I Could Care Less
Ichigo had recently come up with a new plan to get Ryou to stop nagging her- make him hate her. He seemed to think she'd fall in love with him, but that would never happen, so Ichigo decided that she was going to be as nasty to Ryou as possible, in hopes that he'd kick her out.
Going into work, she heard Ryou say, "You're late again, baka strawberry."
"Like I care, you yellow-haired freak," Ichigo snapped back. "If I was given a choice, I wouldn't be working here at all."
"Too bad you don't have a choice," Ryou said.
"Shut up," Ichigo replied, and went off to put her schoolbag away and change.
When she came back out, she found Ryou in her way, and asked, "What do you want?"
"Why are you being so nasty today?" Ryou asked.
"Maybe I finally snapped," Ichigo said. She shoved him out of her way, and went to start cleaning.
As she and the others finished preparation, Ryou came up to Ichigo and asked, "Will you go out with me tonight?"
"Hell no," Ichigo said. "I hate your guts; why would I go out with a bastard who would probably rape me?"
"But-" Ryou started.
Ichigo cut him off, saying, "I don't care about your feelings, and you don't care about mine. End of story. Get lost, it's about time to open."
"What happened to YOU?" Ryou asked.
"You happened," Ichigo said bluntly. "Did you still want to open the Café? Or can I go home? I'm not particularly interested in arguing about why I'm treating you the way I should have started doing ages ago."
"Just go open up, I'm going to talk to Keiichiro," Ryou said, and walked off. Ichigo shrugged and turned to her teammates, all of whom were staring at her.
"You didn't really expect me to put up with that freak treating me like dirt forever, did you?" she asked.
"You want him to feel how you feel, right?" Zakuro asked.
"Pretty much," Ichigo said. "And since killing him is illegal, I'll settle for making his life a misery, the way he does to me."
"Good luck," Zakuro said, and the girls opened the doors.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen: Keiichiro sighed. "Ryou, the answer is obvious," he said. "You treated Ichigo like dirt; now she wants you to feel the same thing she did when you wrecked her life. I know you have a crush on her, but I'd suggest that you give it up; it's pretty clear she hates you. If you don't stop nagging and being nasty to her, she's going to break you down from the inside out."
"Ichigo's not capable of hurting someone that badly," Ryou said.
"I beg to differ; she's done it to Kisshu," Keiichiro said.
"Those freaks don't have feelings, it's not the same," Ryou said.
"You're delusional," Keiichiro said dryly. "Kisshu wears his emotions on his sleeves, and so does Taruto. Pai's the only one with seemingly no emotion."
"What was that again, Keiichiro?" Lettuce called from the main room.
Keiichiro looked nervous and called back, "Nothing, nothing at all."
"What's up with her?" Ryou asked.
This was answered when Lettuce came in and said, "I'd better not hear either of you badmouthing Pai, or I'll use you for target practice."
"Um…. I have to take the cookies out, see ya!" Keiichiro said, and ran off to get oven mitts- or hide.
"You're scaring me," Ryou told Lettuce. "But what did you mean by target practice?"
"I'll show you," Lettuce said, smiling sweetly. She grabbed Ryou and dragged him upstairs, leaving the other Mews and Keiichiro shaking their heads sadly- except for Ichigo, who was snickering at how stupid Ryou was.
The Café was filling up as they heard from upstairs, "THAT'S PAI'S WEAPON!"
Then, as the customers looked up, they heard, "FUU HYOU SEN!" and a scream.
The customers all looked nervous, and Ichigo said, "Sorry about that, Lettuce is just having a bad day. It's nothing to worry about, she's just playing darts with Ryou."
"Um…. is that her boyfriend?" a young girl asked.
"No, he's the bane of her existence, and he apparently said something that angered her," Ichigo said. "Don't worry about it. Would you like some more water?"
"No, I'm good," the girl said. Ichigo smiled and moved on as the subdued customers started eating again.
Upstairs: "You're insane…." Ryou moaned. He was pinned to the wall with a bunch of ice daggers, and Lettuce was smiling sweetly, holding a green and silver fan that was similar to Pai's in one hand.
"Only when ignorant people like you insult my boyfriend," Lettuce said, the sweet- and rather scary- smile never leaving her face. "Those will melt in about two hours, so have fun!" Then she left, leaving Ryou to wonder why exactly he had thought of creating half-animal girls with superpowers.
Downstairs: The others heard footsteps on the stairs, and Lettuce came down. "Ichigo-san, would you like a turn?" she called. "I'll take over for a while if you want."
"I'd love a turn, thanks Lettuce," Ichigo said, and headed upstairs with a feral smirk on her face. The customers nervously went back to their food, and Lettuce went to work the cash register while Zakuro took over waitressing for Ichigo.
Upstairs: Ichigo walked into Ryou's room, and said, "Lettuce's aim is much better now, I'm impressed."
"Do I even want to know why you're here?" Ryou asked warily.
"To drive you nuts, of course," Ichigo said. "I think I'll go get some duct tape first; don't want to scare off the customers."
She reached into Ryou's desk drawer, and pulled out some duct tape. Tearing a piece off, she came over to Ryou, who was still pinned against the wall, and taped his mouth shut. "So, would you like to know how I'm planning on driving you nuts?" she asked cheerfully. Ryou shook his head, looking nervous.
"I'm going to read a list I made," Ichigo said sweetly. "It's called, 'The Many Things I Love About Kisshu'."
Ryou looked panicked; he could already tell this was going to be painful. Unfortunately, he didn't have much choice but to listen. He eyed Ichigo warily as she took a notebook out of her pocket, and read out, "Kisshu's sweet, smart, funny, fun to be around, ten million times hotter than YOU are, caring, loving, loyal, passionate, a great kisser(here Ryou started to look a bit green), cuddly, strong, brave, gives great nicknames, playful, likes cats, he looks cute when he's excited or sulking, he's got a cute obsession with apples, his ears are adorable, his eyes are the most beautiful things I've ever seen, he'll break his curfew just to kiss me goodnight, he tells funny stories, he lets me pet his ears, he pets my ears and makes me purr, I feel really comfortable around him, he accepts me for who I am, his hair is really soft, he's always there when I need him, he always seems to know exactly what I need from him, he respects me, and above all, he really and truly loves everything about me."
Ryou sounded like he was protesting, but it was a bit hard to tell with the duct tape over his mouth. Ichigo smirked and ripped it off. "OW!" Ryou shouted.
"If you choose to continue forcing me to work for you, Lettuce and I will do this every day," Ichigo said calmly. "Would you care to rethink letting me resign?"
"OKAY! FINE! You can quit, just don't EVER make me listen to that again!" Ryou screamed.
"Good kitty," Ichigo said in a condescending tone- then left Ryou stuck to the wall with slightly melting ice daggers, snickering.
Going back downstairs, Ichigo saw that the main room was empty. "Where'd everyone go?" she asked Zakuro.
"They kind of all cleared out after Lettuce started smirking at people," Zakuro said. "What did you do to Ryou?"
"I read him a list of all the things I love about Kisshu," Ichigo said. "I had thirty-one items on the list, so I'm hoping he's traumatized. The good news is he says I can quit as long as I never make him listen to my list again."
"I take it that means you're leaving?" Zakuro asked.
"Sure am!" Ichigo said cheerfully, and skipped off. She came back out in her school uniform a few minutes later, and said, "Ja ne, minna!"
"Bye!" the others said.
Ichigo smiled and left, heading home.
Yes, it's very short, but I think it's hilarious, so I hope you do too. Please review! I'm taking requests for what should happen in my story A Strange Twist of Fate, too.