I put lots of emotion into this A love is recovered, but it seems that it is lost.

1+2, of course

Incomplete, but to be finished soon, I hope.


Part 1: Lost

The click of feet on a hospital room floor woke a startled Heero, who apparently had just woken up after two whole days of unconsciousness and much-needed rest. He tried to sit up upon instinct, and when a sharp pain shot into his back, found that he couldn't. But when he tried to move his legs, there was no response.

Dr. Sally Po walked by and saw her patient awake! She ran in to confront him.

"Heero, how are you feeling? We'd predicted you'd be out for a week. It's practically a miracle that you're awake so soon. You've been asleep for two whole days. We almost didn't think you would make it out of that plane crash alive." The doctor paused and waited for a response, but when there was none immediately, she became worried.


"Hn?" was the Japanese boy's first response, "My name's Heero, huh?"

Dr. Sally's eyes widened as she realized that the Heero didn't remember!

"Yes, it is. Your name is Heero, Heero Yuy. What do you remember? Do you remember the accident? You were the only survivor."


"Well, what about the colonies, what about Quatre, Trowa, Duo, and Wufei? Do any of these names sound even remotely familiar?"

"I think so. maybe?" The cobalt blue eyes mused, playing the names over on his lips. "Duo." he stopped for a second and repeated it. He looked confused. "Duo. That name sounds a little less distant than the others."

"Ok, Heero, you just rest for a little bit. We need to rest those legs of yours if they're ever going to get better, because right now, according to our specialists at the hospital, if you even strain them the slightest bit over the next couple of months, they may never recover." She paused for sincerity, "Do you understand? Heero?"

"Yes, I do." He remembered that he couldn't move his legs earlier. He hoped that those people she had mentioned could help him.. He felt so helpless.who were they?

Sally left the room to let Heero figure things out.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ A few weeks pass _ _ _ _ _ _

(*BRRRIIIIINNNNNGGGGG*) Duo listened as the phone rang and then picked it up

"Hello, you've reached 1-800-HELL. This is the God of Death; speak at your own risk." Duo laughed devilishly as he waited to hear a click and a dial tone on the other end of the phone line.

"Duo, this is Sally Po. I hope you don't do that to everyone who calls you."

"And why not? It certainly keeps all those pesky telemarketers away." Duo explained casually as he bit into a tuna sandwich.

"Right." Sally was never one to argue with Duo, especially about those odd quirks he seemed to so enjoy. "Anyway, Duo, we have a new mission for you."

"Ok. What is it?" Duo took another bite of the badly prepared tuna and waited for a reply.

"You see, Heero was in a plane accident, and he survived." Sally was interrupted

"No surprise there." Duo put down his sandwich and worriedly asked, "How is he?"

"He's lost the use of both his legs, for now, they're looking into how they can possibly get them back. It's his spinal cord."

"Is he alright? Did he ask for me? Where is he? I'd like to see him, I."

"I'm getting to that." Sally interrupted him for once. "Heero doesn't remember who he is. He, actually, can't remember anything." She stopped.

Duo froze. How was this possible? It couldn't be, it just couldn't.

"Sally, you've got to tell me where he is. I have to see him." Duo was very concerned, for both Heero. He couldn't think of anything else at the moment, he didn't care about anything else. They had always been the best friends that anyone could ever imagine. But sometimes, Duo snapped into his senses, like now, when he realized that it was more than that.

"We're talking about your mission now, Duo." Sally said seriously.

"Sally, what do you mean? Why the hell are you bringing up some meaningless mission? Get Wufei to do it. I have to see Heero, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!" Duo said, apparently confused, and with good reason.

"Duo, calm down. This IS your mission. Duo, Heero remembered your name. It's the only thing the doctors could get out of him, and it's the only the only thing they've been hearing from him during Heero's past few days at the hospital. Actually, he's a lot more talkative than he ever was before. He says he remembers the name, Duo. but he doesn't remember anything about you. The doctors say that the best chance for the recovery of Heero's memory would be to relate to the things he already remembers. Heero is a very crucial factor in this war, as are you and the rest of the gundam pilots. We can't afford to loose time. Your mission is to bring his memory back, or retrain him, whichever you choose."

Duo stared at his wall, so happy he could hardly think straight. He did catch the part about Heero being talkative (Boy, was that a laugh). But he couldn't get over the fact that Heero remembered his name. He wanted to know if Heero really loved him back. That guy was so caught up on his being a perfect soldier that Duo was pretty sure Heero did, except he didn't want to form a bond with him, for fear they would loose each other, and that would be too difficult for a suicidal like Heero to bear. Damn it! Why hadn't Heero ever told him how he felt!

Duo had tried to forget about Heero during the time they had been apart, but he would never forget how he felt when Heero had clamped his hands on the self detonation device and actually pressed it. Duo's heart skipped a beat and he held back tears and prayers until he got back to the base where he sat in his Deathscythe for hours, wetting the seat with the tears of a broken heart. And the same thing happened when Duo found out Heero was alive, but that time, they were tears of relief. Duo had tried so hard, so many times. Dropping a hint here and there, but it hurt so much. He loved everything about Heero. His cobalt blue eyes, alluring deep voice, the way he pointed his gun said 'Omae o korosu', and yes, even Heero's trademark spandex shorts. Duo loved him so much that it hurt. Duo was always in pain.

"Hopefully the connection he has to you, whatever that might be," Sally said knowingly, "will bring back something. Duo, I've sent you the details by e-mail. Heero's things will arrive by special delivery sometime tomorrow. You'll pick him up the day after."

"Yeah, Ok." Duo said, as unfocused as he was. "Heero remembered my name?"

"Yes, Heero did." Sally knew this meant a lot to Duo, she had also put in a good word for his responsibility while they were deciding weather or not Duo was reliable. She knew that her friend needed this chance. She could tell he was in love. "Duo?"

"Yeah?" Duo asked as he snapped back into the world of the living.

"Duo," Sally said in gentle advice to her friend whom she knew was desperately in love, "Don't blow this. This is your last chance. Tell Heero how you feel."

Duo was taken aback. "How long did you know, Sally? Am I really that obvious?" He asked with concern for his reputation. Everyone knew Duo worried about his reputation.

"Well, I don't remember who the first to notice, really was. It became common knowledge pretty quickly among us all. This was years ago. We're all cheering for you, Duo, but don't push it. I know you won't. Heero is really stubborn and his feelings are few and delicate. You have to take the accident into account, as well."

"Yeah, I know." Duo smiled at knowing he had someone he could talk to about this sort of thing. "I'll. I'll try." Duo said, uncertainly.

"Good. See you sometime, and good luck." Sally hung up the phone and Duo hesitated in putting down the phone, because he know that she was right. Weather she had been wishing him luck on the mission or luck with Heero, Duo couldn't tell, but either way, this was his last chance. If he couldn't get Heero's memory back, Duo was fairly convinced that no one could.

. Heero had remembered his name?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The next day Duo woke to the sound of the doorbell. It rang again and again and again. He then heard fearsome knocking on the door.

Duo covered his ears with the pillow and shouted to no one in particular, "Go AWWAAAYYY! Do you know what time it is???!!" Then, while he was saying this he realized that he had just woken up and he didn't know what time it was either. Looking at the clock, he saw that it was a quarter past eleven.

"Heero's a morning person, I think," he said in contradiction to himself, because he obviously was NOT!

The doorbell kept on ringing until Duo simply couldn't stand it any longer. He came out of bed sluggishly in nothing more than a pair of black boxer shorts, slipped on some slippers and a nightshirt, and yelled, "I'm COMING, just stop ringing the friggin' doorbell!!"

His braid had come mostly undone during the night, because he was a restless sleeper, but you could make out some remnants of a braid somewhere in the silky mess of chestnut brown. Duo cared about his hair, but he wasn't about to look nice for some doorbell- ringing freak waking him up at 11:15 on a Saturday.

Duo opened the door and the deliveryman felt very uneasy looking in the 'I'm not a morning person' glare of a customer in a nightshirt. The deliveryman was the first to speak.

"Hello, miss, I ." the deliveryman paused when he saw that Duo's glare had become a threatening death stare (of course failing to begin rivaling that of the perfect soldier), and the deliveryman wondered why. There was no question, though, when the customer spoke for the first time in a deep, and might I add 'ticked-off', masculine tenor.

"It's Mr. Maxwell, thank you. No offense taken, of course." (Although it was clear the braided boy was very offended).

"Oh, umm, sorry, your hair.I mean.it just looked." Duo held his hand up for silence and the deliveryman continued, "I have a delivery for Mr. Heero Yuy."

"Ok," Duo became very cheerful all of the sudden, remembering that he was going to see Heero, his Heero, tomorrow. "He's not here right now, but I'd be happy to sign for 'im." Duo took the deliveryman's clipboard and signed his name as the man gave him a rather small box that was binder-sized and considerably light.

Duo thought this was rather strange. He'd thought when Sally said "Heero's things" she meant a bed and dresser, sleeping bag at least, something a little less. small. He guessed at that point that since Heero moved around so much that he didn't have the travel space for anything much.

"Thank you, and sorry about the.you know." The deliveryman left Duo to his package as Duo walked inside and placed the package on the table.

"Wait a second." Duo said in realization of the contents of the box as he began to rip it open, "Oh, no, not this thing again!"

Duo tore the laptop from its packaging and held it with both hands. Duo smiled and remembered the hours he had talked with Heero, watching him and loving it, competing with the damn laptop for Heero's attention.

Duo recalled the times he had roomed with Heero on their missions. Duo would have been resting in the room, probably going over some top secret documents, doing paperwork, or tending to his hair. You wouldn't believe how long it takes to brush. To Duo, his hair was everything, and proper care of it was on his list of priorities.

Heero would walk into the room in a bad mood, or so it seemed. Duo always greeted him cheerfully, and he rarely ever received anything past a grunt of acnowlagement. Sometimes he didn't even get a grunt. Duo would make a face as Heero went straight for his laptop. It was strange that even after so many years Duo could still remember the sequence of beeping noises it made as it turned on.


"Hey Hee-chan"

"Hn." Heero answered as he turned on the laptop.

"What do you think all those beeping noises actually mean." Duo asked as he brushed his hair for about the hundredth time.

"Baka." Heero murmmered.

"No, really, Hee-chan. Is it like computer language or something? I mean, you should know what it means. You're always hacking into bases and stuff with that thing. God knows you've decoded enough messages filled with nothing but '1's and '0's. If anyone can decode an oral computer message, you can."

"Hn." Heero's laptop was booted up and he immediately began to hack into Oz's most secret military base to find its location.

"I think the computer's trying to tell you how much of a jerk you're being, Heero," Duo said in annoyance and began swiftly tying his hair back into a braid.

Heero spent the rest of the afternoon silently in front of the computer, without even looking back once to see the desperate look on Duo's face.

******End Flashback********

"You know what?" Duo said to himself deviously as he brought the laptop to his room, "He doesn't need to remember this."

With that, Duo shoved the laptop into the garbage. Heero wouldn't be seeing it for a while.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The next morning rolled around pretty quickly. Yesterday, Duo went shopping and practically bought the whole store out with instant food products that any baka like him could figure out how to make, as well as five of his favorite ice cream flavors.

Duo woke with a start from his alarm clock that he had so willingly set for 6:30 the night before. He promised himself to get up early that morning so he could get the drive to the hospital over with, and he could be there when Heero woke up. He was so looking forward to it. And he almost forgot about the whole thing as he jumped up and mumbled to himself a couple things (I cannot mention for fear this fanfiction will get an R rating) to the alarm clock, and covered his head with a pillow.

Duo was just about to hit the 'snooze' button when he realized.

"Heero!" He jumped out of bed excitedly and began to dress himself. "I promised myself I'd be there early for ya buddy, 'because you need me right now, for once, more than I need you."

He stepped into the bathroom and splashed some cold water into his face to wake him up a bit, and he fingered the dark, tired circles below his eyes. He hadn't gotten much sleep the past couple of nights. He had been up too long thinking about Heero. Duo stopped for a second I wonder if Heero ever stayed up all night thinking about me.

After he was all ready to go, he undid his hair, combed it, and braided it again. He did this quite quickly, and when I say quickly, I mean about a half an hour. Do you know how long it takes to brush out that amount of hair?? Actually, Duo's hair was amazingly soft and untangled for its length. He might not have bothered to comb it at all, had it not been for his apparent vanity and all of the memories that rushed back to him as he cradled his chestnut locks.

Now, onto breakfast, he thought with anticipation. The baka had no idea what he was getting himself into. After burning the toast, and nearly making the house catch fire as he attempted to make pancakes, Duo decided to settle for a plain roll that he grabbed as he raced out the door and stuffed into his mouth as he opened the car door and jumped in, braid racing behind him in a hopeless effort to catch up to its wild partner.

As he backed out of the driveway and raced recklessly down the street, all he could think about was Heero and a mouth full of a white roll that felt hollow as it went down his throat. But no matter, he was going to see Heero, and Heero was going to get his memory back, Heero was going to walk again. Duo knew, because that was the way it was supposed to be. he fingered the crucifix that hung around his neck.

"Yeah," he mused, "The way it's supposed to be."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

At the hospital, Sally Po was doing her best to answer all of the questions that Heero had. Heero had woken up at a surprising 5 in the morning talking to the security people outside his door (just in case Heero got his memory back) and begging for the good doctor, Sally, who had to be dragged up out of bed and to his side at his request.

Heero looked at his hands and then to Sally before speaking to her.

"Gomen, Sally"

"It's no problem, Heero. Just tell me what's wrong. Did you remember anything yet?"

"Well, I had a dream about a braided baka who didn't tell me his name." He looked dreamily at the wall opposite his bed. "He and I were in mobile suits. I'm a mobile suit pilot, aren't I?"

Sally nodded intently, of course knowing that he was talking about Duo. "Is that all you remember about your dream."

"Hai." Heero said regretfully. He hoped she knew who the other pilot was. He had to be real, he just had to.

"Heero. It's obvious that you remember this pilot; he's not a figment of your imagination at all. His name is Duo Maxwell. The specialists and I have arranged for Duo to take care of you for the next couple of months until your leg recovers." Sally thought she saw a smile on Heero's face at this.

"Duo Maxwell?"

"Yes. You and Duo were very good friends. He was very happy to accept the responsibility of taking care of you. He's also very concerned about you. In fact, he's coming today to see you. And if you so choose, to take you back to his house."

Sally looked hopefully into Heero's strangely happy cobalt blue eyes that seemed to sparkle as he looked through the doorway as certain braided someone in a priest's outfit ran down the hallway, in pursuit of the room he apparently had just passed.

Heero gave Sally a raised eyebrow, and Sally exclaimed quite surprised at Duo's sudden entrance, "Well, speak of the devil." as she heard the rapid click of black boots down a tile hospital hallway.

And as Sally left after him, to show Duo to the room, she could have sworn she heard Heero muttering, "baka."

Duo was the first to walk through the doorway, with the swish of a braid to the right, Duo looked at Heero, rendered absolutely speechless.

Sally saw Duo's expression from the hall and giggled to see the young man so totally smitten even after years of separation.

Heero saw only the striking violet eyes underneath those invading bangs, almost in disbelief that Duo could look even more gorgeous in person than he did in his dream.

Sally put her hand on Duo's shoulder and snapped him to his senses. Duo smiled widely as he greeted his friend. After all, they were, as of now, just friends. How could they be anything more than that with Heero and his memory?

"Hey, Heero! Feeling OK? Remember me?" Duo was glad to see that Heero looked as cute as ever, even in a hospital gown. Then Duo remembered that Heero would look good in anything. Duo smiled teasingly at the thought of Heero in a dress.

"Duo?" Heero said tentatively.

"Hai. It's me, Heero. How are those legs of yours? Any better?"

Heero thought about how Duo could think of his legs at a time like this. He barely knew who he was; much less did he care about the conditions of his legs. Of course, Heero couldn't blame him for being worried.

"Hn? They're just the same, Duo.but.thanks for asking." Heero looked down at the bed that held his legs, or so he was told. Duo advanced to the chair aside Heero's bed and didn't hesitate to sit down.

Duo took a backward glance at Sally, "Hey, Sal, am I authorized to tell spandex boy about his past, about our past, or should I just take it slow and talk about the weather or something?"

Heero shot a glare at Duo by instinct. Talking about him to someone else while he was watching the whole thing was very rude, and he resented Duo's referral to him as spandex boy. Wait a second. Heero realized that's why his legs felt so loose. He must have worn spandex! Heero tightened his glare on his braided friend.

Duo turned around after hearing Sally's response, saw the Yuy death glare, and chuckled.

"Well, Heero. It looks like you haven't changed a bit."

Heero was struck by this comment as he realized that he didn't know who he was, and yet this beautiful stranger seemed to know everything about him. Heero loosened his stare and looked at the Deathscythe pilot in a way that made Duo smile with agony.

Duo wanted to kiss Heero so bad when he made that face, that face just melted him away like a blowtorch to an ice cube. It was right. This was right. And he was crying inside, because he knew he couldn't touch Heero, and he asked himself, if that was the way love felt because he always felt that way around Heero.

Heero noticed Duo's distress and tried to comfort him.

"I'm so sorry Duo. I've done something to upset you."

"No, no" Duo said as he smiled genuinely at Heero, "I'm sorry. I was just daydreaming, is all. I'm back now, Hee-chan. Please, ask me anything you want to know."

"Tell me about who I am Duo." Duo was startled by the question. Did he know better than anyone else, now, who Heero Yuy was? This was a frightening thought, because he regretted not knowing very much at all.

"It's not pretty, Heero. Our pasts aren't pretty. Do you still want to know? It might serve in your favor if you find out on your own, later." The Wing Zero pilot showed no signs of dropping the topic.

"Please, Duo." He said. (Please? Duo thought to himself. I never thought I'd see the day.)

"You are an orphan, like me. You were trained to be a professional assassin from when you were 7 to when you were 15. We were sent down to earth to fight for the colonies. Just like me, right?" Apparently it was useless asking questions to the amnesic soldier.

"Go on, Duo. I need to know about my past. I think I'm remembering something." Heero really wasn't remembering anything, but he just wanted to hear Duo's voice.

"We're 17, you know. We've only known each other since we came here to Earth. We, I mean, you stopped the war." Duo remembered how they first met and chuckled once again at the remembrance.

"What is it?"

"Oh, nothing." Duo stopped laughing, "Just remembering the first time we met is all."

"Tell me."

"You sure. This might make you a little hesitant to stay in the same house as me after you leave the hospital." Duo raised an eyebrow.

"Positive." Heero felt perfectly sure it couldn't be that bad.

"Alright then. When I first met you, you had your gun up at Relena (she's the scary chick who you'll probably see in a few days because she has a monster crush on you) and you were about to blow a hole in her head when I came by and shot you first." Duo apparently thought this was hysterical.

"That's not very nice." Heero said with apparent shock on Duo's part. Duo agreed, but obviously saw the other side to the situation.

"You're absolutely right. Which is why, when you attempted to shoot her a second time, I shot you again. You still have the scars, you know?"

Duo began to roll up the sleeve on Heero's right arm. Heero at first tensed at the physical contact, but then eased his arm down and relaxed it. Duo had a very gentle touch. The touch of his hands was like a cool autumn breeze. They were cold, with the blood of the people who died beneath them, but warm with the soul that cried for them. Heero was reminded of his hands, they felt so cold and melted at the brush against his arm.

Heero's heartbeat sped up. He wished Duo would never stop, but then again, the longer it took Duo to roll up the sleeve to his patient's gown, the stronger Heero's desire to pull him closer became. Is this what love felt like? Had he felt it before?

Duo took his time, because he wanted to feel Heero's skin, but it couldn't last long, so he finally finished and pointed to a small, bluish looking scar on his upper arm near the shoulder.

"That's the first one. Doesn't look like much, does it? Just show it to me whenever you want to get me to do something."

Heero slightly raised his eyebrow, and Duo chuckled as he explained.

"You showed them to me once when we were roommates on one of our earlier missions.so that I would clean up my side of the room. The guilt gets to me every time."

Silence drew the room into a state of suspension, as blue eyes met violet. They didn't need memories, but I wish they had known it. Duo couldn't stand it any longer, and as much as he wanted to stay there by Heero's side, it was too painful,

"Ok, Heero. I need to go get a drink of water, I'll be right back." Duo watched Heero nod in consent as he exited the room, drained emotionally. He could only wonder at how Heero could make him feel that way. His knees were weak, and Duo felt like he could burst into a thousand pieces and not feel any pain. Nothing could have been greater than the pain Duo was feeling right at that moment.

Heero just frowned, after Duo left the room. He was still unable to remember anything, but wanting to remember. He wanted to remember everything. But he was afraid. The only person he could slightly remember was Duo. Why was the braided boy so important to him, he tried to think. Was it the way he felt so warm and comforted at Duo's presence? Or perhaps the aching Heero felt when Duo's hand brushed his shoulder.

Then it hit Heero. What if Duo didn't want to be around him anymore, why would Duo want to be around him? He was just a worthless, handicapped, memory-deprived idiot in a hospital bed. After their meeting today, Heero was so sure that Duo would never come again. And then, Heero did something surprising, he started to sob.

Sally heard this sob from her office, and it wasn't one she had ever heard before. As she walked around the corner she noticed it was coming from Heero's room. Sally had never heard Heero cry, and neither had anyone else for that matter. She looked in at the boy whose shoulders were shaking up and down from the sharp intake of breaths. It was better to leave him alone. Heero would only be in more pain if he knew someone had seen him like this. The boy may have lost his memory, but Sally certainly wasn't going to steal his pride away.

She watched the helpless soldier, hands buried his face in despair, and she realized that he needed Duo right now. She ran down the hall and found Duo sitting next to a window in an empty room.

Duo was holding back his emotion to the best of his abilities. It wasn't often he felt such resistance was necessary, but if he didn't show his pain for what he thought he had lost, he wouldn't have to let go of it. Now, every moment Duo had shared with the stoic pilot, every intimate moment that was so secret had to be held by Duo, and Duo alone. It was so cold, being alone. Duo bit his lip restraining the tears that begged to be let out and kept his eyes fixed on the clouds in the distance. It was only him now as he gazed painfully at the horizon, and Sally watched as all his emotion was released in a single tear that slid down his face.



So, what'd you think? ^-^

Too much Angst at the end, do you think?

Please review. Any suggestion or opinion would be very much appreciated.

Thank you!!!