Where else would we be
AN – This follows 2x18 Deathstroke which aired in the US on 4/2/14. SPOILER ALERT! This focuses on the final scene between the original Team Arrow members – Oliver's POV!
DISCLAIMER – No ownership claim to place…I'm just playing w/o profit! :)
An image of Thea stays in my mind and I see her tear streaked face and the defeated slump of her shoulders. I feel her disappointment and hurt as a physical burden I must carry now. I also hear my mom's words of defense and feel our joined hands as I offered her comfort. Thea accused me of being just like her and I know she's right. I made similar choices to those I damned my mom for making and Thea paid the price. I betrayed Thea's trust and broke her heart – much more so than Roy did.
An image of Roy stays in my mind as well. I can see the anger, hurt, and fear in Roy's eyes after he released Diggle. His words of blame as he walked out of the lair, walked off the Team still echo in my mind. Despite his strength Roy had reached the end of his endurance and simply couldn't take anymore. I don't even know where he is or if he will return. I also don't know if my choices, my demands pushed him into madness as surely as my choices pushed Slade.
An image of Slade stays in my mind too as the past and present blend. I still see the anger and madness in Slade's eyes not just in my memories from the Island but also here and now. I thought there was a moment when he sat handcuffed at the police station that he heard my words, that my brother was still there but then we were interrupted. Was he about to break then? Is there a way to reach him? His threat, his promise joins the litany of accusations replaying in my mind and adds to the burdens I am carrying.
Thea is right. Roy is right. Slade is right. They all trusted me and I failed them all. I am my own worst enemy.
I pause for a moment suddenly too tired to carry on. I just close my eyes and stand – lost. I hear the cries of each of those I've betrayed, I feel their tears as if they were my own, I understand their misery as it is my own. For a moment the burdens are simply too much and I cannot move, cannot breathe.
I force air back into my lungs as I still stand with my eyes closed. I do not deserve such an easy out – I deserve the misery Slade promised I would feel. I know that despite this misery, despite my guilt that I need to move forward. I need to try and right my wrongs so I force my eyes open even though I have no idea where to go, what to do.
The familiar lair door is just in front of me and I stare at it with some surprise as I don't remember choosing to come here when I left the police station. Then again, where else would I be? The lair more than anywhere is my home, my sanctuary so I push my way inside.
As I come down the stairs I see them – John Diggle and Felicity Smoak. Their worry and concern are evident and they look just as tired as I feel. I know I shouldn't be surprised to see them but I am. I can't stop myself from asking why they are here even though a part of me dreads what their reason may be.
"Where else would we be?" It was Diggle who asked that question in response but he was clearly speaking for them both, just as Felicity spoke for them when she said she knew I would come here.
Again, I am surprised even though I shouldn't be. They are much better than I am – they always have been. Is now when I will push them too far? Will they walk away as Thea did? As Roy did?
I blurt out my thoughts without censure, confessing my mistakes – I tell them why I am my own worst enemy. I am surprised by their unwavering support once again. I know I have done nothing to deserve these two people in my life, nothing to warrant their friendship or their partnership but they prove yet again that they are here for me anyway. I remember telling Roy that a lot of people know my secret but these are the only two that matter and that remains true.
Their strength, their belief replaces my doubt and erases my weariness. "We fight."
With my words I know I am committing not just to the battle, not just to righting the wrongs I have done but I am also committing to these two people. I welcome and depend upon them to help me move forward but I won't, I can't allow them to pay for my mistakes. I will stand by them as they are standing by me, as they have always stood by me.
I do not know what the future holds or how I will make amends but for now though it is enough to know that they still stand by my side. As long as I have them I haven't lost and Slade hasn't won.
For the first time, I feel I can put the pieces of my life back together. I believe I can right the wrongs. I can be better and I can make a difference.
AN2 – So I believe this will be the start to my playing during the 2 week break! I'm not exactly sure where this will go but I would love to address some of the current issues: Slade and Isabel, Thea and Roy, the Lances, and of course, Team Arrow and Olicity! Easy enough, right?! :) Clearly I am open to ideas and suggestions so speak up now guys!