in front of you is a fairly decent sized group of people, milling around and talking to one another. Frankly, you're not sure where to start.

A guy sidles up next to you, throwing an arm around your shoulders. He has a cigarette between his lips. You wonder if he's actually eighteen, and if this school is so lax as to let tobacco onto their premises.

"Hey, kitten," he says. "A little nerve-wracking, eh, being the last one here?"

He smells like Axe and leather – surprisingly, there's nothing to suggest that he actually smokes. Either way, you are uncomfortable, and try to wriggle away a little. He appears not to notice or, if he does, he doesn't do anything to make you comfortable.

That is, until a girl who you are fairly certain is drunk – you swear it's one and you swear she can't be more than sixteen or seventeen – shoves him away and takes his place, though she's more reassuring than anything. "Leave her alone, Cro," she says, words mixing together a little but nothing unintelligible. She looks at you and smiles. "I'm Roxy Lalonde."

ROXY LALONDE ; SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL HACKER

"Jane Crocker," you say, and she nods. "You know him?"

"Sure," she says. "You're late. We already introduced ourselves, but I can take you around and get you acquainted with everyone. Too-much-Axe-and-unlit-cigarette is Cronus Ampora. He says the unlit cigarette is like that because he doesn't like the taste, but I saw a se-rious looking inhaler in his bag."

CRONUS AMPORA ; SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL MUSICIAN

He scowls at her and slinks away. You realize as he goes that he's dressed up in some weird Greaser getup – jeans and a white t-shirt with his hair, far too black to be anything but died, greased up in a pompadour.

"It kind of sucks," Roxy says. "Because, I'd totally tap that, but I don't know if I could trust him. Like, damn, that ass."

You giggle, a little nervous. Roxy is a little overwhelming in her own way, but you don't get a bad feeling from her – you favor yourself an amateur detective, and detectives can usually feel if people are bad or not – so you think that maybe she'll be a good person to introduce you to everyone, at least.

"Anyway!" she says, readjusting her grip on you. "I'm gonna introduce you to our dear Jakey, who is immensely handsome and everyone who isn't in love with the Weeaboo is in love with him, even though we've been here for about ten minutes."

You try to stutter out a reply, but she just pulls you along before depositing you in front of two guys. One of them is tall, heavily muscled, and a little awkward-looking with what you hope is a fake sword strapped across his back and triangle-shaped sunglasses. The other is a smallish boy with dark skin and slight buck teeth. He's absolutely adorable.

"Hello ladies!" he says brightly.

That has to be Jake.

JAKE ENGLISH ; SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL ADVENTUERER

DIRK STRIDER ; SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL SWORDSMAN

"Jake, this is Jane! Jane, Jake. And the stoic hottie is Dirk," she says professionally. Dirk glances to the side but doesn't speak. Jake's grin widens.

"I'm the Super High School Level Adventurer! Jolly good title, isn't it?" he asks. You just sort of nod, completely tongue-tied. Roxy apparently notices your predicament, because she gives them both a sloppy salute and steers you away.

"Everyone's a little much to take in, aren't they?" she asks. "Only eleven to go!"

Seeing the expression on your face, she laughs.

"Not all of them are this… okay, they are. They totally are. We might skip Vantas if we can, though, he might keep ups forever," she says, chattering aimlessly. The two of you have come to a sort of standstill when someone bumps into both of you from behind.

"Move, beach."

You're not quite sure, but you think that whoever just bumped into you used a nautical-themed pun.

That's just really weird. You're not sure why you'd point it out otherwise.

The two of you turn around. It's two girls – the one who spoke is taller and lankier, with toned arms and collarbones aggressively jutting out. She's dark – not quite as dark as Jake English, but much darker than Roxy, who you're fairly certain would glow in the dark. Her hair's long and braided, falling to her waist. Her clothes are almost falling off of her, but you think she sort of meant to do that.

Both of the girls are wearing glasses, but that's where the similarity ends. The girl standing a bit behind the lanky one is shorter and curvier, and about the same color as Roxy. She looks annoyed. Both of them do, to an extent, but she looks more than a bit exasperated.

MEENAH PEIXES ; SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL HEIRESS

ARANEA SERKET ; SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL EXPOSITOR

"Meenah and Aranea," Roxy informs you as she leads you away. "They're both – pardon my French – bitchy and weird. In their own ways. Meenah's a bit more straightforward with it, but I have a bad feeling about Aranea… ooh! Rufioh!"

The teenager she's waving at is standing uncomfortably between two other high schoolers, one who is shouting in some language to a larger, sweatier one. He gives them an awkward smile and wriggles out of the middle, breathing out a sigh of relief.

"Thanks, doll…" he says. He rubs the back of his head. "Man… those two…"

RUFIOH NITRAM ; SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL WEEABOO

"He's almost as irresistible as our dear Jakey," Roxy says. You wonder how she knows them all so well in such a short amount of time, but you decide not to ask as she tells you about the two who are still fighting over Rufioh. "The one who's speaking what I think is Japanese is Damara Megido. I don't know what she's saying –"

"You really don't want to know…" Rufioh says.

"Right, right, and the other one is Horuss Zahhak."

DAMARA MEGIDO ; SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL GOOD LUCK

HORUSS ZAHHAK ; SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL RENAISSANCE MAN

Roxy pulls you away from this situation, which you are honestly a bit freaked out by, and over to a larger group. They seem to be in groups of two, though they're all standing by each other like they've decided to be friends, or at least don't like the others in the group.

They're all boy-girl pairs, the two closest to you a pair of a short boy in a red sweater lecturing a girl with numerous tattoos about her revealing clothes. She's just barely tolerating it, it looks like, and the minute he says something she doesn't agree with, she snaps back, rolling out arguments faster than he can get angry about.

KANKRI VANTAS ; SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR

PORRIM MARYAM ; SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL CARETAKER

The next two are communicating through sign language, a short girl with cat ears and a tall, frankly incredibly, incredibly creepy, man in a skeletal bodysuit. Their hands are flying so fast that you don't even know if they can understand each other.

MEULIN LEIJON ; SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL SHIPPER

KURLOZ MAKARA ; SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL CULT LEADER

The last group have sat down on the floor and have pulled out the handheld gaming devices. The girl keeps laughing and helping out the boy, who seems to be having a fairly good time as well. This ends as soon as Cronus Ampora comes over, however, and faster than you can process it, the girl kicks his feet out from under him and tells him to 'fuck off.'

LATULA PYROPE ; SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL GAME GIRL

MITUNA CAPTOR ; SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL SKATEBOARDER

"And that's all of them!" Roxy says cheerfully. "Let's go back with Jake and Dirk. They're the least weird out of this whole –"

Before she can finish her sentence, a small green puppet appears. It's suspended from the ceiling by strings, you can see that much, and it pops down at the front of the gym.

There are two sides to the puppet – one with red swirls on the cheeks, one with green.

"Well!" the green side says, and it seems to smile. "Let's get started, shall we?"


This has been done so many times, but I really really like the idea of it and I've had a few executions/murders in mind for a while now so.