Disclaimer: is not owned by me. None of the characters, none of the settings. Booyah.
«Oh, Larry, look! Someone left a baby on a doorstep!» A flurry of bushy brown hair, bangles and incense rushed up the pathway to Privet Drive number 4.
«But, Abby! We're here to protest the docile life of suburbian confinement!» an explanatory whine.
«No buts, Larry, we need to notify the people that live here that the goddess has blessed them with a life to love and take care of!» She paused for a minute, bangles clanking against eachother «And I thought we were here to feel the ancient love of the druids in their places of power?» She picked up the basket and the child it contained.
«Well... that too» Larry nodded sagely.
«Now, c'mon, let's tell these people about the joy that's about to enter their lives!» Abby was just about to knock on the well kept door when she was interrupted.
«But Abby, we can't leave this poor kid to be raised in such an inhumane environment» Larry gestured towards Privet Drive in general «Look at this! The houses are all alike, the grass is cut, they have fences – fences, Abby! To control people!» Larry was just about to launch into another rant when the door of Privet Drive burst open – almost knocking Abby and the baby over.
«Wha' in the hell are you freaks doing on my doorstep?» A lard lump with a mustache stood in the doorway dressed in striped pajamas that contrasted ungainfully with the red shade of his face.
«Hi!» Abby said «I'm Abby O'neil and this is my companion in life Larry Finkelstein – we were walking by and saw you had a baby in front of your door!» She said excitedly «I don't know who could have left it there but you now have a new light in your lives!» The lard lump in the doorway snorted at Abby.
«I'm Mr. Dursley and-»
«You know, Dursley, only giving your last name is not good for getting to know one another» Larry piped up.
«I don't want to get to know you freaks!» Mr. Dursley snarled «I want you gone!» Abby recoiled a bit at the man's hostility. Larry had gotten distracted by a moth that was flying around the outdoor light in the garden.
«But, Mister Dursley, someone left this child to you! The goddess has blessed you!» Abby tried to reason with the irrate man. «Look!» She fumbled down into the basket, trying not to disturb the baby, who – despite all the racket – was still sleeping fitfully. «There's a letter – let's read it!» The big man in the doorway crossed his arms while Abby fumbled to one handedly unfold the letter while at the same time trying to keep the child in her arms from falling.
«Dear Petunia Dursley – oh look! Is that your wife? - I regret to inform you of your sisters passing. She was murdered by a madman, both her and her husband, James. I ask that you take her baby boy into your home and raise him as your own. - Albus Dumbledore» Vernon looked at the child, startled, and said to Abby:
«Stay put, freaks! I'll be right back» Right after the large man turned on a dime and sprinted away, much faster than Abby believed him capable. «Petunia» Abby could hear from within the house «Poppet, wake up!» a female grumbling interrupted the frantic shouting of Mr. Dursley and only minutes later the man showed back up – this time with a gangly horse-faced woman by his side, her pink nightgown eschew and night cap near falling off.
«Give me that letter» She said – in a shaky voice. Abby quickly handed her the letter, bangles clanking, and waited for the woman to read it through. The horse-faced woman, Petunia, clicked her tongue thoughtfully.
«Take him.» She said, with conviction. «Take the child.»
«Mrs. Dursley - this beautiful baby boy is your sisters child! The goddess would want him to be with family!» Abby said scandalized.
«Listen here, you - you unusual woman, my sister was a wi- she was unusual just like you, and we don't want that sort of abnormal under our roof!» Petunia said with crossed arms. Mr. Dursley stood behind her, menacingly. «Either you take him, we go down to the offices tomorrow and get the papers drawn up, OR we dump the little shit in an orphanage.» Her tone was shrill and unbecoming – the child stirred and Abby clutched the boy to her chest, the soft basket digging into her breasts. A determined look crossed Abby's face:
«Yeah, pumpkin?» He was still entranced by the moth.
«Dharma's getting a baby brother!»
«You're pregnant! That's great» Larry came running towards Abby while she rolled her eyes and the Drursleys retreated further into the house.
«No, Larry, we're adopting this baby boy!» She said, a patient smile widening on her face. A look of temporary understanding dawned on Larry's face.
«Oh – allright.» He said with a shrug – then he paused «Where are we?»