You know that feeling where you have to write tons of stuff, but for some reason you find yourself writing new fanfictions all the time? It would be sooo nice if I could just write all the things on my to-do list instead...

This story is unrelated to my previous South Park story, I'm just recycling some ideas in different ways.

Warnings: yaoi/slash, very stupid people and probably some English problems along the fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything in this fic.

Hint: I can't possibly have been more obvious without saying it straight out, but please look closely anyway. Every part is written from one person's point of view, so you will read exactly what THAT person sees or thinks, which is not necessarily the truth. They could be morons, just like everyone in South Park seems to be. So don't be deceived the same way as the characters are ;)


"Goddammit, why is this so fucking boring?"

"I'm sorry for not being as interesting as Kyle, but you could be a little more polite about it."

"Aw, fuck it Kenny. You know that's not what I mean." Stan lifted his head from where he dropped it on his arms, only to throw himself back on the rickety school chair in a dramatic display of utter boredom. "It's boring without him here because he's supposed to be here. If you weren't here too now I'd probably be ready to kill myself."

Kenny grinned. "Really? But you'd still have Cartman!"

"My point exactly."

"Have you heard from Kyle since he left?" Kenny tilted his head, frowning slightly. "I only got a rushed call when he was packing, and not even a text since."

"He gave me a call the day after he left, but nothing since," Stan pouted. "He didn't even properly explain what was going on. Just that he really needed to be gone for a while, and he'd call when he was coming back. God knows when. Said it could possibly take months."

"Did we say something wrong?" Kenny joined the pout, drooping on his chair.

"He said it was to do with his future though."

"You think he had a call from his future self?" The smirk on Kenny's face was hilarious, and Stan couldn't help but snort.

"Wouldn't surprise me dude. Not in this fucking town."

"I still miss him though."

Stan leant his elbows on his desk, not responding. 'Missing' Kyle was an understatement. How did this even happen? And why so fast?

And why was it still so unbearable even after a week?

"Take your seats children."

"Mr. Garrison, what a wonderful surprise!" Kenny smirked widely, tipping his chair back to put his feet on the table. "Did you get yourself promoted to high school teacher now?"

"Is it his life's purpose to keep us completely uneducated?" Stan could hear Wendy whisper in despair.

"Feet down Kenneth. And no, I didn't, I'm just here to give you snotty brats some information."

Stan raised an eyebrow. Mr. Garrison giving information. That'd be a first.

The balding man sat down on the teacher's chair and proceeded to lean forward towards the class conspirationally. "Ok, I don't know if you kids heard, but tomorrow you're going to have a new student in this class."

A shocked mumble went through the room, and Stan sat up in surprise. A new student? In South Park? But nobody moved in to town recently!

"Shh!" Mr. Garrison flapped his hands to quiet them down. "I'm here to warn you! They say she's a secret agent, and she's here undercover for business." His stage whisper went extra dramatic on the 'business' part. "Watch out for her. Don't let her catch you! And don't be tricked, she's supposed to be gorgeous."

"What would a secret agent be doing undercover in a high school of a hick mountain town?" Wendy asked out loud, not hiding her scepticism in the least.

"How should I know?" Mr. Garrison sat up in indignation, before standing completely. "Well, I told you what I know, and it's your own responsibility to keep yourself safe now. Good luck kids."

"The hell?" Stan turned to Kenny as Mr. Garrison left the room. To his surprise Kenny was looking thoughtful.

"So that's why they were clearing out the old house of Mrs. Tennet."

"What? Wait, the house of the old lady who choked on the candy she was always giving to little kids?"

Kenny nodded thoughtfully. "They were working on it. Everyone thought they were just clearing it out to have it taken down, or be sold. But I guess it was already sold then. It's the only place possible."

"I didn't hear of anyone moving in anywhere," Stan had to agree. "So some beautiful chick our age is going to move in there by herself, with all secret stuff related to her secret job, while going to school with us? Dude!"

"Kyle would've loved this one," Kenny smirked.

But that only served to ruin Stan's mood again. Because Kyle would've.

...

Kenny was perfectly aware of how clich├ęd it was, but he couldn't help himself. He had to whistle.

The girl in the doorway flushed in surprise, a healthy red blooming all over her face thanks to her ginger disposition. He noticed her eyes flashing to Stan first, before she gave him an uncomfortable look, blocking the doorway.

Mr. Garrison's information had been spot on, she was gorgeous. She had sleek vibrant red hair dropping to her collarbones, and fine freckles dusting over her nose. Her eyes were the greenest of green, standing out in her red blushing face. He was sure they'd be just as gorgeous on her pale skin when she wasn't blushing. She was lanky and didn't have very defined hips, but the front department looked quite right, like a nice handful without being overbearing. Overall, the image of a shy beauty, finished perfectly by the blush.

She jumped slightly when she noticed people behind her, and she quickly set a few steps into the classroom, looking around nervously. Obviously everyone was already staring at her.

"Over here gorgeous, the seat next to mine is free," Kenny called out, waving at her with a smirk.

"So far for not letting her trick you," Stan chuckled at him, but he didn't care. Even if she'd lock him away in a dusty empty cell for the rest of his life, that woman would be worth it. She would be his new project for sure.

...

He couldn't be completely sure, but that heat on his face felt awfully much like a blush. Only he didn't blush. Especially not for some ginger girl. Gingers were dangerous. This was a secret agent ginger, so even more dangerous. He was sure she was after him.

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, swiping some crumbs of his desk. The bitch only spared him a glance before moving over to Kenny. The poor rat just had to start seducing the secret agent the moment she walked in. He couldn't understand why, she was ugly as hell. If being ginger wasn't bad enough, she was scrawny, ill developed in the chest area and hardly any ass to speak of. Now that he thought of it, she resembled the ugly Jew. No figure, red hair and a big nose. Yeah, big nose. Ugly woman.

Of course she didn't have the furry arms with ginger fluff like the Jew rat, nor the explosion of curls on her head. That would've been disgusting.

So he wasn't blushing, and he wasn't feeling a pang of jealousy when she hesitantly sat down next to Kenny. He didn't stare at her scrawny ass outlined in her short skirt as she sat, or the elegant curve of her back. He hated her just as much as faggy Kyle already.

Only she wasn't a guy.

...

She looked at him first! The moment she walked in, she immediately looked at him. Damnit, he was so screwed!

He gave the secret agent a hesitant smile while she sat down next to Kenny. She was looking around curiously, but didn't falter to return him a shy smile immediately.

"So, gorgeous, what's your name?" Kenny leant sideways on his chair, stretching his body in the most lewd way that would still resemble any form of decency.

"Autumn," she replied, flushing a little again. "Autumn McDowell."

Autumn... That fitted her perfectly with that hair. Stan had immediately noticed her hair was almost the same shade as Kyle's. Just a little darker, and certainly shinier. With such vibrant red hair, he couldn't blame anyone naming their child Autumn. He wondered about her parents' hair colour, but he doubted he'd see it if she was here on a mission.

"What brings a beautiful lady like you to a snow covered mountain town like South Park?" Kenny relentlessly flirted without taking in consideration the time Stan needed to process the previous information.

"I don't even really know myself," she answered Kenny's flirt with a sheepish laugh. "Let me tell you I didn't choose this place, I was sent here for the fresh air."

"The fresh air?" Kenny lifted an eyebrow imploringly, and Stan halted his thought on the previous information to focus on the new stuff.

"Yeah, you know? How they used to send people with lung problems to places with fresh air to heal? Sort of like that, I suppose. This environment is supposed to be better for me."

"Better than what?"

"D-Denver?"

"Am I making you nervous?" The smirk on Kenny's face was pure evil and he leaned towards her, causing her to lean back quickly.

"Y-yes, actually. You are."

"Don't be scared, pumpkin, I'm going to rock your world and I'll be gentle about it."

"Stop licking the ginger's ass already!" Cartman suddenly spat.

Autumn's head whipped around in surprise, and Stan noticed how a look of disgust shortly flashed over her features.

"Don't be so jealous Cartman," Kenny drawled, looking around smugly.

"Cartman?" Autumn hesitantly prodded.

"Where's my manners!" Kenny whipped back around, quickly grasping one of her hands to peck it lightly. "Kenneth McCormick, at your service. Please call me Kenny. The fat tub over there is Eric Cartman, but don't mind him, just keep your eyes focused on me."

She looked at him doubtfully, Cartman fumed and Stan kicked Kenny's chair.

"Oh, and this is Stanley Marsh," Kenny grinned, waving a hand around to the raven dismissively, "Stan's okay. If I'm not around he's a good second choice."

To Stan's surprise Autumn chuckled in response. "You're not just a little full of yourself, are you?"

"I like to think of myself as cocky."

Stan kicked Kenny's chair again for good measure, knocking the blonde off balance to crash to the floor. The way Autumn pressed her hand to her mouth to keep in her laughter was just adorable, and definitely worth the kick that send him to the ground next.

...

"Please stop wrestling on the floor like pigs and sit on your chairs." Their most beloved teacher entered the class with flair. Stan climbed on his chair chuckling, Kenny incapable of keeping in his own laughter even while he was trying to glare Stan down. Autumn turned to the front, smiling mischievously.

"As you noticed, there's a new student in your class," their teacher stated dismissively. "Autumn McDowell moved to South Park just yesterday, so be good kids and show her around a little. Don't let her disrupt your studies."

Stan noticed from the corner of his eye how Autumn was trying to subtly look at Kenny. Or maybe him, as he was on Kenny's other side. She flashed him a little smile when he turned his head to look, and he felt warm. She was really beautiful. Like Kyle.

He jolted in his chair, turning to face the teacher. He didn't just think that! Autumn was pretty, and a girl. It was normal for him to be interested in her. Kyle was definitely a guy, and not good to be interested in! He wasn't gay. At all. Even if he practically cuddled with his super best friend, that didn't make him gay for the redhead!

All he had to do was prove it. All he had to do was win Autumn over before Kenny did. Or Cartman, as the fatso was definitely in love with Kyle from deep inside his closet, and Autumn looked enough like Kyle to be the perfect way for him to prove himself straight.

Yes, Autumn was the perfect tool to prove himself completely straight. Perfectly.


Yes, I do love reviews. A lot. If you are confused you can ask, but I might not give straight answers in order to avoid giving too many spoilers.