"Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
And I feel the way every child would
Sit and listen, sit and listen."
-Mad World by Gary Jules
Rise of Coon and Friends
Sigh. Another day at South Park, Colorado. The birds flying and the deer passing by. The streets were full of busy people, walking happily as they get ready for another day. Yep, it's another normal day in South Park. And when I mean normal, I mean that later on, something weird will happen. And I will die...again.
But today, something is different. And I know what.
Yawning, I got up to check the calendar.
My Death: got dismembered by some gang in an alleyway on our way home after the Rodeo Challenge. And this was the first time I was gutted alive. I didn't know how painful it was. But all I could say is...HELP ME! I'M BURNING!
That's the feeling of being gutted alive.
Time to rip of that page.
Today is my birthday. The day I've been waiting for since last week. I wonder what kind of stuff will happen today. I just hope that I won't die today. And today is a Sunday. So no school.
Just then, I heard a knock on my door.
And when the door opened, I smiled. It was just Karen. But what is with the gift she's holding, I wonder?
Karen smiled. "Happy birthday, Kenny!"
Of course. Every year, Karen would be the first person on my door to greet me. Mostly, she would come in with a gift on her hands. And every year, Karen would give me some action figure or a horror movie (because I'm usually the guy who would bring the movie for movie nights. We don't call it slumber party or sleepovers. It sounds gay.). That's why Karen and I are the only people who are mostly sane. Unlike my drunk parents and brother, our relationship is more family-like. We greet each other on birthdays and would go to Stan's house for Christmas (Karen replaces Kyle sometimes). And that's one of the few things I love.
I smiled. "Thanks, Karen." Karen came to my door and sat down with me on my bed.
"Open it!"Karen said. Gently, I unwrapped the purple ribbon and tore the green wrapper. And when I opened it, I was surprised.
Karen got me Terrance and Philip dolls. And I heard that these were coming out tomorrow. Now, I don't even know how Karen got me these.
My jaw dropped. "Karen, this is amazing! These were supposed to be out tomorrow. How'd you get this?"
Karen smiled. "Ruby's aunt works at Toys R Us. She said that the Terrance and Philip dolls were on the stock last week but are not going to show it until tomorrow. So Ruby helped me get the first Terrance and Philip dolls when they were already on stock. I used the money I saved to buy them and...there!"
I looked at the dolls. From the look of these dolls, what Karen said was true. They were not covered in dust or anything. They were too brand new.
I gently put the dolls on my bed and hugged Karen. And I felt Karen returning the hug.
After that, we went down and ate a little of the birthday cupcake I've been saving. After that, Karen ran out to go to Ruby. A few minutes later, I ran to get my Terrance and Philip dolls and went out to find my friends.
As what they said, we would meet at Stark's Pond for the yearly Stark's Pond Annual Race Across The Town. This year, Kyle and Cartman have signed up. And when these two sign up, that's going to be a problem. As we all know, Kyle and Cartman hate each other. So when there's a problem, we only leave it to the two of them. Sometimes, they get along but a regular day means Jew Jokes and Fatass Insults.
As soon as I made my way to Stark's Pond, I was greeted by Stan, Kyle and Cartman. But they aren't the only ones here with me. Butters, Timmy, Jimmy, Clyde, Token, Tweek and Craig said they would come. But so far, only the four of us are here. Cartman was the earliest (he's home alone. So he's free) and Butters would probably be late (he was grounded for accidentally dropping the laundry). Tweek's schedule actually depends but Clyde, Craig, Timmy and Jimmy said they were going together. So the only person who isn't coming is Kevin.
Anyways, I was greeted by them.
"Hey guys!"I exclaimed. Stan and Kyle led me to their spot. Cartman just sat under the tree, looking at Stark's Pond. And I guessed he didn't mind my presence.
Once I sat down, Stan and Kyle checked if any of our friends would come. So that only left me and Cartman. Of course, I couldn't talk to Cartman. Things will just go worse if that happens. So, I decided to play with my Terrance and Philip dolls.
Terrance farts on Philip.
"That one was smelly. Take this Dalai Terrance."I mimicked in my best "Philip" voice. Then, I made Philip fart on Terrance. I silently screamed. Immediately, I laughed and collapsed onto the ground.
I smiled. You know, this is the first in a long time I've truly acted like a kid. Normally, kids in South Park tend to act like they're matured. They talk like adults and act like them. But you know, it's the first time since I've really acted like a normal kid. A kid has not much problems. Sure, the problem is school. But normal kids tend to act like they're true selves. They were free from conformity. Unlike the kids here, we face the problems an adult would do. Thinking back, I think no one really acts like a true kid. We tend to act childish but never realize what a true kid is. And now, I'm feeling the freedom of a childlike person.
It just felt peaceful.
It must have been a few minutes because after that, Stan and Kyle sat down in front of me. I immediately sat up so they wouldn't know hat I've been doing.
"Hey Kenny."Kyle said. "Hey Kyle."I replied. Suddenly, Stan and Kyle turned to see my new Terrance and Philip dolls.
"Oh my god! It's the Terrance and Philip dolls!"Stan exclaimed. Immediately, Cartman shifted and gasped at what I held. "Holy shit!"he exclaimed. Kyle took the Terrance doll from my hand and examined the features. Then, he looked. "Dude...how did you get these?!"
I giggled. "Funny story. See..."
"Are those the Terrance and Philip dolls?!"
We turned to see Token, Clyde, Craig, Timmy, Jimmy, Tweek and Butters in front of us. Token then got the Terrance doll from Kyle's hand and examined the features.
"It's real."Token mumbled. Then, Clyde got the Philip doll from my hand and everyone else started to play.
I sighed at the realization.
No one remembered my birthday.
It's already noon and the mayor finally appeared. We cheered as Kyle and Cartman sneered at each other. The others just looked forward, excited for it to begin.
"And now, our mayor will finally do the traditional start of our games. Mayor..."
Then, Mayor McDaniels took the gun and shot the chicken's head. Then, everyone began to run along the streets. From the television, we could see that Cartman (surprisingly) and Kyle were neck-in-neck while the others look like they've given up already. Still, they were sneering at each other and arguing while running (which on my case, is dangerous). While they were neck-in-neck, I hear half of our group cheer for Kyle while the other cheer for Cartman. Me? I just sat, sighing.
No one remembers my birthday. And I just feel sad. The best day of your life...ruined just because your friends forgot. And this is not the first time. It's been going on like that since first grade. Honestly, I don't mind at all. I just wish they could remember my birthday.
I sighed. Once again, it was that voice in my head. At first, I thought he was an imaginary friend. But over the years, I quickly learned that he was more than just an imaginary friend. He was like a spirit following me.
But wait...what did he mean by "it's close"?
"What do you mean?"
The voice sighed. "Soon, danger will be exposed."
"Danger? The hell does that mean?"
"I'm not sure. But...I just have the feeling that...someone's after you. And it's not just a group. Probably more than one."
I smirked. "I'm waiting."
"Should we just run away?"
I shook my head. "No. I must face it. Alone. Maybe they hold the key to resurrecting you."
"Well, I'm starting to have second thoughts about this, Kenny."
I gripped my jacket tight. "No. I made a promise to you. And that promise will turn into reality once a miracle will occur. And after that, you can reclaim the throne as god of Kupa Keep again. I promise."
The voice sighed. "Alright. Let's just wish good luck."
I smiled. "I'll be waiting...Liberta."
Then, Liberta disappeared.
Maybe I was talking to him for a long time, because Stan was calling me for like two minutes.
I snapped out of trance. I looked at Stan and scratched the back of my head. "Sorry, Stan. What do you want?"
Stan smiled. "Who do you think will win? Cartman or Kyle?"
I crossed my arms and thought hard. But in the end, I just shrugged. "Though, I doubt Cartman would win." Stan nodded. "Yeah, me too. I don't think Kyle couldn't either. Not that I'm saying he's weak, but he's got short legs."He said. I agreed. "And I have a feeling that they won't win."
"Why wouldn't they?"Stan asked with a goofy smile. I smiled. Even though they don't remember, at least I can have a good laugh.
In the end, none of them won, as I predicted. Instead, something shocking happened.
"And the winner...is the taxi driver with the taxi number 567!"The announcer exclaimed. And all of us were like, "WHAT?!".Normally, that guy is like slow. He would run off in other directions and is the one responsible for most crashes. But none of us didn't expect him to win.
Cartman and Kyle won second place. Yep, it was a tie.
As soon as we saw Cartman and Kyle, they started arguing. Joy.
"Just because your name was called first doesn't mean you beat me, fatass! We're second place and nothing changes!"Kyle exclaimed. "Fuck off, stupid Jew! That doesn't change the fact that I beat you!"Cartman exclaimed back. But they stopped once they saw all of us.
"Oh...sorry 'bout that."Kyle said. Stan smiled. "At least you guys won. That's not bad." And I heard what Kyle whispered. "Go tell that to his face."
Sigh...when will they change?
"Well, what are you assholes sitting around for? I'm hungry!"Cartman exclaimed. "Need another bucket, Chubby?"Kyle asked. Cartman snarled. "What's that supposed to mean, stupid Jew?!"
"This is gonna take a while."Token said.
While everyone was laughing and cheering, I rest my head on my arm while trying to eat another KFC Chicken. But somehow, I couldn't. What's worse was that they were practically ignoring me. They've ignored me so much that I had to buy my own chicken. And where am I, exactly? Across their fucking table.
Soon, one dispersed after the other until everyone left.
By the time Cartman left, the sun was already setting down.
I slammed my head onto the creaking table in KFC. I was THIS close to tears, and it wasn't about skinless KFC chicken. Nobody remembered my birthday... Why am I not surprised? Even people remembered BUTTERS'S birthday, which was September 11th, so everybody recognized a special occasion on that day... But still! It wasn't fair.
I heard footsteps come toward him in the relatively empty KFC. I became hopeful. Maybe somebody DID re-
"Um, Sir?" A high, squeaky voice asked.
I picked my head up to see a brunette girl in a KFC uniform. My spark of hope turned into dying embers of defeat. Damnit. "Yeah?"
"I'm sorry to say this... But we're closing up for the night and we need you to leave." She said gently, as if she was sensing my mood.
I hopped out of my chair and stuffed my hands into my pockets. "Yeah, I get it. I'm leaving." I grumbled, walking out. "Happy fucking birthday, Kenny." I wistfully said to myself.
And home wasn't much help either. Karen slept before we could even go out. Mom and Dad were on the couch, sleeping and Kevin must have been in jail again. You know, this doesn't really feel like home now. And I just want to get killed again outside my house.
With that, I walked out and went to Stark's Pond.
Stark's Pond must have been the only place in South Park where you can relax and get the hell out of those misadventures we usually have. Sometimes, I just sleep on a bench if I don't feel like sleeping at my bedroom. I'm too depressed to even get home now.
I ignored the chilling breeze and decided to sleep. I don't care if I would go to school or not. I just want to be away for a few days…until my next kill.
"Happy birthday, Kenny."
But before I was able to lie down, someone jumped on me in surprise. The figure was kind of chubby, wore black (and I mean what those thieves would wear in comic books), had those masks that you wear when you sense sleeping gas and smelled like KFC and Cheesy Poofs.
Wait…KFC and Cheesy Poofs?
At that moment, I realized who that asshole was.
"What the hell are you-"
But I was interrupted by two other people in black, wearing the same thing that asshole did. And I easily recognized them. But before, I could even say anything, the person at my middle brought out some can of perfume and sprayed it on me.
Then, I suddenly realized what that scent is.
At that moment, I fell unconscious.
I don't know where I was but noticing the sky outside, it was probably around midnight. I looked at my surroundings and noticed that I was tied to a chair.
"What the fuck is this?!"
Immediately, I saw the lights opened, revealing them to be chandeliers. On my left and right were big, glass windows. At the front was a big picture frame of some landscape or something. But what got me the most were the balloons and party favors around the hall. And what surprised me the most were my friends on a table, at least two meters away from me.
"What the hell?!"
"Happy Birthday, Kenny!"
Then, Stan came to me to and untied me. But at the moment he did, I had no choice. I punched his face. Immediately, Kyle and the rest helped him. Then, I removed my hood and snarled.
"The fuck was that?! I was crying the whole day, shedding my tears for the sake of the race and that's it?! Oh my God…"I face-palmed. Then, I decided to leave so I would commit suicide. Then, a hand took my hand. "Wait."
My head turned to see Stan. His face was determined. And so were the others (surprisingly, Cartman was too.). But I gritted my teeth. "Let me go, Stan."
"No." And I winced. Then, his face softened. "Look, we're sorry." My eyes widened. Was it just me or was Stan on drugs? Of course, he's compassionate sometimes and there's a chance that he meant it.
Stan sighed. "I know we acted like assholes. I know. But let me explain."
At that moment, he let my hand go. Then, he told me that once they got out of KFC, Butters remembered that today was my birthday. They decided to throw my birthday at Token's house. Cartman couldn't find me at my house but suddenly found me at Stark's Pond. So, my three friends disguised themselves as kidnappers and knocked me out.
By the time the story ended, I wanted to stab myself hard. But at the same time, I didn't know what to say. Then, Kyle came to me and I gasped what he had at his hands.
My Terrance and Philip dolls.
"Here. We forgot to give it to you back. Sorry."
At that time, tears started flowing down. I accepted the dolls but did something that's kind of gay.
I hugged him. Hard.
"T-Thank you, Kyle."
Neither one, not even Cartman, made a single comment.
"Get back yourself, don't just
Shoulder the burden by yourself
It'll be alright, there's no problem
You'll be fine
Because faith can change the future
And lead us
Beyond our limits
Lead us beyond…"
3 months later…
I sat on the rooftops, wearing my Mysterion costume, the wind of Colorado passing by once again. At that moment, I reached out something from my pocket.
A Vanguard deck. I remember. A few months ago, Kyle, Cartman and Stan gave me this deck on my birthday. They didn't find the perfect gift in time. Then, they found this new Card Shop and bought this deck. As a result, I started learning the rules and built my own deck. Of course, I didn't watch the anime (I'm not that kind of guy).
A few days later, I asked Stan where they bought the deck. Stan said that the Card shop was around the deepest parts of South Park. Of course, I was the only person among my friends who would regularly come there. It's been a few months and I've met a lot of friends and rivals.
I took my deck out and revealed the top of my deck.
"One day, I will become stronger."
Then, I suddenly felt a paper on my hand. I don't know where it came from, but I curiously opened it.
And the note slipped from my hand.
Someone was definitely after me.
ACT 1 END.
Before you start burning me, I just want to say I'm sorry for not updating. I started like Cardfight Vanguard! and unfortunately, school started in my place. And yep, having a hard time.
A special thanks to Tessa AKA Poppy the Rabbit for the additional KFC scene. Thank you, Tess! Say hi to Ansley and Aelita for me! And I don't own Get Back Yourself by Cerasus (watch the anime music video, I want to tear up) and Mad World by Gary Jules.