I wait outside the bathroom door for what feels like an hour. But it's only been about fifteen minutes. I rest my forehead against the cool wood and sigh. "Clare?" I coax.
Sniffles and a shuddering breath is the only response.
"Clary, open the door please," my voice croaks. The door opens a crack and I wedge my way in the tile enclosure. I see her curled on the floor in front of the toilet clutching a small white stick. I don't even need to look at it to realize its negative. We've been trying to get pregnant now for ten months- our time limit. Clary's cancer was no joke to us, so we set a specific time range until we went through with the uterus extraction. My heart feels heavy and I can only hope that Clary doesn't punish herself for my hurt.
"That was it, Jace. I… I can't…" she chokes.
I curl myself around her and rock us slowly. I kiss her cheek and whisper, "Clary, It's for the best. I'm perfectly happy with you and Amity. Your health is way more important to me than a baby. Maybe it wasn't you that can't have a baby, but me who can't give us one." I suggest with a sick feeling in my gut. I couldn't ever be the one to cause her pain so I can only hope to God that this isn't the fact.
She suddenly lurches forward sobbing into the toilet. "I'm gonna be sick," she moans.
That night I hold her hair, and when she finishes, I hold her in my arms until morning when we are called into the doctor's office.
The next morning is a slow drag for Clary and I. I'm one hundred percent sure that my speedometer stays at least five under the speed limit. Today we schedule for Clary's surgery and check on the progression of the cancer- if there is any.
Ten months ago Clary had her left ovary removed as it was the center point of the cancer. With half of our chance of pregnancy gone, it would have been a miracle had we gotten pregnant.
I walk hand in hand with Clare as we greet the nurse at our usual room. Clary sits on the paper covered cot and it crinkles as she lets out tiny sobs. I know that she's mainly upset that she couldn't have a baby for my sake. It's dead silent as we wait for the doctor to arrive.
When he does he takes in Clary and I's faces and his falls too. "Clary, Jace, I'm so sorry. I take it that you couldn't conceive?" He asks somberly.
Clary's sobs only grow heavier.
"Well, as precaution before we schedule the surgery, we need to check on the cancer area to give us a time limit, and we need to draw blood to make sure there's nothing else we should be concerned about health wise." He continues, pulling on a pair of baby blue gloves. It worries me when Clary doesn't even flinch at the needle. Once finished, he gives the vial to the nurse to run through tests and grabs the ultrasound looking machine. "Now I just need you to remove your pants and raise your shirt so I can see if we're having anymore tumors, please." He instructs and Clary follows orders.
Midway through the ultrasound- which is all clear- the nurse pokes her head in, an unreadable expression on her face. "Dr. Carstairs, we need you to take a look at something concerning the blood samples as soon as you can! And don't schedule anything yet!"
Sorry that's all in this one. It leads up to what is to come next chapter. So... What do you think the nurse was all weird about?!
PS. THE NEXT UPDATE WILL COME VERY SOON I PROMISE, I JUST WANTED A REALLY GOOD LEAD UP!