T-Bone and Razor Do Megakat City
By K.M. Redselig (posted elsewhere as Mikazo)
Summary: In a parallel dimension within the Swat Kats universe, in which our heroes are considerably less intelligent, the delinquent, dim-witted duo is called in to save the city from attack. A stressed-out Commander Feral will not have any of it, however.
Author's note: A short story, just for fun. Here the Swat Kats universe closely mimics another popular 90s cartoon. Hopefully you all can see where I am going with this one. Also, somebody please illustrate this. Pretty please.
Warnings: Mild language, crude humor.
Disclaimer: The Swat Kats are copyright their respective owners. This is a parody. No copyright infringement is intended. Also, the Swat Kats are not role models. They are not even real. They are cartoons.
Chance and Jake sat on the couch in their home, watching a music video with impish grins on their faces.
"Uhhh... this sucks. Huh huh..."
Jake started pumping his fists. "Change it! Change it! Heh heh."
Chance switched the channel to Kat's Eye News. A live report was being broadcast. A large dinosaur-like creature was shown smashing buildings and overturning cars. Ann Gora was on the scene.
"As you can see, a large reptilian creature is currently wreaking havoc in Megakat City. The Enforcers have been called and they are en route to deal with the problem."
Chance's eyes went wide. "Whoa... cool!"
Jake grinned. "Hey, this looks pretty good. Heh heh." The two watched the scene.
In his office at Enforcer headquarters, Commander Feral was being briefed on the situation. He was trembling and sweat was pouring down his face.
"Sir, we have a situation with a monster trying to destroy the city. What are your orders?"
"Ahhh, we need to deploy our units and take that thing out as soon as possible. And ahhh, someone should get me some more, uhhh... coffee! Ahhhh."
"We need to act quickly sir, if we don't want the Swat Kats to show up. Like you keep worrying about."
Feral slowly turned beet red and trembled more. "Ahhhhh, the Swat Kats. Uhhh, those little hoodlums. I'm gonna get those bastards too one way or the other! You uhhhh, you make sure you don't let those sons of bitches anywhere near the... disaster area!"
Chance and Jake remained mesmerized by the wanton destruction on TV.
"Uhh... hey Chance. Heh heh."
"Uhh... aren't we supposed to like... do something about this? Heh heh."
"No, dumbass, that's only when that chick calls us. Remember?"
"Uhh... oh yeah! Heh heh. Say, she's pretty cool." They stared at the screen some more.
The Enforcers set up a perimeter. They had their rifles trained on the creature. Feral poked his head up out of his tank, face still red and quivering. He spoke into the bullhorn.
"Stand back everybody. The Enforcers will handle this! Ahhh, they sure as hell better! I don't want those S... Swat Kats taking all the... credit! Enforcers... fire at will!"
The Enforcers blasted the creature with their laser cannons. The lasers did little damage to the creature's thick hide.
Feral's eyes went wide. "Ahhh... okay. Uhhh... hit it with something else! Hurry up! I don't want the... Swat Kats coming and mucking this one up!"
The alarm buzzed in Chance and Jake's garage. Chance stared at the TV some more before answering the phone.
"Uhh... hello? Huh huh."
"Swat Kats! It's Callie Briggs."
"Uhh... hey baby. Huh huh."
"There's a large dinosaur creature attacking the city. The Enforcers are trying to stop it, but they can't seem to pull this one off."
"Huh huh... pull one off..."
"Swat Kats, we're going to need your help on this one! Please hurry!"
"Uhh... okay. Huh huh. We'll be right over." Chance hung up the phone. "Come on, dude, that chick was on the phone. We've gotta go like, rescue the city."
"Again? Heh heh, this sucks. I wanna watch TV."
The Turbokat flew toward its target.
As Commander Feral caught sight of the Turbokat, his face turned purple and his eye started twitching. "Ahhh, oh no, not again! Uhhh... Enforcers, get rid of this monster quickly! So the Swat Kats don't do it!"
The Enforcers continued firing at the creature.
The Turbokat hovered above the area. The two chuckled, looking at the scene below.
"Hey Razor, check out the Enforcers. They're shooting blanks. Huh huh."
Razor looked at the large dinosaur. "So uhh, T-Bone. How do you kill this thing? Heh heh."
"Uhhh... like, shoot something at it. Huh huh."
"Uhh, heh heh. Okay. Ummm... how do you do that? Heh heh."
"Dude, just pick a weapon. Then like, pull that lever and press the button. Dumbass. Huh huh."
"Heh heh. Pull my lever! Heh heh." Razor looked at his targeting system. After selecting a deep burrowing missile, he put his finger on the screen looking at the words.
"Uhh... deep... burr- uhh... burrwing... Heh heh. Boioioing."
"Dude, you need to kill that thing. Or else like, that chick's gonna get mad. We need to save the Enforcers. Huh huh."
"Uhh, heh heh. Okay." Razor flipped the lever and pushed the button, sending the missile down toward the large creature.
The missile burrowed its way into the creature's abdomen. The creature thrashed about as the missile exploded, blasting it to pieces. Yellow goo rained down on the streets within several blocks, completely covering the Enforcers, as well as Feral. The creature's head landed on top of an Enforcer vehicle, completely smashing it.
The Swat Kats giggled and high-fived each other. "Yes!"
Feral gritted his teeth, his face a shade of dark purple. "Ahhhh, somebody's gonna have to ahhh... clean all this up!" His hands trembled as he wiped the goo off of his head. "I'm gonna get you Swat Kats, if it's the last thing I... do!"
The Swat Kats hovered in the air, surveying the aftermath.
"Heh heh... hey T-Bone. We just drained the lizard. Heh heh."
Ann Gora was on television, happily reporting the news.
"Once again, the Swat Kats have saved Megakat City. The citizens have been expressing their deep gratitude for their quick thinking and action today. Meanwhile, Mayor Manx has called the poor performance of the Enforcers into question once again and will be reviewing their annual budget appropriations..."
Chance and Jake stared at the TV screen. Jake picked his nose.
"Heh heh, hey Jake. Check that babe out. She thinks we're cool. Huh huh."
"Hey Chance, think we're ever gonna meet that other chick again that keeps calling us? Heh heh."
"Uhh like... maybe when we have to save the city again or something."
"Oh yeah, heh heh. Saving the city is cool."