The Time For Sorrow
By: Chibi-Suiko (Formerly known as anime*romancelover))
A/N: This is the third, and maybe last part of my Cecilia and Pegasus romance. I know that it's been aloooonnnnnngggggg while since I've written but that only means that I've got more experience now, okay? After reading this part I'm sure you'll feel all fluffy and emotional inside so get the tissues ready, all right--?!
... This unworthy love will never die away...
I'll never admit that I wait for you
To recognize what I've seen you do
Countless times, in love, I hear
Of your faint whispering in my ear
And with bated breath, I sing...
--Just a small portion of a song I made.
I knew that life was not for me from the moment that I'd first glanced into your eyes. How? Because at a point in every persons life their existence is supposed to come crashing down. You were my existence. And I knew what that meant for us.
I dreaded the day of our marriage, our final parting reaching ever closer. I could tell you then that we would be separated so as to dispense of any pain that either of us would feel later on... But I didn't because I was selfish. Even for those few chillingly beautiful moments, I wanted to spend the last of my days and nights at your side.
I can tell you (Or, rather, he can't since she's dead…) now that your illness came as no surprise. I could only contain my knowing of it by straining all of my emotion on you. I lay at your side every night, holding you so very tenderly in my arms, not at all willing to let you go. When you collapsed the first time, sending you into the hospital, I followed you there as well. I remember you laughing sweetly when you awoke, catching sight of my grimace as I saw IV's being put into you.
How was it that even in the most desperate of times you still chose to laugh it away? I could do nothing but look at you, how you slept with a watchful resolve. When you awoke again to me nodding off, telling me to go home and get some rest of my own. I only replied that wherever you were, even in the desolate ward of the health facilities here, was my home. There was no other place I'd rather be.
Day by day, I brought you gifts, small tokens of my love... Roses, for they were always your favorite, cinnamon incense, it rectified not only your nerves but my own as well, and a kiss. I could tell that you looked forward to that above all.
Another lesson about life is that your existence was always supposed to climb back up. After all of my support in your time of hurt, the Gods still saw fit to break apart such a perfect love.
I remember how you asked me, one day, what I thought about love. I think that you were confused about why I thought you such an angel. This question only made me love you more...
Love to me is not a word, or a thing. It's not even as dim as a 'feeling'. It's a trait of the human heart. All fall prey to it and, in the end, suffer grievously. I would not mention to you how useless my love for you seemed to be right at that moment but instead gripped your hand and told you what I felt.
" Love is you. Love is me. We are the birth-right's to happiness." You smiled in bliss and cupped my face, using your wilting strength to pull yourself up well enough to kiss me, "Beauty is love, and you are the vision of them both..."
Something I'd wanted to say for so long because of the overwhelming amount of truth in it. And I was so pleased that you believed me, it was as though that in itself were an apology from Kami, as if he were hoping to make things right.
Alas, the next day you were gone, simply at the sight of dawn. It was so hard, and at the same time easy, to watch you go. You have no idea what the loss did to me. The loss of a heart that I loved more than anything. Just the same as when we were children, brought up in the riches of luxury, so as to when I grew up I lost everything. The same could be said of my own fortune. The moment you slipped away from me, so did the sun…
So now I stand above the horizon, the glistening of the ocean in front of me. My hand is clasped around a small diamond, the ring of our birth as one. I had seen it resting on your finger, only to find that it no longer belonged to either one of us. It belongs, now, to Kami and his all mighty ruling. Perhaps that was what he was trying to say to me as I stood before your limp being for there is no other explanation for this ultimate sacrifice.
Kami, was I that unbecoming to you? Did you truly think me a threat to your deceit? You have unmanaged belief in the followers' eyes. As the church-goers pray your name in silent relent I stood before an open field, exposing all that you were as I relayed the true beauty of life. But you could not stand the beauty and so you, belittling the very destruction you caused, destroyed it. But you have taken a light with you… One that will never glow again.
It was the innocence that a young, believing woman portrayed… But in stealing her, you took the very essence of your creation of human existence.
So, here I am, standing above the Earth, your oldest light, holding the grudge that you, yourself have contaminated me with. It's not so easy to watch the life of the world rush by and the adrenaline drain itself from my veins. There is no way of me overcoming the loss you've inflicted… You, as the all mighty being you are, have shamed your own name. The rose has wilted and there is no way of bringing it back now that it is gone.
We have been blighted as a whole, stained by your ignorance, the very same that we thought you didn't contain. And we were wrong.
No set-backs for this plan. You may not have known, but you've destroyed a total of two lives. If you are pleased with these events than you truly are what would be referred to as a 'Kami-Like Figure'. For only one such as that could think so much of himself.
The wind is blowing in a rush, telling me, wanting me to confide in death. And I am listening. I am giving in. I am fleeing from the truths of life just to ultimately please myself.
I'm whisked off of the edge and in a flurry of wind and ironic sunshine, my eyes are torn open as I set myself to my goal. After all, Love, I am but half a soul without you... Therefore, since this soul cannot live alone, I must die so that we can be together again.
The pessimist, though I may sound, my thoughts are optimistic, my goal true. I only want to be with you.
The crash of the ocean waves brutalize the jagged rocks that I approach. My eyes, however, are torn from such a thing by a miniscule light off in the distance. It is surging towards me, almost leaving me dumbfounded.
I would think nothing of it except... I am hearing a tune of the most soft and melodic... It is unnatural, not to mention completely impossible for me to be hearing your voice coming from the flutter of light...
Next moment thoughts in general are swept from my mind as the beam lashed at me. I feel a vibration in my head and a pounding reverberation. Next moment a pain like no other drives itself through my nerves, sending me into a shrieking frenzy. The vapor clouding my visions is sending me into the darkness and, almost a little too willingly, I let myself fall into it...
"Mister Pegasus..? Pegasus, sir?" A wheezy tone and a shake of my shoulder bring me back from the bliss that is unconscious. I state bliss only because the pain I'm feeling now is so intense, "Can you hear me, sir? Please move your fingers if so."
Painstakingly, I concede and announce my re-arrival to reality by using my left hand to grip the sheets. There is a sigh of relief and my eyes slowly find themselves opening curiously.
The sight that meets my eyes is that of an aging man standing over me with a clipboard. I, myself, am laying under some white sheets with a headache that puts death to shame. The man is gazing at me intently, almost as though I am a miracle of medical resistance. I turn away and stare out the window, where I see a fluttering birdling taking flight from a sakura tree.
"Maximillion Pegasus, welcome back to the world of the living. My name is Doctor Momoi. You have been in my care for the past six weeks and have just reawoken from a severe case of coma. Do you remember anything that happened to you?" He asks me and I shake my head. He sighs, as though expecting that of me, "...Clearly due to the head trauma... Hopefully not a permanent case..." He mutters and writes something on his clipboard. A trivial guess comes to mind and infers that he fears I have amnesia. Unfortunately I was only wishing such a thing.
"...I am wondering... About everything that has happened to me." I state and he looks at me, seemingly surprised that I'm talking so well all ready. He places his board on the bedside table and comes to stand closer beside me.
"Sir, you were found on the east coast seashore by a sixteen year old male. He phoned an ambulance immediately. Your injuries included sufferable amounts of excess sea water intake, a concussion, three broken ribs, and a spreading skin infection... We've managed to contain both the skin illness and your ribs are currently mending. However, I'm afraid you won't be leaving for awhile now." He stands up again and picks up his board. As he heads to the door, he turns back to me and says, "Your nurse will be coming in about twenty minutes to check your vitals. If all goes well, you can be eating by tonight. Just try not to fall over anymore cliffs, if you please."
And I was left alone with only the sunshine outside.
Five months later, I just happened to be getting back on my feet. I had returned from my eleventh week of physical therapy and was just becoming more able to walk on my own again (not working my muscles had left me quite vulnerable, in a physical sense). The sunshine outside had been replaced with dark clouds that easily made decision to many that it was undoubtedly going to rain. Or snow... I couldn't tell which. The sky was so dark, and I hadn't been outside in such a long while that I had forgotten what signs to look for. But, either way, I just didn't care anymore...
My first try at death had been unsuccessful. Father was grateful, he's been trying to convince me repeatedly to come back and work for him so that, one day, I could take over the family company. Personally I'd rather attempt a life of my own, if I bothered living... But, without Dearest Cecelia, what life is there to live?
Down the hall, I head faint laughter. It sounds like the nurses have invited some of the elders to watch a comedy with them. I don't think I've laughed myself in the longest time... It might have felt good, if only there was anything humorous about this world anymore. I've been seeing analysts and I've been receiving convincing reason to join an adult therapeutic group home. Believe it or not, I can't see myself anywhere but here the rest of my life. I know the staff think it impossible. It's just that... Cecelia died here, so why can't I not wither away in this place as well?
"Sir, Maximillion..? Vitals." My nurse walks in. A sweet young thing who I think has quite a fancy for me. But, for her, I feel absolutely nothing. She comes up to me and completes the BP and temperature and things. And then she sighs distressedly, "Mister Pegasus, I know it's not my place to comment but... Your wife would have wanted you to live happily. I realize that you don't wish to be anywhere that isn't with her but... For once, think about how she may have wanted you to live on. Somehow, something saved you that day and you've thanked that force by remaining here well after you're well enough to be getting along." She began to scribble down some things and walked away.
Strangely, I'm compelled to talk, "Nurse Sohryu, I am an unfortunate soul who can't even afford death. Cecelia would have wanted me to be with her forever. Only Kami knows why I haven't been able to finish myself off." Her gaze is simple but she chooses to speak what little wisdom she has.
"Sir, perhaps it's not that you `haven't been able to finish` yourself off... Maybe it's more like a convincing hand is holding you from knocking at deaths door. And, if so, I would be thanking that hand if I were you." She bows respectively and blushes, as though just realizing how... possessive she may have sounded, "But it's not my place to talk about spirits to a broken man. I have other patients to take to. I'll be back later." And she leaves me here alone once again.
The wind is beginning to whistle beyond my glass windows. I look outside to see thunder bellowing across the skies. Clapping lightning meets it halfway and, two seconds later, the power goes out. I merely sit in my bed watching the reflection of the waters trailing down the panes. Ominous sounds are coming from the hallway, along with small flickers of light. But I know that it's only the gaurds and their flashlights.
I feel a tingling on my shoulder but I don't bother to move. After all, whatever's there would move along in a moment on its own accord. Still, I feel a soft tickle on my neck, hot like breath, but when I turn, there is no one there. What can I do but wonder if perhaps a spiritis happening along my road?
"...I will miss you..." Is all I hear before the being is gone and I am left alone again. Before they left, however, the tingling of their hand on my shoulder had left, only to be returning upon my lips. But then, the feeling is gone and the power is returned to the hall and my room. The footsteps are dying away now and the shouts are dimming.
Yet I am still sitting there, knowing now who that mysterious feel belonged to;my Cecelia is not gone after all.
A/N: That was the last part. I hope you liked it, as itDID take two years to post... Sorry for that long wait but I'm hoping that it was worth it for all of you. Keep reading and possibly, I'll make something else. You can give me your suggestions if you want. I hope to see a review or two after such a long while... **Sweatdrop** I can't believe I waited that long to post...
--Chibi ending transmission.