The Talk

"Noire is what, almost ten now?"

"She'll be ten in a month, Robin."

Grima had been destroyed almost ten years ago. Though Robin still played the role of advisor to Chrom, the king preferred to keep him out of military duties, saying that he had done more than enough. Tharja was grateful, for that meant she had more time to have him all to herself.

"I think Noire likes you just a bit more than me."

"It's the dark magic. It resonates stronger in her than Morgan right now."

"So in a sense, you can better communicate with her because of the resonance?"

"It usually appears when we practice. Sometimes it can extend to other areas." She shifted around his arm. "Morgan will be the same as well, but even with the coming resonance I doubt it can pull her away from you. She's an absolute daddy's girl."

He gave a short chuckle before giving her a gentle glance. "I wonder where she got that from, my dear shadow."

She took his teasing in stride, a thin but warm smile spreading on her face. It was her tenacious nature that he eventually gave into, after all.

And then he dropped the ball on her.

"You know, you should talk to Noire about sex."

Her grip on his arm tightened, but her body pulled back. "What?"

"I started to notice that she's hanging around Gerome a bit more than she used to. Knowing his father, he probably taught him how it all works by now."

"Are you afraid of him touching our girl? I can hex him if you want." Please, anything to get out of this embarrassing task!

"We've been over this before, Tharja," he says in a calm, almost playful voice. "No cursing friends or allies."

Quick, try and turn it around! "... Why me? Isn't it normally the father's duty to protect his daughter's virtue?"

"Well, you said it yourself." Damn that soft, reassuring, chuckling silver tongue of his! "You communicate with Noire better than I do. You would do a better job than me."

He set her up! If it wasn't Robin, any other man would be dead, riddled with so many hexes that he would be-

Before she could make another retort, she felt his arms circling around her and holding her close. A gentle pair of lips touched upon her head and the conversation was over. She liked being held like this too much to try and fight it, even if he did thrust this mortifying job into her hands.

"Take your time to plan, Tharja. It doesn't have to be tomorrow, but we ought to have it in our agenda soon. And try not to get too carried away. Olivia couldn't look at us straight for the longest time after you cast that twins-ing hex on Lon'qu and told them what to do with it."

"Heh, or walk straight for a couple of days. Not my fault they went ahead with my advice."

She could tell Robin thought about adding something, but he kept silent and took away all material for her to argue her way out, simply content in holding her. With sleep plucking away at her eyelids, it looked like she had no choice but to handle the task he had given her.


"Noire, you've probably noticed already, but your body has been growing. That's because it's preparing to accommodate child birth."

"... Are we talking about where babies come from, mommy?"

"... Yes. So when a man and a woman are in love and have sex, it is usually to conceive a child or for pleasure."

"Have six what, mommy?"

"... Sex, Noire. It's sex."

"What's sex?"

"It's usually considered sex when an aroused man inserts his erect penis into a woman's vagina. After enough-"

"Is that what you and daddy did to make me and Morgan?"

"Yes. Daddy and I had sex to make you and Morgan."

"So you didn't just hex us into existence? Like Uncle Henry always said?"

"Noire, you can't hex a human to life out of nothing. That would break one of the fundamental laws of magic itself. You should know that by now."

"Well, aren't you the most powerful dark mage in Ylisse?"

"Yes, but I'm not a god, Noire."

"... Is sex painful?"

"Only in the beginning. Your hymen is usually torn on the first time and your body is still getting used to the feeling the next few times. Even then though, you tend to forget it and it becomes enjoyable. There is also the emotional element, so that helps with ignoring the pain. But when it stops being painful, heh... well... I'll let you deal with that when you get there."

"Hmm..."

"As I was saying, after enough stimulation, the man will orgasm and-"

"Is this why you and daddy sometimes run into your room and then lock the door and not come out for a while?"

"... Sometimes. Anyway, the man eventually orgasms and ejaculates a white fluid called semen, usually into the vagina. There, fertiliz-"

"Why only usually? I mean, can daddy uh... orgasm and ejaculate the semen anywhere?"

"... That... depends. And stop interrupting me. Raise your hand like in school."

"..."

"... Yes, Noire?"

"Can you orgasm and ejaculate semen too?"

"A woman can orgasm, but ejaculating semen is something usually men do. A liquid may come out during a woman's orgasm, but it is not the same as semen... Yes, Noire?"

"Can you use a hex to do it, though?"

"... We can cover that another day. Returning to the concept of fertilization, after enough stimulation the man orgasms and ejaculates inside. There, fertilization occurs and a baby is conceived."

"..."

"If you're going to have this many questions, just ask. You look foolish raising your hand like that when there is no one else around. But don't interrupt me."

"Okay... did daddy have to do all the work when you had sex and made me?"

"Heh heh, no. It takes nine months for the baby to grow before delivery. I did a lot of the work by letting you and Morgan grow in me. Daddy helped by making sure my needs were taken care of so as to make carrying you around easier."

"… Is there more than one way of having sex?"

"That's something you'll have to discuss with the one you love."

"Does this have any uses for dark magic?"

"... I'll go into that when you're married."

"... And how do you know when you're in love?"

It was going to be a long day.


"How did the talk go?" He softly squeezed her rear while his other hand trailed through her dark hair.

"There were a lot more questions than I wanted to hear." She spoke into his chest, her head lying on its side. "And it made me horny."

He gave a short laugh. "I could tell. You have a habit of frowning while staring right through me when you are. Not to mention you tend to drag me away and hex our clothes off." He put a soft kiss on her forehead. "I'm surprised though, no twins-ing hex today?"

"I told you, I was horny. I mean, 'yaaaaay penises' and everything, but I didn't want to bother. The hex takes time." She gave a small sigh. "What of Morgan? Are you going to make me give her the talk too?"

"Don't worry about Morgan, Tharja," he drew a hand through her hair, "I'll be the one to explain it to her. I like to think I gave you the easy part by talking to Noire. Morgan is much more inquisitive than her and will probably ask me a whole lot of personal questions in addition to everything else."

He let it trail its way down her back before resting possessively on her other hip. He whispered in her ear before nipping at it in the way that sent soft chills down her spine each time. "I'm a bit nervous that I'll forget something though. Perhaps we should have an in-depth lesson about how it works. I don't recall ever being taught the subject, after all."

"Never read about it in a book?" She dripped with sarcasm, giving him only token resistance. She had been sparsely kissing away at his neckline after their first bout and certainly didn't mind another, especially if he was offering.

"A hands-on demonstration is far better at keeping my... attention," he gave her hips a soft squeeze, grinding himself against her to emphasize his point, "and I need all the help I can get."

He didn't have to suggest the idea a third time.

"Heh heh…" she pushed herself up from his neck to his lips. "Only if you talk dirty to me. I don't want to hear the word ejaculate ever again."


A/N: I am the destroyer of all good things. Also, traumatizing memories from sixth grade science class abound!

I had a lot of fun with her dialogue, particularly finding a place to put in the whole 'yaaaaay danger' quote. Of course, danger is replaced accordingly.

You are now also thinking sexy thoughts of Olivia pleasurably stuck between two Lon'qus. I thought about having it cast on Olivia instead of Lon'qu under the guise of fixing his gynophobia for a little bit. But at the time all I could think about was how to get Olivia feeling uncomfortable around Tharja and it didn't seem to work as well. All ideas seemed to lean towards somehow having Olivia go bisexual on herself or be extremely territorial over her husband and give herself a black eye. While either of them could have worked, an aroused, shy, yet curious Olivia acting on Tharja's suggestion was just more believable while also sounding funny to write.

I also wondered about having Cherche get hexed by Tharja, but I feel like Olivia is funnier to imagine with her character and so I stuck with her. I would imagine Cherche being perfectly fine with the hex, maybe even asking for it, and embarrassing Lon'qu to hell and back.

I appreciate all comments and criticisms.

I do not own Fire Emblem.

I would also like to thank Dane Namor and MooseXVI with their input on this chapter, particularly on the dialogue. It probably would not be as good without their input.