So, this story came from my desire to produce strange and surreal lesbian content set in the Victorious fandom. This definitely shouldn't be a oneshot. The pairings are gonna be kept a secret, for you kiddies to figure out as the story goes on. More fun that way.

This story contains wonderful scenes of lesbianic action, as well as copious amounts of girls having penises, and using them. Also some bizarre and perverted moments of secret affairs. You've been warned.

It goes without saying, but I do not own Victorious or any of its characters.

Chapter I: Spells For Any Occasion

Okay, so it has come to my attention that most of my peers seem to think of me as a "bad person". I'm usually what one might call a "bitch". Well, I just have to say that that is absolutely ridiculous. So what if I like to set fire to people's belongings? So what if the sound of crying children makes my panties wet? I'd like to think I'm a completely 100% well-adjusted young lady.

In fact, I'm better than a lot of girls are a lot of things. I'm obviously prettier than most girls at Hollywood Arts. I'm got bigger boobs, for sure. I'm also a fucking great singer and my plays are the best thing to come out of the school.

I mean, okay fine. I guess that could all be subjective. But the one thing I totally have on lock is mastery over the arcane.

That's right. Magic, bitch.

No one knows this about me, but I'm totally a witch. Yeah. And I don't mean Sabrina Spellman "wave my finger" type bullshit. I mean legit "call upon the powers of Satan" awesomeness. It's all very very dangerous business, but I'm a very very dangerous girl. Plus, I've been doing it for a long time.

Let's see...I'm 18 now, so I've been practicing this shit for… like 10 years now. I made my first pentagram in a sandbox with a stick. My first sacrifice was a caterpillar. And my first successful spell was turning my mom's hair silver. A spell which I never learned how to undo.

It's really not that hard. I learned a lot from this magical little friend of mine called Spells For Any Occasion. This 5-pound, 523-page doorstopper taught little Jade West everything she knows about the Dark Arts. Apparently, Satan isn't that bad of a guy, and he doesn't even handle most of these spells. Most of the small-time stuff gets delegated to other demons in Hell, and he only handles the hardest spells that have to deal with stuff like mass-genocide, natural disasters, that kind of thing.

Each spell basically gets its own little section of a few pages. Explains what the spell is called, exactly what it does, and how to perform the spell. Also details in bold restrictions of the spell, and cautionary notes. Most of the spells I like to perform are potion-based ones. I gather the materials, usually by buying them only, boil them over the stove, and viola.

Most of the time, I use my spells to get back at someone who totally deserves it. Let's use everyones favorite little Hollywood Arts Princess as an example.

Tori fuckin' Vega.

One day she came to school way too freaking perky, for no reason at all. And if that wasn't bad enough, Beck and everyone else started getting happy too, like it was contagious. It seriously was making me sick.

So, I brewed a little potion for Tori, and for the rest of the week, she seemed to inexplicably attract the attention of some very friendly woodland critters. Stuff like that.

I gotta say that lately, I've been getting this spell itch. I have a theory. If I don't perform a spell or brew a potion for a while, I get really antsy. I start to get a little weird. I think all this magic stuff might actually be starting to have a weird effect on me.

Maybe the demons are starting to get grabby, but I'm noticing it. And it is NOT okay.

Like right now, I'm sitting in class. Sikowitz is going on about acting upside down, for whatever reason.

As you should totally know I still a little off to the right, in the middle of the room, usually behind Andre and Vega. Well today, Vega decided she wanted to be extra-cute, and is wearing this slutty, little red skirt.

Well, I'm just tapping my foot in this class, and I CAN'T STOP STARING AT HER FUCKING LEGS. Like, holy shit, I must be going crazy because Tori's got some legs on her, and I'm actually noticing it. Brown, smooth and definitely toned. I get a little image in my head of trailing my tongue down to her toes and…

UGH. You see?! Shit like that. I need to perform a spell quick, 'cause I don't think I can take it anymore. And this isn't the first time this kind of thing has been happening.

It's been really weird lately, because I think I'm starting to notice a lot of things about other girl's bodies. And not in the normal way where I size them up as a threat, or mentally make fun of how a girl has small tits or something. I mean actually checking girls out.

I've been noticing how one girl looks really cute with her new curly hairdo, or how another girl's butt really fills out her jeans. And the thoughts keep getting worse. I start imagining myself doing this to the girls. Not with them. To them. It's definitely becoming an issue.

I mean, I'm a teenager with raging hormones just like everyone else in the school, but it's going way past that into absolute perv-levels of weird.

The worst moment was absolutely three days ago. Andre decided it would be cool if we all took a little beach trip, since it was a pretty hot weekend. Wasn't as bad as some OTHER beach trips, but still pretty eventful. In particular, Cat was quite as slutty this time.

Well, while I was trying to read under my parasol, being the goth chick that I am, a volleyball rolled up to me. This blond, tan surfer chick strolls over to grab it, and then she bends down…

Oh man, I wanted to go by some climbing gear for that valley like right away. I was just staring at this chick's cleavage. And I must have been creeping hard, because she looked right at me, and gave me this cute little smirk, which I couldn't help but return. Then she said something I really wish she hadn't.

"Eyes up here, babe."

I quickly shot my eyes up to meet here, and holy shit. Those were ever better than her tits. This is cliche as fuck, but she really did have this pools of blue that I wanted to swim in.

And I kid you not, she decided to forget the rest of her volleyball game and took a seat next to me, and we just flirted back and forth for like an hour. Her name was Becca and she went to Northridge. Not even a little surprised at that.

I hate girls like this. Always have. Just this whole tan, blonde, cute athletic preppy thing that makes me wanna stab someone. But I seriously could not stop talking to this girl.

I was definitely picking up vibes from her that she wasn't just your average Northridge bimbo, and she asked for my phone number. I don't know if was the UV rays getting to me, or my magic itch, but I gave it to her. Hasn't called me back though. I'm kind of hoping she doesn't so I'm not tempted to act on this.

I mean, I totally could if I wanted to. Beck and I have been broken up for a few months now, platonically before you ask, even if we do still fuck on occasion. I'm a single girl, and I could totally go around banging random chicks or whoever if I really wanted to.

But I like to think that I'm just going through a weird phase, so I'm trying to snuff it out before it becomes a thing. Because, what if I actually do act on this, and I start really getting into girls? I might start to get serious feelings for someone I shouldn't, like Cat… or worse.

I had to get home as quickly as possible. I needed to be in the one place where I can do whatever I want. Thank god school was over, and Spring Break was officially starting. 10 whole days away from Hollywood Arts was just what I needed.

I'm sure I would unfortunately see plenty of Tori Vega during the break, but I decided to give her a little goodbye present on the way to my car anyway. Really, I was just being thoughtful. She looked a little hot in her sweater, so the ice cubes I poured down her down back was to cool her off.

And so were the ice cubes that rolled down into her skirt too.

The second I got in the door, I shuffled up the winding staircase as quickly as possible. Anything to keep from having to talk to my Mom about my "day". Same as every single day, except for my growing monster in my closet that is my confused sexuality. And she's getting hungry.

When I got in the room, I locked the door as always. Pretty sure I have the only room in this huge-ass house that locks. I insisted. Unless my parents are hiding some secret bookcase passageway from me, in which case I totally would have taken that one.

I threw my bag on the floor and sat on my bed, pulling out my laptop to check The Slap.

Nothing really interesting, like always. Just Cat being bubbly and random, Robbie humping at her virtual leg, Tori and Andre's trademark quips and Beck being his cool, totally aloof self. I always envied him for being able to keep that up in public. But I still managed to roll my eyes every time.

Once I was done with that, I decided to pull out my spellbook. I had newfound resolve.

I needed to perform some kind of spell to get me out of this weird funk. I needed something to keep my mind off this weirdness. I flipped through the section of spells and potions dealing with the physical body. Maybe I could find something that could cure me of this.

And that's when I saw it.

The spell that I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about for the rest of the night.

The spell that would end up changing my life, pretty much forever. Yeah, it was that big of a deal.

This was one of the weirdest spells I had found in the book, and I had found some pretty freaky ones.

I had to read it like four times over just to make sure I was reading it right. And yup, it totally said what I thought it did.

The name was some weird latin jibberish, but the description is what caught my eye.

Uses: For a female who desire to grow a complete set of functioning male genitalia.

Oh, there was definitely no going back now.

So there you have it. The first chapter of my wonderfully perverse fanfiction. I definitely don't want this to be a oneshot, because how lame would that be to end right there? So, I hope you guys have enjoyed what little you have see of my world so far. If you loved it, liked it, hated it, or even if you don't know how to read, send a follow my way, or review if that's what you're into. I don't judge.