Sorry for the delay, hope it was worth it…dum dum dum!
Thanks to MariahajilE
NOW where did we leave off…oh yes, "I love you."
"I love you, too," Bella sobs out.
He lifts his head from her chest and smiles up at her. "Hey." His thumb brushes her cheek. "I'm
sorry," he tells her. "I'm sorry I left. I shouldn't have. I‒ I'm stupid."
"No." Bella shakes her head as the tears flow freely.
He smiles and wipes them quickly with his palm. "I'm back. Please don't cry."
Men like him make women like her cry, but he doesn't. He makes her smile, happy, and confused.
"We have so much to talk about," he agrees, knowing she is going to say the same thing. He can't understand being here with her, but it makes sense.
"I have to tell you something. I need you to stay."
Edward stares at her. Pushing up, he kisses her mouth. "I'm staying. I'm staying…"
"Promise me," she begs.
"Bella, I'm staying." He kisses her nose, mouth, cheekbones, and eyelids, gently pushing her back to the bed, smiling. "I'm staying."
"I can't," she whispers.
Edward smiles and laughs. "That was out loud."
"I know, but I can't, Edward." Her hands touch his face, neck, chest ‒ all over ‒ making sure he's really here.
"That's fine. This between us? It's not about sex." He wants sex. With her. Only her. Forever. But he understands he's been gone for a long time. She's not the type of girl that will jump back into bed with him, and he understands that. He loves her because of that, because of her reserved nature and wild spirit.
"No, it's not."
He nods and smiles in agreement. Bending, he kisses her mouth. She's snotty and blotchy, red, huffing slightly from all her tears. But she is the most beautiful and wonderful creature he's ever encountered. "I love you, Bella Swan."
"I was pregnant," she blurts out.
Edward freezes and stares down at her.
"I'm sorry," Bella cries, her chest heavy.
"Was?" Edward pushes up and sits. He turns and sees Bella move slowly, moving up to sit on the bed next to him.
"I‒ I lost it."
"I thought... I know birth control isn't 100 percent‒ I should have known."
"No, you couldn't have," she says softly.
"I should have known. I'm not stupid. I know nothing is 100 percent..." Edward hangs his head in the palms of his hands, feeling guilt and blame wash over him.
"I wasn't on birth control," she whispers.
He barely hears her. He turns his head to look at her profile, and a second later, she turns to look at him. "What?"
"I lied. I lied and lost our baby."
"Bella, what? Why?" His eyes widen. She lost their baby. He had a baby.
"I‒ I've been trying to get pregnant, so hard, and you came along and offered no strings; just a good time and someone to fix up the house," she rambles. "I figured I wouldn't see you again and possibly get a baby ‒ one I so wanted."
He looks at her and stands.
"But I fell in love with you during my stupid and selfish mixed up plan."
He stares down at her. "I don't... I don't know what..." His fingers run into his hair. "I don't know what to say." The blame he placed on himself washes away, along with the guilt he felt for doing that to her. But it was all her. It was all on her.
She lifts her head to look at him standing before her. She's bracing herself for him to turn and go. She couldn't and wouldn't blame him. She lied and lost their child. "I know I was wrong. I know that's why I lost our baby, but please, Edward. Please stay." She wipes her wet cheeks. She feels as though she will dry out soon.
He looks at her sitting on her bed, her shoulders shaking with sadness. "You didn't lose the baby because you lied." He stays in his place.
"I did. I know it." She wipes her nose with the back of her hand.
"You didn't, Bella. Please don't cry." He drops to his knees again and holds her middle lightly.
"Look at me." He never knew this; love, comfort, wanting to comfort someone special. But she's special.
"I can't," she covers her face.
He smiles a sad heartbroken smile. "Look at me, love." Gently, he pulls her hands from her face. He is this guy, he never thought he was, but he is ‒ because of her. "We can try again."
Bella looks at him through watery eyes.
"I'm staying," he whispers, kissing her hands. "I'm staying."
Bella leans into him and hugs his shoulders, hugs him. "I love... I love you," she whispers, over and over.
"Everything will be okay," he responds. "I love you."
She's sleeping. Her breathing is ragged still, as the tears were overwhelming. Turning to his side, he looks at her sleeping form. Her chest huffs every now and then from the tears which overtook her. He has a feeling she was crying for more than just their lost baby. She was crying for the lost time and possibly for the joy of him here again. He hopes she's happy with his return. He's pretty sure she is. Leaning in, he kisses her forehead. Before she finally drifted off to sleep, she told him again that she loves him and doesn't want him to leave.
"I'm staying," he mutters into her head. Rolling slowly from the bed, he walks from her bedroom and through the home.
Down the stairs, he finds himself in the kitchen. He pulls open the fridge as if no time has passed, and he begins making dinner for her. Her fridge is different from when he first went in it. It's stocked, full of fresh fruit and vegetables. A tiny smile comes to his lips, but it soon falls away, because he remembers it's not stocked because he made an impact of any kind on her eating habits. It's stocked, because she was pregnant and eating right for her baby. His baby.
Edward sinks to the ground and leans on the cool fridge. He bangs his head against it a few times, gripping his hair. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he chants, angry with himself for being so careless with someone like Bella. She's too good for him; he knows this. And he's angry, because he was a father for a fleeting moment and didn't get a chance to prove that he's better than the useless parents that brought him into this world, than the useless foster parents that made his childhood a living hell.
"Jesus, what do I do?" he mutters into the empty kitchen.
Bella wakes up, and the room is dark. She peers through her puffy eyes at the bedside clock, and it's after 7pm. Yawning, she feels her body's aches, and it aches in horrible ways. But she smiles a bit, remembering Edward. Moving slowly out of bed, she hobbles slightly. She's sore and stiff.
Edward walks around her office, just seeing how far she's gotten into redoing her home. She hasn't gotten much further. He reckons it was due to her finding out she was pregnant. He saw the nursery, which is his old room, but he didn't go in.
Bella spots him and stops in the doorway. "You're still here." She startles him, and he turns around after he jumping a bit.
"How are you feeling?" Edward walks up to her. His hand lifts, cupping the side of her face and neck with his warm palm.
"I'm okay," Bella confirms. She looks at the tattoos peeking from his shirt.
Edward pulls her head in and kisses her forehead. "Do you think you want to eat?"
"Did you cook for me?"
"Yeah," he confirms.
"You didn't have to, Edward. Please don't feel like you‒" She shakes her head, trying to get things out.
"Bella. Bella, baby, I want to." He takes her hips and steps closer, pulling her into a warm hug.
Edward holds her, making her feel better, and her arms wrap around his neck. She pushes up on her toes. "Thank you, Edward."
"I love you," he says into her shoulder. "I really love you," he whispers.
"Pancakes." Bella smiles, shaking her head as she sits.
"What else at this hour of the night?"
"I don't know." She laughs a bit as he puts two on her plate. "Thank you." She finds his eyes.
"Tell me about what's going on in that head of yours," he demands lightly. He wants to know. He knows her, so he can't be terribly mad. And this is Bella. This is his Bella. She's a thinker, a planner. Somewhat like a reserved ticking bomb.
Her legs are on his lap, and she's holding a cup of tea. "I'd been trying to get pregnant for a while, before you." She looks at him. His face is blank, and he keeps listening to her. "I had just had another failed insemination. I went out with some friends even though I never go out."
Edward remembers meeting her. He remembers needing a soft place to land at the time. It was kind of perfect now that he thinks about it.
"My two best friends have a baby, and one is pregnant. I met you and lied. Used you…"
"But you love me?" His hand runs up and down her soft calf. He watches her nod quickly.
"Can we get past this?"
"Bella, of course. I wish I would have known."
"You wouldn't have stayed," Bella reminds him.
"We'll never know," he informs her.
"No, I guess not."
"But I'm staying now, if you'll have me."
Bella smiles a watery smile. "I'm such a crybaby," she mutters, resting her cup down and moving slowly over to curl against his chest.
He smiles and just kisses her gently all over her face and neck, soothing her with his touch.
This day could have gone better, but then again, it went how it should have, considering the circumstances. He lies in bed next to Bella. His hand moves down her head, and he kisses her. She's snuggled and hugging the pillow.
Today has got him thinking about his mother, his childhood; how he didn't have anyone, not a mother or a father. He would have been devastated, knowing years later that he had a child out there, that his child experienced life and growing up even a little bit without him. He's not happy she lost the baby, but he would want to be there. He's not a dad, but Bella makes him want it. He would be a good father. He can see that in how he cares and loves Bella. He would fiercely love and protect a tiny person that's half her. He would take care of any part of Bella as best as he knows how.
Bella wakes, another nice feeling of being so well-rested. She lies in bed and hears his familiar snore. Smiling a tiny bit, she reaches out and touches his beautiful face and hair before dropping her hand.
She doesn't deserve him, his understanding, or kind soul. He's not what he seems, and he hasn't from day one. He's much better; the best man she's ever met. He's hard-working, kind, loving, forgiving. She's his mate, and they couldn't be more opposite. Even still, they work, like peanut butter and jelly.
Bella feels whole since having laid eyes on him. Shifting in the bed, she feels the pang of emptiness where their child was, but as she buries her face into his warm chest and his hand comes around her back, the whole feelings are back, as though they never left.