Keitaro's Traveling Inn

Disclaimer: I own the rights to no anime franchise at this time.

Monkey's Paw wishes and ramen

Keitaro opened the box and stared at what had been sent to him.

"What's wrong?" Naru asked seeing the befuddled look on his face.

"I'm not sure, but I may have offended the American Mafia in some way," he replied, reaching into the box and pulling out a mummified monkey's paw with only three fingers.

"That would be a horse's head in your bed," Mitsune said.

"A good luck charm?" he guessed hopefully.

"That's rabbit feet I think," Shinobu offered.

"I recall… almost recall anyway," Makoto offered, "Some tale involving a monkey's paw and wishes."

"Hey, Su," Mitsune asked. "Shouldn't you have asked if it was good to eat by now?"

Su made a face. "Monkeys are our cousins, it'd be like cannibalism."

"Wishes huh?" Keitaro said thoughtfully. "If that were true then I'd wish I wasn't so clumsy and that if I was it wouldn't lead to such disasters and explosions."

"That'd be a good wish," Motoko said approvingly, thinking it'd be nice to go a day without Keitaro ending up with his face in some other girl's… without Keitaro ending up with his face buried someplace embarrassing.

"Too bad wish granting items aren't real," Keitaro said with a wistful sigh.

"Then why did one of the fingers just move?" Naru asked in shock.

Everyone's eyes focused on the monkey's paw which had only two of its three fingers sticking up now.

Mitsune moved so quickly that even Motoko wasn't quick enough to see it as she snatched the paw from Keitaro and called out, "I wish I had a billion yen!"

"No!" Motoko yelled in horror a look of fear on her face.

Everyone froze but nothing happened.

"Fuck!" Mitsune cursed.

"Be grateful it did not work!" Motoko exclaimed. "Because I remember the story now and it is a tale of woe."

"What?!" came the chorus as Motoko pried the paw from Mitsune's grasp and set it on the table as if it were explosive.

"The tale of the Monkey's Paw came from a short story of American literature I read in class," the swordswoman explained. "The paw grants cursed wishes. A wish for money killed the main character's wife so he could collect on the life insurance and a wish for his wife back raised her as an undead thing!"

Everyone stared at the paw like it was a live scorpion.

"It could have been cursed because of greed," Shinobu offered. "Maybe only unselfish wishes are safe."

"Maybe, but that still doesn't explain why it didn't work for me," Kitsune said.

"It may only work for one person at a time," Motoko said, trying to remember.

"So, Kie-chan gets two more wishes?" Su asked.

"Most guys would wish for a harem," Kitsune offered trying to break the tension.

Keitaro opened his mouth to object when Naru launched him through the roof with a NaruPunch.

"I'm not sure whether that will make him wish for a harem out of spite or convince him that more girls just means more pain," Kitsune said in the sudden silence.

"I panicked!" Naru admitted. "But you know how perverted he is!" Naru was just getting into the swing of her rant on what a pervert Keitaro was and all the perverted things he'd done to her, when Keitaro returned, a little banged up but none the worse for wear. Naru didn't notice however and continued on as Keitaro picked up the paw and waited for her to finish. "He just can't be trusted!" she exclaimed before noticing everyone staring past her.

Keitaro stood there with a hurt look on his face. "I wish…"

Everyone froze waiting to see what he'd say.

"…to never have a perverted or lustful thought about Naru Narusegawa ever again," he finished. Setting the paw down everyone saw that two of its three fingers were now bent. "Now if you'll all excuse me, I landed in a pile of fiberglass, so I need to wash it off before it drives me insane," Keitaro said before rushing off.

"Oh, no," Mitsune said sadly.

Kanako and Haruka chose that moment to show up. "What's wrong?" Haruka asked as she saw the looks on everyone's faces.

"Where's onii-chan?" Kanako demanded.

"Keitaro got into a pile of fiberglass," Shinobu said, "he went to wash it off."

"And the long faces?" Haruka asked.

"Keitaro wished to never have a lustful or perverted though of Naru ever again," Su said when nobody else spoke up.

"So he was a little upset," Haruka waved it off, "he'll get over it."

"He used an actual wish," Motoko said pointing at the monkey's paw.

"That grants wishes?" Haruka asked doubtfully.

"It's curled a finger every time he's made a wish," Motoko said. "And does nothing when others try."

"We'll have to see if he can reverse it," Haruka said, figuring better safe than sorry considering all the magic they'd seen around the place since Keitaro had arrived.

"What was his first wish?" Haruka asked.

"To no longer have any perverted accidents," Su volunteered.

"That'll cut into you girls' fun," Haruka chuckled knowing for all their protests the girls really took great care not to prevent those 'accidents'.

"Actually he wished he wasn't so clumsy and that it wouldn't lead to so much trouble," Mitsune said suddenly, "meaning if no one made a big deal…"

Haruka chuckled at the way the girls perked up at that, ignoring the rain cloud that had formed over Naru's head.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Onii-chan," Kanako said, drawing Keitaro's attention from the heavy duty soap he was using to the nearly naked dark haired girl in his room with the flawless pale skin and surprisingly pink areolas.

He immediately sank down further in the barrel he was washing up in on his balcony, surprised he hadn't passed out in an explosion of nasal blood already. "Kanako!"

"You know soap isn't going to do the job. To remove fiberglass you need baby oil and a scraper," she explained, standing in a pair of black satin panties (that really should be called a singular 'pant' both because of their size and the effects on the viewer) holding a bottle of baby oil.

"I… um, brothers and sisters…" he mumbled, not wanting to encourage her crush on him as she was his little sister, even if a traitorous section of his brain was reminding him they were not blood related. Not that he really needed reminding as Kanako tended to mention it, sign holiday cards Kanako 'Not-blood-related-to-onii-chan Urashima, and in fact had once hired a sky writer to plaster it above the park he was flying a kite in.

Kanako slunk forward, sensing his resistance weakening, while gesturing to the Christmas Card she'd sent him that was still set out on the top of his dresser reading 'Happy Holidays and a very merry X-mas from Kanako your 'not blood related' sister', saying avoid the ho, ho, ho's you live with and send me some candy cane! "There's nothing wrong with a sister helping her brother with a medical problem."

"I'm naked," he pointed out having a hard time keeping his eyes on her face.

"You need to be to deal with this," she pointed out reasonably. "It's not like you're naked for kicks right now, there is a genuine need for you to be undressed."

"And y-you're kinda…"

"I didn't want to get my clothes covered in baby oil, but I'm not completely naked, see?" she gestured to the wafer thin postage stamp of material that hid none of her charms, which he'd noted was neatly trimmed.

"I s-suppose that would be alright…"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Where's Kanako?" Motoko suddenly said.

The girls looked around anxiously for a moment.

"She's probably visiting her brother, like a good sister should," Su said, causing the girls to freeze.

"I want to run upstairs but I find myself unable to move," Motoko said.

"Same here," Naru said.

"I'm fine," Shinobu said.

"I'm not frozen."

"Mitsune?" Haruka asked.

"Frozen, but that's by the thought that I don't want Kanako to kick my ass," she admitted.

"I can move," Haruka said, "but I don't think I should interfere in whatever they're doing. They're adults and it's their business."

"What did Kanako do to us?" Naru demanded.

"Nothing," Haruka replied. "She was with me the whole time and I know her tricks, besides she would have paralyzed everyone, not just you two."

"The wish!" Motoko exclaimed.

"What?!" Kitsune asked confused.

"His first wish was that if an accident couldn't be prevented then to prevent the trouble that followed," Motoko explained, figuring out how their being frozen could factor in to the wish he made.

"If Kanako is involved it won't be an accident!" Naru protested.

"And thus can't be prevented as one," Motoko explained, "and anyone who would cause trouble gets frozen in place!"

"So deliberately caused events are unaffected and no one can interfere?" Mitsune said thoughtfully, a sly little smirk appearing on her face.

Motoko relaxed and picked up her tea while Naru remained frozen. "I believe I'll sit this one out as it is clearly not Urashima's fault and regardless of what happens, I doubt he would forgive anyone who intentionally harmed his sister."

Naru remained frozen a scowl on her face.

"So Su can still greet Kei-kun like normal?" Su asked just to be sure.

Motoko opened her mouth to reply and paused in thought. Su always lead off with a kick to Keitaro's head, but for the last several months she'd always missed and ended up smashing his face into her crotch. Su was more than a little skilled and wouldn't make the same mistake that often…"I believe you can."

"Good!"

"Sooo…" Mitsune eventually said. "Anyone got any ideas on how to pass the time?"

"How long could he possibly be anyway?" Naru growled having apparently accepted the fact that Keitaro was probably being molested by his sister at that very moment!

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"I'll need your help to wash off all this baby oil," Kanako whispered into Keitaro's ear before leading him to the barrel he used to bathe.

Typing by: The Last Primarch!

Perversion by: dogbertcarroll!