Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Chicago Fire nor Chicago PD. I'm simply borrowing.

Author's Note: Based on the cross over promo and dedicated to tumblr users sassy-lesbian and malkkum. Title taken from a line from Plumb's "In My Arms."

My Heart Is Torn Just In Knowing

The day had started like any other day during Allison Rafferty's suspension. She was two and a half weeks away before she was allowed to return to work and had been at the park jogging and practicing her old soccer training sessions with her soccer ball before she got a call from her boss telling her that there had been a bombing and that she was needed. An emergency, all hands on deck situation. She didn't even bother going home to shower, she had just gotten into her car and drove to Firehouse 24, which had been the closest to her location at the time.

Ground Zero was a disaster. Rubble everywhere, property damage would be high, and of course, there was chaos. During the chaos, she had found crew from Firehouse 51. Although she was happy to see them, the news they gave her was grim and it had taken all her will power not to fall to her knees right then and there.

Leslie Shay had been badly hurt.

And now here was Allison, standing at the foot of Leslie's bed looking down at her, listening to the heart monitor beeping letting her know Leslie's heart was steady, but weak. Allison had been standing for a while now, she couldn't be sure exactly how long, she was sure it was over 10 minutes, and she hadn't moved. She hadn't moved to sit, hadn't moved to remove her big fire coat, and she hadn't even moved to put her dirty hair behind her ears. She was afraid. Horribly afraid that is she did move, Leslie's heart might stop.

Her own heart hurt.

During her suspension she had began to develop a friendship with Leslie. It began with the blonde texted her, making a joke by sending her a picture of a sloth hanging from a car. They began small banters after that and even went to dinner a few times, to which they learned they both had a passion for women's soccer. From there, they'd go to Molly's or a local sports bar to watch a soccer game and have a beer. A few times they'd go to Allison's apartment to watch a game and eat. That was when Allison had revealed she played soccer through high school and got a partial scholarship for college through soccer. Leslie smiled and giggled saying she had pictured Allison as more of a bookworm and not an athlete. Allison had scoffed and said she was both. They shared a lot with each other then.

Over time, Allison began to realize the banter she enjoyed with Leslie so much had much flirtatious undertone to it, especially on her own part. She kept putting it to the back of her mind, telling herself she's being silly and she was just lonely. But it kept eating at her, the fulfillment she had when she was hanging out with Leslie, a feeling she hadn't had since her fiancé, Kyle, was still alive.

The feeling she was currently having was the same ache, the same painful pull at her chest that she had when she watched Kyle sleeping when he was sick and dying. It was the same damn pain that made Allison want to clutch at her chest, fall to her knees, and scream. She hadn't even realized she was crying until she felt a tear fall onto her hand. She quickly wiped away her tears and sighed.

Finally she was moving and got close to Leslie, kneeling down on the hard linoleum floor and held Leslie's hand.

"Shay," Allison whispered, "Leslie, please, don't leave me." She took a deep breath, closing her eyes, "It took me until right now to admit this to myself but I like you so much. You make me feel alive again," she paused and opened her eyes and looked at Leslie, "I haven't felt like this since Kyle and now... I'm feeling like I was when he was dying. Looking at you, it's making me feel like that again. I can't lose you too, Leslie. Please. Come back to me." Allison looked down at the floor, swallowing the hard lump in her throat. Here it came, the moment to make everything real. "I think... I'm... I'm falling for you, Leslie. I need you to come back to me." The tears fell down her face like rivers as her voice began to crack as she looked back up at Leslie's face, "I almost hate you for this. I don't want to feel like this again, but dammit, I am. You just had to be so charming and cute and so," she struggled, "So you! Why, Leslie?" she gasped, "Why did you make me fall for you?" She brought Leslie's hand to her lips and kissed it. "Please," she whispered to Leslie's hand, "Come back to me."

"Rafferty, we've uncovered more victims. We need you back at Ground Zero." Her radio went off.

Allison took one of her hands, still holding onto Leslie's with the other, and took her radio to respond, "Copy that, I'm on my way." She cupped Leslie's hand again and looked to her, "I'll be back when I can. Please, dammit, be here when I get back." Allison released Leslie's hand and rose. She looked down at Leslie and leaned forward, placing a gentle hand on Leslie's head, moving blonde hair from her face before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on Leslie's forehead before rising, turning around, and walking back out to the fray.


Author's Note: I know it was short, but I needed this to get this out! BECAUSE SHAFFERTY IS SO ON!