So let your heart, Sweetheart, be your compass when you're lost and you should follow it where ever it may go. When it's all said and done you can walk instead of run, cause no matter what you'll never be alone. Never be alone. - Compass, Lady Antebellum
The dream always started the same... cold... dark... eerily quiet... It had the air of a nightmare at first, but only for a second. As soon as she heard her name, spoken in that soft, deep voice reserved only for her, everything changed.
A feeling of warmth spread through her body, from her head down and her toes up, culminating in her chest. A light started to glow from somewhere in the distance, growing brighter, allowing her to see his face first, then the rest of him, and finally their surroundings.
This is where the dream veered off on its own path, changing, twisting and turning into something new and different. Sometimes it was a flashback of a moment they had already shared. Other times it was a moment she wished they could share. Sometimes it was in the current state of the world but, once in a while, it took place in earlier times. Times before they had even met, yet they still knew each other, just like they do now.
That night in particular, curled up in a tiny tent beside Tyreese, with baby Judith snuggled between them, she dreamed about a night back at the prison. A night that had never happened. A night she would have given anything to be a real memory. A night of delicious passion. A night of admissions, I love yous and honesty. A perfect night.
The dreams almost always ended with mind blowing, satisfying sex. There was nothing she could do to alter that, not even if she wanted to. It had been a long time since she had been with a man - even longer since she had been with a man she loved. It wasn't surprising her dreams included love making, though if he knew all her dreams were about him he would certainly be surprised. Not surprised in the sense that she had feelings for him. As dense as he was, there was no way he couldn't know she loved him. But surprised in that shy and insecure way. Surprised that he could be that important to anyone.
This dream was satisfying, in every way. He admitted his feelings. He said he loved her. And he showed her just how much. His hands roamed every inch of her. His lips covered her skin with kisses. After he found her lips he left her panting, gasping for air, and craving more.
Though him touching her was incredible, what was even more special was when he allowed her to touch him. Touch was not easy for him. He had scars. The emotional ones were far deeper than the raised marks on his back. But she had so many of her own. They were different but they came from the same place of pure evil.
Her hands grazed his skin, lightly, goosebumps rising in her wake. They were both naked and she watched him grow in response to her touch, though she hadn't touched him there yet. When she finally did he groaned.
Her heart was pounding when she woke from the dream. She had just cried out in pleasure, reaching her peak, clutching his body as her world spun out of control. She looked around, hoping she hadn't screamed out loud. Tyreese and Judith were both fast asleep and she sighed in relief. There was no mistaking cries of ecstasy for anything but. Tyreese would have known exactly what she was dreaming about. But would he have guessed the who?
They had talked about who they though might be waiting at Terminus. Tyreese told her he saw him and Beth running from the prison after the attack. They were the only ones Ty had spotted when he took off with the kids. She must have just missed him when she showed up in the aftermath and followed Tyreese, Lizzie and Mika.
When they had that conversation she broke down a bit. It wasn't like Tyreese didn't already know they had a deep friendship, that was quite obvious. But she wasn't sure if anyone really knew how she felt about him. He had her heart. Plain and simple. And she truly believed she would know if he was dead. He was alive. She had lost too much in this world to lose him too.
She had trouble saying his name without losing control of her emotions so she avoided talking about him for the most part. The dreams came though, every time she closed her eyes. They were bittersweet. It was beautiful to be able to share a moment or a memory with him but the ache it left in her heart when she woke was unbearable at times. She took a deep breath and wiped away a tear. She wouldn't trade the dreams for anything, she clung to them as if they were the last shred of him she had left.
Judith squirmed beside her and she rubbed her tiny back, soothing her to sleep again. The distraction was just what she needed though. She stared at the baby for a minute and realized how special Judith was. Lori had given her life to bring this baby into the world. She was a little ray of sunshine in a time of darkness. If they never found Judith's family or learned that Rick was dead, she would gladly raise her. But all she wanted was to put Judith into her dad's arms and give Rick the moment with his daughter that she had never got with Sophia.
She suddenly realized she wasn't the only one staring at the baby. When she lifted her eyes Tyreese looked up too and smiled at her. Her heart squeezed and did something she hadn't felt in quite some time, except in her dreams, it fluttered.
She looked away immediately. After everything they had been through together with Lizzie and Mika, and so many days alone, with no one to talk to but a baby and each other, they had become close. But the last few days something had changed. Ty looked at her differently.
The flutter was quickly replaced with a pang of guilt so sharp it felt like someone stabbed her in the stomach. Tyreese should not be making her heart flutter. That flutter was reserved for him. Only him.
It was in that moment that she realized she needed to find him sooner, rather than later. She needed to see him alive. To see his face, his smile, and the way his eyes always sought out hers in a crowd.
Carol had to find him. She had to find Daryl before it was too late. Before her heart did something stupid. She snuck one more look at Tyreese and this time there was no flutter. She returned his smile weakly and laid down to sleep, praying for one more dream to take her back to Daryl before the sun rose and he was gone again.