Ok, this has a lil joke in it that you won't get unless you've read the secret diaries of the lord of the rings. The web address for these is: http://home.nyu.edu/~amw243/diaries/
They are sorta slashy, just so y'know. If you don't like that, well, if you can stomach through Sam's, you'll get the joke in the letter. Sorry to have to put this here, but the joke fits.

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Complaints Department
The House of Elrond, Rivendell
Middle Earth

Dear Sir or Madam:

Last month I paid a visit to your house to attend the Council of Elrond. I was told the house was an excellent place to stay, and the other inhabitants friendly beyond compare.

However, upon reaching the house I discovered it was not only full of unfriendly, questionable-looking elves, but stank of strawberry bubble bath! Also, there was barely any stone to be seen, and I could find no good ale except that I brought with me!

I hope that in the future this may be remedied, and my next visit will be more pleasant. Otherwise, my army will be in touch.

Sincerly,
Glóin, Son of Gróin
The Lonely Mountain
Middle Earth