Author's Note: I really shouldn't be publishing anything right now, but I couldn't resist making a self-insert story (they're lyk all the rage right now). I know I'm not the first to do it this way, but I figured I'd take a crack at it. Hope you enjoy this roller coster ride.

© Anime by Masashi Kishimoto

Chapter One

Sakura Haruno

She had been in such a hurry, and the worst part was that she couldn't even remember where she had been going. 'Remember to look both ways!' She remembered her friend warning her.

'I'm a grown ass woman!' She remembered saying back. Then low and behold, not even one second later, she got run over like a dumbass. That was a pretty lame ass way to die, that's how stray animals go.

She wasn't a fucking animal, much less a homeless one.

Not only was it dumb, it hurt like a bitch. The pain was only for a mere second, then it was like she fell asleep. And when she woke up? Well... the only word that could describe what she was feeling, was total and utter confusion.

She was wrapped up in a soft, white blanket and was in the arms of a pretty cartoonish looking woman. Who was staring down at her sweetly, making cooing noises and kissey faces. She actually looked kind of familiar, but she couldn't put her finger on it.

Her confusion only hightened when the woman began to speak, she couldn't understand shit. But she did know it was Japanese, she's watched enough anime to at least know the language when she heard it.

But hold on one minute... was she in Japan? What the heck was she doing in Japan?! She just got hit by a car, why wasn't she in a damn hospital?!

Then her mind clicked back to the woman, when she remembered an earlier thought.


And by 'cartoonish', she more specifically meant an anime sort of cartoonish. But normal people didn't look like this, not even the Japanese. Which made her suspect that she wasn't in Japan, like she previously thought.

So then where was she? And why the hell did this woman look so damn familiar? That was when the woman turned her attention to someone else, and that someone leaned over to closely look her in the face.

That's when she gasped a little, or what was close to a gasp. She recognized that starfish hair anywhere. She was looking at Kizashi, Kizashi Haruno...

That was why the woman looked so familiar, she was his wife Mebuki. They were both characters from one of her favorite animes, Naruto. Not only that, but they were Sakura's parents.

Which brings back the question she's been asking herself since she woke up. What theheck is going on?!

She tried to speak, tried to demand an explanation from the both of them. But all that came out were gurgles and baby coos, okay now exactly what was up with that?! Mebuki and Kizashi both looked down at her and smiled, laughing as Kizashi said something to his wife. Something she yet again didn't understand.

But if she had to guess, it was something about her. Probably something about how cute that she was.

She listened to them go back and forth in conversation, hearing numerous names leave their mouths. Which lead her to wonder who all those different people were.

Then, Mebuki gasped. Hurriedly saying something to Kizashi, before looking back down her. Then she smiled, uttering a single name that caught her by surprise.


She... just called her Sakura. No, she justnamed her Sakura. She was in the arms of Mebuki, because she was her mother. She couldn't understand them, or even talk for that matter, because she was only an infant. No matter how hard she tried, what she wanted to say wouldn't come out until her vocals were fully coordinated and working.

She was Sakura Haruno, either that or her mind was playing an evil trick on her. Purposely putting this illusion into her head, because certainly people were not just put into an anime. Something that came from the imagination of another individual, that just sounded pretty fucking ridiculous. So of course this had to be some type of result of her possibly being put into a coma. At least she hoped, but there was the standing chance that it wasn't.

She didn't know how she felt about this, she was getting mixed feelings. She thought of her being within an anime was a tad, for lack of a better word, cool. Yet at the same time this shit was just insane, and part of her just didn't want to be here. She was sure she wasn't that bad of a person, sure she could be a real bitch. Tons of people could, but for Lord'ssake she had a heart!

She never broke any laws, never stole, she knew how to be nice, she damn sure never killed anyone. So why would she be sent to this hell? However she was thankfully born in Konoha, basically the nicest village in all the nations, to a seemingly nice family - too bad Kishimoto didn't show them that often - so she probably shouldn't be complaining. She could've ended up in a much worse place.

Like Kirigakure for example, it was nicknamed the "Bloody mist" for a reason.

But then there was a question she asked herself, ifthis was in fact real then why her? Was she the only one who was reincarnated here? She wasn't exactly anything special, she was just... your average joe, you know?

She had a simple job, went to college, and a lot of the time blended in. To the point where you didn't even notice her, if she was quiet that is. She had only a small circle of friends, and not much family. So exactly whose great idea was it to send her here? This was either some type of mistake, or somebody out there thought this shit was funny.

Somehow she was leaning towards the latter.

Stuff like this usually only happened in stories. Even movies, this was nearly the reverse of what happened in that one movie Enchanted. So it was actually still a little hard to believe, this setting took place within a manga. You saw it on TV, it was suppose to be fictional. Unreal, so the conclusion that this was just some dream had to have been true. Right?

But then there was another question she had to ask herself, what if this wasn't a dream? ... If this wasn't a dream, then she was pretty much screwed. The real world wasn't a perfectly safe place, of course, but up until her accident she had lived a pretty much normal and danger free life.

If this in fact was real, then that would mean she was just put into a world - a ninja world - where safety only came to you if you were lucky. It was just this wildly dangerous place where even people who appeared to be harmless could still be ruthless killers, or at the very least a lot more dangerous than they seem to be.

Just look at Haku.

Okay, so she wasn't confused anymore. Now she was starting to get scared, and her fear was growing every second the more she thought of her situation. Eventually it got so great, that she reacted in the only way that she could in her current state. By crying her little ass off. It was weird for her, since she basically had the mind of a twenty-two year old. But, she had to blame it on her new infant instinct.

Mebuki and Kizashi had been shocked by her sudden wailing, she was so calm just a second ago. Kizashi said something, then began to laugh. Then Mebuki scoffed and raised her voice at him, Making him stop immediately and sulk.

He most likely cracked some dumb joke, but "Sakura" couldn't give much of a care about that. There were bigger things to worry about.

Mebuki lifted her up a little more and began to pat her back, saying something to her. With no clue what it had been, it was pretty soothing. So it made her calm down a little, and she was now crying more quietly. With some sniffles and hiccups now and then. She wasn't one for crying, but for now that was the only way she could react to most things. Like the needs she wouldn't be able to fulfill herself, her eating and toilet needs, and basically any form of discomfort.

She was no longer- well, her name was of no importance anymore. She was now Sakura Haruno, and she'd somehow just been born into the universe of an anime.


Sakura was now six years old, and would soon be starting ninja academy today. Opening the door that would soon lead her into the canon timeline. Not only that, but it would for once take her out of her sheltered lifestyle and she would interact with people here own age.

Up until now, she only ever had her "parents" around her to socialize with. It wasn't the worst thing ever, but she could now see why the original Sakura was so shy and reserved in her youth. It was pretty weird, especially for about most of the first year of her life. She wouldn't lie, she didn't act like the best daughter out there towards them.

She from time to time would keep her distance from them when she had the chance to, and sometimes even cried when they touched her. At first she hadn't even liked calling them mom and dad, if she had the balls to she probably would've called them "person one" and "person two". One would say that her overall treatment of them wasn't very good. It was just, weird.

She wasn't the real Sakura, yet at the very same time she was. Now she was certain someone made a mistake, she was probably a lot different from the original Sakura.

Sure they weren't her real parents, or at least not the ones that she use to know. Though, she began to feel bad when she saw how upset they would get from her behavior. They might not have been the parents that she knew first, but they did put in the effort to make sure she grew up in a loving home. So she then decided to put in a greater effort to show them the love she was suppose to. And eventually, she grew a great attachment to them. After that, she was immensely easier to deal with. She didn't cry as much, and didn't give her parents as much of a rough time.

She didn't love them like a child was suppose to per say, her father's retarded jokes got on her damn nerves sometimes - as well as Mebuki's, but it was a great way to start. She'd try a bit harder.

It was still pretty freaking weird that she was in Sakura's body, and that she was in an anime, she hadn't even believed in reincarnation before this. She thought once you were dead you lived a never ending afterlife, and whether you went up or down below depended. But there was no use worrying about it, it was clear that she would be stuck this way.

She sat in front of the school with the other students, her parents stood in the back with the others, as she listened to the Hokage's speech. About the will of fire and how they were the future of Konoha. It was obvious that he did this constantly, she wondered if he gave the exact same speech every time.

But instead of continuing to listen to Hiruzen speak, she thought about the future. It would be awhile until the canon timeline began, and once it did she had one of two options. She could either,

A, let everything happen the way it was suppose to.


B, change what she can and make sure things don't turn out as bad as they are in canon.

B was sounding pretty good right now, but she'd worry about that later. What she had to focus on right now, was ensuring her spot on Team Seven. If she was to go with either plan, then that was what had to be done.

Naruto was undoubtedly the worst student in their class, with the worst grades as well as performance. He was paired with Sasuke, because he was the best in the whole school. He would have the best performance scores by the time they all graduated no doubt. Then there was her.

The original Sakura had the best test scores out of everyone in class. She was a straight-A honorary student, and her vast intelligence was what go her in. Creating a perfectly balanced team.

However, because Sakura only focused on her grades, she did very poorly in performance. Which was what led to her uselessness when the team was first formed. She didn't want that to happen again, so this time she'd change that. And actually try to focus on both.

However, that also ran the risk of not being as educated in the ninja arts as she was suppose to be. If that happened, there was a chance she wouldn't be put on the team. So, instead she'd have to figure out a way to learn all that the original Sakura did while still knowing enough to be useful in battle.

It was settled then, bring it on.

Once the Hokage's introduction was over and the classes were put together, the parents were free to go home. After getting a hug and kiss from Mebuki and Kizashi, Sakura followed Iruka and the rest of her class inside the building.

By the time their lunch break rolled around, it had been absolute hell. The girl she recognized as Sakura's common bully, Ami, and her goons started their teasing assault on her as soon as she'd stepped outside.

"Look out for that forehead!"

"Who actually has pink hair? It looks so stupid!"

"Are those clothes or rags?"

"I never thought someone could be so ugly."

She knew Sakura's bullies had to be pretty mean, but they were just horrible. Worst part is, she didn't know what started it. Sakura did have a farely large forhead, sure, and her light pink hair made her stick out like a sore thumb. Maybe they did because she looked too different.

They made fun of every possible thing that they could, and it was getting on her last damn nerve. She quickly turned around, glaring daggers at them. "Shut the fuck up!" She shouted. Her cursing habit was to blame on her adult mind. Mebuki heard her one time and immediately started to yell at Kizashi, assuming that she'd heard such words from him.

Poor man, didn't even understand what he did wrong.

'Young ladies mustn't ever use words like that! Do you hear Sakura?!' Was what she scolded, after she was done with Kizashi.

She wouldn't talk like that in front of her parents, but guess what. Her fucking parents weren't here.

Ami gasped in surprise, most likely because Sakura cursed at her, then scoffed. "Giant forehead and a bark? So you're a dog now? Huh?" Ami walked up to her and jabbed her in the forehead. "Huh, poochie?"

Sakura sighed when they all started barking at her, her first change in the show... was giving bullies another name to call her.

Just great.

"I'm not a dog!" She said back, and they all laughed. Sakura clenched her little fists and turned to walk away. And they followed, continuing their barking and name calling.

She sighed.

She'd just love to say that what they were doing wasn't affecting her, that she just didn't care. But truth be told she kinda did, and it was starting to hurt. Hell, now she was beginning to feel a little self-conscious.

She was just an ordinary student who no one really knew, so she could see that they wouldn't leave her alone no matter what she said. She remembered how Sakura's bullies left her alone originally.

Which was why she'd have to try to make friends with Ino as soon as she could.

Hopefully shit would actually go her way in this world.

Author's Note: Why I had the urge to write a self-insert fic, the mother of all evil, I will never fully understand. My mind demanded it, now look. I actually wrote it, can you believe that? I guess seeing it around this archive so much made me want to do it... huh.

Sorry if you're someone who doesn't like cursing, but there's gonna be quite a bit of that in here. Mostly it's because I myself am a potty mouth (sometimes anyway). I would make a joke and say "I just don't know better", but I'm almost nineteen years old.

This was sort of like a prologue, hence the majority of narration and so little dialogue.

What I really hope, is that I don't hit too many cliches that these fabrications usually do (I already know they'll be there). Wish me luck you guys... -sigh-

Review please, it motivates me!

Chapter edited: March 11, 2014 (and now I'm at least a little happier with how this looks, special thank you to Beatrix Hart)