So yeah...this is because I currently have writer's block in all of my other stories, and I wrote this a while ago so I thought I'd put it up. Rated T for language, because between Eren and Levi...
"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not your dumb brother! I'm not this weakling you have to protect; I'm a fucking Titan! So leave me alone or quit treating me like your brother or your son. We're not even family!"
The moment the words left Eren's mouth, he wished he could tackle them and drag them back in. Anything not to see Mikasa's reaction. Not just because it might make him feel bad enough to comply with her demands.
He knew that last sentence would have hit her hard, like a ton of granite rocks, and he didn't want to see. Turning, he avoided her expression and stiffly walked away, missing the tears well inside her coal eyes.
It shouldn't have come out that way, but he was frustrated; she needed to stop being so damn clingy! She'd wanted him to stop fighting, to give up, and he couldn't believe his ears. How could she tell him to let go of everything they had fought for, to let all of those soldiers die in vain, to forget what happened to his mom?
She'd been paranoid about Hanji's warning – that transforming caused a stronger fusion between him and his titan body. It hadn't helped that the last few times he'd sunken deeper and deeper into the neck of his titan form, and it'd been more difficult to cut him out. Not to mention the one time he'd had a titan face for a side effect. So naturally, Mikasa had gone nuts when the Corporal explained the plans for the next expedition, involving Eren's badassery. She'd gotten into an argument with all of her superior officers, and even threatened the "midget." She and Eren had started fighting, and in the end he'd taken it too far. Again.
But right now he had no time for feelings. No time for regret.
He had to titans to kill.
Mikasa closed her slightly gaping mouth, the blood draining from her face. Eren stormed off, but for one of the few times in her life, she didn't attempt to follow. Not after what he had said.
Not even family.
The words tore at her soul.
Mikasa knew he didn't feel the same way about her as she did about him. She'd known for a while now that the love she felt for him didn't parallel on a platonic or maternal level. Just the way he smiled sent jolts of electricity through her veins, made her want to hold him, touch him, even...kiss him.
But it was Eren. He saw her as this overprotective sister who loved him to death. Or so she had thought.
She bit her lip, staring at the sky to keep the tears from falling.
If she was nothing to him now, not even family—the one connection she was positive they somehow shared, even if her idea differed from his—then why on earth did he mean so much to her?
She knew it, but she tried to keep it from bubbling to the surface.
It wasn't some debt she owed him that reasoned her ineffable love; it wasn't that he'd given her a home and saved her life. It was that he was her life, every part of it. The idea of losing him made her spine crawl, made life on earth unthinkable, pointless. He was her purpose.
She knew deep down that she had to protect him because she'd never survive without him. How would she go on without him by her side?
Yes, it was selfish. But he was all she had. All she lived for.
And yet, while she'd follow him to hell and back, time and time again, would he even look back to see if she was still on his heels, to check and make sure she had tagged along as his shadow? Would he leave her behind in the dust?
Or had he done that already?
She didn't have any affirmative answers, but as time crawled on, she was beginning to question if he felt anything for her at all. She wasn't losing him to the war or to the cruelness of the world. She was losing him in an entirely, unexpected way.
No. What was he doing?
Mikasa felt like she was slapped by a sense of deja vu as Eren's Titan form paused in his rampage, eyeing her and Levi on the roof.
"Eren?" she asked, and his head whipped around, glaring at her with raging green eyes.
She swallowed. Eren was still in there, right? He hadn't become…attached?
She took a step forward, preparing to communicate with him—being one of the few who could reach him in this state—and then he roared a deafening scream.
And he attacked her.
His fist came flying through the tiles of the roof, and Levi moved with lightning speed to tackle her out of the way. But he was too late.
Brutal force collided with her left side, and she flew through the air, rubble and debris littering the sky and cutting her skin.
She rolled, biting down on her lip with the agony that ruptured through her abdomen. If she could get out of sight, Eren would get bored, and maybe he'd remember what he was doing, or at least Levi could cut him out.
But before she could consider a hiding place, another hand came soaring towards her.
She cursed and attempted to dodge, but her leg was caught and she heard the snap.
"Eren, please stop!" she begged, as a large shadow loomed over her barely-conscious figure.
Eren woke to chains and handcuffs.
Wow. Big Surprise.
Then he put the pieces together and remembered what they had been doing, his eyes shooting open.
Levi and Erwin stood before him on the other side of the room, glaring. Levi's swords were drawn, and he looked beyond pissed.
"What happened?" Eren asked slowly, fear prickling his nerves. Did the mission succeed? Did they complete the scouting voyage to the outer wall? Confusion struck his face. Why was he back at the cabin?
Levi lowered his weapons. "You're still the same idiot. I think we're safe."
Erwin nodded. "Eren, the plan failed."
They exchanged glances.
"You were doing fine. Great, actually. And then out of nowhere…you…"
Eren blanched. What? What did he do? Shit.
"You attacked Mikasa again."
He had barely gotten over the last time he struck her in his titan form. In control or not, it didn't matter. He would never, ever live that down. And here he'd done it again.
"Is she alright?" he asked, once words could form properly in his mouth. The idea of her not being okay seemed ridiculous, but he thought he better check.
They didn't answer, and a shiver ran down his spine.
They didn't answer.
"Heichou…is she okay!?"
Levi tore his gaze away, eyes dark and weary.
Eren stood. "Heichou, answer me dammit! What's wrong with her?"
"You almost killed her...She's in a coma."
Eren thought his world ended right then and there. His heart snapped. His bones turned to mush. Not only had he critically injured—practically killed—one of humanity's strongest soldiers, but he'd hurt Mikasa. Mikasa!
His throat constricted and he felt like he might black out.
It couldn't be. He wouldn't go that far, right? And Mikasa couldn't possibly be comatose. She had to be fine. Had to be!
But Levi and Erwin wouldn't lie.
Mikasa was in a coma.
And he put her there.
He had difficulty breathing for a minute, trying to process the information. His knees felt shaky, and he was barely conscious of Erwin's attempt to steady him.
How could he have gotten so out of control to hurt her like that? Why didn't someone cut him out sooner? Could he ever stop messing up with her?
Shit, breathe. Breathe, or you're going to die.
She would wake up, though. She'd be okay, and he could apologize for everything.
He reached for the wall, but it didn't offer the support he was seeking. Nothing could support him like she did.
What...what if she didn't wake up? What if she never woke up again, and it was all his fault?
What was the last thing he'd even said to her?
That's right. They'd had a fight. He'd said...he'd said they weren't family…that she should leave him alone.
His knees finally gave out.
He tried to speak but couldn't, and instead tears fell from his eyes.
Eren sat by her bedside for three days straight, sleeping little, and what sleep he did manage to obtain was filled with nightmares and guilt and a world without Mikasa.
He watched her chest rise and fall, rise and fall, with the frail beat of her heart. He scarf was gone. Missing. Eren could actually see the slim, smooth curve of her neck, and he knew she'd hate finding out she'd lost it.
Her ribs were broken, her lungs punctured, and her arm was fractured, but nothing compared to the fact that she couldn't wake up.
And he couldn't do a fucking thing to help her.
How could he save her from her own sleep? From herself? He was absolutely helpless, and his uselessness was killing him.
Armin tried to reason with him, tried to convince him it wasn't his fault, but Eren didn't respond. He refused to talk to anyone beside Hanji, and only for medical updates. So Armin brought him food and water and combed Mikasa's hair, since Eren had no clue what to do nor did he think she'd really care if she could...if she were...
He blinked back the river, and he squeezed her hand. He caressed the space below her thumb, just to let her know somehow that he was with her. The way she had for him. When he had been the one on the medical table, when he had been the one unaware. Unaware of everything.
He'd never completely understood the concept of 'not realizing what you have until it's gone', until now.
She was there for him every second of every day, granted a little too often, yet he never appreciated her like he should. He knew it, and it poisoned him. If he could just stop being an idiot repressing all his emotions, they wouldn't be here.
Mikasa meant more to him than words could describe, and that was probably the issue. Every time he tried to convey to her how he felt, she thought something was wrong, or asked him if he had eaten anything, and it pissed him off that she saw him as a stupid brother than what he really wanted her to see him as.
What that was, he didn't really know.
To him, Mikasa was home. She was a constant in his life, no matter what. Unwavering. Tangible.
And even though his feelings for her were cloudy, he knew a life without her meant no life at all.
Mikasa's eyes fluttered open, and Eren jolted awake at the movements, realizing she too was waking up.
He beamed so wide he might have torn his cheeks right open.
"Mikasa! YOU'RE AWAKE!"
He lunged to hug her when her eyes met his, and he halted.
"Mikasa…" he reached out to touch her arm, to assure her that it was all okay, but she flinched and wrenched her arm away.
"I…What…" She looked around frantically, twisting in the sheets, wincing at the pain. Then she glanced back at him with more fear than he had ever seen her display.
"What's wrong, Mikasa? It's me-"
A kind of realization struck her face, and then it morphed into alarm. "Get AWAY from me!" she shrieked, and he stumbled backwards from her reaction. She moved with difficulty to get as far away as possible on the mattress, staring at him with horror.
Eren felt his insides give way. Did she really think he was a monster? He'd expected her to act a little tense, but not this. She was the only one who didn't see him as some kind of killing machine. She was the only one who didn't avoid looking at his scarred hand. She was the only one who didn't treat him any differently. And he relied on that trust.
What was happening?
Levi and Hanji ran up to the door, their cheery faces (well, not Levi in particular) morphing into concern.
Mikasa started to hyperventilate.
Eren grabbed the scientist's arm, grip tight and desperate. "Hanji what's the matter with her?"
"I'm not sure….Mikasa, it's okay dear. You're safe here. It's-"
"Where is here?!" the soldier clenched the sheets in her hands, knuckles white and lip trembling.
Levi's eyes widened at the shrill of her voice. Stoic, level-headed Mikasa had disappeared. "Ackerman, we brought you back to headquarters…the cabin..."
"Headquarters?" she touched her head, blinking hard against the tears in her eyes.
Eren still felt like his heart had been ripped to shreds from her reaction. What the fuck was happening? "Does she have a concussion or something?"
Hanji sat next to the bed, observing Mikasa from a distance. "She may just be disorientated after the coma…I wouldn't be surprised considering..."
Levi stared at the shaking girl then directed his voice at Hanji. "Does this have something to do with Eren?"
The woman's glasses flickered. "You mean like some kind of post traumatic response?"
Mikasa lowered the sheets, trying to steady her breathing.
Dun. DUN. DUUUNNNNNN.
So I have a little more written, if you guys are into this story I'll add to it. Reviews are greatly appreciated!
BTW, there's probably a few mistakes here and there. I didn't even realize I had this story still and didn't really proof read.