A/N: I think this is going to be Edward's POV only, if it changes, I'll be sure to make it clear.
This is a new story, I only have one and a half chapter's written, so it will take a while to update, I just wanted to see what everyone thought so far. It probably won't be long either. ((shrugs)) Things might change though. We'll have to see.
When I write this story I listen to any Lana Del Rey song.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related.
People say I make strange choices, but they're not strange to me. My sickness is that I'm fascinated by human behavior, by what's underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people.
If you would've known me as a kid, you would've seen me with my hair combed back and at the front of my father's, Pastor Carlisle Cullen, Baptist church three days a week.
My father wanted me there everyday, but my mother, Esme, convinced him that I was only a child who needed a break. Thankfully, my father basically did anything my mother said.
Now I was eighteen and my parents were lucky I went to the Sunday service. I still believed in God, I just didn't see the point in having to go to a building and listen to what other men wanted me to believe. I had a personal relationship with God and that was good enough for me. Not for my father though. But I didn't care what he thought.
If it wasn't for Esme, he would've kicked me out by now. And since he was a man of God, he didn't hit me, even though I knew he wanted to. Badly.
I'm was stapled as the Preacher's Son. Real original. I know. I didn't mind it though. Some of the girls thought I was a novelty, all of them loving my crazy hair since I didn't let my mother come near me with a wet comb anymore.
I also played basketball. Well. So that gave me some cred too. A few of my teammates were the closest thing I had to friends. Neither of my parents approved of them. Especially Jasper, who almost always had parties at his parents house every weekend. They didn't mind Mike so much, because he was good at pretending to be a good, God fearing, guy when he was actually the worse of us all, snorting blow and popping pills like it was going out of style. Emmett was too playboy for them, changing girls more than his boxers.
My father almost always had a coronary when I said I was going out with them, but there was nothing he could really do. Esme would slip condoms in my pocket when Carlisle wasn't looking. She'd look into my eyes, telling me to be careful and safe. Sometimes, I loved my mom more than my dad. I hated feeling that way, but I did. I loved my dad too, but not as much as Esme. Come to think of it, I remembered feeling that way since I was three.
When I got to the party, I finally felt free. The music, always loud and thumping since Jazz had no neighbors and his parents didn't give a shit, would pump through my whole body. I had to decline the drugs, since my father threw random piss test at me, but I was all over the alcohol. When I finally reached Jazz, Em, and Mike we all started hollering and slapping each other's backs.
We were playing flip cup when she passed me by.
Isabella Swan. Bella, she liked to be called.
She was the definition of wild youth. So untamed and raw you couldn't help but stare at her. She was so intense, a lot of guys were intimidated by her, but they all wanted her. Even Jazz, besides the fact that he was taken by her best friend, Alice.
Her hair was always down and messy as if she didn't have time for a brush, still the locks were lush and shinny as if God and bestowed good hair upon her. When we weren't in school she wore a tiny nose hoop and showed off her back thigh tattoos of the words, Fuck Perfection, in big script font. I always thought the words were funny, since she was so close to being perfect to me. You'd think a cigarette be attached permanently to her lips, but they weren't. Thank God, because I hated the idea of kissing an ash tray. Not that I thought she'd ever want to kiss me, I was just a hopeful person.
Her shirts were my favorite thing. It was as if she found them at thrift shops and altered them into lose fitting, tattered tanks, always showing her different variety of bras. No matter what, she always had the same worn out, red Converse on.
Bella passed all of us with a wink to me as Jazz pulled Alice to his side, kissing her and gripping her hips roughly. I heard Alice moaned loudly, before I turned to follow Bella.
She floated past the crowd, always having some sort of other person's body part touching her as if people knew how special she was and hoped that any sort of contact would rub it off on them.
Leah Clearwater even pulled Bella down for the most erotic kiss I'd ever seen. Bella leaned fully into it, kissing the other girl so exquisitely the poor thing almost fainted. Bella stood, smiling at all the dazed male and female faces before her. I'd heard she didn't care what race or gender you were, if you were attractive and interesting to her, she was game. I hoped that she didn't mind virgin church boys.
She twirled around, literally twirling on the tip of her toes, like the ballerina she was. She was a conundrum for sure. I always found myself wondering if she had to cover up her tatts on recitals. I wanted to ask, but I never had the balls to. Shit, I didn't even have the balls to say hey to her.
I stayed far enough behind her to where I wasn't that obvious, but close enough to stay with her.
I obviously wasn't as sneaky as I thought because she turned on me, nearly making me run smack into her.
I skittered to a halt, eyes bugging out.
"What are you doing?" she asked, cocking a brow.
I looked down at her. I didn't realize how short she was until then. Her personality made her seem bigger than life.
I shook my head rapidly. "Uh...nothing."
"Sure," was her sarcastic reply.
Damn, she smelt good.
"Yo, earth to Edward," she waved a hand in my face. "What's your deal?"
I gulped, fully panicking. "Just wanted to say, hi."
She narrowed her eyes a bit, not believing me. "Hi."
Then she was walking again.
I stood there, staring at her back like a moron before I rushed to her.
"That wasn't it." What the fuck was I doing? Idiot, idiot, idiot. I had nothing else to say to her. Shit, I was sweating.
She turned around slowly, looking at me with a bored expression as if she knew I was going to hit on her like everyone else. I had planned on complimenting her, until I saw her expression.
I cleared my throat more than I needed to before a stupid ass question slipped out of my mouth. "What do you do about your tattoos when you have a recital?"
This question thoroughly surprised her, but she answered honestly. "Nothing."
"Wow. So you instructor doesn't mind?"
"Oh, she hates it, but I don't give a shit. She can kick me off if she doesn't like it."
I smiled, loving that she was so headstrong. "You must be good if she hasn't yet."
She shrugged. "I guess. Mostly, she doesn't have a lot of dancers anymore so she has to settle for rejects like me."
The last part shocked me. "You're not a reject."
She titled her head at me. "How would you know?" It was sassy question, but with the way she asked it, made it come out more vulnerable sounding. Bella, vulnerable? Yea, and pigs flew. At that moment, a football sailed over our heads.
I opened my mouth, then closed it.
"I thought so." She went to turn away, but I snatched her wrist without thinking. Chilling fire licked at me the minute I made contact with her skin. She stared at me with wide brown eyes, not saying a word.
Now that I was so close to her, I could see the real girl behind the facade. Her eyes, though beautiful, were sad as if she'd seen things people shouldn't. I wondered what could cause her eyes to be like that, but more so I wondered how I could make the look go away.
"You're right, I don't know you." I started, surprised that I could form words with how my body was reacting to hers. It felt like something was crawling under my skin, tingling and stinging in a really good way. "But I know you're not a reject."
"How?" she whispered, leaning towards me to touch my shoulder with her free hand. Even though she touched my shirt, it felt like she were touching my skin.
Everything disappeared and all I saw and felt was Bella.
I licked my lips, looking at her plump ones. "Because I have eyes."
She smiled, showing teeth, which was something she normally didn't do. She usually sported the sexist smirk, but her smile was something otherworldly to behold. "I've always liked you, Edward."
I blinked, stupid surprised. "Really?"
She nodded, fingers walking up my shoulder to my neck then hair. Her hands delved into the twirling cluster fuck ontop of my head. I closed my eyes, praying that this wasn't a dream. I'd be so fucking pissed it was. I've had them happen before. Many times. I almost asked her to pinch me before she tugged at my hair enough for it to hurt just a little and have the amazing sensation travel all the way to my balls. Not a dream. Definitely not a dream. Thank fuck.
I looked at her, wanting to lower to taste her lips, but I still wasn't sure if that was okay. She took the choice away, lifting on her tip toes to plant her silky soft lips on mine. I closed my eyes, letting go of her wrist to wrap my arms around her. Holy shit! How the fuck did this happen? Thank you Jesus, or Mary, or whoever the fuck brought me this miracle.
She kissed even better than I imagined. Her lips and tongue moved with mine as if she knew what I was going to do before I did. Natural was the word that described her. It was a privilege to kiss her. Something you remember for the rest of your life.
Her hand clutched my shoulders as she moaned into my mouth. I nearly lost my cool as I leaned her neck back and turned her head to get better access to her mouth. She moved willingly, pulling at my shirt as if it were in her way. I would've stripped it right then, if I didn't remember at the last minute that we weren't alone—far from it.
We pulled away at the same time, me scooping her closer and she leaning against my shoulder. She was light but dead weight at the same time, as if I'd let her go she'd fall to the floor.
I felt her smile against my neck. "You're a good kisser. Did you learn how to at bible school?"
I chuckled, pushing hair off her shoulder to kiss the bare skin at her collar bone. "No. First time."
Her head snapped back. "You're dicking me."
I smiled, shaking my head.
"I've seen you with girls surrounding you."
I nodded, not saying anything.
"So you're telling me you never kissed even one of them."
I nodded again.
She frowned at me. "I've seen you be pulled under the bleachers by Lauren."
Now I was embarrassed. "She didn't bother trying to kiss me."
She blinked at me until recognition hit. "Oh. So you let her go down on you. I thought you were suppose to be a virgin." This realization upset her more than I thought it would.
I shook my head, pulling her more rigid body closer. "I didn't let her, I swear."
Why I cared if she approved? I didn't know. It wasn't as if she'd never done things with other people. Shit, I heard she went all the way with her Senior boyfriend our Freshmen year. She'd apparently had a threesome with Mike and Jess too. They'd both bragged about it, she never said yes or no, so I was left to guess for myself. It didn't bother me at first, until I saw her judging me.
She looked into my eyes, showing nothing now. "Okay."
"Do you believe me?"
She nodded, though she didn't look totally convinced.
"Why does it matter so much to you?"
Her eyes slitted. "Why? Because I'm a slut?"
"I never said that!"
"You might as well have. Let me go."
I listened even though I didn't want to.
She weaved through the crowd, pulling away from grasping hands to push open the glass double doors.
I followed her outside.
We walked all the way to the end of the property, the house a little dot as 50 Cent echoed to us.
She laid on the grass, looking at the cloudy dark sky, not a star in sight.
I laid next to her, leaving a small space between us.
We stayed silent for so long I thought she fell asleep. I could hardly see her outline, let alone her eyes.
Finally she said, "I'm a virgin too."
I sat up. "I'm sorry, Bella. You don't have to explain yourself to me, I'm a jackass."
She sat up too. "Yes, I do. I don't care what everyone else think. I do care what you think about me."
I saw her shoulders bounce. "I don't know. I just do."
"Why do you let the rumors go on?"
"Because if I deny them, it wouldn't make a difference. Plus, it helps with my image." She was going for blithe, but failed. I could hear how tired she sounded as if she'd spent hundreds of years on earth instead of only eighteen. "I also put myself in situation like you to were I look guilty."
I nodded, knowing where she was coming from. Lauren to this day still brags about making me come my brains out, even though she didn't even touch my dick.
"I'm sorry," I said again.
"Stop apologizing, I judged you too. Let's just let it go, okay?"
She crawled to me, her fresh breath fanning over my mouth before she lightly traced her tongue across my lips.
She said the next thing so softly, I almost didn't hear her. "Do you want to lose you're virginity with me?"
I convulsed so hard, I nearly toppled over. "So fucking much."