Sakura's father marries a woman with eleven sons and Sakura has to learn to live with so many males after a lifetime alone. AU Sakura/multi, but mostly Sakura/Uchiha. Crack, fluff, and humor.
Ino nearly choked on her drink. "How many?" she asked in a screech, not believing what she was hearing.
Sakura rolled her eyes. "She adopted a few boys, so they aren't all hers."
Ino wiped the underside of her lips with her thumb, careful not to ruin her lipstick in public. "Still, that's a lot of testosterone under one roof. No wonder their mother travels so often."
Sakura glanced sideways out across the dinner from her seat in the window seat booth. It was fairly empty, meaning there was little risk of being overheard by anyone important, but the college aged waitress that came by looked like the eavesdropping kind that lived off of other people's secrets, so Sakura refrained from dropping names all the same.
"So many of them are older than I am though, so its not like its a house filled with boys running around leaving mud-prints on the furniture and coloring the walls. Most of them could live on their own if they wanted to."
"So why don't they?" Ino asked excitedly. Her blue eyes were wide and shining with amusement. It was the sort of look that demanded details be told and re told a number of times because they were just so fun to hear again and again.
Sakura shrugged. "It's a nice place. It's not an apartment at least, like what dad and I call home. I guess the building used to be a luxury apartment complex, but she renovated it so all her kids could live at home with her. I only saw photos, but it reeked of money."
Ino whistled low. "Wow, your dad really caught the jackpot. And here I though all those years of being a bachelor dulled his charms. Nah, Mr. Haruno still got game," she laughed.
Sakura couldn't help it, she had to laugh too. It was too funny to think of her dad wooing a woman after all those years alone. He was terrible and awkward and far too honest about things to be smooth. He wasn't a manly man either, having only Sakura to live with.
The waitress came back with Sakura's classic burger and fries as well as Ino's salad. Ino claimed she was trying to be healthier, but Sakura caught her friend sneaking fries out of the red, plastic basket.
"So, what are you going to do now? You moving in with your dad or what?" Ino asked around a mouthful of lettuce.
"That's what he wants me to do, but I told him no. He travels too much and he'll be traveling with her all over the place, leaving me with all those new…brothers. I don't care if enough of them are old enough to be considered adults. Ah, he even wanted me to change my last name when Mikoto offered to adopt me into her family. I already have a family!"
Ino frowned. "Wait, does that mean your dad is taking her last name?" When Sakura nodded Ino's brow rose. "That is odd. It is not like…uh, usually the other way around?"
"…She has a popular last name that her relatives don't want to see go away." Sakura squirmed. "Her extended family is quite traditional."
Sakura sighed. "My point exactly. I don't want anything to do with this new family. They're the type where, if you're in for a penny you're in for a pound. It would be better if I just stayed in the apartment on my own, even after the wedding. And gosh Ino, could you imagine it, me living in a house with so many other…males."
Ino leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes, humming happily under her breath. "I don't know about you, but I'm imagining it for me. It would be like having a harem."
Sakura huffed, taking a larger bite of her burger, dripping ketchup down the side of her mouth and onto her plate. Not bothering with a napkin, she wiped it off with her thumb, glancing sideways to make sure no one noticed her lack of manners. Yes, living in such a formal household would not be good for someone like her. She was messy, opinionated, a feminist, and decidedly single for the rest of her college years.
"Shut up, this isn't about you anymore, tell me about these boys." Ino pushed what was left of her salad aside and leaned forward on her elbows. "Don't skimp on the details either."
"I don't know that much," Sakura sighed, picking at her fries. "I didn't want to know as much as I do, I only know that most of them are older than me and….and stuff."
"Tell me of this stuff."
Sakura sighed, closing her eyes and trying to care enough to remember with her near perfect memory. "There are twins, Madara and Izuna. I think they are the oldest but I'm not sure. They aren't her sons, but they are her older brother's kids from an affair or something so she had to adopt them for appearances. Then there is Shisui, who is graduated from college and working in the police force. Next is…Pein, he's adopted as well, but from a family oversees or something. I saw a photo and he sticks out for so many reasons. All the rest of them are dark hair, dark eyes, and he's like…auburn hair and grey eyes and piercings all over his face. I guess he might be the problem child in the family, whatever."
"Is he cute?" Ino was bouncing in her seat.
"I don't know how to answer that, I guess. He's not my cup of tea, but you know that so…" Sakura trailed off, trying to avoid Ino's eyes in fear of her friend finding a reason to disbelieve her. Pein was good looking if Sakura was being honest, but denial was a safety measure she couldn't afford to throw out. Once she started admitting they were good looking she might start developing…feelings. And feelings would screw her over in the end. She had learned her lesson well enough since high school. Feelings were to be respected with all the reverence of a force of nature; once you had feelings, there is little a person can do to get rid of them.
"You're going to be an old maid one day and then you'll look back on your life and say, 'man I really wasted my youth. I should have listened to Ino and dated more,' or something like that."
Sakura leveled a disbelieving look at her friend till Ino cracked a grin and snorted her amusement.
"Shut up, Ino pic. Do you want me to finish with the descriptions or what? I'm mad at you now, I can't leave something half finished so now I need to go through and talk about all this guys."
Ino held back her cackles. "Fine, fine, keep going, we were at metal face."
"His name is Pein. After Pein comes…Itachi I think, he's her natural son. Then there is Sasori, who was also adopted, he has red hair and stands out a little less than Pein. After those two there is an age gap, or was that were Obito went?No, Sasuke is older than Obito. Obito looks really young, but he's older than what he looks. After him there is Sai. Like Obito, Sasuke is her natural son and Sai was her husband's bastard, but she took him in all the same after she learned about the boy, so those two boys are close in age. And then finally there is Tobi. Tobi had an accident that scarred half of his face so he's shy and wasn't in the photo, so I don't know what he really looks like. Finally, those are the boys."
I thought you said their were eleven, that's only ten."
"Ah, yeah, there is an even older brother that's not even their brother, but another bastard that is even older than Madara. He lives with them part time and isn't really considered one of the brothers. Never the less, he lives under their roof on the weekends. His name is Kakashi."
Ino made an O with her lips. "They do sound traditional with all the… illegitimate children being taken in for appearances sake. You don't hear language like that anymore."
"Yeah, but regardless, I don't want to move in with them, so I told my dad this and he's all 'well you have no choice since I've canceled our rent on the apartment. Movers will be there on the 8th to pick up your stuff." Sakura fumed. "He didn't even give me a choice. Most girls my age are living on their own. I'm too old to-"
"No they're not." Ino cut in with a dry expression. "Sakura, you're only ninteen and most girls at eighteen aren't a year into college for some abstract yet detailed literature degree. You've been hanging out with old people too much."
"You're missing the point here Ino. I'm not doing what my dad wants me to. I'm not moving in with those guys. I don't care if I get a room the size of our apartment. I don't want to, I don't like the idea of it and if I don't like it a I shouldn't be strong armed into it."
"Well, you could bum a few nights at my place, but you can't stay forever. Eventually you'll have to move in, you know that right?"
Sakura sat back in the booth and mentally ran through her list of friends who had places she could crash at. A few of them might be willing, like Hinata, but crashing at Hinata's place meant running into Neji who was a patriarchal ass with god like hair and flawless skin. Sakura wanted to avoid that guy as much as possible, even if he was trying ti improve his social skills and treat his female cousin better after years of patronizing her. Eh, he was a good kid when it came down to it, but he was still male. Males were a no go.
Sakura also had friends like Karin who were okay to hang with every now and then, but in no way was ideal for spending extended periods of time together. The two would kill each other before a day was done. It looked more and more like Ino was the only safe place to be.
Seeing her friend fume in thought, Ino sighed. "You can't run away from this problem, Sakura, and it's not even as bad as you make it seem. How much time do you spend at home anyway? If its really that uncomfortable just try and stay out as much as possible. Eventually you'll get to the point where you are comfortable around your new family members but until then, stay busy."
"That shouldn't be too hard, but I like studying at home where its quiet. I hate having to use the library where there are other people," Sakura confessed.
Ino rolled her eyes. "Stop whining about everything so much. Big deal, get over it, the world wasn't meant to be perfect. Oh, and you're treating by the way. I covered last time."
"It was free last time!"
"It was still my treat," Ino hummed looking out the window with a smug smile.
Not wanting to pay, Sakura pulled out her phone and started searching through her emails for an attachment. "If I show you a photo of the family, will you treat today, like you should have last time?"
Ino perked up, looking interested. "You should have showed me a photo before when you were counting off all the names!"
"Yeah, but if I did that I wouldn't have the leverage I have now. So how about it?" Sakura waved her phone and grinned, knowing her friend wouldn't be able to resist.
To her credit Ino put up a good front, and lasted a whole of ten seconds before breaking down and demanding to see the snapshot taken last year at their summer retreat home in the mountains. A few of them looked like the were ready for a swim in the lake with thin or half open cotton shirts, adding to Sakura's hesitation in regards to meeting them. They oozed confidence in their natural bodies and she couldn't blame them for it. Fitness was obviously a standard.
Handing the phone over, Sakura watched as her friends eyes went from wide with excitement to wide with surprise and then half lidded for star struck.
"Oh my," Ino breathed. She tapped at the photo and pulled it up and down to see each person in the photo better. Absently a stray tear of droll began to gather at the corner of her mouth. Sakura didn't say anything, but started to feel her discomfort mount.
Ino looked up with a start. "You invite me over sometime and it'll be my treat for a whole month."
In the Uchiha household there was a calendar handing on the door to the pantry with March 8th circled in bright red. A few of the boys didn't pay it any mind, and another few pretended they didn't mind, but most of them noticed the date growing closer and closer with eager anticipation.
"Where the days always this long?" Shisui asked with a whine.
Izuna looked up from his work, pulling his glasses down the bridge of his nose so that he wasn't staring through the glass. "Oh please, don't start with that. You're sounding like Madara now. I swear if he's whined about it once, he's whined about it a hundred different times. That man should have never showed us his pictures."
"The pictures weren't too dangerous, it was those stupid videos on his iphone that were dangerously provoking."
Izuna raised a single brow. "You do know you sound terribly creepy right now, right?"
"There is nothing wrong with being naturally curious," Shisui huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and shifting the weight of his body from one leg to the other. "And, its not like I'm going as far as Kakashi and doing a background check or anything."
"Kakashi is a lawyer and he does background checks on everyone."
"Yeah, but then he usually talks about what he finds out. Whenever I ask him about her he just smiles suspiciously and walks off, refusing to say anything! What is that supposed to mean? He's not acting normal!"
Izuna sighed, shaking his head. "He knows it annoys you and that is why he does it."
"Does what?" Both males looked up to see Pein walk into the kitchen with his hands in his pockets. He was in jeans and a long sleeve shirt.
"You're not working today?" Izuna asked, used to seeing his brother in something a bit more professional.
Pein ignored the pointed stare and walked to the pantry to get a bagel. "I went in for a few hours this morning, I took the rest of the day off when I finished early. You can do that when you run the place." Pein paused, closing the door so that he was face to face with the calendar. "Ah, it is almost that time, isn't it?"
"It might as well be next year, based off of how slow the days are going by," Shisui groaned, flopping down over the kitchen table and messing up Izuna's accounting records. The elder brother huffed in annoyance and pulled his things closer, away from the wild brother.
"I heard she wasn't coming until later though, that date should be moved."
Both brother looked up suddenly, surprised by Pein's words. "What do you mean?" Izuna asked, less frightened by the idea then his younger sibling.
"Ah," Pein nodded, tapping his pierced chin with his snack. "Her father said she was busy with finals, so she is staying with her friend until things calm down for her."
"When is that?!" Shisui was hopping up and down from one foot to the other, upset and timid at the same time.
Pein shrugged. "I don't know. Whenever finals are over, I would suspect. Ask Itachi, he's taking classes now, isn't he?"
"Finals shouldn't be too long after the original date, though." Izuna closed his tired eyes and tried to think back to when he was in school, studying for accounting finals and ridicules tests he couldn't remember learning anything from. It was towards the middle of May when things ended for him, making what Pein claimed sound more plausible.
"Why did no one tell me about this?" Shisui cried.
Pein arched a single brow in concern and apprehension. "I should think the answer obvious. You're reacting like a lunatic. Go in to work and quit bringing it home.
"I guess that means I should be the one to tell Madara about this, he'll beat anyone else," Izuna sighed.
Pein frowned. "That brother of yours needs to act more mature for a first son. How old is he, and he's still throwing tempers and saying stupid things?"
Izuna could only laugh. "Thats my twin. You should know by now, Pein, that he won't grow up anytime soon. That side of him is for keeps, there's now growing out of personality."
Pein's expressions were bored at best and apathetic at worst as he bit into his bagel. "A shame."
Author's Note: This is not a serious story. Having said that, I want to acknowledge that the plot idea I'm working with is a very common trope in girl's manga or shojo manga. The number of works where the main heroin falls in love with one of her brothers or where she gets adopted into a family of males or where her parent remarries and she gets a new brother...those stories have all been done before by others and there is nothing original about the plot. The work I was most inspired by was the anime Brother Complex, based off the dating game where a girl gets all these new brothers and lives with them and has to get confessed to by every one of them. I loved the anime, though it wasn't anything to write home about. It was fun and light and I would recommend it.
Getting back on track...This work isn't supposed to be a serious story. It's a fun story filled with humor, crack, and fluff. That's what I want to do for a while and see how it goes. If you liked Pages of Ecstasy, this is going to be like that (but better written). Aside from all the brothers she lives with no she will have her friends and her brother's friends to deal with as well as a few outside males to make the story interesting. Neji was mentioned a little bit here, and I'm sure he will show up later on. The next chapter should be longer than a measly 3206 words, don't worry. Let me know what you think and if you liked it! I have other projects I'm working on as well.
Here is a list of all her brothers in order. (I'm going to keep the ages as undefined as possible because age is just a number in fiction.)