Sarah Walker stirred under the covers. Her eyes were still shut but she had just woken up from an uncharacteristically deep sleep. Her head was pounding and she groaned as she ran her fingers through her currently messy blonde hair. Last night was a blur and she struggled to recall what had exactly transpired prior to her falling asleep. She was with Chuck as usual, his life was in danger as usual and it was up to her to protect him...as usual. General Beckman had assigned her and Casey to initiate 24 hour surveillance on the asset to ensure the intersect didn't fall into Fulcrum hands. That meant her and Chuck's cover relationship was moving to the next level and they were moving in together.
Sarah often found herself wishing that their relationship was more than just that. A fake. A fabrication created by the CIA to protect the most valuable intelligence asset in the world. But everything in Sarah's life was fake, her father, her job, even her name. Meeting Chuck Bartowski had awoken a desire in her for something real that prior to her first visit to Burbank California had never even crossed her mind.
Just when she was about to open her eyes she felt a pair of arms enveloped her under the sheets and pulled her body close to theirs. Chuck was probably still asleep and didn't have any idea he was doing it. Sarah kept her eyes shut, desperate to preserve this moment if only for a short while. Then suddenly she felt soft lips press against her own. She kept her eyes shut, was she still dreaming? No this was very real. She could feel Chuck's tongue slip inside her mouth and his hands moved to cup her breasts. That gave her pause, it didn't seem like a very Bartowski move but she pushed her doubts aside and kissed him back. His hands squeezed and she moaned into the kiss before wrapping one leg around him. Suddenly he rolled over on top of her and began kissing her more intensely. Sarah had never been kissed like this by anyone before. It was simply breathtaking. She brought her hands to his face and began to run her fingers through his dark hair.
That's when she first started to suspect something was amiss. His hair was...long? Soft too. She ran her fingers along it's length and it must have gone down past his shoulders. Maybe this was a dream after all. Still she couldn't bring herself to open her eyes. But she moved her hands to his chest to push Chuck off of her so she could catch her breath. That's when her hands landed on something even stranger...a pair of breasts.
Sarah's eyes shot open and she shoved a slender woman off of her and the CIA agent stumbled back in shock falling out of the bed and landing on her back. A woman! She had been kissing a woman? Sarah scrambled up to her feet and got a good look at this woman. This very naked woman. Her body was covered in tattoos and scars but her face was remarkably beautiful. Her lips were full, the lips she had just made out with!And her brown hair did indeed go down past her shoulders. "What the fuck, Cheerleader?" The tattooed woman said while rubbing her eyes.
"Cheerleader? What is this? Who are you? Why were we in bed together? Where's Chuck?!" She gushed. Questions filling her head faster than she could ask them. Then a chill hit her and Sarah looked down. Her eyes widened. "Why am I naked?!"
"Uh cause we fucked last night?" The other woman replied as if Sarah should have already known that. "And what the hell did you do to your hair? And why are you talking like that?"
"We what?!" Sarah screamed.
"Fucked. Had sex? Shit, why am I explaining this to you? What's up with you?"
Sarah reached for her gun for where she stashed it in the bedside dresser the night before. She wrapped her hands around something and pulled it out of the drawer before aiming it at the woman. "Who are you? Are you with Fulcrum? Where the Hell is Chuck? You better start answering me or so help me..." then she noticed the woman was laughing. It was then she realized what she had in her hands was not a gun but rather what appeared to be a...strap-on. Sarah yelped and tossed the sex toy across the room.
"Is this some kind of role playing crap? Alright, I'll be Shepard who do you wanna be?"
Sarah's heart began to race. She had no idea what was going on. But Chuck was gone and she had somehow managed to end up naked in bed with another woman. Another woman who she had just kissed. "One way or the other you will tell me where you took him. So you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?"
The tattooed woman grinned. "What's the hard way? Sounds pretty fucking sexy to me."
"The hard way is I beat it out of you!"
The other woman frowned. "Well that's not sexy. Okay, what the hell is going on?"
Sarah's hostility wavered some when she saw the other woman seemed just as confused. "You tell me. Who are you?"
"Jack. You know...your girlfriend."
"Girlfriend? I'm not gay!" Sarah protested.
Jack laughed. "Well you sure as shit fooled me, Miranda."
"Miranda? Who's she? That's who you think I am?"
Concern came to Jack's face. "Babe, are you alright? How did you dye your hair so quickly? And what happened to your accent?"
"I didn't do anything to my hair or my voice! Just, tell me where Chuck is?"
"Who the fuck is Chuck?"
Sarah knew when someone was lying to her. Years of CIA training had bestowed that skill upon her long ago. And this Jack woman seemed to really not have any idea who Chuck was. "Alright, just...just tell me where I am." Sarah said.
"Vancouver." Jack answered. "Did you hit your head, Cheerleader? We should take you to the doctor or something."
"I did not! I'm not this Miranda woman. My name is Sarah Walker." Well as of now her name was Sarah Walker she thought. "I am a government agent."
Jack nodded. "Well, we're both in the Alliance but I don't know who the hell Sarah Walker is or why you think that's who you are."
Sarah looked down again and cupped her hands over her nipples and pressed her thighs together. "Where are my clothes?"
The tattooed woman leapt out of bed and padded over to the closet. She fished out a skin tight white catsuit and threw it at Sarah. Agent Walker held up the outfit in front of her. "What is this? Who would wear something like this?"
That made Jack chuckle. "That's what i've been telling you." Sarah sighed and changed into the suit and found that it fit her almost exactly. "Damn, I won't lie the blonde hair is doing it for me. You look hot as hell."
Sarah just glared at Jack and sat down on the bed. That's when she looked to her feet and realized she still wore her socks and that her smartphone was still tucked away inside them from where she had apparently forgotten to remove it before bed. Why her socks and phone appeared to be the only thing that came with her to this strange scenario she didn't know but she removed her phone from her sock and went to dial Chuck or Casey or Langley. Anyone who could make sense of this.
Jack laughed. "What the hell are you doing with a relic like that?"
"My phone?" Sarah said.
"Is that what that thing does?" Jack asked and crossed her arms.
"No service. Dammit." Sarah cursed.
"Okay, let's play along with your little game for a minute. If you're," Jack brought up air quotes. "Sarah Walker. Then where the hell is Miranda?"
Miranda Lawson stirred in her sleep until she found herself half awake. Sun light poured in from the windows and shined on her eyes so Miranda buried her face in her pillow. Her head was pounding, she'd never had a headache so bad before in her entire life. Had she and Jack got drunk last night? She had no memory of it. Perhaps they got very drunk she thought. Without pulling the pillow from her face she ran her hands along her body under the covers. No, she still wore an undershirt and a pair of panties, had she and Jack gotten drunk those would certainly be missing.
She felt Jack stir on the other side of the bad. "Jack, what time is it?" she groaned but Jack didn't answer. Miranda sighed and removed the pillow from her face. That's when she got a good look at the room she was in and shot up immediately. The whole bedroom was covered in obnoxious posters and toys and technology that hadn't been used in over a century. A old computer sat to her right and then her eyes settled on a large blue colored poster with a pair of figures standing in what looked to be some kind of digitized world. "Tron?" She read off the poster. "What the bloody hell is Tron?"
Then she jumped when she heard someone yawn behind her. "Morning, Sarah." a male voice said.
"What the hell?!" Lawson screamed and jumped out of bed instantly accompanied by an equally alarmed man with dark curly hair.
"What?! What happened?" The man cried in a fearful voice.
"Who the hell are you?!" Miranda demanded to know.
"Uh...Sarah? Is this some kind of test?"
"Tell me who you are now!" Lawson screamed.
"Chuck Bartowski!" Chuck cried out like a scared child. "Or um...should I have said Charles Carmichael? I'm confused."
Miranda looked around at the room again. "Alright Chuck, What is this? Where am I?"
Chuck narrowed his eyes. "Burbank..."
"Burbank? I've never heard of that planet. What system is that in?"
"Um...the solar system?"
"Where's Jack?!" Miranda flared her biotics and Chuck covered his face with one hand and cupped the other over his groin after raising one leg. That made Miranda's rage waver. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"What am I doing? What are you doing?"
"No what the hell is that?"
"What's the Morgan?" Miranda asked.
Chuck dropped out of the position and got a good look at the woman. "What did you do to your hair, Sarah? And why are you talking like that? Is this for a mission? Because I didn't get the memo. And what was that thing you were just doing with the glowy hands?"
Miranda narrowed her eyes and spotted a small white box resting next to the vidscreen at the foot of this Chuck man's bed. She picked it up with her biotics and threw it against the wall causing it to shatter on impact.
"Holy crap!" Chuck cried. "You know the force?!" He said sounding like an excited little boy on christmas morning. "And you just used it to destroy my Xbox..." He added sounding less excited than he did a moment prior. "The CIA better expense that."
"CIA? Wait, what's the date?"
"February 23..." Chuck answered.
"The year you idiot!"
"Is this some sort of joke? Or am I dreaming?" Miranda asked as she brought her hands up in front of her face.
Chuck rounded the bed and stopped in front of her. "Sarah, I'm freaking out. You have officially stopped making sense."
Miranda kicked her knee up into Chuck's groin and the man toppled over with a painful groan. "Not a dream then." Miranda commented. "Where's Jack?"
Chuck rolled over on the ground. "Jack? Jack who?"
"My fiancee! Where is she?"
"She?" Chuck said as he got back to his feet. "I'm starting to think you're really not Sarah. Who are you exactly?"
"Well uh, Miranda, you mind explaining what exactly is going on?"
"Does it sound like I know?"
"Do you mind giving me a minute? I need to make a call. "
Miranda just nodded. Chuck stepped outside of his room and into the hallway. Devon and Ellie were already eating breakfast so he made note to keep his voice down when he spoke with Casey. The phone rang until a stern voice answered. "Casey." John said.
"Yeah I was wondering if you had any idea why Sarah's lesbian super-powered identical twin is in my house."
Casey grunted. "What the hell are you flapping your gums about, Bartowski?"
"I don't know, Casey. But Sarah is gone and she's been replaced by very mean Australian version of herself."
"I don't have time for your nerd crap, moron. I'm busy."
"I'm not kidding. She's in my house right now."
"Fine. Then bring her to the buy more."
"The Buy More? Why not Castle?"
"If she's not Agent Walker. She's not stepping foot in Castle until I know who she is."
"Alright. We'll be there soon." Chuck hung up and went back inside his bedroom to find Miranda with his Han Solo action figure in her hands.
"You play with toys? What are you four years old?" Miranda asked.
"That's actually a collectible."
Lawson rolled her eyes and set Han back down. "I'm still waiting for you to tell me what the hell is going on."
"I'll tell you when I figure that out. Right now we need to get to the Buy More. That's where I work. I have a friend who might be able to figure this out."
Miranda placed one hand on her hip. "Alright. But I'll warn you now, Chuck. I am a dangerous enemy to have. So don't even think of trying something."
"Oh my sister and her fiancee are in the next room. So until we figure things out your name is Sarah Walker."
"Fine." Miranda said.
"And that accent needs to go. Sarah's isn't Australian."
"Well I am."
"Just do something about it. Okay let's go."
Miranda followed Chuck out into the living room and Lawson instantly spotted an attractive couple in matching doctor scrubs sitting at the kitchen table.
The male doctor grinned. "Alright, Chuck and Sarah! Finally moving in together. That's awesome!"
The woman narrowed her eyes. "Sarah, did you do something with your hair?"
"Uh..." Miranda searched for a way to disguise her voice. "Yes I did." she said in a ridiculously phony southern accent that made everyone else's eyes widen.
Chuck leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Sarah also isn't a pig farmer."
"Whoa, you feeling alright, Sarah?"
Chuck jumped in. "She's fine, Devon. Just a little under the weather. We really should get going to work." he said as he pushed Miranda towards the front door and Miranda quickly stepped outside into the hot California afternoon. Chuck turned back to his sister. "Ellie, I might be home late."
"Alright. Are you sure Sarah is okay? What's wrong with her?" Ellie asked.
"Spastic Colon." Chuck answered.
"Oh. Gross." Ellie answered.
"Yep. Gotta run!" Chuck said before stepping outside to join Miranda.
Devon looked acorss the table to his fiancee. "Babe, your brother is really weird."
Ellie sighed. "I know."
Notes- Okay so I wrote the majority of this a while ago just for fun. I figured I may as well release it for April Fools day. I don't know If I'll ever finish it mainly because I don't know how many of my followers are Chuck fans. However I hope you found some enjoyment from this :)
Happy April Fools day! (Do people say that?)