JKR owns everything, I'm just playing in her sandbox.
Found this sitting on my hard drive after some cleaning.
This little idea came from some ideas being tossed around on a community I belong to and I can't remember which one now. I may have mentioned that Dumbledore was a goatfucking manipulator and the response back at me simply said, "I thought that Abeforth was the goatfucker and that Albus was the manipulator. Well ...
Caught in the Pasture
"Guess what I came across today, while going through the ministry archives," said Hermione as she nudged her husband, Harry Potter, who was busily working on a report for the DMLE.
"Dunno," came the reply.
"Well, I found a complete history of the Dumbledore family."
Harry's head came up at the announcement and his piercing green eyes looked straight into his wife's.
"What did you find?"
"A warning against Abeforth for underage magic use."
"Really!," said Harry as a maniacal grin spread across his face.
"What devious prank have you came up with now," commented Hermione. "I can see it from the expression on your face."
"Who? me?" drawled Harry.
"Yes, you, my loving, gorgeous, sexy hunk," replied Hermione as she slid off of the sofa and slinked her way over to sit in her husbands lap.
"Minx," retorted Harry as his hands slipped beneath her clothing and drew her in for an intense kiss. "I think any further discussion can wait till tomorrow though, don't you think."
"A novel idea, husband of mine. Now, what do you have in mind to turn my mind away from the prank that you are so obviously creating."
"Well," said Harry as he slipped his hand beneath her skirt and began to trail his fingers up her thigh towards the pair of emerald green panties she was wearing that day. "How about ...," he finished while waggling his eyes at her.
"Absolutely," purred Hermione in response.
Harry pushed open the door of the Hogshead and made his way towards the bar.
"I'm not open for another hour," came a voice from somewhere in back.
"Don't care. I want some Fire Whiskey," Harry shouted back.
"Can't help you. Can't have my licence pulled for breaking the law."
"Abeforth Dumbledore, get your lazy arse out here. We've got some celebratin' to do!" shouted Harry.
"Awright, awright. I'm comin'."
Finally, the white-bearded visage of Abeforth Dumbledore made his way out of his magically expanded apartment hidden within the confines of his storeroom and into his customary place behind the Hogshead bar.
"Oh, Mr Potter," shock evident in his voice. "What are we celebrating?"
"I'm gonna be a daddy, now, quick, come celebrate with me. You're the first person that I have told since we found out."
"OK then, whaddya want to drink?"
"Brought my own, just get out here and bring a couple of glasses with ya."
"Abeforth grabbed a couple of tumblers from the bar, quickly washed them up and came out to the table where Harry was sitting and plopped down in the seat across from where he was sitting. Harry immediately pulled out his own bottle of Fire Whiskey, Ogden's Finest, and poured a shot into both. Placing the bottle back on the table, he grabbed his mug and looked the old man in the face before crying out, "To new life," and then slammed the shot back.
Seconds later, he tilted his head back and belched a three foot flame from his mouth.
"Impressive," replied the old bar man before imitating the younger person by slamming his own drink back. Then he proceeded to belch out a flame that was twice the size. They repeated this process for the next half an hour, until Abeforth Dumbledore was slightly tipsy. In other words, his head was barely being held up with both of his hands while his elbows rested on top of the table to complete the picture of a person that was completely annihilated.
"What can you tell me about the charge of underage magic use when you were growing up?" asked Harry, nonchalantley as his magic had already burned through any lasting effects of the Fire Whiskey.
"Huh? Wha? Oh, that. Its kinda funny actually," said the old man as he tried hard not to slur his words. "My brudder, Albus, 'member him doncha? Anyway, he had this ting fer the goats out at our grandparents place. I snuck out one night and followed him. I think I was around twelve or thirteen at the time. Anyway, my brudder, he was standing' up behind one of my grampy's goats rocking' his hips back and forth. Me eyes nearly bugged out of my head at what I was seeing and I nearly gave my presence away by laughing out loud.
What was even funnier was the sounds that goat was makin'. I swear that it was saying 'Oh yeah, right there baby' and I just knew that I had to make that goat speak English so that I could prank my brudder at a later date. I got meslef a camera, studied tha particlar spells, cast them proper like and then that damn notice came from the ministry. My brudder musta overheard the talking to that mum gave me because I was never able to catch him at it again. But I do have a couple of good memories about it, 'cause the goat was able to talk and all and told me ever'tin'."
By this time, Harry's jaw was nearly hitting the table, it had fallen open that far and the last bit about the pensive memories being offered sent him over the edge. He toppled over onto the floor and started laughing uproariously. Amidst the gails of laughter, he managed one final question, "Does anyone else know about this?"
"Only one, Alastor 'Mad Eye' Moody."
"So, 'Mad Eye' was tellin' the truth," cried Harry as he resumed his bouts of laughter as he rolled on the dingy floor of the pub.
"'Mione," said Harry as he came through the door, "You were brilliant. The veritaserum in the Fire Whiskey worked like a charm. Do you want to watch the pensive memories with me?"
"Sure, why not," replied Hermione as she strode into the living room, a towel wrapped around her freshly shampooed hair, her perky breasts capturing Harry's attention as they were barely concealed by the white tank top that she was wearing. Several drops of water had fallen onto the garment, highlighting her left nipple as it pressed against the damp fabric.
Ten minutes later ...
"'Mione. never say 'You're my hero' ever again, OK? I don't think that I'll ever manage to get that image out of my mind."
"Can you believe that. Albus became a goat animagus so that his brother wouldn't be able to catch his indiscretions on film," said Hermione, failing to see her husband convulsing from the obvious graphic nature of the memories that they just viewed.
"I'm grabbing my camera. I'm sure that my press agent would like a few photos of the manipulative old bastards love life," siad Harry as he left the room in search of his camera. "When I'm done," he shouted from somewhere else in the house, "You can help bleeeaaat the memories out of me, OK?"
"You're so ba-aaa-aad!" replied Hermione as she sauntered off to join her husband and finish off what they had started earlier, intent on making the pregnancy a reality.